What made you laugh your ass off today?

[Eilan]

I'm bitter because the ladies won't send me any nekkid pics.

 

[Guest]

 

[Saucyminx]

I did watch the movie last night, and though there was some nudity, I didn't think it was bad. Of course I knew there was going to be nudity. Apparently she did not notice it was marked "unrated" and it was even noted on the case that they had added 17 minutes that were cut because the scenes were too dirty.

I guess she was just not expecting it (though she did finish watching it).

The movie had a lot of funny scenes but many of them weren't connected very well.

Yeah--but any movie with the line "you look like a man o'lantern" just qualifies for funny--well put together or not.

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

Edited because the poor guy apologized.

 

[Quoll]

Mum to master four "What would you like for tea?"
A: I'm four, how would I know.

This is the same kid that after watching his older brother collect $2.00 from the tooth fairy, very discreetly asked mum "So did you guys take the tooth and put money in the glass?"

 

[Quoll]

With that AV and that post.

Really?

 

[Saucyminx]

With that AV and that post.

Really?

LMAO--and no comments about my av quolly-bear. I'm sensitive about it.

 

[bobsgirl]

pleasteasme's AV.

 

[Quoll]

LMAO--and no comments about my av quolly-bear. I'm sensitive about it.

Apparently your backdoor is well covered, no sign of any invading hordes.

 

[EJFan]

this struck my so damned funny i just had to share...

this email come to me a moment ago... the guy's not a very good typist so forgive the errors.

OK, perhaps this is more of a vent then anything else but for shitz and giggles, I'd like too put a new TERM into the Book of Shit Term history. There may be another name out there for this and if there is, pray tell however for the lake of better terms, I am going to call it "The Clam Sandwich"

A Clam Sandwich is when your in the middle of a movement when your suddenly disturbed by a loud noise, ringing phone, or anything that distracts you from the job at hand, your ass clenches up (much like a clam closing it's shell) and what ever was in the middle of it's exit just got annihilated between your ass-cheeks (much like garlic through a press) making for a rather nasty clean up. In most cases, a shower is highly recommended.

 

[midwestyankee]

EJ, are you having a, shall we say, retentive issue this week?

 

[wally2450]

Movie ratings

G: Nobody gets the girl. PG: The good guy gets the girl. PG-13: The bad guy gets the girl. R: The bad guy and the good guy get the girl. X: Everybody gets the girl. XXX: Everybody gets the girl, her mother and their cocker spaniel.

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm about to do some travel on behalf of a client company so today I was checkng their corporate travel policies before making any arrangements. I literally lauged out loud when I saw a loophole in their policy.

This client will pay up to $250 per night for a hotel but it will not pay for in-room internet access. I like to use Hilton brand hotels as much as possible, so here is a real example from Denver. The Embassy Suites and the Hampton Suites downtown locations are both suitably located. The current rate for the ES is $195 (wireless internet costs $15), while the rate at the Hampton Inn is $129 (wireless internet is free). The client would have no problem with my staying at the ES, thus spending nearly $70 per night more than necessary, but will force me to cough up the $15 so I can answer their emails at night after my day of work. I'll be at the Hampton, thank you very much.

 

[Quoll]

"You have hissed my mystery lectures; you have tasted the whole worm."

I love a good spoonerism.

 

[Saucyminx]

Apparently your backdoor is well covered, no sign of any invading hordes.

I know, darn the luck. (and hey--not my butt anyhow. lol)


Overheard from my living room as my son watched my husband play Resident Evil: so many we lost count, but we need the money:
"Boy, i wish i could do that, but i am glad i don't have a huge mutant arm." (Aren't we all? Stop hitting your sister and take you and your huge mutant arm to your room young man.)

And this morning when asked a question, the 8 year old sister, (the one who would be hit with said huge mutant arm if the boy had one), "I forget. I have short term memory loss."

 

[midwestyankee]

Conversation in which I was a reluctant participant with another adult member of my family:

mwy: I'm feeling a little trepidatious about this.

other: Is that a word? I mean, I know what it means, but is that a word?

 

[EJFan]

this damned iPod isn't worth shit... i can't get ANY stations... not even AM.

 

[Quoll]

Man the Austrians are serious about their insults.

I fick deina mutter in ihr dreckige ausgleiate fut = I will fuck your mother in her dusty forfeited vagina.

Dei mutter blost so guat wie dei Schwesta = Your mother blows as good as your sister.

I grob dei Oma aus und fick ia ins Aug = I'll dig up your dead grandma and fuck her in the eye.

 

[Eilan]

I grob dei Oma aus und fick ia ins Aug = I'll dig up your dead grandma and fuck her in the eye.

That's fucktocular!

 

[EJFan]

Man the Austrians are serious about their insults.

when i first read this i thought it said "australians"... then wondered why the australians are speaking german. duh.

 

[pleasteasme]

Conversation in which I was a reluctant participant with another adult member of my family:

mwy: I'm feeling a little trepidatious about this.

other: Is that a word? I mean, I know what it means, but is that a word?

Are you sure we are not related mwy?

 

[Quoll]

That's fucktocular!

Oh, eye get it.

 

[EJFan]

from my men's health newsletter:

"cottage cheese and bean burritos will keep you going all day long"

and to think... an editor actually approved this headline. my kinda guy.

 

[midwestyankee]

this damned iPod isn't worth shit... i can't get ANY stations... not even AM.

I thought they were for IM?