Do you have a living "Sex Will"?

[LMWM321]

Do you and your partner have an understanding about what should happen if injury or illness leaves you unable to participate in any kind of sexual activity? It’s not a pleasant subject, I realize.

It wasn’t easy but i told my wife that if something happens to me - eg., a head injury from a fall/ car accident, stroke, alzheimers, etc..- that leaves me unable to engage with her sexually that she should feel free, without any sense of guilt, to seek sex from someone else. I told her that I would expect her to keep me at the center of her life, to continue to love and care for me but in no way do I expect her to cease having sex. I truly believe physical intimacy is too important to her physical and mental health to stop enjoying it simply b/c I can’t give it to her. I’m even willing to put it in writing so she can show our kids, family, and even potential sex partners should they express dismay.

I’m a big believer in legalizing and normalizing sex-work and the above would be a perfect situation for a sexual stand-in. ..Someone who visits a person in such a situation once a month (or whatever) to give them the sexual release he/she might need while minimizing risk of emotional attachments, etc.. As I see it, receiving such treatment from a trained, bonded, professional sex worker should be viewed no differently than having an impinged back muscle released by a massage therapist.

To me, it's the ultimate expression of love to give your partner this freedom. Your thoughts?

 

[ALovelyNudist]

I haven’t even thought of this… but I will now!

 

[lifeis2short2b]

There already is an on line living will for all. It's called Ashley Madison

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

Do you and your partner have an understanding about what should happen if injury or illness leaves you unable to participate in any kind of sexual activity? It’s not a sexy subject, I realize.

It wasn’t easy but i told my wife that if something happens to me - eg., a head injury from a fall/ car accident, stroke, alzheimers, etc..- that leaves me unable to engage with her sexually that she should feel free - without any sense of guilt - to seek sex from someone else. I told her that I would expect her to keep me at the center of her life, to continue to love and care for me but in no way do I expect her to cease having sex; physical intimacy is too important to her health - physical & mental - to stop enjoying it simply b/c I can’t give it to her. I’m even willing to put it in writing so she can show our kids, family, and even potential sex partners should they express dismay.

I’m a big believer in legalizing and normalizing sex-work and the above would be a perfect situation for a sexual surrogate. ..Someone who visits a person in such a situation once a month (or whatever) to give them the sexual release he/she might need while minimizing risk of emotional attachments, etc.. As I see it, receiving such treatment from a sex surrogate should be no different than having an impinged back muscle released by a massage therapist.

To me, it's the ultimate expression of love to give your partner this freedom. Your thoughts?

This is a very thoughtful post. I am sure my wife would not react well to such a conversation. I think I am inclined to wait until something happens, although I realize that there is some risk that whatever interferes with my ability to have sex might also interfere with my ability to communicate the message.

You don't say anything about how your wife responded.

I completely agree with your point about sex work.

 

[Sgts19]

We've had this discussion and I agreed with my wife when she said she'd get a fuck buddy. Doesn't want to live with him just wants to fuck, she loves fucking so have at it.

 

[screwher]

My wife and I are a hotwife couple. So she’s already having sex with other men. I think if I ever found myself in the position where performing was an issue, I expect my wife would just amp up her visits with her lover. Maybe add a few more.

I guess it is something we should discuss though.

 

[LMWM321]

You don't say anything about how your wife responded.

Basically said, "noted with thanks... And same goes for you."

The idea occurred to me when a co-worker told me that she and her siblings were very upset b/c their 75 yr. old Mom just divorced their father who has dementia and will live out his remaining years in the Memory wing of a rehab center. She divorced him because she wants to be able to have sex w/ other men without guilt. They are all furious with her because their father adored her and can't believe that she's taking this ridiculous step - one that would fucking break his heart. They all agree that he'd be fine w/ her being with other men at this point but she has this idea in her head that divorcing him first is best. ..She has NO plans to remarry.

It wasn't but a week or two later I told my wife.... And I mean it with all my heart. I love her more than I can express and would want her to enjoy fully whatever time she'd have left after such a tragedy.

 

[13Fantasies]

Interesting concept. Doesn't mean much to me because we aren't active now. But definitely something active couples, especially monogamous ones, should consider

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

Basically said, "noted with thanks... And same goes for you."

The idea occurred to me when a co-worker told me that she and her siblings were very upset b/c their 75 yr. old Mom just divorced her their father - who has dementia and is permanently consigned to the memory wing of a rehab center - because she wants to be able to have sex w/ other men "guilt-free." They are all furious with her because their father adored her and can't believe she's taking this ridiculous step - one that would fucking break his heart. They all agree that he'd be fine w/ her being with other men at this point but she has this idea in her head that divorcing him first is best. ..She has NO plans to remarry.

It wasn't but a week or two later I told my wife....

I can see how, against this background, the conversation might sound a little less like
"I"ve been thinking about what would happen if you couldn't fuck me any more," rather than an expression of genuine concern.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I talked to my wife about this, she said we had been together for 30 years. And that she could not ever see her being with someone else. Then she added that she would haunt the fuck out of me if I did. She said think poltergeist.

 

[Not Normal]

I have a partner that isn't my wife now, so if something happened, to my wife I'd still have my other partner. We might meet more than twice a week we currently meet, but who knows? My wife isn't interested in other partners, so I don't think it's really an issue. Though if I couldn't fuck her, maybe she'd change her mind, but I don't think so. She's on the ace spectrum and it just wouldn't be a priority for her.

 

[LMWM321]

Then she added that she would haunt the fuck out of me if I did. She said think poltergeist.

Ha! ..Well, I think that's probably a more typical viewpoint.

..I must be some kind of outlier because the idea of my wife being alone and yearning for companionship, including sexual, breaks my heart. As a ghost I'd look for a good man and try to push him her way - then haunt the fuck out of him if her ever treated her badly.

 

[angelwingsub]

I wish we had done this. My husband can't perform and now he's not interested in playing. I am still wildly attracted to him. When I take care of him, rubbing where it hurts, taking care of his medical needs, I get so turned on. He's not interested in kissing but I'll still give him an affectionate kiss on the cheek or lips. And I want more. He's also not interested in playing with my mind or watching me. I would take that. It's not how I imagined life would be, turned on and playing with myself alone

After I realized throwing myself at him was making things worse, I asked if he minded if I take care of my own needs and he said yes. He's been a little happier now that he doesn't have to think about me being desperate for him. I don't think he even thinks about me not asking him for anything sexual anymore. But I really want a good fucking!

 

[live4thebj]

Nope. When I am dead have at it.

 

[lotmorethanfun76]

Do you and your partner have an understanding about what should happen if injury or illness leaves you unable to participate in any kind of sexual activity? It’s not a pleasant subject, I realize.

It wasn’t easy but i told my wife that if something happens to me - eg., a head injury from a fall/ car accident, stroke, alzheimers, etc..- that leaves me unable to engage with her sexually that she should feel free, without any sense of guilt, to seek sex from someone else. I told her that I would expect her to keep me at the center of her life, to continue to love and care for me but in no way do I expect her to cease having sex. I truly believe physical intimacy is too important to her physical and mental health to stop enjoying it simply b/c I can’t give it to her. I’m even willing to put it in writing so she can show our kids, family, and even potential sex partners should they express dismay.

I’m a big believer in legalizing and normalizing sex-work and the above would be a perfect situation for a sexual surrogate. ..Someone who visits a person in such a situation once a month (or whatever) to give them the sexual release he/she might need while minimizing risk of emotional attachments, etc.. As I see it, receiving such treatment from a trained, bonded, professional sex worker should be viewed no differently than having an impinged back muscle released by a massage therapist.

To me, it's the ultimate expression of love to give your partner this freedom. Your thoughts?

Wow! Never thought about this. But I think it is a great idea to have a "Sex Will". It is easier on the other partner. I lost my dad and my mom has always been sort of felt guilty having sex with other men. In fact even going out on dates. I have been trying to explain and convince her that sh should move on and live her life and that dad would have definitely wanted it so.

 

[LMWM321]

I have been trying to explain and convince her that sh should move on and live her life and that dad would have definitely wanted it so.

Exactly how I feel about my wife. ..So I took the time to express it explicitly. She said, "fine, but your ring stays on my finger." I said, "How about move it to your right hand and explain to others that it gets moved back to your left hand when you're buried beside me. We'll spend our afterlife together, but while you're still here, you'll want companionship - in every sense of the word."

It's a gut-wrenching thought and convo to have with your partner, but it's worth it. ..As I said, the idea of my wife being alone late in life, yearning for companionship, is too heartbreaking to contemplate.

 

[dkak001]

We've half-ass talked about it. I don't think she takes me seriously, but I've told her that if something happens to me, I would want her to be happy.

 

[Sgts19]

Answered above but I'll add she didn't think she'd last more than 5 months without sex

 

[Yarglenurp]

no one here went with the Homer Simpson approach? have your body preserved and placed over your favorite sitting place, glaring at everyone in the room.

 

[nothingatall27]

I wish we had done this. My husband can't perform and now he's not interested in playing. I am still wildly attracted to him. When I take care of him, rubbing where it hurts, taking care of his medical needs, I get so turned on. He's not interested in kissing but I'll still give him an affectionate kiss on the cheek or lips. And I want more. He's also not interested in playing with my mind or watching me. I would take that. It's not how I imagined life would be, turned on and playing with myself alone

After I realized throwing myself at him was making things worse, I asked if he minded if I take care of my own needs and he said yes. He's been a little happier now that he doesn't have to think about me being desperate for him. I don't think he even thinks about me not asking him for anything sexual anymore. But I really want a good fucking!

Sorry you are going through that.