What drove you to be the Dom/me or sub that you are today?

[Master_Vassago]

What drove you to be the Dom/me or sub that you are today?

I'm more than just a bit curious, was there an event, or final breaking point for you. Was it something that came natural or required a lot of work? If you feel it is just how you are, what was the defining moment that pointed it out to you?

I will return to post my own ideas later, tomorrow probably, but I'm currently writing a story here and this just kind of hit me.

Thank you in advance for your responses.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

What drove you to be the Dom/me or sub that you are today?

... was there an event, or final breaking point for you. Was it something that came natural or required a lot of work? If you feel it is just how you are, what was the defining moment that pointed it out to you? ...

Remember, while growing up, all of the good citizenship rules drilled into your head by family, school, church, and friends? Ever feel a bit rebellious? Ever question why?

i'm not saying most of those "good manners" don't come into play when dealing with a submissive. To my way of thinking, you better have your, pardon the drop into old jargon, chit in neat, squared away little piles before you even think about taking on that kind of responsibility.

Somewhere along the line, i stepped outside the "politically correct" way of interacting with fellow human beings. i got restless, irritated, frankly pissed off with fighting myself and "the rules." As Ebonyfire so eloquently put it, i stopped giving a shit what other people thought long enough to realize following the herd would put me in an early grave, or numb my mind beyond ever caring enough to live.

i got a taste in the military, what a sobering experience, to determine the fate of lives, and that satisfied the itch for a while. i don't mean to simplify to the point of sounding like a sociopath, but that particular area ain't up for discussion right now.

How do you turn that off in your personal life? You don't. i married a woman and lived as man and wife for 10 years while descending into passive aggressive hell. When i finally got the courage to leave, i ended up staying for another 12 months because of a promise. Amazing how they come back to bite you.

i realized, thru a lot of living, a lot of trial and error, and plain dumb luck, society may not like it when i'm "full on." i can hide it, shade it, plaster a numb nuts expression on my face now and go with the flow when needed, but sooner or later, that dominant seeps through the facade.

i don't apologize for it anymore. i may stay quiet, but my eyes will give it away every time. And you know what? Almost nothing tastes as sweet as a boss, spouse, lover, whatever that drops his/her eyes because you refuse to blink.

If anything, make it an "unlearning" experience. i'd call my state natural, but it required a lot of effort to dig out of an unnatural mold. Never again, and until the end of days ...

 

[snoozebutton]

LOVE.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Not being a car

nothing drove Me.

It is just a part of who I am. Like my ethnic heritage, race, religion (or lack of same), and national origin.

 

[His Flower]

curiosity

For me, it really was just curiosity at first. i've always had those really soft slow romantic type of lovemaking with one of my vanilla ex-boyfriends. And that time, sex was more of a chore rather than a need. At that time, I never got off having sex. But then one day he just decided he was going to throw me on across the room and on the bed and started literally fucking me. I was pissed at that time, but there was no denying that I was extra lubricated from my own wetness, and I really really liked it. Though it wasn't exactly Dominance/submission at that time, it certainty made me more curious about it. And then you sort of weed your way of learning....and more learning....and then exploring...while still learning....and then here I am today with my Sir. I'm happy like never before. I understand my body ten times better then I have in the past. But it's a wonderful feeling of knowing what makes you happy and not caring what others think. But then again....I'm still learning.

His Flower:rose

 

[Desdemona]

I have always had submissive urges but Master is molding me. Love and respect for Him spurs me to try harder.

 

[ownedsubgal]

nothing "drove" me to be a submissive. it was not a choice i made. it is just how i was born/made/whatever you wish to call it. i am not sure that i had any single defining point for me. i always knew i was very different from the norm, i couldn't relate to other females because i didn't wish to be an "independent woman", or "run things", or "handle my own", and in a relationship, i never felt comfortable being on equal ground with my SO. it didn't feel natural to me. but that was the way everyone did it, the way it was supposed to be done, so i tried very hard to fit in. but i couldn't. i got to know a married orthodox muslim woman well and quickly envied her life. the way she was never permitted to leave her home without permission, the way she had no money of her own but simply had a meager allowance allotted her by her husband, the way her husband made every decision, minor to major, concerning their lives, her life...the way she had to carry herself in public, covering herself, not speaking without being spoken to, never looking another man in the eye, etc....the way her husband disciplined her, including physical discipline, when she stepped out of place or erred in some way. it was clear it was a loving relationship. to me, it was the picture of the perfect union between man and woman. it confused me..i thought, i'm certainly not muslim...not religious at all actually...yet i wish to live the life of an orthodox muslim wife...am i just cuckoo for cocoa puffs?? over time i realized there was a word for what i was....submissive...but there was no one moment or event that made realize this, it just became more and more clear over time. it was the answer to all those questions about myself.

 

[TwistaFate]

I don't know if i can say i was drove to it, but my father influenced me and I saw the potential of something great. I have been this way my whole life, to do anything else would be and insult to my senses

 

[le_kinklet]

What lead me to submissive!

First prolly, i should say, i do not believe "political correctness" has any place in BDSM! But to be truthful, i had been curious for years. I had expressed it to my partner on countless occasions, only to get, what could you possibly get out of it, it is "abuse"! A few years ago i was put in the position that i had alot of time to fill and nothing to fill it with, so i started chatting in rooms, i am naturally kinky so i went for the adult rooms that had interesting names. The room i ended up chatting in just happened to be a BDSM room, and the lil light that was waiting to be ignited was lit!

I started by joing BDSM communities, to get all the info i could, and learn as much as i could to finally present to my partner in such a way the it was not an "abusive" thing, and if done properly EG:S.S.C (safe, sane and consensual), it can be the deepest and most fulfilling experience a couple can have!

I realised at this point in all my learnings, that i was naturally submissive, i do seem to a sense the Dominant in a person. The first real Dominant i met, made it clear he was Dominant and i cheerfully took my position in His pressence as sub, not that it was sexual at all, just a a social gathering, but alas very clear at a table of 3 Dominants and one submissive what my position was!

The Mentor/Friend that has guided me the last 3 years, has allowed me to open my mind and my body, He allowed me to think beyond "politcal correctness" and to listen to me, He also gave me the Gift of seeing that what i was craving was normal, and i should go for it and experience what i can, test my limits to their full potential

And now i am here at "Lit" telling total strangers intimate details of my life,,, hehehehe! Oh well if some one gets just one thing out of the things i say i am happy, hehehe, is just nice to be able to express myself
~*HuGs*~

 

[TwistaFate]

drove?

I don't know if i can say i was drove to it, but my father influenced me and I saw the potential of something great. I have been this way my whole life, to do anything else would be and insult to my senses

 

[s'lara]

Slow build.

The seed had been there all along. A pattern developed and became clearer as i dated. i don't have lots of dating experience, but the few i did date were all the same: controlling, dominate in all areas of their lives, insistent at my complete acquiesence and i responded to each with relief and an inner "finally."

lara

 

[Croctden]

Crazy sex butter

I've always been different and did not fit in the mainstream. So what most approved of, or didn't had zero bearing on my behavior. Why BDSM? It was arousing, normal relationships I was in did not fulfill my desires (in the bedroom, when we just hanging out it was cool). I started spanking before I realized I wanted into BDSM.

 

[Justina123]

Desire to be led by a strong man- wish to make this same man happy first and foremost- adventurousness- etc. etc. ...always had those, just didn't know they were "submissive" traits.

Drove me to bdsm? Being horny! (SO with terminal cancer, physical inability to have sex.) Late nights at keyboard, exploring, needing.

- justina

 

[Netzach]

Realizing that being a slightly-submissive but not too-kinky-submissive generic good girl by most standards was going to make me a suicidal fucking headcase if I continued.

 

[SempreAngela]

I was born with a dominant personality. When I was introduced to the BDSM world I found I liked it . Sort of like it fit. As I get older I do try to downplay the domme in me but it always seems to come out. *shrug* Sometimes I go with the flow, sometimes I don't. Is that something like, "sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't"?

 

[CavaliereScuro]

i realized, thru a lot of living, a lot of trial and error, and plain dumb luck, society may not like it when i'm "full on." i can hide it, shade it, plaster a numb nuts expression on my face now and go with the flow when needed, but sooner or later, that dominant seeps through the facade.

i don't apologize for it anymore. i may stay quiet, but my eyes will give it away every time. And you know what? Almost nothing tastes as sweet as a boss, spouse, lover, whatever that drops his/her eyes because you refuse to blink.

When reading this post I found myself nodding in agreement at a lot of it, especially those paragraphs. And I have found that being a Dom created a distinct advantage in business - rarely do I lose a negotiation. A definite perk of the lifestyle!

 

[stephb]

I think what started it was realizing that I really didn't mind getting a spanking. I didn't get many of them as a kid, but it didn't 'hurt' to me. Because it was used as punishment it made me angry, but it didn't really do anything to me other than that.

Also, I've always liked things a bit rough. Pinches and bites in sensitive areas, a slap or bite on my clit, or an ass-warming really gets me going.

Then I came here and this is what really introduced me to BDSM. I read the Mother Thread about a year ago and that persuaded me to do more research into the lifestyle and the meaning of the acronym. Needless to say, I figured out what I really was.

I couldn't figure out why, when sex was involved, I liked being overpowered. I like the feeling of lost control. Submission, for me, is the ultimate relief. At least now I know I'm not the only one anymore.

I'm only 20 years old. I have a lot of exploring to do, and though I plan to do it with one person thus far, I'm not sure what will happen in the next few years. I know that I need a dominant person in my life...someone to guide me.

It's just so hard to explain how I feel.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

When reading this post I found myself nodding in agreement at a lot of it, especially those paragraphs. And I have found that being a Dom created a distinct advantage in business - rarely do I lose a negotiation. A definite perk of the lifestyle!

Glad to have sparked a positive thought.

i've regretted, just a bit mind you, keeping a leash on that animal, and often wondered if it ended up harming me more than helping.

i had a senior boss long ago counsel during outbrief that he was never sure if things were getting thru when he saw someone talking to me. i promptly told him i could out think any of my peers and some of the commanders he had under him at that time. When asked how so, i told him that while whomever rambled on with whatever plan/task they wanted to accomplish, i'd already run three courses of action in my head and bit down on saying anything to keep from embarrasing the individual speaking.

The room got real quiet. We locked eyes. i didn't blink.

After the above meeting, i buried "me" again, for about 10 years. i regretted much during that time, and learned a valuable lesson.
http://www.gifs.net/animate/tiger.gif
Letting it go helps rather than hinders.

 

[stephb]

As a submissive female, I can tell you that, when not with someone who makes me feel submissive, I tend to be dominant. Well, more to the point, I have to be dominant. In the workplace, I know when to show a bit of control of a situation. At home, though, with the person I love, I just want to let it all go.

 

[Master_Vassago]

First of all I see drove was the wrong word choice here. My mistake.

For me there was never a choice, I have truly never felt submissive at all in every aspect of my life I am dominant and in charge. I have a real penchant for even attempting to be submissive about anything.

So it's always been something I feel deep down and purely at peace with. It's an ongoing learning process though and at times I will falter and have to seek out answers but that just fuels the desire and hunger to learn even more then.

 

[Ebonyfire]

First of all I see drove was the wrong word choice here. My mistake.

I would not say it was wrong word choice. I think there are some who are driven. Just as there are some who are driven in their careers.

Some are compelled, and others (like Myself) just are.

 

[Master_Vassago]

Thank you EB, I see you are correct, drove could be one way of looking at it as well as the others you have provided.

 

[CavaliereScuro]

i promptly told him i could out think any of my peers and some of the commanders he had under him at that time. When asked how so, i told him that while whomever rambled on with whatever plan/task they wanted to accomplish, i'd already run three courses of action in my head and bit down on saying anything to keep from embarrasing the individual speaking.

The room got real quiet. We locked eyes. i didn't blink.

After the above meeting, i buried "me" again, for about 10 years. i regretted much during that time, and learned a valuable lesson.

Letting it go helps rather than hinders.

Didn't you feel that power when you didn't blink? I am curious as to what made you ignore that and instead bury yourself?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Didn't you feel that power when you didn't blink? I am curious as to what made you ignore that and instead bury yourself?

Yes, but i also believe in the oath i took at that time, and still do.

That particular meeting engagement took place with rank off, and in that setting, i had no problem opening the cage door.

i don't have to keep it in a cage any more, but subtlety can be such a fine wine to sip ... http://www.1st-vets.org/forum/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif