What has being kinky cost you?

[Yarglenurp]

Anyone here ever wonder “what if I wasn’t dom/sub or into feet/cuckolding/etc.?” Do you think your life or your relationships would be better?

Wishful thinking of course… if we could get rid of our preferences that easily, kinks wouldn’t really exist at all.

 

[SweetLittleFox]

I have been a major kinkster for my entire active sex life and oh boy have I been in some strange situations and relationships. Have always wondered what would have been different were I not the way I am.

 

[MrQuiet314]

I have been a major kinkster for my entire active sex life and oh boy have I been in some strange situations and relationships. Have always wondered what would have been different were I not the way I am.

And the follow-up question I suppose is…has exploring those interests and predilections brought a sense of wholeness and sexual liberation, or do you feel in some sense captive to those desires? Do you ever wish you didn’t have them? As someone who has not fully explored his own kinky inclinations, I wonder if you feel the journey has been worth it.

 

[Stxhm]

And the follow-up question I suppose is…has exploring those interests and predilections brought a sense of wholeness and sexual liberation, or do you feel in some sense captive to those desires? Do you ever wish you didn’t have them? As someone who has not fully explored his own kinky inclinations, I wonder if you feel the journey has been worth it.

I've been divorced for 8 years. A contributing factor to my divorce was the inability to be myself, or be honest about my kinks. While I understand that the fantasy and the reality of a kink can be vastly different, just broaching the subject with your partner can be tricky. In my case, when I disclosed my curiosities to my then husband years into our marriage, I was met with scrutiny and condemnation.
That ultimately led to me feeling embarrassment and shame.

On one side:
I believe that we should be able to be our authentic selves with the partner we've chosen in this life. If we have to hide who we are or what we want, for the sake of avoiding our partner's judgment, it will likely lead to us finding an outlet for acceptance. Such as what this platform offers.
On the other side is timing.
When we choose to disclose our innermost kink matters.
For me, waiting years into my marriage was a huge mistake.
That's because when I shared things I always wanted to explore, he made it about him.
If we're not careful, revealing our kinks to our partner can leave them feeling as though they are inadequate to meet our sexual needs.
We definitely don't want that either.
So that was my takeaway from my own divorce.
Be true to myself.
That doesn't mean I discuss my kinks over a first date.
It does mean that having open & honest communication in a relationship is critical.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel the level of humiliation and shame I felt having my partner refer to me as a sexual deviant for simply wanting to explore something commonly seen in heterosexual porn.

Do I ever wish I didn't have these curiosities? No.
I realize I just didn't have the right partner to feel safe with being myself from Day 1.

 

[SweetLittleFox]

And the follow-up question I suppose is…has exploring those interests and predilections brought a sense of wholeness and sexual liberation, or do you feel in some sense captive to those desires? Do you ever wish you didn’t have them? As someone who has not fully explored his own kinky inclinations, I wonder if you feel the journey has been worth it.

Funnily enough, both liberated and captive.

I have finally become at peace with my sexuality. Confident, unashamed, and unafraid to ask for what I want. It is amazingly freeing. I love sex, in all its wild ways, and I want it often, and I am no longer afraid of being shunned or judged for what I like. If they don't like it, they are more than welcome to step aside.

However, I am very much captive in the fact that I know I would be entirely unfulfilled in a relationship that was most vanilla or even just lightly kinky. To say it's been difficult to find a healthy relationship that ticks the kink boxes is an understatement. Perhaps if I were more vanilla it would be easier to find romance.

I feel my sexuality has been overwhelming or off-putting for men, and all I want is a nice guy to whom I can say "Hey darling, after dinner would you tie me up and rape me? Oh and don't forget to grab my hair and hold my head back so your friend can cum on my face. He missed last time."

Hahaha...ahh to dream.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Nothing. I’d say I’m not kinky. I found a partner that we feel comfortable with each other that it’s easy to try whatever.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

I'm not kinky as such. Maybe I am, who knows! I've always got off on being an enabler for men's kinks though. It's cost me a bit of sanity and a lot of self respect sometimes, taught me more about myself sometimes.

 

[Yarglenurp]

I'm not kinky as such. Maybe I am, who knows! I've always got off on being an enabler for men's kinks though. It's cost me a bit of sanity and a lot of self respect sometimes, taught me more about myself sometimes.

Doesn’t that mean you have a submissive kink? I can’t imagine doing something I find insane unless some part of me enjoyed it, at least a little.

Also.. what kinks cost you your sanity?

 

[Recooter]

I've been divorced for 8 years. A contributing factor to my divorce was the inability to be myself, or be honest about my kinks. While I understand that the fantasy and the reality of a kink can be vastly different, just broaching the subject with your partner can be tricky. In my case, when I disclosed my curiosities to my then husband years into our marriage, I was met with scrutiny and condemnation.
That ultimately led to me feeling embarrassment and shame.

On one side:
I believe that we should be able to be our authentic selves with the partner we've chosen in this life. If we have to hide who we are or what we want, for the sake of avoiding our partner's judgment, it will likely lead to us finding an outlet for acceptance. Such as what this platform offers.
On the other side is timing.
When we choose to disclose our innermost kink matters.
For me, waiting years into my marriage was a huge mistake.
That's because when I shared things I always wanted to explore, he made it about him.
If we're not careful, revealing our kinks to our partner can leave them feeling as though they are inadequate to meet our sexual needs.
We definitely don't want that either.
So that was my takeaway from my own divorce.
Be true to myself.
That doesn't mean I discuss my kinks over a first date.
It does mean that having open & honest communication in a relationship is critical.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel the level of humiliation and shame I felt having my partner refer to me as a sexual deviant for simply wanting to explore something commonly seen in heterosexual porn.

Do I ever wish I didn't have these curiosities? No.
I realize I just didn't have the right partner to feel safe with being myself from Day 1.

Well said! I think we all do.

 

[SissySalina]

Started exploring the feelings at a young age, cross dressing as it is called today, started with mother, holding onto the youngest as she was a dominant (which sissy didn’t really figure out until much later in life). She was trying to teach cooking and washing and ironing and then the big step was making sissy the first dress, an excuse was a part of being “Little Bow Peep” after that the feeling of wearing women’s clothes took over.

No real interest in girls until the end of school, the last 2 years did a little dating, very little sex. The first marriage was pretty dry, once a week then once a month then once or twice a year then nothing, sex was still not a big thing. During this time it was mostly work and work and work. Not dressing, that feeling being forgotten by a constant of other things.

Then meeting Her by chance one day at lunch, then it seemed that we kept running into each other, mostly at lunch time. Talking and becoming friends, no sex, no kissing, just friends. Then after a while She asked sissy into marriage, there had been no discussion She just asked one day. She convinced sissy that it was for the best for both parties. The sex was still not there but it did come into play after a while and it was deeply discussed between Her and sissy. Sissy was tiny in that department and never has been able to satisfy a woman with that so the sex did not matter much to sissy. Yes, She is Bi and sissy almost feels that is why She asked sissy for marriage, it gave Her a front on normalcy. After a while and a lot of discussion sissy wanted to start dressing again and asked for Her approval, just on weekends and holidays. She agreed and sissy started doing the house work as Her business was starting to take off and grow.

Then came that time that sissy felt it was time to retire, sissy had acquired enough money to do so, so sissy asked Her if sissy could dress full time and She said She would think about it. Several days later She came back with a counter proposal. She would go along with the full time dressing if sissy became Her sissy and did as She requested, sissy immediately agreed to it and that’s how sissy was made without any looking back.

So for this sissy following the Kink has been the best thing to happen.

 

[Elle4u2use2]

Time

 

[ImpishSeraph]

I've been divorced for 8 years. A contributing factor to my divorce was the inability to be myself, or be honest about my kinks. While I understand that the fantasy and the reality of a kink can be vastly different, just broaching the subject with your partner can be tricky. In my case, when I disclosed my curiosities to my then husband years into our marriage, I was met with scrutiny and condemnation.
That ultimately led to me feeling embarrassment and shame.

On one side:
I believe that we should be able to be our authentic selves with the partner we've chosen in this life. If we have to hide who we are or what we want, for the sake of avoiding our partner's judgment, it will likely lead to us finding an outlet for acceptance. Such as what this platform offers.
On the other side is timing.
When we choose to disclose our innermost kink matters.
For me, waiting years into my marriage was a huge mistake.
That's because when I shared things I always wanted to explore, he made it about him.
If we're not careful, revealing our kinks to our partner can leave them feeling as though they are inadequate to meet our sexual needs.
We definitely don't want that either.
So that was my takeaway from my own divorce.
Be true to myself.
That doesn't mean I discuss my kinks over a first date.
It does mean that having open & honest communication in a relationship is critical.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel the level of humiliation and shame I felt having my partner refer to me as a sexual deviant for simply wanting to explore something commonly seen in heterosexual porn.

Do I ever wish I didn't have these curiosities? No.
I realize I just didn't have the right partner to feel safe with being myself from Day 1.

Well said! I think we all do.

Very well spoken above. Cost me 27 years

 

[Hipshot1554]

I've been divorced for 8 years. A contributing factor to my divorce was the inability to be myself, or be honest about my kinks. While I understand that the fantasy and the reality of a kink can be vastly different, just broaching the subject with your partner can be tricky. In my case, when I disclosed my curiosities to my then husband years into our marriage, I was met with scrutiny and condemnation.
That ultimately led to me feeling embarrassment and shame.

On one side:
I believe that we should be able to be our authentic selves with the partner we've chosen in this life. If we have to hide who we are or what we want, for the sake of avoiding our partner's judgment, it will likely lead to us finding an outlet for acceptance. Such as what this platform offers.
On the other side is timing.
When we choose to disclose our innermost kink matters.
For me, waiting years into my marriage was a huge mistake.
That's because when I shared things I always wanted to explore, he made it about him.
If we're not careful, revealing our kinks to our partner can leave them feeling as though they are inadequate to meet our sexual needs.
We definitely don't want that either.
So that was my takeaway from my own divorce.
Be true to myself.
That doesn't mean I discuss my kinks over a first date.
It does mean that having open & honest communication in a relationship is critical.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel the level of humiliation and shame I felt having my partner refer to me as a sexual deviant for simply wanting to explore something commonly seen in heterosexual porn.

Do I ever wish I didn't have these curiosities? No.
I realize I just didn't have the right partner to feel safe with being myself from Day 1.

So many feel this same way!