Here is something that bothers me a bit about some of the people involved in the BDSM lifestyle. Why is sex outside of BDSM considered vanilla? i have personally been involved in some pretty kinky things, large group sex, sex in public, orgies and swinging to name a few. i mean should anything but BDSM really be considered vanilla?
Vanilla sex?
- Thread starter sinnndy
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bunny bondage
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"vanilla" is a term used not for "non-bdsm" sex, but for non-kinky sex. just regular in and out. passionate, maybe, but plain.
sunfalcon
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sinnndy said:
I believe "vanilla" sex/intercourse, etc. can be a part of BDSM. It is something that should be discussed, etc. with your partner. For some, the sex comes AFTER BDSM, for some during and for some, it is "postponed" until a later time, and for some it is non-existent. This should be defined as a limit or need.
Is "vanillia" sex objectionable in a BDSM relationship? Certainly not. Is it "necessary"? Certainly not. It can or it can't, it all depends on the relationship you have with your partner and what you want to include in your BDSM play.
Ted
WriterDom
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There have been a lot of heated arguments over the word "vanilla" on the GB. To me, sex is sex, and "vanilla" is used to describe a person who has no interest in bdsm type activities. Which comes in really handy in conversations. Like "was your x husband vanilla?" I do understand the negative connotations of the word, but it isn't used as a judgment on how exciting someone's sex life is or isn't. Perhaps a less inflammatory word should have been coined, but I didn't invent the term.
Actually Al Gore did.
Actually Al Gore did.
lovetoread
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Al Gore is a great man.
That said, vanilla to me is not a bad term.
To me, it means not kinky, not that one is not into bdsm.
That said, vanilla to me is not a bad term.
To me, it means not kinky, not that one is not into bdsm.
lovetoread
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sunfalcon said:
Hey now, none of those "way back when" comments. I cant help not being online when I was young.
sunfalcon
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lovetoread said:Hey now, none of those "way back when" comments. I cant help not being online when I was young.
Hehehehe, well, I always mention that because there are a ton of people out there, thanks to aohell, that think the internet = web. Not so. ;-) I'm not young, nor am I old by any means, but the internet was around in the 1960's....just in another dimension than we see/use it today. ;-)
Ted
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you have a point.....
You have a good point there, i've observed the same thing. I think ( feel ) that ' vanilla " is really a matter of a person's interpretation. I consider alot of sexual elements vanilla, but you never know what might really drive the next person insane. so who's to say just because something doesn't reduce you into a seething puddle of fuck ... that it doesn't really put a kink in the next girl's chain?
You have a good point there, i've observed the same thing. I think ( feel ) that ' vanilla " is really a matter of a person's interpretation. I consider alot of sexual elements vanilla, but you never know what might really drive the next person insane. so who's to say just because something doesn't reduce you into a seething puddle of fuck ... that it doesn't really put a kink in the next girl's chain?
Ebonyfire
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Thanks WD
I was gonna reply to what Bunny said. I was told years ago that the term "vanilla" meant non-bdsm and therefore uninteresting.
That is how I use the term. I have a "vanilla" and he is very, very kinky indeed. He is just not a submissive man and he has no interest in BDSM or D/s.
Eb
WriterDom said:
I was gonna reply to what Bunny said. I was told years ago that the term "vanilla" meant non-bdsm and therefore uninteresting.
That is how I use the term. I have a "vanilla" and he is very, very kinky indeed. He is just not a submissive man and he has no interest in BDSM or D/s.
Eb
Justina123
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Vanilla sex with a Dominant
While reading this, I was thinking about last night. Before going to sleep, I handled B's cock till it was hard, then we had sex till we both came, and fell asleep. I guess that was "vanilla", but we are very much Dom/sub, just relaxing after a busy day.
I suppose if I'm gonna "justify" it (Ha!!!), he did tell me to get him up and give directions on how, and he did roll me over and spread my legs and pumped quite roughly, and in retrospect if I were a "vanilla" girlfriend I might have felt rather "used"....but being a submissive I was thankful for a little use before sleep and fell asleep feeling very content.
Now, if he and I were not living together (half-time) but just "dating" I might have been dissatisfied with this, but since we live together 3 days a week, with kids in the house, obviously not all our time together, including sex time, can be "strictly" dom/sub in every sense or a long play session, but that understanding of our roles is nevertheless always there, even if running in the background, so to speak...
Just thinking out loud here...
-justina
While reading this, I was thinking about last night. Before going to sleep, I handled B's cock till it was hard, then we had sex till we both came, and fell asleep. I guess that was "vanilla", but we are very much Dom/sub, just relaxing after a busy day.
I suppose if I'm gonna "justify" it (Ha!!!), he did tell me to get him up and give directions on how, and he did roll me over and spread my legs and pumped quite roughly, and in retrospect if I were a "vanilla" girlfriend I might have felt rather "used"....but being a submissive I was thankful for a little use before sleep and fell asleep feeling very content.
Now, if he and I were not living together (half-time) but just "dating" I might have been dissatisfied with this, but since we live together 3 days a week, with kids in the house, obviously not all our time together, including sex time, can be "strictly" dom/sub in every sense or a long play session, but that understanding of our roles is nevertheless always there, even if running in the background, so to speak...
Just thinking out loud here...
-justina
Re: Vanilla sex with a Dominant
This part of Justina's quote struck something in my brain. (Yes, there is a brain there - I've had enough MRIs to know for certain!)
Maybe I'm just tired or thinking too hard or something, but it seems that there are quite a few people who like BDSM and feel badly if they enjoy 'nilla sex. I don't understand this thinking at all. Yes, I can understand if some one just isn't into 'nilla sex at all and needs to have BDSM, in some way, involved in every encounter. (Okay, so I don't understand it, but I can accept it)
Personally, there are times when I've been with a Dom and I didn't want all the BDSM stuff. I wanted to be held, cuddled, caressed. I wanted gentle, soft, and *gasp* ordinary.
I don't feel it makes a sub less of a sub or a Dom less of a Dom if they like to engage in 'nilla sex as well as the really kinky stuff. In fact, for me, it's more healthy. I'm just a little confused by people almost feeling guilty if they enjoy 'nilla sex. Just sorta.....weird to me, I guess.
Oh well, like I said - either too tired or thinking too much....
Justina123 said:
This part of Justina's quote struck something in my brain. (Yes, there is a brain there - I've had enough MRIs to know for certain!
)Maybe I'm just tired or thinking too hard or something, but it seems that there are quite a few people who like BDSM and feel badly if they enjoy 'nilla sex. I don't understand this thinking at all. Yes, I can understand if some one just isn't into 'nilla sex at all and needs to have BDSM, in some way, involved in every encounter. (Okay, so I don't understand it, but I can accept it)
Personally, there are times when I've been with a Dom and I didn't want all the BDSM stuff. I wanted to be held, cuddled, caressed. I wanted gentle, soft, and *gasp* ordinary.
I don't feel it makes a sub less of a sub or a Dom less of a Dom if they like to engage in 'nilla sex as well as the really kinky stuff. In fact, for me, it's more healthy. I'm just a little confused by people almost feeling guilty if they enjoy 'nilla sex. Just sorta.....weird to me, I guess.
Oh well, like I said - either too tired or thinking too much....
Ebonyfire
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Re: Re: Vanilla sex with a Dominant
I believe it is just semantics, Chele. What does it matter what you call it? the object is mutual satisfaction.
Who gets into bed with someone who is unable to satisfy you sexually on purpose? So, it stands to reason, it is not the label that matters, but the partners' willingness to experiment and/or meet each other's needs.
Eb
SexyChele said:
I believe it is just semantics, Chele. What does it matter what you call it? the object is mutual satisfaction.
Who gets into bed with someone who is unable to satisfy you sexually on purpose? So, it stands to reason, it is not the label that matters, but the partners' willingness to experiment and/or meet each other's needs.
Eb
