Used and Humiliated

[KRey32]

Since I have been on this site I have encountered several “subs” who thrive on being used and humiliated. I have to admit it’s an incredibly hot idea. And as one who tends to be on the dominant side of things I love the idea of using someone in every way possible. Unfortunately I am also geared toward being attentive and considerate. Generally speaking I am not satisfied unless my partner is as well. So it’s a new mindset to allow myself to use and humiliate someone. I suppose I need to understand that the submissive is actually being fully satisfied by my dominance. Thoughts?

 

[Ginlover]

Wanting to be used and humiliated probably brings a lot of people towards kink. But it is very individual.
Being called slut is verbal humiliation, yet it's pretty normal so not what people think of first.

I had a guy take me down on the stairs quite gently (though I had no choice in the matter) then he laughed at me asking why i was lying on the stairs was I that desperate. That's humiliating - which I loved.

A friend loves to be pissed on, be forced to lick it up off the floor. That's humiliation, far beyond anything I'd enjoy.

And everything in between.

You set your own limits as much as a submissive. Raceplsy might be a hard limit but sexist name usage feels okay. Sarcasm might feel comfortable while scrawling slut over a partners face might not work for you.

I know many people play online but I think humiliation needs verbal and visual ques. Video/facetime or voice can allow humiliation to work better as the dominant can gauge how far to push and when to ease back.

Harley Quinn the film has a great scene. A guy tells her, "sit on my lap, slut." She lands on his lap breaking both legs. A comic example but why I think humiliation needs constant feedback and adjusting to work.

 

[wallstreetguy]

Interesting.

I never knew there were terms like this. I was me and the woman was just subservient. When the dirty talk started and the requests for a certain type of treatment proffered, that is when I realized I had a role to play, so to speak.
I do not want to hurt anyone, but there are women who get incredibly excited by this. The more I give them, the more they crave.
Never went over the line but I think I am helping them deal with something in their pasts.
It is a role I enjoy and they do too.

 

[ReaperW]

I keep my humiliation generally pretty mild. I tend to lean more heavily towards the caring side too, and the need for a significant amount of humiliation usually means the sub isn't a good fit and it just doesn't work for me.
When it comes to leaving them satisfied, however, I do think some denial mixed with release works best. It reminds them who is boss, as it were, and more than anything, I think so long as a sub feels controlled, truly invests and believes in the dominance you exert over them, then you are leaving them satisfied beyond the level any orgasm could achieve. But again, each to their own and every sub and dom is different. Good luck, lovely.

 

[cookiecat]

This is a thread about humiliation that's been kicking around here since 2014. Might be worth a read:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1083303&page=39

 

[seela]

Thanks, cookie. I love seela in this thread.(and always.)

Aww.

 

[AnnieLit]

A very quick note: some subs like to be both used and humiliated, some prefer one or the other, for yet another set of subs one side of it might be off limits, while the other is their favorite part of play. Just keep in mind that these two don't always go together, if somebody likes one, the other is not a given.

 

[ChasBozwell30]

Since I have been on this site I have encountered several “subs” who thrive on being used and humiliated. I have to admit it’s an incredibly hot idea. And as one who tends to be on the dominant side of things I love the idea of using someone in every way possible. Unfortunately I am also geared toward being attentive and considerate. Generally speaking I am not satisfied unless my partner is as well. So it’s a new mindset to allow myself to use and humiliate someone. I suppose I need to understand that the submissive is actually being fully satisfied by my dominance. Thoughts?

it's a very intimate, psychological fantasy, being unmade and remade, being used and exposed as what you reall are. the name calling, the vulnerability of it, it's all incredibly intimate and personal. Everyone has there own need or fantasy, but i feel it's the idea of losing control, not knowing what's going to happen next, being pushed over the edge into revealing even newer fantasies, etc.

Very fertile ground for sexual self-discovery

 

[sweetheart97]

For me, name calling and slaps and what one might think of as traditional humiliation doesn't work. However, a gentler kind does. I had a guy pin me to the wall by my throat and whisper all manner of things in my ear. Then asked if I was wet, and he slid a hand between my legs to push my panties aside to stroke me. For me then, I think it's about feeling helpless, feeling used but being enjoyed at the same time.

 

[supercollider00]

For me, name calling and slaps and what one might think of as traditional humiliation doesn't work. However, a gentler kind does. I had a guy pin me to the wall by my throat and whisper all manner of things in my ear. Then asked if I was wet, and he slid a hand between my legs to push my panties aside to stroke me. For me then, I think it's about feeling helpless, feeling used but being enjoyed at the same time.

I agree with this, humiliation can often be even more effective when it's subtle or not completely overt. Anything that really exerts a Dom/me's power over me can be partly humiliating in my humble opinion. Often it also has to do with making me feel powerless, a slut, etc. Very overt and extreme humiliation has never been a thing for me. And sometimes, even when it's not based in reality it can be quite effectful. For example, I don't have a small penis at all, but randomly in play once a Domme said that I did, and it was such a humiliating thing even though I know it's not true. It was quite an interesting experience actually.

 

[Chrisnorm]

Humiliation is a nice little part of my playbook. Name calling is not much humiliating to her. I have to humiliate her for the things that turns her on, her kinkiest fetishes only I know about. The humiliation turns her on even more. She also loves a little bit of public humiliation. Nothing too kinky, but saying she is a good girl and patting her head in public makes her smile, and she will look down trying to hide it.

 

[cocktaildress21]

In my experience, there are two types of doms.

One kind feels it's all about them. They're the dom, after all, right? Surely they get to decide, and disregard whatever their partner wants. This type of dom presumably has never tried it. They've fantasised, maybe had a few unfortunate failed starts. But if they claim this approach works for them, I say they're full of it.

The other kind of doms have a very basic, necessary understanding:

If the dom forces the sub to say no - the game is over.

Now, there's a lot of caveats about pushing boundaries, and the ways in which that's exciting. But just always keep in mind: If you're pushing a boundary I don't want pushed, I say no, the game ends.

 

[AnnieLit]

In my experience, there are two types of doms.

One kind feels it's all about them. They're the dom, after all, right? Surely they get to decide, and disregard whatever their partner wants. This type of dom presumably has never tried it. They've fantasised, maybe had a few unfortunate failed starts. But if they claim this approach works for them, I say they're full of it.

The other kind of doms have a very basic, necessary understanding:

If the dom forces the sub to say no - the game is over.

Now, there's a lot of caveats about pushing boundaries, and the ways in which that's exciting. But just always keep in mind: If you're pushing a boundary I don't want pushed, I say no, the game ends.

Yes to every word of this ^^^, but what does it have to do with the topic of this thread?

 

[cocktaildress21]

Yes to every word of this ^^^, but what does it have to do with the topic of this thread?

You asked for thoughts, right? It's a thought.

Sub/dom is intricately linked with humiliation and being used. If you want something more direct, here's what: I met a guy. It was just a Tinder date, but ... well, here's how it turned out. He invited me to some sort of event, a big dinner after a business conference. An older guy (older than me, that is - 40'ish), from London, had his own company.

He had various bright ideas in advance - about how I should dress and so on. I'm not shy, I followed orders like a good little girl.

So at the party, he took me around. Introduced me to everyone as the new legal aide in his company. Told them what a bright little girl I was, rising star - all the while I was pretty obviously not appropriately dressed, and he had his hand on my ass. And he would systematically talk down to me. And all the while, I was intimately aware of my lack of panties, and the plug in my ass.

I was unbelievably turned on by this. It was a .. style of exhibitionism. Right in front of all those people, who couldn't possibly know, but might well suspect.

Then he took me up to his room, and I don't mind saying I was putty in his hands. I came, over and over again. In the morning, I sucked his cock in the shower, and then he went back home to his wife.

 

[base10]

Exactly.

This does belong on this thread. Humiliation is OUR humiliation, not theirs.

It is completely your humiliation.

The turn on for me is seeing her react so positively and be aroused by something that ordinarily should do the exact opposite. Your humiliation, but my turn on by seeing you embrace it.

 

[Natalie_the_Catalie]

Humiliation is so huge .. means so many different things to different people. So I don't speak for anyone but myself. For me, the physical humiliation isn't very impactful (although I haven't experienced much of that anyway..).

Verbal humiliation is absolutley an amazing addition to a sex life, I think. But it has to be done right. Your partner needs to know all those subtle psychological buttons that just push you right to the edge. Those things you know are true but you try to suppress them. Things that make you feel ashamed or embarrassed or whatever.

I had a partner once who was very diligent about uncovering those little things, either during sex or just during conversation, little details that made me blush a bit. And then he'd pull them out right at the moment when I needed them and embellish them and remind me of them, and make me relive and experience them, when I wasn't expecting them. To me, 'that' is what humiliation is all about and it can be incredible!

 

[Master_Doctor]

Humiliation is so huge .. means so many different things to different people. So I don't speak for anyone but myself. For me, the physical humiliation isn't very impactful (although I haven't experienced much of that anyway..).

Verbal humiliation is absolutley an amazing addition to a sex life, I think. But it has to be done right. Your partner needs to know all those subtle psychological buttons that just push you right to the edge. Those things you know are true but you try to suppress them. Things that make you feel ashamed or embarrassed or whatever.

I had a partner once who was very diligent about uncovering those little things, either during sex or just during conversation, little details that made me blush a bit. And then he'd pull them out right at the moment when I needed them and embellish them and remind me of them, and make me relive and experience them, when I wasn't expecting them. To me, 'that' is what humiliation is all about and it can be incredible!

What you are describing is very often refereed to as a mind fuck in BDSM communities. Your partner knows exactly where and how to take you where they want to take you. Because domination and humiliation starts and ends in the mind. That is why physical humiliation has little effect without the mental connection. Without the mental trigger... its just painful or yucky

 

[KRey32]

What you are describing is very often refereed to as a mind fuck in BDSM communities. Your partner knows exactly where and how to take you where they want to take you. Because domination and humiliation starts and ends in the mind. That is why physical humiliation has little effect without the mental connection. Without the mental trigger... its just painful or yucky

Indeed, as with all things erotic, it is much more between the ears than between the legs.

 

[Acktion]

My Favorite Fucktoy

I am a bit late to the party. And what I am thinking I might share is not in any way intended to disagree with any of the great examples already shared in the responses. It's just a thought that came bubbling up as I read them through...

Alright... So, in case there is anyone that hasn't seen my long-winded ass before (and figured out to put me on ignore if wall of text isn't your scene), I came by things via a little different route than most that incorporated some college stuff as well as a couple of careers that call my personal sanity into question. And frankly, I'm embarrassed to admit that I couldn't tell you the exact number of submissives I've interacted with in my personal life, but think the number is somewhere around thirty.

Including my deceased wife of two and half decades.

Humiliation is, as many have pointed out, a personal thing. What would absolutely mortify one might titillate another while yet another would hardly notice.

A term that has been common usage for me to trot out when my relationship with a submissive is not platonic is "fucktoy."

It is an objectifying term that strips away her mind, her personality, and basically reduces her to an object of pleasure. My object of pleasure.

Here's the thing. Every single submissive woman that I have tried it out with has responded differently. Some have been thrilled by it. Others have hated it. A few... a very few... have asked me to explain it.

Remember when we were kids. And there was that one kid that would go through toys like pez? They would get them, play with them for a while, more often than not break them, and then discard them?

And then there was that other kid who didn't have many toys, and cherished each one? Who would clean and care for them after each usage before putting them carefully away?

**shrug** I was the latter.

Still am.

I got older. (Just how much older, let's not discuss.) And my "toys" changed along with the games that entertained me.

Did I not love and cherish my wife? Value her for her wit, her intelligence, for her personhood? Very, very much.

And, yet, was she not my toy, her body my playground, when it came time for sexual fun and games? Yes, she was, as I very much enjoyed exploring just what actions would provoke the desired responses from her in the heat of moments where I managed to shut down her higher functions while she crested wave after wave of enjoyable torment, of torturous pleasure. Pressing her just a little further each time, just a little closer to the boundary of what she was able to endure for me.

She loved to be referred to as my fucktoy. To have me strip away the intelligence and the charm and the accomplishments that she knew very well that I treasured her for, and prove that she was also the object of my desire, able to stir passions in me that I shared only miserly with a very select few, and she above all others.

And, yes, I did carefully tend her before carefully "putting my fucktoy away" as she once again became the complete woman and person who just happened to have the mouth, pussy, tits, and ass I'd just filled over and over and over again, making her climax hard and again until it all blended into one long rush before I finally gifted her with my own. When she had "earned it."

As I say, however, there were others before, during, and after her. And some... many... did not respond as favorably to the term "fucktoy."

For some, it was much too mild.

For some, the objectification of it was too much.

And that is alright. There is no Perfect Dom(me) nor perfect submissive. We are all just fallible human beings with our own preferences and limits. The only key is being smart enough to realize what combinations work for everybody involved, which ones don't, and accepting people enough to allow them to be who and what they are in their blood and bone even if it isn't who and what we want for who and what we are.

As it turned out, I eventually met another woman who not only enjoyed the term, but craves it. The term and the usage it implies for me.

One night, she challenged me. That one day she was going to come to me for me to use her any way that I wanted, to fuck her any way that I wanted, for me to turn her into my little fucktoy in truth as well as fantasy.

I gave her until the sun set a second time to have her ass on my porch, kneeling before me, saying those exact words, or she would never again be referred to as "my fucktoy" by me.

She didn't make it.

But, I cut her a little slack for being thirty minutes late.

And forty-seven hours later, helped her to return to herself enough to bathe, dress, and go out for dinner. Showed her the nearby small town I grew up in. Took her shopping...

We are... many things. Most of which are irrelevant to this particular topic.

But, again and again, as she has made the journey in the off-line world several times, and when we play together across video or phone in the in-between, she delights in not only me referring to her as my fucktoy, but in referring to herself as such as well.

Is she humiliated by such an objectifying term? It isn't for me to say, although my guess would be that either she isn't or that she is and enjoys the feeling.

Was my wife? Likewise, I would guess that she either wasn't or was and enjoyed the feeling.

Another, it wasn't objectifying enough as she needed more, such as "cumbucket" or "fuckmeat."

Another, it was too objectifying as she needed to know that she was more to me than just three holes to choose from where to put my cock and a pair of tits.

But, at the end of the day, this old Once-and-Future-Dom's perspective is that it doesn't so much matter what I think, or what anyone else thinks, so long as everyone actually invited to get involved in the play get what they need out of it. Whether that is "use and humiliation" or "use but not humiliation" or neither or some other thing.

Any road, it's probably far past time I shut up now as I'm not even sure I contributed a damn thing worth the eye strain.

But, any road you find yourself on, may the sun be out of your eyes and the wind at your back for a brighter tomorrow than yesterday.

 

[ThePhun1]

Since I have been on this site I have encountered several “subs” who thrive on being used and humiliated. I have to admit it’s an incredibly hot idea. And as one who tends to be on the dominant side of things I love the idea of using someone in every way possible. Unfortunately I am also geared toward being attentive and considerate. Generally speaking I am not satisfied unless my partner is as well. So it’s a new mindset to allow myself to use and humiliate someone. I suppose I need to understand that the submissive is actually being fully satisfied by my dominance. Thoughts?

As a sub,sometimes you are willing to do anything to please and receive praise
I submitted to having my erection struck with a mini flogger after being instructed to cover my testicles the oh that is my good boy comments blew the top of my head off

 

[Master_Doctor]

Indeed, as with all things erotic, it is much more between the ears than between the legs.

Absolutely. Domination starts and ends in the mind. Just as submission is as well.

 

[AshleeP96]

Love being used and humiliated

So many great points in one thread! I’m Ash and I’m fairly new to Lit. I am a sub by nature. I am an intelligent professional woman, but I adore having my body treated like a fuck doll and being demeaned verbally at the same time.

For our dominant friends with reservations, I can tell you that we not only expect to be used and humiliated, we crave it. A sub’s greatest desire is to please her master. The real pain comes if she fails to do that. I feel beautiful and important when I am on my knees looking up at him begging for his acceptance. When he tells me that I am a shameless slut or slaps me for speaking without permission, I know that he cares for me because no one else would know how much I love that.

A good dom understands his subs needs, so it is important to build a relationship first. If not, the wrong thing could be said or done and that’s no fun.

Sadly, I do not currently have a master. I am in a relationship with a man, but I just don’t think he is up to the task. Many are not, so all of my respect to those that can find that strength and someone that desires your pleasure above all else.

 

[Just2Kinky]

Since I have been on this site I have encountered several “subs” who thrive on being used and humiliated. I have to admit it’s an incredibly hot idea. And as one who tends to be on the dominant side of things I love the idea of using someone in every way possible. Unfortunately I am also geared toward being attentive and considerate. Generally speaking I am not satisfied unless my partner is as well. So it’s a new mindset to allow myself to use and humiliate someone. I suppose I need to understand that the submissive is actually being fully satisfied by my dominance. Thoughts?

My thoughts are that I love being under the control of someone who knows what they want and are willing to take it.
My playmate, male or female, in my perfect dreams is attentive and considerate, while assertive and demanding. Personally, I don't want pain but I have no problem with being "made" to act the slut, and being humiliated for it.
I hope that helps. I've only found one person that for a short phase of my life, helped me enjoy my inner slut, share it with others, and always left me wanting more. She showed me that I was capable of pleasing either sex and her friends always left me wanting more.
Was I used and humiliated? Technically, yes. But, more than that, I was happy, fulfilled, sometimes full filled, and most times exhilarated

 

[Tallcajun]

So many great points in one thread! I’m Ash and I’m fairly new to Lit. I am a sub by nature. I am an intelligent professional woman, but I adore having my body treated like a fuck doll and being demeaned verbally at the same time.

For our dominant friends with reservations, I can tell you that we not only expect to be used and humiliated, we crave it. A sub’s greatest desire is to please her master. The real pain comes if she fails to do that. I feel beautiful and important when I am on my knees looking up at him begging for his acceptance. When he tells me that I am a shameless slut or slaps me for speaking without permission, I know that he cares for me because no one else would know how much I love that.

A good dom understands his subs needs, so it is important to build a relationship first. If not, the wrong thing could be said or done and that’s no fun.

Sadly, I do not currently have a master. I am in a relationship with a man, but I just don’t think he is up to the task. Many are not, so all of my respect to those that can find that strength and someone that desires your pleasure above all else.

Very well articulated. I have known a few women that enjoy humiliation. One who fought it for a while, Until she realized the turn on. I wish I had stayed in touch.

 

[OdysseusMan]

Curious...

I'm curious, are there people on here with 'fetishes' that turn them on, in which you are forced into something? Fetishes that many may consider inappropriate...