What would you do in this situation?

[Lovepotion69]

I just received an email from one of my best friends. She found out two weeks ago her fiance has cancer. Now the test results are in, his whole liver is attacked and he will have to start treatment. If his body reacts well to the treatment he has an average of 12 months to live.

They're both 22 y/o, he's her first real boyfriend, her first serious relationship, her first love, and was going to be her last. They had planned for a wedding, they had planned for a family, and to grow old together.

They've now decided to not postpone the wedding any longer even though their main reason for doing it has been financial ones, and aim to get married 24th July.

I think I'd done the same, get married asap, and then I'd probably go as far as trying to get pregnant too, then I'd have something as wonderful as a child with him.

What would you have done in her situation?

 

[Arc da Rat]

I'd do the same ...

 

[T.H. Oughts]

I would get married for sure... but I wouldn't have the baby. A baby can never replace a life, it is a life all of it's own.

 

[InnocentAngel81]

i agree with your friend

 

[Reverie]

I'd definitely get married immediately and I'd probably do my best to get pregnant too, also immediately if possible so that he'd be alive to see the baby born. A baby wouldn't be to replace him of course but as a celebration of the love they shared. Also, I'm sure it would bring a little peace to his parents. Their son would be gone but they might find comfort in knowing that a part of him lived on.

 

[Lovepotion69]

I'd definitely get married immediately and I'd probably do my best to get pregnant too, also immediately if possible so that he'd be alive to see the baby born. A baby wouldn't be to replace him of course but as a celebration of the love they shared. Also, I'm sure it would bring a little peace to his parents. Their son would be gone but they might find comfort in knowing that a part of him lived on.

Exacty what I was aiming for Reverie. Never a replacement, but something to celebrate the love and to have a part of him living on.

 

[Vilac]

Ok....I'll get flamed here, but here goes:

A man's point of view. And...I'm only one man, but still -

I don't see why they would rush off and get married or have a child. I completely agree that a child is another life and will not replace the loss she will feel once he passes. That is almost not even a plausible issue to me.

But to get married immediately because of the news of his cancer? What does this accomplish? Can't these two people totally love and honor one another in every conceivable way possible without going ahead with a marriage? I just simply fail to see the rational for this.

Yes, I know. It's an emotional attachment. And women tend to be more emotional creatures then men are. But, as a person who tends to be a little more 'guarded' with my emotions, I have to wonder why a person would set themselves up to hurt even more then necessary.

She loves him. He loves her. Spend the time you have together being together...and loving one another, not wasted on rushing around and throwing together last minute plans to get married.

When she is 90 years old - whether or not she was married to this man will not matter one iota. Love is love is love.

I completely feel for your friend. That is a terrible situation for anyone to have to endure. I wish her and him both the best.



Flame away.
V~

 

[Lovepotion69]

Vilac,
She wasn't the one who wanted to get married in the first place. She used to tell her friends she really wasn't into it as love is love no matter what. Then she met him, and he's an utter romantic, christian, and really wanted the whole marriage and children thing.

She was contemplating for a while to study in the US,and having a dual citizenship she was fine, but they figured they'd marry so he could get in. They got engaged both for practical reasons and love. She didn't realise how much she'd fall for the thought of getting married, not because of marriage, but because it was him and he wanted it, and then she did too.

I guess it's about going through with previous plans, let him live through that moment of saying "yes" to her. I can't explain really, I'm sure someone else can.

 

[Zamdrist]

Jesus...22? My god how are people this young getting cancer???

I totally agree, screw the treatments, go off on a romantic adventure and have a baby, absolutely.

How terribly sad though!

 

[Vilac]

Vilac,
She wasn't the one who wanted to get married in the first place. She used to tell her friends she really wasn't into it as love is love no matter what. Then she met him, and he's an utter romantic, christian, and really wanted the whole marriage and children thing.

She was contemplating for a while to study in the US,and having a dual citizenship she was fine, but they figured they'd marry so he could get in. They got engaged both for practical reasons and love. She didn't realise how much she'd fall for the thought of getting married, not because of marriage, but because it was him and he wanted it, and then she did too.

I guess it's about going through with previous plans, let him live through that moment of saying "yes" to her. I can't explain really, I'm sure someone else can.

Nonetheless....I'm all for them being as happy as humanly possible for as long as they have.

Send them my best.
V~

 

[Lovepotion69]

Jesus...22? My god how are people this young getting cancer???

I know, that's what my mom said!

 

[Zamdrist]

I know, that's what my mom said!

Well it scares the shit out of me! I'm 32, no kid certainly.

Cancer runs in my family for the women and heart disease in the men. The men have typically died younger than the average.

Both my grandmother and aunt dies of cancer. Scary thing was they were both healthy as all can be, then just gone...snuffed out in less than year. Scary shit I tell ya.

On to cherrier topics! But thanks for sharing the story, makes you think and stop to smell the roses.

 

[stargazer]

Whether they get married or not (the whole planning thing can be very stressful and he may not need that) I think that they should spend as much time together as possible. It will be a hard thing for her to say goodbye; but, with wonderful memories, it make his passing easier. Give them my best wishes.

 

[HeyChekMeOut]

I have a freind who's in the same situation and they actually just got married.He has been told he doesnt have to long to live but they spend each day like it was there last.I am proud of them and they already had children so now it seems like its a waiting game..In there case i would get married..

 

[Reverie]

There are practicalities to them getting married as well. Eventually life and death issues,medical choices, etc may have to be handled by the nearest relative. A wife would have a say in those matters a girlfriend, no matter how much loved, has no voice, no legal right to do anything.

 

[hatara]

I agree with her. He has waited for that day for all of his life and he truly wants it with the one woman he fell in love with. How could she possibly deny him his dream now after already having said yes. I wish them both all the happiness in the time that remains for them.

 

[Lovepotion69]

There are practicalities to them getting married as well. Eventually life and death issues,medical choices, etc may have to be handled by the nearest relative. A wife would have a say in those matters a girlfriend, no matter how much loved, has no voice, no legal right to do anything.

My flatmate said the same thing. I never even reflected on it, but yes, it is true. A lot of practical matters too.

 

[truegentleman]

I would get married. I don't know about trying to have a baby though.

I am sorry for their situation. It is times like this when you realize how important those closest to you are.