What do all of you in sexless marriages do for sex? What alternatives?

[cdstefi]

I don’t understand why so many people have trouble admitting to their partner that they occasionally engage in this very normal and very healthy activity.

Agreed. I have a much higher sex drive than my wife (at weekends anyway, work wipes it out for most of the week) so I'll usually masturbate next to her while she has a weekend lie-in, then again mid-morning. She's pretty used to me moaning, rocking the bed and shooting ejaculate all over myself and sometimes her ass

 

[cdstefi]

Also, answering the OP, I used to think playing outside the marriage (consensually) was the answer, NSA sex with guys mostly, but have gone off that recently following a couple of less than satisfying encounters. I don't think I'm wired for NSA, I like emotional connection and to some extent the thrill of the chase and courting; just getting it on a plate doesn't work for me.

 

[trevorness]

If she is not interested in sex, she is very not interested in my masturbation.

 

[Britva415]

Just lock the door.

If she asks what was going on, either say "can you respect my privacy please?" or else just tell her.

You don't have to announce it ahead of time, or if you do want to say "don't bother me for the next hour," you don't have to say why.

"Can't masturbate because she's not out of town?" Damn, that's one fucked-up relationship.

Not participating sexually is already grounds for a break-up. Not even allowing solo play? fgs

I guess you don't want it that bad. Don't act like she's the problem if you aren't going to dare to advocate for yourself.

 

[Chilllax]

Just lock the door.

If she asks what was going on, either say "can you respect my privacy please?" or else just tell her.

You don't have to announce it ahead of time, or if you do want to say "don't bother me for the next hour," you don't have to say why.

"Can't masturbate because she's not out of town?" Damn, that's one fucked-up relationship.

Not participating sexually is already grounds for a break-up. Not even allowing solo play? fgs

I guess you don't want it that bad. Don't act like she's the problem if you aren't going to dare to advocate for yourself.

Something I would like to gently put on the table to consider: we shouldn't judge, period. And especially if we have never walked a mile in their shoes.
Everyone is different and so are their relationship dynamics. We should aim to be supportive of each other and not label.

 

[LMWM321]

Something I would like to gently put on the table to consider: we shouldn't judge, period. And especially if we have never walked a mile in their shoes.
Everyone is different and so are their relationship dynamics. We should aim to be supportive of each other and not label.

I do agree that we shouldn't judge, and people shouldn't bully others. That's for sure...

But it's also true that people who post about their relationship difficulties should expect others to be frank in their replies. Literotica is not for the faint of heart.

 

[LMWM321]

If she is not interested in sex, she is very not interested in my masturbation.

But you're not interested in her interest. ..You're just interested in being able to address your perfectly normal needs without having to wait for her to leave town.

And I'm not trying to shame you, but what would be her response if you told her, "honey, I need some alone time in the bedroom to masturbate...?

If you're worried she'll tell friends and family you masturbate, I'm pretty sure they'll be more critical of her telling them about it than of you for doing it.

 

[Ash999]

Wife wants to be spanked but not fucked .....since I am a Spanko I fully indulge her submaso desires....I get off by insertion of sterilized steel rod in penis and squeezing my Kegels to induce ruined orgasm , dribbled, leaked out precum . So we are very Happy!!!
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[Rodlicker57]

But you're not interested in her interest. ..You're just interested in being able to address your perfectly normal needs without having to wait for her to leave town.

And I'm not trying to shame you, but what would be her response if you told her, "honey, I need some alone time in the bedroom to masturbate...?

If you're worried she'll tell friends and family you masturbate, I'm pretty sure they'll be more critical of her telling them about it than of you for doing it.

I have been very honest with my wife. We have a great relationship….except for our intimacy. We have discussed the lack of sex. I have told her that my sex drive is beyond what she would ever know. I told her I love her, but I have desires that I must satisfy. I out right told her that I Jerk off a lot. I repeated it “I Jerk Off a lot!” We talked about it a bit and she has been very understanding and supportive. I get off and we are happy. We have been married for 45 years.

 

[paul__2345]

Many have all already posted that they have sexless marriages ( and I do sincerely hate that anyone has to go through this) so no need to recant it all, what I want to know is what do all of you do for sex?​

​

For me over the years I have chatted and pleasured myself imagining situations inspired from chats, posts pics and just let my mind wander and definitely as I go through every aspect in my mind certainly get to cum hard at those inspiration. Has always been better then porn for me

 

[HampshireBoy]

It is very normal, and yet it is not something I talk to her about. She doesn’t want me going on about how horny I am.

I absolutely get this, my wife feels very guilty because she has lost her sexual mojo. Therefore, if I let on that I am going to masturbate (or have done so) it kicks her into "I'm not a good wife" mode. So better all round to keep quiet.

 

[LMWM321]

I absolutely get this, my wife feels very guilty because she has lost her sexual mojo. Therefore, if I let on that I am going to masturbate (or have done so) it kicks her into "I'm not a good wife" mode. So better all round to keep quiet.

I wholeheartedly agree that one has to be careful how they approach telling their partner about their masturbation...and they should understand WHY they're telling their partner about it, in the first place. If it's to make the partner feel guilty they aren't having sex.. Well, that's passive aggression which is toxic to a marriage. ..But if it's to simply explain your need for occasional privacy and for some leniency regarding the viewing of porn or other erotica, etc. Well... I would hope your partner would be willing to accept that. Or at least discuss it.

If it were me, I'd approach it this way....

"Honey, I understand and accept your lack of interest in sex, it's not something that you chose - it just is what it is. I still love you deeply and will stay with you despite this. But you'll have to understand and tolerate my need for sexual release, and I get this through occasionally viewing ethical porn and through masturbation."

It's admirable you want to spare your wife's feelings, it truly is... But your feelings and needs matter too.. And it's not healthy or fair for one partner to tell the other, "We can't discuss your feelings because it makes me feel bad about myself..." That's all I'm saying...

 

[CuriousinPennsylvania]

BC (Before Covid), although my marriage wasn't sexless, it was not as sexually active as I wished. So, I reverted back to my search to satisfy my Bisexual urges by visiting ABSs, and getting blowjobs from other horny guys. I would have gladly accepted blowjobs from horny women in Gloryholes but that mostly only happens in porn videos.

Since Covid, I mostly read posts here in the Forum, Chat in Lit, and masturbate after reading, while chatting or while viewing porn. Gay Cum in Mouth videos get me going.

 

[HampshireBoy]

I wholeheartedly agree that one has to be careful how they approach telling their partner about their masturbation...and they should understand WHY they're telling their partner about it, in the first place. If it's to make the partner feel guilty they aren't having sex.. Well, that's passive aggression which is toxic to a marriage. ..But if it's to simply explain your need for occasional privacy and for some leniency regarding the viewing of porn or other erotica, etc. Well... I would hope your partner would be willing to accept that. Or at least discuss it.

If it were me, I'd approach it this way....

"Honey, I understand and accept your lack of interest in sex, it's not something that you chose - it just is what it is. I still love you deeply and will stay with you despite this. But you'll have to understand and tolerate my need for sexual release, and I get this through occasionally viewing ethical porn and through masturbation."

It's admirable you want to spare your wife's feelings, it truly is... But your feelings and needs matter too.. And it's not healthy or fair for one partner to tell the other, "We can't discuss your feelings because it makes me feel bad about myself..." That's all I'm saying...

Sounds like you've missed my point. We can, and do, discuss our feelings and she knows I want more sex. However, pointing out that because she doesn't want sex I'm going to masturbate does nothing to help and just makes her feel worse.

 

[BDA73]

Alot of masturbating

 

[Smoothshavendad]

A whole lotta masturbating!!!

 

[PMarky2]

Sounds like you've missed my point. We can, and do, discuss our feelings and she knows I want more sex. However, pointing out that because she doesn't want sex I'm going to masturbate does nothing to help and just makes her feel worse.

The solution I have is that any time I am not working in an afternoon, I slip off upstairs for a "nap." I think my wife knows I am off for a wank as well, but because I am somewhat discrete about it, there is no strong reaction. I am going to go up into my office and read for a while is another euphemism I use...

 

[S1e2t3h]

At 70 the opportunities to play away from home are limited but I am fortunate enough to have enough money in retirement to regularly hit local massage parlours. The girls are great with someone my age, probably as they know I am not going to be really challenging and want weird shit they do not want to get into. Viagra an hour before hand and then if you are respectful I have had no trouble wth totally satisfying experiences including just about any position, plenty of opportunity to play and finger them and (at my age) the chance to appreciate the sort of body I do not see at home anymore.

 

[TwoHeadsBald]

I am 69 years old. I have had several married women in recent years because tthere husband id not taking care of it.

 

[CuriousinPennsylvania]

.... I slip off upstairs for a "nap." I think my wife knows I am off for a wank as well, but because I am somewhat discrete about it, there is no strong reaction. I am going to go up into my office and read for a while is another euphemism I use...

While my wife goes to bed early, I am always up late. She often asks if I am reading or working on music. I am relatively certain that she suspects that I don’t read or work on music as much as I spend time "in the office ". She also knows that I enjoy pornography since she discovered my stash years ago, and therefore, I'm sure that she expects that I masturbate while I'm "in the office" - so - I'm not at odds with her suspicions.

 

[Ceemeo]

Masturbation. My wife lost her libido. I have ED related to a variety of medical conditions. I can still reach orgasm with some dedicated effort. She’s simply isn’t interested anymore. But after 58 years as a couple I’m not completely surprised. Stuff happens, or doesn’t.

I am in the exact same situation as you. My wife does not know but I have started to tie my cock and balls up, also I started fucking my ass. There are a lot of nerves that get excited and make me cum without a hard dick

 

[PFWilly]

I fuck my ass with a dildo now and then, and fantasize about the real thing.

One time when I used her vibrator, I hit my prostate at the right moment and sort of lost my mind. lol

 

[womaneater58]

I masturbate daily. Sometimes more than once a day. I have no alternative.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I fuck my ass with a dildo now and then, and fantasize about the real thing.

One time when I used her vibrator, I hit my prostate at the right moment and sort of lost my mind. lol

Wow, that sounds like fun!

What happened when you lost your mind?

 

[Vitriolhack]

I masturbate daily. Sometimes more than once a day. I have no alternative.

Twice a day!