What supresses sex drive?

[DarkLover]

Can anyone tell me if there's such thing as a medication that supresses male sex drive?

I want to know because my wife and I have a pretty sporadic sex life. She has a number of chronic health problems that make sex difficult for her and orgasm is often impossible. I wouldn't mind finding a way to shut off my desire so that this isn't an issue (and I'd rather not find some other outlet like masturbation or another partner).

Anyone have any insight?

DarkLover

 

[eudaemonia]

Anti-Viagra, you mean? I guess Depro would fit that description. Ask your doctor.

Certain anti-depressants have the effect of lowering desire, but I don't how about eliminating it completely. Of course, long-term abuse of alcohol and cigarettes has that effect, as does meth in the near short-term (after a quick peak).

 

[TBKahuna123]

Stress and blood pressure medication seem to work best for me.

Seriously though, I applaud your support and desire to be faithful to your wife. I've been where you are. Many years ago my wife was dealing with some health issues and it made sex impossible for an extended period of time. Personally, I just used masturbation as the outlet. Over a time I also lessened my sex drive by just dealing with it mentally. Of course this then became a challenge when she recovered and now her sex drive was way higher than mine.

The point is, I don't think there are any drugs specifically for it, and I'm not sure that's the healthy approach anyway. You are trying to suppress a natural instinct, which is difficult. I don't think that trying to control your sex drive is bad, but trying to suppress it with chemicals sounds harmful to me. My advice would be to talk to a counselor or therapist. I think a lot of people over look the fact that you don't have to have a serious mental issue to need someone to talk to. Quite often loved ones of those battling illness seek out counselors for exactly this kind of issue, os it isn't uncommon.

What you are dealing with is very tax emotionally, I know. Just covering it up with drugs isn't going to help you with the emotional part of your sex drive, just the physical desire. You have to learn to deal with the situation in a way that is healthy for both of you, emotionally as well as physically.

 

[DarkLover]

Anti-Viagra, you mean? I guess Depro would fit that description. Ask your doctor.

Certain anti-depressants have the effect of lowering desire, but I don't how about eliminating it completely. Of course, long-term abuse of alcohol and cigarettes has that effect, as does meth in the near short-term (after a quick peak).

Of course I don't want to mess with alcohol and cigarettes. I'm thinking maybe if there were something that could limit sperm production or something.

I'm seeing my doctor next week. Just not sure how I'm going to ask this rather odd question.

 

[Chicklet]

i feel like, if it's not broken, don't fix it...

the only thing i can think of for you is castration.

you might try a sexual therapist, or just a therapist, who you can talk through your frustration, instead of seeking medical alteration of your natural desires.

 

[Bert Notorius]

I'm trying to think of a way to ask that doesn't sound cold, but is this a long term situation or is there any hope of recovery? I've heard that sex drive wanes as a normal product of aging, but I'm over 50 and it hasn't hit me yet. Perhaps there is some other activity that you could throw yourself into that could comsume your thoughts. I also believe you would be best served to talk to a counsellor of some sort, and that a chemical solution would be a bad choice. Sex drive is a POWERFUL thing...

 

[SweetErika]

Of course I don't want to mess with alcohol and cigarettes. I'm thinking maybe if there were something that could limit sperm production or something.

I'm seeing my doctor next week. Just not sure how I'm going to ask this rather odd question.

Sperm production isn't linked to libido physiologically (perhaps some men with lower counts experience a psychological drop in libido because they feel less masculine or something, but that's about it). Ask your doctor and the millions of men who have low sperm counts and motility but are still incredibly horny.

I'm with the others - don't mess with chemicals for this, period. Relieve yourself via masturbation and seriously consider counseling.

When my husband or I are unable to have sex for whatever reason, we'll often go with assisted masturbation or another type of stimulation. For example, I might talk dirty or read him a hot story, offer him my breasts/body to view/touch while he masturbates, give him a hand or blow job, use a toy on him, etc. I usually really get into these things because I'm happy to do *something* for him, but it's not required (I also might act into it, and he's okay with that).

If the non-horny person doesn't want to participate at all, s/he encourages the other to masturbate in the same area or alone. Of course that's always an option and we recognize that private time is important, but we do try to include each other (even if it's just letting them know we did and enjoyed it) when possible.

Having options like these has been very good for us because they still foster intimacy, communication and there's no guilt to asking or turning each other down for full on sex.

Is it possible an arrangement like this might work for you and your wife? Have you asked her about it?

 

[eudaemonia]

Of course I don't want to mess with alcohol and cigarettes. I'm thinking maybe if there were something that could limit sperm production or something.

I only brought up alcohol and street drugs to answer the question as completely as possible, certainly not as a suggestion.

As for an unasked for opinion , try not to be shy with your doctor. They're there to help you with difficult questions. Good luck.

 

[wickedlady31]

sex drive

Stress hinders
Self image
poor diet

st johns wart hinders as well
any antianxiety and antidepressants can

 

[emptynester]

OK - so I am really going to show my stupidity here!

I went through a tough time prior to my hysterectomy several years ago (I was only 38). I let things go way too long before finally seeing a Dr. (mine had retired and I had to start over with someone new). I had at that time maybe 3-4 days per month without bleeding. Long story short, my husband had to be a very patient man. During that time, however, he had an enlarged prostate and had to be checked and rechecked every six months.

When our sex life finally got back to what was normal for us back then, his PSA (I think that is what they call it) returned to normal. I have wondered if that was a result of his abstaining. I know I sound naive, but I truely don't know if there is any correlation there or not. Seems to me just from what little I know, that it can't be healthy for a man not to have sex or at least masturbate. For women, I don't see any similarities. It does not affect most women with a low sex drive to do without. For a man though, I used to think it was more about just a greater sex drive. Now I think it is necessary to promote better health where the prostate is concerned.

Correct me if I am wrong, please.

 

[tryptamine]

Why don't you want to masturbate?

You'll find that if you abstain from any kind of release your libido will go down anyway. If you really want to keep your libido low then decrease your masturbation to once every couple of days, then once a week or less, whatever you consider to be very infrequent (I consider once a week to be VERY infrequent). You'll find that your libido adjusts to the amount of sexual release you get.

After that...just masturbate. What's the problem with that?

 

[SweetErika]

I went through a tough time prior to my hysterectomy several years ago (I was only 38). I let things go way too long before finally seeing a Dr. (mine had retired and I had to start over with someone new). I had at that time maybe 3-4 days per month without bleeding. Long story short, my husband had to be a very patient man. During that time, however, he had an enlarged prostate and had to be checked and rechecked every six months.

When our sex life finally got back to what was normal for us back then, his PSA (I think that is what they call it) returned to normal. I have wondered if that was a result of his abstaining. I know I sound naive, but I truely don't know if there is any correlation there or not. Seems to me just from what little I know, that it can't be healthy for a man not to have sex or at least masturbate. For women, I don't see any similarities. It does not affect most women with a low sex drive to do without. For a man though, I used to think it was more about just a greater sex drive. Now I think it is necessary to promote better health where the prostate is concerned.

Correct me if I am wrong, please.

Interesting. I've read regular sex/orgasm is very important to health and lifespan, and I think I did hear something about ejaculation and prostate health at one point, but I'm not sure.

Sex (simulated is fine) is extremely important for vaginal health as we age; it keeps the vaginal walls from drying out and getting too thin and inelastic, which can lead to pain, tearing, etc., from menopause on. So perhaps that's the equivalent/similarity for women.

No matter what, it's far healthier overall to have sex and/or masturbate regularly for both men and women than abstain.

 

[akatrex]

I'm with the others - don't mess with chemicals for this, period. Relieve yourself via masturbation and seriously consider counseling.

Ditto:
Highly recomend you do both.

Utamaro Silicone Masturbation Sleeve : As good as it gets.
P.S. Let her drive once in a while.

Who knows, after counseling you might need some relief.

 

[eudaemonia]

PSA levels are indeed affected by ejaculation:

More evidence that ejaculation tends to reduce risk of prostate cancer
Masturbation Protects Men Against Prostate Cancer, Australian Study Finds

 

[Stegral]

not sure but a friend of mine was circumsized at 35 years old...
they gave him SALT PETER to keep the erection down & he told me (at the time) it made him care less if he got any or not. once healed tho he reverted back to his old horn dog self I was informed

Urban myth is also that they used to put it into the drinking water of some prisions that had alot of sex offenders.

not sure if it helps but....

 

[DarkLover]

Why don't you want to masturbate?

Moral/ethical qualms about that.

My wife gives me manual or oral stimulation in the shower often enough, so it's not like we have no sexual activity at all. But it's not like I can just walk up to her and say, "Honey, how about a blowjob?"--especially if she's not going to get an orgasm out of it. Usually I just wait for her to surprise me in the shower. (That kind of sex gets a little monotonous too, but I suppose it's better than nothing.)

I just don't the point of planning or initiating sex with her because (1) she has headaches (including migraines) on a daily basis, so any long-range planning I do has a good chance of getting screwed up and (2) she hasn't been able to orgasm for quite some time, so the whole experience becomes very frustrating for her and therefore less enjoyable to me.

She is under doctor's care for her problems, but no permanent solutions have been discovered yet. I think it would just be a lot easier on me if I didn't have the desire for sex to begin with.

DarkLover

 

[Knightstlkr]

I feel for ya

my wife is on so many meds her sexual desire is zero..I decided to come back here to deal with my needs because I love my wife and would never cheat on her ..I know some would say coming here is cheating but to me it is words shared..Anyway I love sex to much to try to cut myself off completely so to you i tip my hat for being a man and trying to do the right thing

 

[O2]

sex drive

My wife has very little sex drive.....been that way for the 25 + years we've been married.

I've talked with her, been to counseling (she won't go, she sees no problem) read books thinking I'm doing something wrong, but I won't cheat on her.

This is my outlet, reading, writing and fantasizing, hitting the gym and finding other activities to keep my mind off sex.....

It's hard to do in this age of sex oriented TV....advertising.....and all that.

Hopefully her lack of interest is temporary (due to meds) and you'll get through it......the only thing I'd suggest is not doing anything stupid you'll regret if she found out....

 

[DarkLover]

Hopefully her lack of interest is temporary (due to meds) and you'll get through it......the only thing I'd suggest is not doing anything stupid you'll regret if she found out....

Well, my wife has a number of problems. In some cases the health problems cause the lack of drive in her, in other cases the meds may be affecting her. As I said above, she is under doctor's care for her issues, but many avenues have been nearly exhausted, so some of her conditions could be permanent.

Another thing I'm struggling with--which you hinted at--is doing something she might find out about. I know that my wife would likely get pissed if I brought up this idea of me taking meds to reduce my desire. I know she feels like she's being nice to me by satisfying my desire even if she doesn't have any, but I feel like I'm putting a burden on her if I ask her to have sex when I don't know how bad she's going to feel on any given day (and when she's likely to get frustrated over not having an orgasm). I've never had a migraine, but you can't convince me that sex feels good when you're having one. So if such a medication is available, do I just take it? I'm not sure what to do.

DarkLover

 

[TBKahuna123]

DarkLover, first off again props to you for the way you are handling this. It tells me you are a sensitive, caring guy. The problem is that it also means you are susceptible to the emotional effects of this, not just the physical effects. I'm gonna say it again, you should really consider finding someone to talk to about this. Especially if this is permanent, this is going to put a strain on you and there is no shame in getting help figuring out how to deal wiht that strain. Left alone if can turn into depression or even a closet resentment of your wife, even though you don't want or mean for that to happen. I know that sounds scaring but you shouldn't feel any fear of shame of going to a counselor about this, you should feel pride that you are standing by your wife and wanting to be strong for her. There aren't enough guy out there that are willing to put themselves second in all things like that.

As for the Masturbation "Moral/ethical qualms about that", I'm guessing these are religious beliefs. All I have to say is you are a stronger man than I. Again though, it comes back to learning how to deal with these issues. You are looking for a way to deal with your urgings without breaking your ethical beliefs, be it masturbation or another partner. I for one respect the hell out of that.

 

[FurryFury]

I agree you should talk to someone, maybe more than one someone. At least one of those people should be your wife. What you are doing is making decisions based on how you assume she feels. The lack of communication is not going to help either of you. Whereas going to the trouble to actually step into those scary waters can bring a greater understanding for you both and some other wonderful benefits. I can't stress enough how important it is to talk with one another about issues like this in a relationship. That's my opinion. In any case, good luck to you both.

Fury

 

[DarkLover]

I agree you should talk to someone, maybe more than one someone. At least one of those people should be your wife. What you are doing is making decisions based on how you assume she feels. The lack of communication is not going to help either of you. Whereas going to the trouble to actually step into those scary waters can bring a greater understanding for you both and some other wonderful benefits. I can't stress enough how important it is to talk with one another about issues like this in a relationship. That's my opinion. In any case, good luck to you both.

Fury

All things being equal, that's probably good advice. However, I'm not sure that things are "equal" in my case.

Aside from my wife's health issues, there are other marital issues on my mind. The fact is, of the 13 years we've been married, I haven't really been in love with my wife for at least the last 10 of them (maybe more). In fact, not a day goes by when I don't wish I hadn't married her. To tell the truth, it has been the greatest regret of my life.

This has nothing directly to do with her health issues. Even if she were perfectly healthy, I would still regret the situation I've put myself in because of other relational issues. Moral/religious convictions prevent me from getting a divorce or I would have done that 12 years ago. (Same as my issues with masturbation, Kahuna.)

As far as sex is concerned, it's really not a way I show love to my wife. Do I want sex? Yes--what normal man doesn't? Do I want sex with HER? Frankly I think I could enjoy it just as much (if not more) with somebody else who didn't have all the baggage that she brings to our marriage.

I haven't addressed the big issues because my wife has no clue about how I feel. It would likely be destructive to the marriage and would cause her health problems to intensify. So I just plod along and do the best I can to have fun in the situation I'm in.

If I'm ever lucky enough to be widowed soon (I keep praying) I would make a lot different choices in the future with regard to relationships and marriage.

Yeah, I know this post sounds heartless and cruel. I don't mean it to be. It's just honestly saying what 13 years of an unhappy marriage can do to a person.

DarkLover

 

[FurryFury]

If you don't love her and are just hoping to survive her that is sad. You have so many options but instead of taking any of them you are shutting those doors and effectively choosing to remain in a prison of your own making while your resentment grows.

I can tell you that were I the lady you married, I'd rather know how you feel, preferably in year one of hating me and the marriage. I'd rather have you leave.

I was married to a man who hated me once for too damn long. His leaving was best for me and our child. Our lives only got better with him mostly out of them.

The point of talking to her to improve things certainly is mute if the only option for improvement you will allow for is her death.

You still need to talk to someone. It sounds like you are clinically depressed. When you are, you can't see things clearly. As I said before, good luck.

Fury

 

[DarkLover]

You still need to talk to someone. It sounds like you are clinically depressed. When you are, you can't see things clearly. As I said before, good luck.

Fury

Thanks, Fury.

I'm not clinically depressed. Far from it. Just trapped in a marriage that I wish I weren't in--like millions of other American men.

Like I said, religious/moral convictions prevent divorce in this case, and besides I wouldn't want to do that to our son. (I grew up in a broken home, so I know what that's like.)

It's not like I never have a happy moment. Much of the time we just get along and cooperate in running the home. Though I must admit the happiest moments for me are also the times when we are not together.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks, Fury.

I'm not clinically depressed. Far from it. Just trapped in a marriage that I wish I weren't in--like millions of other American men.

Like I said, religious/moral convictions prevent divorce in this case, and besides I wouldn't want to do that to our son. (I grew up in a broken home, so I know what that's like.)

It's not like I never have a happy moment. Much of the time we just get along and cooperate in running the home. Though I must admit the happiest moments for me are also the times when we are not together.

I'm glad to hear you have a few good moments here and there, all of you. I just thing this is a powder keg situation.

You can separate without divorce.

You can do a lot of things that would make all three of you far happier.

That's up to you.

Personally, I don't believe that sex done well feels so good because we are not supposed to do it or enjoy it. I would consider it a gift from god if I currently believed in god. That goes for any kind of sex, masturbation or otherwise.

It's clear to me that your lady cares about you a great deal. Otherwise she wouldn't be giving you blow jobs and such. It's a damned shame she is wasting her energy that might bear fruit elsewhere on someone who essentially has made her his albatross.

Some people refuse to be happy. They find excuses and play the part of a martyr. Everyone around them tends to be affected and not for the best.

When I was a child my parents who were not happy with one another separated. I was so glad. Life with them both was miserable for me as well as for them. Sadly they later got back together. I cried when that happened. Though they weren't happy apart either. I was far happier. I wouldn't assume therefore assume that your son is going to be happiest with you both together.

Now adults think that if they hide their feelings, children won't know them. On a conscious level that may be true. However children pick up on the emotions of those around them and subconsciously act out on them.

Some studies have shown that kids are happier with their parents together. That may also be true for some kids. If your child seems to live in his own world unaware of the tides of anger and hate around him, great. If he has bursts of anger and such that seem uncalled for, that might be acting out. The same goes for ailments for which not physiological source can be found and which are nonspecific.

Regardless, what he sees whilst growing up and living with you is the example he is likely to internalize and the map he will follow in his personal life choices. Do you really want that to be one of such unhappiness, deceit and anger?

I really believe you need to rethink your whole path. I don't not believe that god if he existed would want us all to be so profoundly unhappy. We are all Job after all. We will not all be tested that way. To take such things on and cling to them is, I believe, to follow the path of pride and piety to the ruination of all things around you.

As I said before, I think your wife cares about you a great deal. It's a shame you only see her as a duty without whom you would be happier if only she died.

It's easy for you to say or believe anything you wish. You certainly sound depressed with all of your dead ends that allow you no exit which you have erected. Changing those beliefs consciously because they hurt you or the people around you is quite a bit harder. It's done only in tiny steps but it is important work. It is work that few have the courage for. I admire those that do greatly.

Incidentally, millions of American men may or may not be trapped in a marriage they are not happy in. The same might or might not be true for women. They, like you, can change that if in fact they are. They can change it by using counseling and communication. They can change it by leaving whether that involves divorce or not. They can change it by working on their belief system and attitude. Of course they can also chose to remain prideful and in misery.

I wish you and those around you well.

Fury