Unsent Messages to Him/Her

[TheCleaningLady]

Have you ever wanted to express yourself, to pour your heart out to One that You love... to feel a connection, to feel understood~~ yet you thought better of it? thought it may not be a good idea for one reason or another?

am i alone? *looking around, shy smiles*

i will be sharing my thoughts here.. not expecting responses... not wanting responses actually, just wanting to get it out... to know that at least it is being read........ ok, here goes~~





on a bed of nails she waits
... days turn into nights
responsibilities she's forgot
waiting for what is not

crushing expectations
ability unrealized
unknowing perception
acceptance ? demise


how are You?
nothing
in the middle
devoid of feeling one way or the other
comfortably numb

i love You and for all that You are to me, i thank You
i pray that You keep the main thing the main thing and remember that in everything i do, everywhere i go, everything i feel, every move i make, every step i take~~ it is with You, because You have given me strength to be me.. a part of You will live in me forever (first name)... *lowering her eyes...* Sir

i am happy .. i miss You .. for many reasons ~~ that i need not go into.. but i am happy Sir and i hope that means something to You... i am 'going into this pain' if You will, ... this journey.. my gardener's journey submissions have been cathartic to me.. the feedback, the interesting connections it has brought me... and it all began with You Sir, if You wanted the moon ~ i'd include the stars & write across the sky 'to Sir with Love' ....

... i feel so alive Sir.. so full of love & vitality~~ i have to tell You, i have referred to myself as *smiles* Your epiphany *smiling again*... everything i am results from what W/we created together... this has all been sooo incredibly sudden Sir.. and overwhelming, intense… major life changes happening here and i’ve never felt more ‘centered’ in my life~~ i’ve never known myself before i saw myself reflected in Your eyes~~

~~i will meet You one day and know You as i do in my heart, You are beautiful to me and i love You~~

That is so lovely!

 

[ethereal~minx]

Re: Re: Unsent Messages to Him/Her

That is so lovely!

through all the pain, i came out on top
still He is in my heart
and i still feel like He cares deeply for me

He helped me to see that Domination and submission is more than the relationship itself, it is about submitting to love
believing LOVE is the reason for all

the pain
the reason for the phone not ringing
the reason why "it just isn't working out"

it's nature to submit to LOVE
and to believe He is doing it for me, for my well-being
is comforting while the relationship is still in my heart
~it is then that you're still learning and growing
and there comes a time, i think
when this pain will subside
because you will be stronger/better
you will not look for Him to guide you
it will be Love
the Love guiding you
and then the He of your dreams will be
because you are ready

i will not learn this lesson again
He showed me the high
but now I'm realizing more growth
and it hurts
but i know Love is guiding me
and when it is time, i will have no pain
only the joy of Love
and it will be shared with that One that will also be there
Loving

 

[ethereal~minx]

scares are fears and to overcome fears, we need to have relationship and there is no one I'd rather growth with~ than You~~ so, I would rather not have many scares~ but with this new understanding ::::read below:::: to go higher in flight than we have in our best moments, i would welcome more with You


*barely audible & searching for words* sometimes I think you're 'teaching me' ~ like you're guiding me, to learn these tough life lessons.. this pain is making me stronger & better, more loving... as if You're doing it for me
like you're getting me to look at myself, very very deeply to find in me what I'm questioning about myself ~~ to strengthen my convictions, my values ...to find who I truly am~~~ does this make sense to you?

like you're doing it on purpose and you're not telling me on purpose because "it's nature"

and fuck!!!! it freaks me the fuck out!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is not my intentions but those who know why where and how--they teach us all through life and people weather they know it or not
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yes, that's what I'm saying~~ right now, I want to imagine the joy will be you but the joy will be the joy!!! no matter what as long as it feels like it's being done ~~~like i do, from above (from Love)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cool--I thought we where off on a wrong foot--take care and see you later!!!!
:::::::::::::read below::::::::::::::::

the umm realization that "my way" is not the only way
the realization that I was holding "may way" over your head
the realization that I was not respecting YOU at all
the realization that I was not treating you as an equal
I was contradicting MY OWN SELF and everything I 'preach'

I was Wrong~

and this applies to the parenting issue as well~
passive does not work
I need to control the INAPPROPRIATE behavior!!!!!!
and then deal with the issue when the behavior is appropriate


i will listen, i will be quiet, i will be me and i will learn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You do not control others behavior, but you can reward good behavior and that will go along way

 

[ethereal~minx]

4:44, the Ascended Masters are near~~

and i need their love!!! *tears tears tears*
why why why???

 

[ethereal~minx]

WOW realization after realization
awakening is awakening
take a look around
with eyes wide open
what do you see?
what is in it for me?
heh
yay I got what I needed
a slap back in the face
reality here and now
knocked down from outer space
ugh where was I at?
yep on the wings of illusory love
blinded in flight of my own making
flying higher above
the reality of what was there
out in jupiters reach
look back the heart kept saying
and boy, did it preach
wow I didn't listen
omg I was wrong
this lesson I am learning
it's the One that's making me strong
NO more out there fucking around
right here and now is where I'll stay
with my eyes wide wide open
and my foundation rooted deeeeply in the ground!!!!

 

[ethereal~minx]

10/22/03!

What does Spirit want me to know about what I need to get across to him?

ALCHEMY
The Flowering of the New World Soul

This "Wild Card" of The Power of Flowers Deck includes all of the potentials held within the individual cards. With its appearance, you are recognized as a Flowering New World Soul. Therefore, you are given the privilege of sorting through the remaining cards in the deck in order to choose for yourself the flower and archetype which best assists you now on your alchemical journey toward self-realization.
The Alchemy card holds a special message for you, for pictured here is Natura, The Goddess of Nature, cloaked in Her garment of Nature's Angels: the many flowers of Her world. Situated between the Sun and the Moon, Natura is crowned with The Holy Mother's Rose, representing Her moist and fertile mysteries. Spiraling with-in Her womb, a New World Soul gestates, receiving its encoded DNA cell structure from the archives of Universal Wisdom.
This new being of light, represents the evolutionary future of humanity-where one is in sync with both temporal and heavenly attributes' As Above, So Below.
With this card comes a text known as "The Emerald Tablet,"which you are asked to contemplate so that you may understand its eternal truth.

 

[ethereal~minx]

the emerald tablets

In truth certainly and without doubt, whatever is below is like that which is above, and whatever is above is like that which is above, to accomplish the miracles of one thing.



Just as all things proceed from one alone by meditation, on one alone, so also they are born from this one thing by adaptation.



It's father is the Sun and it's mother is the Moon. The wind has born it's body; the nurse is the Earth.



It is the creator of every miraculous work in the whole world.



It's power is perfect if it is converted to Earth.



Separate the Earth from the fire and the subtle from the gross, softly and with great prudence.



It rises from Earth to Heaven and comes down again from Heaven to Earth and thus acquires the power of the realities of above and the realities below. In this you will acquire the glory of the whole world.



This is the power of all powers that conquers everything subtle and penetrates everything solid.



Thus, the little world is created according to the prototype of the Great Void.



For this, and in this way, marvelous applications are made.

 

[ethereal~minx]

ok, so... he says it's just 'nature'
this domination & submission thing
he's not into my D/s kink
but he is innately "Dom"
and I am all kinds of submissive

but without the 'formality' of D/s
or ??? the ritual/routine, without the
*think think think*
without actually knowing or being told
what he expects/wants
how can I
how will this relationship work?


I love writing here, it's soooo eye-opening
'spose I should stop trying to be "H"is submissive
'as I want to be'
and just be his girlfriend??????
hmmmmm



but--but

oh no!
i want his dominance but in a FORMAL FLIPPIN WAY!!!!
why can't he tell me ??????

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

[ethereal~minx]

http://www.yoni.com/loverf/diaryoftheheart.shtml
nearly says it all 'cept the leaving him for him & leaving her for me... & dates

here's my song for you
kind & generous by Natalie Merchant

 

[ARoseinDarkness]

Again the darkness surrounds me

First Love
Dom of my heart.
You stole my heart so many years ago. Something in your touch claimed me in a way no one else ever will. Your kiss stole my breath, your teeth my will. Your will, my being. Your touch was heaven or was it hell? Within your reach I can never tell. We were one, you threw me to the winds. Little did you know what you cost. Words cannot convey the pain, the loss. I lived, though I felt like dying. Knowing what you did not, I came and went. Every so often drawn together once more. like fire and fuel, only to fall away again. Slowly through the years, you remember. Your thoughts came to me as they would time and again. Like A Call. Come to me. I cannot. Oh Sweet Goddess. Would that I could. Understanding me, understanding you. We, the meaning of opposites attract. He rules your life. The Lady mine. I turn away it can not be. Still my heart flies to you where ever you go. Many years we come round again. Still the fire, still the fuel. Again years between. I should have married you said she. So long I waited to say those words. Empty now, for I already am. But I can not turn away, so I surrender as I all ways have and ever will. Claimed by my master though he know or wish it not. For still he understands not the forces at play. He of the Lord, with a darkness inside. She a golden child of the Goddess, naught to hide. A lamb for the slaughter should he so choose. Oh would I teach you the meaning of the darkness inside. With my submission, a gift I know you'd still toss aside. In wonder I watch as it comes to the light, unfolding, blooming and growing in power. Our connection so deep it makes the soul ring. And so once more you'll walk away. To come again as we always have and allways will. From this life to the next. Throughout Infinity. Yen and Yang. Beauty and the Beast. Sable and Blond. Dark upon the light, half to the others whole. Two parts of one soul. The realization full of sorrow, full of woe.

As the darkness surrounds me, And the tears fill my eyes.
I wonder how I will live without you lighting my life.
:,(

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
~Something in you put a hold on my heart, Hard to believe now
Here is a place that will never be dark, I remember that place
That kind of touch, Electricity of love, That certain kind of grace.
That you love because you become someone else in an instant ~
From: Say You Will by Fleetwood Mac~

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

 

[ethereal~minx]

Re: Again the darkness surrounds me

First Love
Dom of my heart.
You stole my heart so many years ago. Something in your touch claimed me in a way no one else ever will. Your kiss stole my breath, your teeth my will. Your will, my being. Your touch was heaven or was it hell? Within your reach I can never tell. We were one, you threw me to the winds. Little did you know what you cost. Words cannot convey the pain, the loss. I lived, though I felt like dying. Knowing what you did not, she came and went. Unborn. Every so often drawn together once more. like fire and fuel we burn brightly only to fall away again. Slowly through the years, you remember. Your thoughts came to me as they would time and again. A call. Come to Arizona. I cannot. Oh Sweet Goddess. Would that I could. Understanding me, understanding you. We, the meaning of opposites attract. He rules your life. The Lady mine. I turn away it can not be. Still my heart flies to you where ever you go. Twenty years we come round again. Still the fire, still the fuel. Again years between. I should have married you said he. So long I waited to hear those words. Empty now, for I already am. But I can not turn away, so I surrender as I all ways have and ever will. Claimed by my master though he know or wish it not. For still he understands not the forces at play. He the minister, with a darkness inside. She a golden child of the Goddess, naught to hide. A lamb for the slaughter should he so choose. So I teach you the meaning of the darkness you hide. With my submission, a gift I know you will again toss aside. In wonder I watch as it comes to the light, unfolding, blooming and growing in power. Then in your eyes I see the fear, of this knowledge you've gained. I feel you pull back, afraid of this thing. Our connection so deep it makes the soul ring. And so once more you walk away. To come again as we always have and allways will. From this life to the next. Throughout Infinity. Yen and Yang. Beauty and the Beast. Sable and Blond. Dark upon the light, half to the others whole. Two parts of one soul. The realization full of sorrow, full of woe.

As the darkness surrounds me, And the tears fill my eyes.
I wonder how I will live without you lighting my life.
:,(

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
~Something in you put a hold on my heart, Hard to believe now
Here is a place that will never be dark, I remember that place
That kind of touch, Electricity of love, That certain kind of grace.
That you love because you become someone else in an instant ~
From: Say You Will by Fleetwood Mac~

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

[writing & deleting] *unable to speak*

 

[ethereal~minx]

puke
revisited a thought of us three...
is that whats going on???
youknow what chicken shit~
I've had enough,
yeah, it can be done
if there's trust in the PRIMARY
relationship~ but there is
no fucking relationship
and I have had enough
as I said I'm backing up
pulling my head out of this
vacuum~~~
yes, I mindfuck myself
but don't---*grrrrrrr*
ohhh you piss me off
sometimes with your
'holier than thou' attitude~
you are so fucking righteous
Yeah, 'take responsibility for your own life'
uh huh~ I will. I am.
stop trying to remain in mine when you
say you want out then ~ and accept thaaaat
responsibility and don't put it all on me
you mindfuck me just as much as I do

yeah, we spun spun close to the light
faster faster we burned sooo bright
your heart said yes, your mind said FIGHT
that began our 1st dark night

here we are again, we've come undone
spun outta control~ you turn and run
intensity passion love from the Sun
too much too fast too overcome

tbcontinued...

 

[ARoseinDarkness]

Re: Re: Again the darkness surrounds me

[writing & deleting] *unable to speak*

Thank You Ethereal~ Minx
For a place to relieve my self of a bit of this burden in my heart.

 

[ethereal~minx]

Rodney Atkins

He said: "Just think it over, and write me a list,
"So we can figure out what we both deserve."
She hardly could believe it, that their love had come to this:
Dividing an' deciding his and hers.
But she grabbed a paper napkin, an' asked the waitress for a pen.
An' one by one, she wrote down what she wanted most from him.

"Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust.
"A little less time for the rest of the world,
"And more for the two of us.
"Kisses each mornin', 'I love you's' at night,
"Just like it used to be.
"The way life was when you were in love with me."

She reached across the table an' placed it in his hand,
An' said: "You know this isn't easy for me."
As he thought about the new car, the house an' the land,
An' wondered what that bottom line would be.
An' a thousand other things that she'd want him to leave behind,
But he never dreamed he'd open up that napkin and find:

"Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust.
"A little less time for the rest of the world,
"And more for the two of us.
"Kisses each mornin', 'I love you's' at night,
"Just like it used to be.
"The way life was when you were in love with me."

Well, he fought back the tears, as he looked in her eyes,
An' said: "I don't know where to start."
An' she said: "Everything on that list in your hand,
"Is hidden somewhere in your heart.

"Honesty, sincerity, just like it used to be.
"The way life was when you were in love with me."

 

[ethereal~minx]

If you've got love in your sites
Watch out, love bites

When you make love, do you look in the mirror?
Who do you think of?
Does he look like me?
Do you tell lies?
And say that it's forever?
Do you think twice, or just touch'n'see?
Ooh babe
Ooh yeah
When you're alone, do you let go?
Are you wild'n'willin or is it just for show?
Ooh C'mon

I don't wanna touch you too much baby
'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy
I know you think that love is the way you make it
So I don't wanna be there when you decide to break it
No!

Chorus
(Love bites, love bleeds)
It's bringin' me to my knees
(Love lives, love dies)
It's no surprise
(Love begs, love pleads)
It's what I need


When I'm with you, are you somewhere else?
Am I gettin' thru or do you please yourself?
When you wake up, will you walk out?
It can't be love if you throw it about
Ooh babe

I don't wanna touch you too much baby
'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy
Oh

Chorus
(Love bites, love bleeds)
It's bringin' me to my knees
(Love lives, love dies)
It's no surprise
(Love begs, love pleads)
It's what I need

Oh yeah!

I don't wanna touch you too much baby
'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy
I know you think that love is the way you make it
So I don't wanna be there when you decide to break it
No!


(Love bites, love bleeds)
It's bringin' me to my knees
(Love lives, love dies)

(Love bites, love bleeds)
It's bringin' me to my knees
(Love lives, love dies)
It's no surprise
(Love begs, love pleads)
It's what I need

If you've got love in your sights
Watch out, love bites
Yes it does
It will be hell

 

[Ms_Lilith]

To Him who Owns me:

*happy sigh* I can't but thank You, Love, for You have done so much for me.. You've led me from the darkness that was my past, and brought me into the sunshine of the present.. with the beautiful skies in the future... You have picked me up when I've been down, and fixed me when I felt broken. You've tamed me with the whip and soft caresses, and have taught me with Your desires and examples. You've shown me my potential, in every sphere of my life, and You've made me so much stronger than I ever knew I could be.

You are my life.

 

[FungiUg]

Cheers and applause for vixenshe!

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Thank you, FungiUg.. *smile*

 

[ethereal~minx]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what makes you complete?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


living true to my heart, authenticity, inner peace
Would you move the Earth and Sky for it?
yes, at times I try believing it is in the name of 'inner peace'
..there have been times the Earth and Sky have moved as a result
Would it make you turn the other cheek?
it may not be the same decision another would make..but I am able to sleep in my skin more and more often
Does it seem foolish sometimes?
omg yes, being open & living true to your heart ~~feeeeling every beautiful moment of living life is also a vulnerability~ as I'm sharing myself totally~ in all my excitement, and let me tell you I get excited about the omg beauty ~the synchronicity, the way ---ok some people just don't know how to take it. I get a funny little curious "are you *smiling* okaaaay?" look...
so yeah, it seems foolish sometimes~ but it's in a gooood way!!!
Does it make you loose sleep?
I lose sleep/concentration/balance when I'm not listening to my heart, my inner knowing..when my focus is outside myself..on an outcome
How would you live without it?
I will always practice following my heart~
"if you always follow your heart, you will NEVER fail and you will NEVER be sorry"
and only with practice will I get to always
I won't live without it

 

[ethereal~minx]

To Him who Owns me:

*happy sigh* I can't but thank You, Love, for You have done so much for me.. You've led me from the darkness that was my past, and brought me into the sunshine of the present.. with the beautiful skies in the future... You have picked me up when I've been down, and fixed me when I felt broken. You've tamed me with the whip and soft caresses, and have taught me with Your desires and examples. You've shown me my potential, in every sphere of my life, and You've made me so much stronger than I ever knew I could be.

You are my life.

that's beautiful vix!!! I'm sooo happy for you!

 

[ethereal~minx]

personal integrity.
what is more important?
external shoulds?
imposed by someone else?
do you see the chaos created?
protection??? from what? and why?
because you're doing the same thing she is.
and now she's got one up on you... gained from your
supposed friend that is no more...
where are you and why has this happened?
what choice created this world you're living in?
you've been drilled about it at work.
you've spoken your truth about it everywhere.
you choose not to live your own truth when it really matters.
and this is the cost.
living in fear for another life that is so dear.
a fight that doesn't need fought.
is this what you want?
where are you?
who are you?
look in the mirror.
you will find the truth.
it's inside YOU!

 

[ethereal~minx]

.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I need to shed the new shit and get back into the old
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cherish the diamonds, recycle the coal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the coal has a new look to it now, you found diamonds in it~~~ come on!!!!
the shit that is going on is NOT required ~~~~ there IS a way that is less difficult
not necessarily less taxing~~~ intention, focus, determination ~~ they're all required, but struggle and fear are not


it really comes down to one simple question:

who am I

 

[ethereal~minx]

sometime in feb

tears blur
words stir
eyes search
pain remains

what is real
do you lie
who do you see
in my eyes

if i've lifted you
you feel anew
why is it over
why are we through

how did we come
to the end
we've only just begun
&out of control we spin

too filled with potential
possibility opportunity growth
we saw reflection within us
the direction we want to go

a mutual decision
a shared sight
a perfect vision
nothing is more right
....

 

[ethereal~minx]

saw two hearts in the sky formed by the clouds... the clouds formed the outline of the hearts..the dark blue sky was the body of the two hearts & the cloud outline was illuminated by the light of the moon which as we both know is reflected light of the sun

the moon was hidden in the clouds between the hearts... and of course the sun was not to be seen either

it was beautiful