What does a Dom/me look for in a male sub or slave?

[ms.read]

I am asking this for research purposes. My SO and I are discussing our roles in our relationship. The data would suggest that I am a switch (more dominant in what I will or will not tolerate in bed) and other times I am just plain willing to do whatever he wants. HE on the other hand wants only to please me. I don't know what to do about it. Almost like having a large puppy.

We recently talked and he asked if he could collared by me. i don't know what to do with this newfound role. I am somewhat excited about it. I just don't want to hurt him emotionally.

 

[catalina_francisco]

What does a Dom/me look for in a male sub or slave?

That which they desire in terms of what would make them happy, their life easier and/or better, any variety of things depending on the Dom/me. It is a personal choice type thing in that not one size fits all.

Catalina

 

[ms.read]

ahhh.... good to know.

I should be more specific, What do you look for in your male sub?

 

[Netzach]

They like the forms of play I like. They like a few forms of play I've never considered. They are intelligent and creative and appreciate creativity. They're mature and have their act together. They're skilled and competent. They're funny. I also look for chemistry, the kind where you sit down to eat and there's a good flow of ideas, you are with someone you can talk to very easily.

 

[ms.read]

Netzach: it is very good to hear from you.

 

[Netzach]

Thanks. But honestly this is apropros to how I like to operate. What I encourage you to do is to really chart what you *want*

When you blue-sky a picture of yourself Dominating a man, what does it look like? What's your guy doing? How is he acting?

Mine is often writhing in discomfort and has a nice ass. Shallow as that may be, it's critical for me.

Make it about you and train/tailor/find what you need.

 

[Hecate]

there are as many concepts of D/s relations as there are peple involved, I guess, but what I have come across quite often is that a (male) sub claims to "do all you want" - but only is happy as long as you happen to want to do to him what he likes to be done.

So I would say the main requirement for me is a genuine desire to please me and not a hidden agenda to have his own wishes fulfilled by me by manipulating me to treat him the way he LIKES to be treated (not sure I am making sense here ; I mean: a punishment given because it was provoked is not really a punishment, but of course there needs to be a basic compatibility in play style...) saying "I will do as you wish and that will please me" becomes a different degree of value between "I want to spank you because I know you like it" and "Do the dishes and clean my shoes because I want you to even though I know you hate it and you will have nothing in return"

Collaring someone as well may mean a WIDE range of things to different people - it is wonderfull and intimate thing if done in the right spirit, but if someone only seeks to be taken care of and to be reliefed of responsibility for themselves it is not all that cool, specially because then this commitmennt becomes a HUGE burden if not entered into consciously ....

Maybe I am being way to serious here - but I had a tiering day so ... excuse me the basic message is: you need to know what YOU want and line it out clearly. Best luck!
Hecate

 

[snowy ciara]

YAY! A Hecate sighting...

 

[AflyinYourweb]

The VERY first question to ask

The VERY first question to ask yourself:

Do really really want to be the Dominant in the relationship? Is that what you really want, or are you considering it only for his sake?

For some of the possible advantages to you as his Domme, you might want to look at:

http://www.elisesutton.homestead.com/Main.html

Once you've answered the question of what you want, you'll know what to do: research, experimentation, and feedback.

A good "feedback" method is asking him to start keeping a "slave journal", where he can put his reactions to your experiments on paper for you to read at your leisure. It's a lot easier than asking "Well, how did I do?" after each activity.

Your profile says you like dogs, so what is the problem with a big puppy?

Maybe you should consider "puppy play" in the early stages

Whatever you do, have fun with it!

 

[DeservingBitch]

Interesting piece by Uniquely Rika: The 'Vanilla Domme'

May be helpful.

 

[ms.read]

What do I want... now that is a good question... I will have to think upon that. let me get back to you in a little while to give you a basic visual