theGreatGonzo
Virgin
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2006
- Posts
- 18
For a long time I've been drawn to the idea of being dom, but I have conflicting feelings about it, and conflicting desires, and not sure I'd do it properly.
On the one hand, I am massively turned on by control and objectification. One of the best experiences I've ever had was with a woman (I'm male btw) I had a brief fling with, and one morning when I'd been staying at hers for a few days, we had a shower together and afterwards she was drying her hair on the sofa wrapped in her towel, and I sat next to her and we cuddled and then kissed, and then I spontaneously opened up her towel, lay her down on the sofa, and put my cock into her and fucked her. She'd already told me one of the first times we'd fucked that she'd never had an orgasm, didn't masturbate, didn't like it when guys saw that as a challenge, and I think because of that it was really freeing to not have the thoughts I usually have in my head during sex, of is it good for my partner, how close is she, is there anything else I should be doing, how close am I, and all that sort of thing. I fucked her and came in about a minute, just using her for my own pleasure, like she was just a warm body with a wet hole. I've since had a few hot experiences since in that sort of vein, where a partner tells me she's my cumslut, there to service my cock, and that sort of thing. Those have been hot, but never as good as that one time where for a few moments, she really was.
I'm sort of expecting people to tell me that something like that isn't at ALL what being a dom is about, that it's about maintaining control of yourself and the situation rather than that kind of sexual abandon, which if anything, I gather is that the sub goes through.
Most of the time I feel pretty awkward about taking control, or acting out a role. I've had partners ask me to be a bit dominant with them, or do things like tie them up or spank them, and I often feel a bit silly, like I'm acting out a part that I don't really believe in or know how to play. I feel like dropping the pretence at any moment, and saying 'hey I feel a bit daft doing this'. Equally, I want to please and satisfy a partner, and I can imagine myself asking a sub to tell me exactly what she wants me to do and the following that like a script, which would probably not really maintain the mood.
I do get massively turned on by some of the posts people write here about what they've done, or like to do. And I've seen some personal ads that turn me on too, and I've tried replying to a few of them.
For starters though, I'm never sure how to reply. They always post only in character, as it were: they want to be told what to do / punished / humiliated / made to do whatever. I kind of want to answer in kind, and say I'll do this and that to you, but I also want to say things like hey, I'm actually a sane person, I know about safe words, I'm not just some crazy pervert dude on the internet. Then I worry that'll ruin the effect.
I feel I want to ask 'what do you want me to tell you to do' but then that won't come across as very dom at all, more service top. On the other hand, I want to go with my fantasies, and say something like 'I'd like to make you wear a butt plug' (for example), but then what if that's something the ad poster is totally not into?
And if I actually met someone through an ad, do you discuss what you're going to do 'in character', or do you have a sort of plain conversation about the things you're both going to do?
For instance, I replied to an ad yesterday by someone wanting humiliation and control, and I had an idea about how I could tell her to piss herself. Not a turn-on for me, but I figured it might be for her. But then I worry about suggesting it in case she's horrified by the idea! And saying 'I could tell you to piss yourself, if you'd like that sort of thing, but if you don't, that's fine' make me sound not very dominant at all, more like Hugh Grant at his most hesitant!
So yeah, I'm sort of expecting people to reply to this post saying 'you are in no way a dom or suited to even trying it, stop kidding yourself', or 'you haven't understood how this works at all'... be gentle with me
On the one hand, I am massively turned on by control and objectification. One of the best experiences I've ever had was with a woman (I'm male btw) I had a brief fling with, and one morning when I'd been staying at hers for a few days, we had a shower together and afterwards she was drying her hair on the sofa wrapped in her towel, and I sat next to her and we cuddled and then kissed, and then I spontaneously opened up her towel, lay her down on the sofa, and put my cock into her and fucked her. She'd already told me one of the first times we'd fucked that she'd never had an orgasm, didn't masturbate, didn't like it when guys saw that as a challenge, and I think because of that it was really freeing to not have the thoughts I usually have in my head during sex, of is it good for my partner, how close is she, is there anything else I should be doing, how close am I, and all that sort of thing. I fucked her and came in about a minute, just using her for my own pleasure, like she was just a warm body with a wet hole. I've since had a few hot experiences since in that sort of vein, where a partner tells me she's my cumslut, there to service my cock, and that sort of thing. Those have been hot, but never as good as that one time where for a few moments, she really was.
I'm sort of expecting people to tell me that something like that isn't at ALL what being a dom is about, that it's about maintaining control of yourself and the situation rather than that kind of sexual abandon, which if anything, I gather is that the sub goes through.
Most of the time I feel pretty awkward about taking control, or acting out a role. I've had partners ask me to be a bit dominant with them, or do things like tie them up or spank them, and I often feel a bit silly, like I'm acting out a part that I don't really believe in or know how to play. I feel like dropping the pretence at any moment, and saying 'hey I feel a bit daft doing this'. Equally, I want to please and satisfy a partner, and I can imagine myself asking a sub to tell me exactly what she wants me to do and the following that like a script, which would probably not really maintain the mood.
I do get massively turned on by some of the posts people write here about what they've done, or like to do. And I've seen some personal ads that turn me on too, and I've tried replying to a few of them.
For starters though, I'm never sure how to reply. They always post only in character, as it were: they want to be told what to do / punished / humiliated / made to do whatever. I kind of want to answer in kind, and say I'll do this and that to you, but I also want to say things like hey, I'm actually a sane person, I know about safe words, I'm not just some crazy pervert dude on the internet. Then I worry that'll ruin the effect.
I feel I want to ask 'what do you want me to tell you to do' but then that won't come across as very dom at all, more service top. On the other hand, I want to go with my fantasies, and say something like 'I'd like to make you wear a butt plug' (for example), but then what if that's something the ad poster is totally not into?
And if I actually met someone through an ad, do you discuss what you're going to do 'in character', or do you have a sort of plain conversation about the things you're both going to do?
For instance, I replied to an ad yesterday by someone wanting humiliation and control, and I had an idea about how I could tell her to piss herself. Not a turn-on for me, but I figured it might be for her. But then I worry about suggesting it in case she's horrified by the idea! And saying 'I could tell you to piss yourself, if you'd like that sort of thing, but if you don't, that's fine' make me sound not very dominant at all, more like Hugh Grant at his most hesitant!
So yeah, I'm sort of expecting people to reply to this post saying 'you are in no way a dom or suited to even trying it, stop kidding yourself', or 'you haven't understood how this works at all'... be gentle with me
Last edited: