What is real sex anyway?

[Lurkie]

I grew up with internet porn. Since I was about thirteen years old I saw about every sexual fantasy played out on screen that exists. But I have never really witnessed any real sex, except for my own. My wife and I both were virgins when we got together(as far as I know) and we are both quite inexperienced and conservative in the bedroom to the point that its boring. Maybe I'm too spoiled by all these years of porn, or maybe we are not doing it right, I dont know.
It always seems to me, looking at amateur porn and sites likes these that other people have these exciting sex lives full of things that never seem too wild. I have sexual fantasies and would love to all kinds of filthy things, but to me it seems like I am fooling myself. That I am a pervert in a nonperverted world.

Is everybody faking it, are they on drugs or are they so much more free than I am? I don't know anymore.

 

[silver gurl]

Everyone (you included) , except me.

I am the only person here with an active sex life.

You are here way too much to have an active anything.

 

[FL30]

I grew up with internet porn. Since I was about thirteen years old I saw about every sexual fantasy played out on screen that exists. But I have never really witnessed any real sex, except for my own. My wife and I both were virgins when we got together(as far as I know) and we are both quite inexperienced and conservative in the bedroom to the point that its boring. Maybe I'm too spoiled by all these years of porn, or maybe we are not doing it right, I dont know.
It always seems to me, looking at amateur porn and sites likes these that other people have these exciting sex lives full of things that never seem too wild. I have sexual fantasies and would love to all kinds of filthy things, but to me it seems like I am fooling myself. That I am a pervert in a nonperverted world.

Is everybody faking it, are they on drugs or are they so much more free than I am? I don't know anymore.

All the porn that you're seeing is produced for consumption. Even if someone doesn't make a lot of money, they're still producing porn for others to either see or buy. Even now, most "amateur" porn that you're seeing is still created for an audience. Next time you watch any "amateur" porn, watch how much they look at the camera!! They're doing it for themselves as much as they are for the audience. "Selfies" porn.

Porn is of itself mostly fantasy and is NOT indicative of real life.

You need to learn to separate the two. Porn is NOT REAL LIFE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. Porn is CREATED for an audience.

You can always talk with your wife about doing/adding some things to your sex life, but it needs to be consensual. Just because you saw it online doesn't mean that it is REAL SEX.

I would even go so far as to state that maybe you need to stop looking at porn for a while as it's just like any other addiction and can dull your thoughts/feelings about "real" sex between two people in a committed relationship. There have even been studies to document this. You can do a google search for the information. Or possibly even talk with a counselor about "porn" and how it's affecting your life. Porn is now a recognized addiction and there are counselors for this addiction.

 

[nicechat]

Real sex is:
Fun
Interrupted
Awkward
Hilarious
Exhausting
Giving when you feel like receiving
Receiving when you feel like giving.
Jumping into bed with the intention of romping and falling asleep
Going to bed dog tired, realising how good he/she feels and then it's on and tiredness fades away.
When I'm told what to do and I comply (I'm a boy ! what did you expect)
Glances at each other and brushing by each other during a family gathering for hours leads to.......
Toying with her clit with one hand while steering with the other on the freeway (she got there and we got home)
Taking her in a one minute quickie against a house stump while in the house there's a normal party upstairs. (nice shiny painted wood, no splinters)
When there's a tap on the steamed up glass of the car door and you actually think the Police will believe us when we say we were sleeping.

The list of what is real sex surely would be exhausting.
If there's mutual joy, it is real I believe.

 

[FL30]

Real sex is:
Fun
Interrupted
Awkward
Hilarious
Exhausting
Giving when you feel like receiving
Receiving when you feel like giving.
Jumping into bed with the intention of romping and falling asleep
Going to bed dog tired, realising how good he/she feels and then it's on and tiredness fades away.
When I'm told what to do and I comply (I'm a boy ! what did you expect)
Glances at each other and brushing by each other during a family gathering for hours leads to.......
Toying with her clit with one hand while steering with the other on the freeway (she got there and we got home)
Taking her in a one minute quickie against a house stump while in the house there's a normal party upstairs. (nice shiny painted wood, no splinters)
When there's a tap on the steamed up glass of the car door and you actually think the Police will believe us when we say we were sleeping.

The list of what is real sex surely would be exhausting.
If there's mutual joy, it is real I believe.

and a thousand more experiences like this

 

[Saint_Ann]

It depends on what the definition of the word "is" "is".

 

[FGB]

Real Sex?
IS
Crackers sometimes.

She decides to swap double date partners to be with your friend so you would break up with her.

You fuck a young lady you met at an outdoor party three times. The first time was so the both of you could stay awake...the other two times Because dammit she was GOOD!

Out on a double date and you let your Buddy drive so he and his date can sit In the front seat while you sit in the back to get to know a little about the Blind date you are on. She a Nympho and might as well have raped you! it was either give it up or render her unconscious.

You are balls Deep, covered with sweat and really causing her to make some noise and fuck you back in a prelude to her cumming...You realize you can hang in there for another ten- twenty minutes. Then the Phone rings so you freeze in place with her squeezing you enough to make your eyes cross. It's her mother on the phone saying there is trouble with her EX and if it is not to much trouble could her daughter spend the night pretty please? Oh, first date!

You are having a great time with a hot babe and in pillow talk mentions that all three of you(family name) "Boys" are good in bed!

She comes over, fucks you silly, and then thinks to mention that she got married to on of you good friends LAST WEEK!

You are munching some carpet and she fires up a smoke! Says doesn't everyone like to smoke when they are having a good time?

You are just getting good and started on round two on what promises to be a long sex filled night with this hot blooded sexy brunette and some well meaning Idiot from work brings you a Blonde Barbie, nine on the model scale spare woman he happened to have...at one in the morning. The brunette was shocked that I didn't kick her to the curb. I have more class than that and there was NO way i could have handled both of them that night.

and i could go on and on.

BUT what i hear is you would like to inject some kink into the sex life.
************************************************************

I have a few Toys (I have a couple of large suitcases and carry bags to carry and store them in )

The main thing is to meet a person or three that prefer not be plain vanilla when it comes to sex.

it takes time, planning an building some trust.

 

[Saint_Ann]

(Said while pointing at her head)

This could perhaps be the longest courtship in Lit history. You guys should just fuck and get it over with.

 

[silver gurl]

I have to clear my voice mail box three times a day, ffs.

“ hello, Iso, it’s silver again. Just calling again to tell you how much uh i’m uh uh not uh uh uh interested oh gawd yes yes yes! in you.”

Delusional as always.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

As noted, porn is ultimately a fantasy. Pizza delivery guys almost never get met by naked women hot for them. The average penis is 5.5” long, not 10” and most women aren’t D-cups. 99% of women don’t have an orgasm with three minutes of penetration; many women don’t get off that way at all. And so forth. You know all this.

Good. That’s over. Now comes the leap from poorly-acted fiction to your reality. You say your sex life is bland. OK, but it’s with somebody you love and not in accordance with a script. You two can do whatever you agree to do. Loving sex is not learned overnight. Like any skill, it takes time and work to get good at. You can improve - together - if you want to.

So. Ignore the porn BS as a standard to measure you two against.

Instead, experiment. Talk to her. Be patient and accepting when she talks. What does she find exciting and what have you done that felt particularly good to her? Your local book store may well have a section on sex (unlikely to call it that, of course) with a book on sexual games and fantasies. Read it together and rate each suggestion - and don’t press her into something she doesn’t like! Try new things, different positions, new places.

Be romantic. Women are wired differently than men. Men can be turned on by the sight of a nipple through a t-shirt, but women generally want to feel loved and treasured first. Treat her like your princess. It’ll pay off big time.

Bottom line? This isn’t about you; it’s about both of you.

Good luck.

 

[juttjaw]

Real sex is whatever you want. You gotta be open to anything and have a partner who feels comfortable with the same. You've got to be good with things like, "So, you want to piss on me in the shower, while I rhythmically jerk off to Don Ho's 'Tiny Bubbles'? Sure!" and them being willing to reciprocate with whatever (harmless) whacked out thing you think of. I say, if you can wake up and look each other in the eyes the next morning, you're not totally being fulfilled. It doesn't always have to be that weird, but you get the point.

 

[TedandKit]

Edited

 

[Oshkosh60]

Much better than sex is intimacy. You can have sex for only a limited amount of time during a day.......for some guys...I'm guess ing 3 1/2 minutes. But you can be intimate with someone for hours at a time. And intimacy leads to openness, and openness to spoken or cues about physical desires, which then leads to real sex. It's when fantasies, perhaps unspoken ones, are explored with someone you feel comfortable with.

 

[lovecraft68]

Real Sex was an old HBO special.

 

[Garnate]

Real sex is whatever you want. You gotta be open to anything and have a partner who feels comfortable with the same. You've got to be good with things like, "So, you want to piss on me in the shower, while I rhythmically jerk off to Don Ho's 'Tiny Bubbles'? Sure!" and them being willing to reciprocate with whatever (harmless) whacked out thing you think of. I say, if you can wake up and look each other in the eyes the next morning, you're not totally being fulfilled. It doesn't always have to be that weird, but you get the point.

Man, fuck you. I was going to talk about pissing on each other in a jetted tub until I see you beat me to it.

That's literally all sex is and now I have nothing to contribute.

 

[Yorkiemom66]

Real sex is:
Fun
Interrupted
Awkward
Hilarious
Exhausting
Giving when you feel like receiving
Receiving when you feel like giving.
Jumping into bed with the intention of romping and falling asleep
Going to bed dog tired, realising how good he/she feels and then it's on and tiredness fades away.
When I'm told what to do and I comply (I'm a boy ! what did you expect)
Glances at each other and brushing by each other during a family gathering for hours leads to.......
Toying with her clit with one hand while steering with the other on the freeway (she got there and we got home)
Taking her in a one minute quickie against a house stump while in the house there's a normal party upstairs. (nice shiny painted wood, no splinters)
When there's a tap on the steamed up glass of the car door and you actually think the Police will believe us when we say we were sleeping.

The list of what is real sex surely would be exhausting.
If there's mutual joy, it is real I believe.

1000%

 

[Dwayne0262]

You are here way too much to have an active anything.

LOL

 

[thør]

Jetted tubs are the devil's work.

 

[Mr_Soup]

Real sex is when two people, or more, lose all sense of inhibition and connect on an instinctual, almost primal level based purely on mutual carnal desire.

 

[Lady2020]

Real sex is what you make it. Duh.

 

[mark_j]

Real sex is what you make it. Duh.

Yahhhhhhhhhy. Someone finally gets it right .

 

[girlsmiley]

Real sex? It’s like imaginary sex except the imaginary part

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Real sex is:
Fun
Interrupted
Awkward
Hilarious
Exhausting
Giving when you feel like receiving
Receiving when you feel like giving.
Jumping into bed with the intention of romping and falling asleep
Going to bed dog tired, realising how good he/she feels and then it's on and tiredness fades away.
When I'm told what to do and I comply (I'm a boy ! what did you expect)
Glances at each other and brushing by each other during a family gathering for hours leads to.......
Toying with her clit with one hand while steering with the other on the freeway (she got there and we got home)
Taking her in a one minute quickie against a house stump while in the house there's a normal party upstairs. (nice shiny painted wood, no splinters)
When there's a tap on the steamed up glass of the car door and you actually think the Police will believe us when we say we were sleeping.

The list of what is real sex surely would be exhausting.
If there's mutual joy, it is real I believe.

This list is great. All very real.
I believe if you put 3 or more together you have consensual sex.
Real, consensual sex.

 

[Lady2020]

Real sex is what you make it.

 

[YesIamReal]

Some great responses here, and something I have actually been thinking about lately.
My biggest frustration with porn is that the real amateur stuff is shot so poorly and the well shot product isn't remotely close to real.
In my life I have had real experiences that approach artistry. Even if I wanted them to be they would likely never end up recorded because, well, I would be entirely too focused on that other person at the time. Even if a camera and lighting were properly set, if you are concentrating on staying in the frame then it isn't real.