How to increase sex drive

[Bighammerfucker]

i went through some trauma around Covid time and my sex drive had shut off completely for a few years after. It’s slowly been coming back but it’s still not what it once was (used to be very high) and I have a really hard time engaging in mental fantasy the way I used to. I used to be open to the idea of partner sex before the trauma but I’m no longer open to it and haven’t been for some time. I enjoy the kinks/fantasies I have but I feel like my sex drive would be higher if I felt I could “concentrate” better but it’s like my ability to concentrate went down the toilet. I miss the days when my drive was really high and I felt very aroused … it’s hard to feel properly aroused since all this happened.

Does anyone have any tips?

 

[Lady2020]

You didn't mention your age. Stress tends to kill the sex drive and ability to focus.

 

[ericalauren]

I'm the last person to ask, since I'm asexual. However, I think that taking maca root powder makes my orgasms stronger. I've also heard that maca can increase your libido.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

You didn't mention your age. Stress tends to kill the sex drive and ability to focus.

I’m 32. And yeah, I can see that. However I had a lot of stress before but it was quite healthy. The trauma was def related, because before it happened I didn’t feel sick to my stomach at the idea of having sex with a dude, but I do now. Lol.

I should be able to work around that though seeing as I always knew I wasn’t oriented sexually toward men really. But I’m not sure, even when capitalizing upon my safe, happy kinks, how to boost it. Generally speaking these days, the only times I get aroused are during erotic dreams or when safe, arousing situations happen irl. But it’s still not as “intense” as it used to be, usually, and happens less frequently. I used to (tmi) get off twice a week, sometimes three times, now it’s more like once every two or three weeks. But that’s better than it was at first I guess. I keep hoping it will slowly revert but it’s taking a very very long time.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

I also wonder if maybe it’s not cause the “novelty” of sex and getting off has worn off? Like, not that it’s not great, but I’ve had lots and lots of great sexual experiences. I feel like it’s made the idea of it less “special” and more normal and lowered the excitement and drive I have toward it. When I was younger I wanted to get off as much as possible because it was new and exciting and desirable but now it’s like … it’s just sexual pleasure?

 

[Lady2020]

I tend to think sexual musical chairs is not all it's cracked up to be. There are a lot of miserable people on Lit.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

I tend to think sexual musical chairs is not all it's cracked up to be. There are a lot of miserable people on Lit.

I have literally no idea what you’re replying to here =\

 

[Lady2020]

I regret commenting.

 

[CuttingEdge]

Have your testosterone levels checked, you may be low.

Just beware of the hype. Due to brain cancer I have very low levels and thus take synthetic testosterone. When I asked my oncologist if the over-the-counter treatments would do anything, she said it was all a scam. It is a prescription, but also VERY regulated. But if you need it, you need it.

But I am not a doctor. It could be a litany of things medically or physiologically.

 

[CuttingEdge]

I regret commenting.

It's okay. I know what you were getting at, and fully understand.

For what it is worth, I am sorry, and I say that emphatically and not sympathetically. :-(

 

[AchtungNight]

Read more erotica. See more films that feature it in a positive light.

Or seriously, find whatever ember of your sex drive still exists and stoke it with your friends. If necessary, just your imaginary and internet friends.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

Have your testosterone levels checked, you may be low.

Just beware of the hype. Due to brain cancer I have very low levels and thus take synthetic testosterone. When I asked my oncologist if the over-the-counter treatments would do anything, she said it was all a scam. It is a prescription, but also VERY regulated. But if you need it, you need it.

But I am not a doctor. It could be a litany of things medically or physiologically.

I’m a female sorry

 

[Bighammerfucker]

Read more erotica. See more films that feature it in a positive light.

Or seriously, find whatever ember of your sex drive still exists and stoke it with your friends. If necessary, just your imaginary and internet friends.

That last bit sounds nice haha. Idk if anyone has time for a spicy roleplay, but that’s a good idea. Thank you!

 

[Britva415]

I’m a female sorry

Well, it's still a valid point: Whether testosterone specifically is relevant to you or not, a visit to the doctor and some tests could reveal whether a hormone imbalance is a factor in what you're experiencing. And if not a hormone thing, maybe it's something else health related.

 

[CuttingEdge]

I’m a female sorry

It actually matters a lot. Just because a female only produces 1/10th of what a male does, does not mean it is not required for a lady, and on many levels. Just as men produce and need estrogen.

With a woman, testosterone is plays a huge part in sex-drive, it is just your body takes testosterone and converts it into other hormones. But you still need it, and not having enough will pay into your lack of a sex drive.

But that is just one of many things that it could be. I am no doctor, just a poor soul with endocrine cancer that knows WAYYYYYYY too much about the hormones I am not getting.

 

[smtst5]

Tequila the cause and solution to many of life’s problems

 

[Razzyricho]

Do you do any physical exercise?
Stay active, eat nutrient rich foods and stay hydrated. Simple stuff, but a real game changer for us blokes as we age.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

Is this something you could work through with a sex positive therapist? You mentioned that you went through trauma and your sex drive shut down completely. I will not speculate as to what that trauma is, but a therapist who understands the importance of a healthy sexual appetite may be worth trying to unpack why it has happened and see if there are ways you can manage it. I know they can be expensive, so that might not be an option.

I think it is really important to not stress too much about it. Libidos can change, they can increase and decrease and then increase again lol. And as you say, possibly you have just reached a sexual plateau that you don’t find it as exciting anymore. That is perfectly fine too!

I have and still am, but I’m unsure as to what they can do for me, tbh. I understand the trauma I went through, but I feel as though my body has decided for me that it doesn’t want to engage in sex the same way as before. For example I don’t get aroused by fantasies I find sexy. I find them sexy but the physical arousal never comes since the trauma. It’s not that I don’t want it. Even when I’m fully relaxed. It feels like my brain “forgot” how to become properly aroused by sexual stimuli. I don’t even know how I’d go about having sex with someone else. I never had a high drive to do that - asexuality spectrum - but I enjoyed masturbation and had a high drive, and even did enjoy sex on occasion. But things really changed. The sex therapists seem to have helped me work through “why” a tiny bit more, but tbh even that is still confusing. It wasn’t a sexual trauma I experienced, it was eating disorder and body dysmorphia. I’m not sure why that would have killed my sex drive. But I theorize maybe because during the year I experienced it I stopped engaging in sexual fantasy. I think my brain “forgot” how to engage in sexual arousal during that time period.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

Do you do any physical exercise?
Stay active, eat nutrient rich foods and stay hydrated. Simple stuff, but a real game changer for us blokes as we age.

I do weight training and have an active job and try to eat healthy yes. I just had all my blood vitamins etc checked. I’m completely healthy and not that old, I’m early 30s

 

[Bighammerfucker]

It actually matters a lot. Just because a female only produces 1/10th of what a male does, does not mean it is not required for a lady, and on many levels. Just as men produce and need estrogen.

With a woman, testosterone is plays a huge part in sex-drive, it is just your body takes testosterone and converts it into other hormones. But you still need it, and not having enough will pay into your lack of a sex drive.

But that is just one of many things that it could be. I am no doctor, just a poor soul with endocrine cancer that knows WAYYYYYYY too much about the hormones I am not getting.

I mean, true, I went through an eating disorder when all this “changed”, and started weight training to boot. Maybe it IS hormonal as both those things are proven to affect hormones . I haven’t had my hormones tested, but it’s true that the only times my drive goes up are during PMS, now. Noticeably. And I’ve been in recovery long enough to have a healthy body fat % again, but I did notice it go up a bit when I gained a bit more weight. I’d have hoped that being fully recovered from eating disorder would revert my drive back to where it was but it seems to not be the case. Of course, my body chemistry has changed entirely since then, as have my stress levels, my mental health is much better but I still have anxiety worse than I did before, etc, and my body image is better but I permanently lost the ability to feel pleasure in being desired by another person sexually.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

Tequila the cause and solution to many of life’s problems

I don’t drink lol, don’t care to, but to each their own

 

[Bighammerfucker]

It actually matters a lot. Just because a female only produces 1/10th of what a male does, does not mean it is not required for a lady, and on many levels. Just as men produce and need estrogen.

With a woman, testosterone is plays a huge part in sex-drive, it is just your body takes testosterone and converts it into other hormones. But you still need it, and not having enough will pay into your lack of a sex drive.

But that is just one of many things that it could be. I am no doctor, just a poor soul with endocrine cancer that knows WAYYYYYYY too much about the hormones I am not getting.

Holy shit. I decided to actually look it up because of what you’ve said and apparently going through eating disorder causes bodily changes that do cause this. Given the timeline and severity of what happened I feel certain you’re right. I had no idea. I’d felt for a while that it was a matter of some kind of almost physical affect of what had happened. Thank you for saying this. I have no idea how to “fix” this though now and that kinda really hurts my heart.

 

[Mogrem]

I have no idea how to “fix” this though now and that kinda really hurts my heart.

You can go down a rabbit hole of over the counter supplements that improve various hormone levels. Diet, over the counter supplementation and exercise will only ever work to restore your natural levels, or maybe boost them but within their natural limits, which is all you need.

This isn't a medical forum but it sounds from what you've said that you're heading in the right direction, things are healing, your sex drive is gradually coming back. These things take a lot longer than we are prepared to imagine they will.

 

[Cardinal]

i went through some trauma around Covid time and my sex drive had shut off completely for a few years after. It’s slowly been coming back but it’s still not what it once was (used to be very high) and I have a really hard time engaging in mental fantasy the way I used to. I used to be open to the idea of partner sex before the trauma but I’m no longer open to it and haven’t been for some time. I enjoy the kinks/fantasies I have but I feel like my sex drive would be higher if I felt I could “concentrate” better but it’s like my ability to concentrate went down the toilet. I miss the days when my drive was really high and I felt very aroused … it’s hard to feel properly aroused since all this happened.

Does anyone have any tips?

Talk to your Dr there’s no reason to suffer and ask strangers, your Dr has many proven options including HRT.
You’ll be glad you did

 

[SloBlo69]

i went through some trauma around Covid time and my sex drive had shut off completely for a few years after. It’s slowly been coming back but it’s still not what it once was (used to be very high) and I have a really hard time engaging in mental fantasy the way I used to. I used to be open to the idea of partner sex before the trauma but I’m no longer open to it and haven’t been for some time. I enjoy the kinks/fantasies I have but I feel like my sex drive would be higher if I felt I could “concentrate” better but it’s like my ability to concentrate went down the toilet. I miss the days when my drive was really high and I felt very aroused … it’s hard to feel properly aroused since all this happened.

Does anyone have any tips?

Have u tried getting into an exercise routine, a few girls I know perhaps had something similar. They changed their eating habits, exercised regularly & viola. Sometimes they have more drive, zest & stamina than me - that's esp after a hard gym session. Just an idea, some gals says it works & I've experienced the result...... its AMAZING