How to…get over a hangup?

[DpropertyofR]

I pride myself on having a relaxed and open-minded attitude about sexual matters. However, even I have one hangup: receiving oral sex. I absolutely love giving oral, but I can’t seem to just relax and enjoy receiving. Consequently, I have never gotten close to having an orgasm this way. I tend to lie there and worry about how I taste and smell. Nobody has ever said anything about it. I practice basic hygiene, and I don’t have any type of infection or STI. It’s just a mental roadblock. Do any other ladies here have the same issue? I noticed a lot of posts from guys who love going down. I feel like I would be a disappointment to this type of guy due to my lackluster response. Have any guys or bi/lesbian women here had a partner who was like this? How do you handle it?

 

[Psyclone_Jak]

I can only answer from the male's perspective, but what helped my partner relax was just constant enthusiasm and desire to have my face in her pussy. I will constantly tell her how much I love how she smells and tastes, and make enthusiastic sounds of pleasure whenever I'm down there. I've also explicitly asked her regularly to not shower before I go down on her, especially after she was working out, since I like the stronger smell and taste she has when she's sweaty and hasn't washed. After enough of that, I think she got to the point where she wasn't worried about her smell turning me off.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

For me, I don't feel it's a hangup. The few times partners have tried to engage, I was like A. Get the fuck off! or B. Get this over with. I legitimately find it physically uncomfortable if not slightly painful, especially in relation to my clit. I don't find any part of it remotely erotic.

I'm more comfortable speaking out about this, because I am allowed to have boundaries and things I don't like, as a person. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but I just don't like it. My experience is limited, so if there were someone patient, I'd be interested to see if they could persuade me otherwise, but the two men who tried just attacked it and it was awful.

I don't know if this is helpful, but it is OK to have things you don't like. If you want to move past that with a patient partner, that's great! But you do not have to like everything that other people like, to be worthy as a human being. Sending good vibes your way.

 

[DpropertyofR]

I can only answer from the male's perspective, but what helped my partner relax was just constant enthusiasm and desire to have my face in her pussy. I will constantly tell her how much I love how she smells and tastes, and make enthusiastic sounds of pleasure whenever I'm down there. I've also explicitly asked her regularly to not shower before I go down on her, especially after she was working out, since I like the stronger smell and taste she has when she's sweaty and hasn't washed. After enough of that, I think she got to the point where she wasn't worried about her smell turning me off.

Thanks for sharing!

For me, I don't feel it's a hangup. The few times partners have tried to engage, I was like A. Get the fuck off! or B. Get this over with. I legitimately find it physically uncomfortable if not slightly painful, especially in relation to my clit. I don't find any part of it remotely erotic.

I'm more comfortable speaking out about this, because I am allowed to have boundaries and things I don't like, as a person. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but I just don't like it. My experience is limited, so if there were someone patient, I'd be interested to see if they could persuade me otherwise, but the two men who tried just attacked it and it was awful.

I don't know if this is helpful, but it is OK to have things you don't like. If you want to move past that with a patient partner, that's great! But you do not have to like everything that other people like, to be worthy as a human being. Sending good vibes your way.

I probably am overthinking it somewhat. I have also considered that part of my lack of response had to do with my partner not applying enough pressure to my clit. It sounds like the partners you had maybe overdid it a bit. At least I don’t feel alone in not caring for it. A lot of guys I have been with wanted to do it, because they probably thought that was the best way to get me off. They thought it rather odd that I told them to not bother.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

Thanks for sharing!

I probably am overthinking it somewhat. I have also considered that part of my lack of response had to do with my partner not applying enough pressure to my clit. It sounds like the partners you had maybe overdid it a bit. At least I don’t feel alone in not caring for it. A lot of guys I have been with wanted to do it, because they probably thought that was the best way to get me off. They thought it rather odd that I told them to not bother.

I think most of us overthink stuff like this. In the end, sex is pretty awkward. I'd say, if you did want to pursue it again, maybe wait until you find someone with whom you've gotten to a point where you can have very good communication, someone who is able to listen to your feedback. And yes, there is that assumption that the best way to bring a woman to orgasm is by way of the tongue. Maybe people think that because receiving is something they enjoy, so they assume you will as well.

And yes, they both seem to have applied way too much pressure way too fast.

 

[dkak001]

I pride myself on having a relaxed and open-minded attitude about sexual matters. However, even I have one hangup: receiving oral sex. I absolutely love giving oral, but I can’t seem to just relax and enjoy receiving.

From a guy's perspective, something to keep in mind is the pheromones in the vaginal area. There have been some pretty silly studies showing men perform better on mental tasks and alertness, if (unknowingly) exposed to vaginal secretions in the room. There is literally an 'animal instinct' component to oral sex for us. It gets our body and brain working harder. Most guys who want to give you oral, literally WANT to give you oral.

The other thing is technique. Everyone is different, and without guidance it's hard know what works. That is, you NEED to tell your partner what you like. If something doesn't work for you, don't will yourself into thinking you have to do it. That goes for oral at all, or just the techniques being used during oral. If you don't 'mind' it, and little changes in what they're doing helps, let them know!

I absolutely love eating pussy. She never seemed into it, so we didn't do it very often. We started talking about it, and she was worried about her smell and taste. She didn't like how she smelled, and figured I didn't like it either. We found she relaxed more when she took a quick shower and just rinsed herself off. There was some natural smell there without strong soap odor.

Then for a good while, I had to constantly ask her for feedback on what she liked and what was good or not. She eventually started offering feedback, which helped improve things for her. We learned she's very sensitive at first, so touch needs to be just right at in the beginning. We also learned that she really likes a couple of fingers (or a g spot toy) in her while I'm on her clit. She also likes having her belly and nipples touched after she gets aroused. After a few 'trial and error' sessions, she really started to like it.

Getting her comfortable took time. Also lot of reassuring her that I really wanted to do this with her. (I say with, because it's for both of us!) Honestly, I think the biggest thing was that she just made up her mind to enjoy it. (Mind over matter may not always be easy. But sometimes it works. And don't forget, most sex happens in the brain!)

I think she's enjoying it more now. The last few times we've done it, completely unannounced, she just hopped on the bed and spread her legs for me. And, who am I to turn down an invitation like that!

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I pride myself on having a relaxed and open-minded attitude about sexual matters. However, even I have one hangup: receiving oral sex. I absolutely love giving oral, but I can’t seem to just relax and enjoy receiving. Consequently, I have never gotten close to having an orgasm this way. I tend to lie there and worry about how I taste and smell. Nobody has ever said anything about it. I practice basic hygiene, and I don’t have any type of infection or STI. It’s just a mental roadblock. Do any other ladies here have the same issue? I noticed a lot of posts from guys who love going down. I feel like I would be a disappointment to this type of guy due to my lackluster response. Have any guys or bi/lesbian women here had a partner who was like this? How do you handle it?

I used to worry about the smell, too.

One spring, in planning for a trip, I decided to get a brazillian wax. I didn't want to feel sweaty or smell sweaty.

I discovered I loved it. I didn't feel smelly at all.
Then I thought back and realized I enjoy giving head when there is no hair trapping smells.

It's been 4 years.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

First, it's ok not to enjoy it. You're not a machine, we all enjoy some things more than others.

I've known girls who won't let a guy go down on them, most times due to some immature fucking moronic cunt in their past making a comment about how it looks/feels/smells.

 

[lexy_sadie]

I can't speak fully to your problem, since I'm a crossdresser ... but I've certainly felt put off a few times by people who offer me oral sex and are surprised I don't want it. (E.g. at a dungeon where I am just getting oriented.) In this case there was the added annoyance of people acting like they'd be doing me a big big favor.

This is sort of rephrasing what Desiree_Radcliffe said, but I like to frame things (sexual or not) by saying, this is something other people like but I don't. There are lots of other things I like but they don't. Maybe I will like it one day. I have enough that I like, that my life is fulfilling. Possibly oversimplification, but it helps a lot.

Small tangent: a pet peeve of mine is people saying "But you HAVE to enjoy this! You're missing out!" (for non-sexual stuff, too--for instance, I have no desire to attend a live rock concert because loud noises and crowds are too much for me) and it took me so long to realize it's pushy if people insist, and I have a right to push back even if it's coming from someone I trust in many other ways. And it reframed things from "a hangup" to "something I can explain to people, and if they're really persistently not okay with it, they can move on."

 

[Rob_Royale]

Speaking, for my wife, yes. My wife will not let me down there with my face unless she's freshly showered. I can give her pleasure with toys and my fingers, but without bathing that's it. However, I have been known to get her so wound up, she forgets and by the time she realizes, she's cumming on my face.

 

[Massacre_]

I won't let a guy go down on me unless I'm just out of a shower or it's within the first few hours. Personal preference so I'm not caught up in thinking about smell or taste. I also prefer to be shaved or at least within.. I'd say a week. This all being said, I've had one guy actually give me an orgasm from oral. The same one that got me to cum from sex when the ones before him had all failed. Finding a guy that's actually good at oral is just as hard as finding one that's good at sex. I was once foolish enough to think there was no such thing as bad oral. I was very much mistaken. But the good oral? Gets me to orgasm so quickly..

However, even if you are freshly showered and shaved, you still might not like it. And that's okay, like everyone else has said. You don't have to break your boundaries to please your partner, no matter how much that part of you that wants to so fucking bad is telling you to just give in to their wants. It's okay if you want to try it, but have a discussion with your partner before and make sure they know that you're not fully comfortable but you're willing to try it as long as they'll stop if you either say stop or use a safeword. There's no point in you being unnecessarily uncomfortable when there are plenty of other things you could do.

 

[masterslave00]

I have been with women who loved it - my current FWB is one of them, and with as many if not more of women who hated it - my wife one of them.
My FWB would let me go down on her anytime I want, often she will even ask me to go down on her, particularly when I just came deep in her pussy and she is after another orgasm. She is equally keen on giving me blow job, probably even more often and than I think about it.
My wife will NEVER let me go down on her and she rarely (just few times in 30 years of our marriage) gave me blow job.
So, here you are - to each their own.

 

[staylate]

I pride myself on having a relaxed and open-minded attitude about sexual matters. However, even I have one hangup: receiving oral sex. I absolutely love giving oral, but I can’t seem to just relax and enjoy receiving. Consequently, I have never gotten close to having an orgasm this way. I tend to lie there and worry about how I taste and smell. Nobody has ever said anything about it. I practice basic hygiene, and I don’t have any type of infection or STI. It’s just a mental roadblock. Do any other ladies here have the same issue? I noticed a lot of posts from guys who love going down. I feel like I would be a disappointment to this type of guy due to my lackluster response. Have any guys or bi/lesbian women here had a partner who was like this? How do you handle it?

My wife has never enjoyed it because it makes her super wet and it's just not a feeling she enjoys. So, while she enjoys my touch, it's almost too intense for her. The result, I rarely go down on her. At first I was disappointed that she didn't want me to do it. I've done it with other women to rave reviews, and I considered it a valuable part of my repertoire. But if she didn't enjoy it, I wasn't going to do it. We still do all the other things that a healthy couple enjoys, we just leave that part out. Still, I really do miss all that comes with doing that. I hope this helps.

 

[curioustxn]

I pride myself on having a relaxed and open-minded attitude about sexual matters. However, even I have one hangup: receiving oral sex. I absolutely love giving oral, but I can’t seem to just relax and enjoy receiving. Consequently, I have never gotten close to having an orgasm this way. I tend to lie there and worry about how I taste and smell. Nobody has ever said anything about it. I practice basic hygiene, and I don’t have any type of infection or STI. It’s just a mental roadblock. Do any other ladies here have the same issue? I noticed a lot of posts from guys who love going down. I feel like I would be a disappointment to this type of guy due to my lackluster response. Have any guys or bi/lesbian women here had a partner who was like this? How do you handle it?

In addition to this post, I read a couple of other post that you made, and it indicates that you are sub to your Master. Being so, I would suggest that you stop worrying about *your own* concerns, (cleanliness, taste, smell, etc.), and totally submit yourself to your Master's pleasure. Some men find great pleasure in orally pushing their woman into an intense orgasm. It can give them an intense feeling of Dominance - - it is an intense emotional rush for them.

If your Master is not satisfied with your cleanliness, taste, smell, etc., he will be the first to tell you, and expect you to correct it. If he is not complaining, then he is satisfied with you as you are. I'm sure you have found that your Master has no problem telling you what he needs from you.

The next time your Master gives you oral sex, push your own concerns out of your mind, and focus entirely on his needs. He is doing this for his pleasure more than his is for your pleasure. Stop worrying about your own concerns, and give him what he needs - - an intense orgasm!!!

You are his sub - - give him what he needs!!! Stop worrying about your own concerns!!! If he has a problem with anything you are doing or not doing, he will tell you and you will correct it.

Just my opinion

 

[Curious_2]

I won't let a guy go down on me unless I'm just out of a shower or it's within the first few hours. Personal preference so I'm not caught up in thinking about smell or taste. I also prefer to be shaved or at least within.. I'd say a week. This all being said, I've had one guy actually give me an orgasm from oral. The same one that got me to cum from sex when the ones before him had all failed. Finding a guy that's actually good at oral is just as hard as finding one that's good at sex. I was once foolish enough to think there was no such thing as bad oral. I was very much mistaken. But the good oral? Gets me to orgasm so quickly..

However, even if you are freshly showered and shaved, you still might not like it. And that's okay, like everyone else has said. You don't have to break your boundaries to please your partner, no matter how much that part of you that wants to so fucking bad is telling you to just give in to their wants. It's okay if you want to try it, but have a discussion with your partner before and make sure they know that you're not fully comfortable but you're willing to try it as long as they'll stop if you either say stop or use a safeword. There's no point in you being unnecessarily uncomfortable when there are plenty of other things you could do.

Are you qualified to rate someone?

 

[KatieDoes]

I pride myself on having a relaxed and open-minded attitude about sexual matters. However, even I have one hangup: receiving oral sex. I absolutely love giving oral, but I can’t seem to just relax and enjoy receiving. Consequently, I have never gotten close to having an orgasm this way. I tend to lie there and worry about how I taste and smell. Nobody has ever said anything about it. I practice basic hygiene, and I don’t have any type of infection or STI. It’s just a mental roadblock. Do any other ladies here have the same issue? I noticed a lot of posts from guys who love going down. I feel like I would be a disappointment to this type of guy due to my lackluster response. Have any guys or bi/lesbian women here had a partner who was like this? How do you handle it?

You don’t have to get over it. You don’t have to participate in sex acts that don’t appeal to you. It’s absolutely, 100% ok to just not like something. A man worth going to bed with will never try to pressure or coerce you into something that doesn’t appeal to you.

 

[Escierto]

I pride myself on having a relaxed and open-minded attitude about sexual matters. However, even I have one hangup: receiving oral sex. I absolutely love giving oral, but I can’t seem to just relax and enjoy receiving. Consequently, I have never gotten close to having an orgasm this way. I tend to lie there and worry about how I taste and smell. Nobody has ever said anything about it. I practice basic hygiene, and I don’t have any type of infection or STI. It’s just a mental roadblock. Do any other ladies here have the same issue? I noticed a lot of posts from guys who love going down. I feel like I would be a disappointment to this type of guy due to my lackluster response. Have any guys or bi/lesbian women here had a partner who was like this? How do you handle it?

All the people that I have been involved with loved receiving oral sex from me. OTOH, I do not enjoy receiving oral sex (and I am a man). I just can't get out of my head enough to lie back, relax and enjoy it. I just can't. I won't.

 

[dkak001]

Completely agree with @KatieDoes, you don't have to do anything you don't want to.

We're taught so many things about sex and how 'down there' is disgusting. That can create roadblocks to experiencing all sorts of sexual pleasure. A lot of people do enjoy oral. So, if you want to YOU can push YOUR OWN limits on this. If it's something YOU want to learn to enjoy, go for it! If not, don't sweat it. Everyone is different. Do what you like, and don't worry about what you don't.

Personally, I love receiving oral but I cannot orgasm from it. I still enjoy every second of it.

 

[KatieDoes]

Completely agree with @KatieDoes, you don't have to do anything you don't want to.

We're taught so many things about sex and how 'down there' is disgusting. That can create roadblocks to experiencing all sorts of sexual pleasure. A lot of people do enjoy oral. So, if you want to YOU can push YOUR OWN limits on this. If it's something YOU want to learn to enjoy, go for it! If not, don't sweat it. Everyone is different. Do what you like, and don't worry about what you don't.

Personally, I love receiving oral but I cannot orgasm from it. I still enjoy every second of it.

I’m pretty open minded, sexually. If someone I trust and care for enough to be having sex with says that they’re really into something and want to try it with me, I will almost always agree to give it a whirl.

But if I try something and don’t like it, I’m absolutely not doing it going forward. Anyone who doesn’t like that can move along.

 

[littlecordelera]

If you want to get over your hangup, exposure therapy works. It will take time (months minimum) and a consistent effort. You will need a willing partner.