Trust Issues

[kaycee217]

That she's less likely to be a scammer, probably. Seeing a person's driving license gives you, over here at least, their real name, their age, their address and it's unlikely a scammer would be willing to give that out.

Who says a PDF'd copy of a driver's license is real? Could be a fake license, could be photoshopped, who knows.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

That she's less likely to be a scammer, probably. Seeing a person's driving license gives you, over here at least, their real name, their age, their address and it's unlikely a scammer would be willing to give that out.

Yes,
He has stated that he doubts even my name, address, and age.
Even after tons of pictures showing me. All with the same face, body everything (with clothes on of course).
It is just totally perplexing to me..except for the outstanding fact that he may have serious trust issues, or if he is indeed a scammer himself.

 

[Eilan]

I met my husband online, so I definitely understand why this guy would want to be cautious if he was planning to take an online relationship one step further, because people aren't always who or what they seem to be (of course, that's also the case for RL friends and acquaintances). This seems awfully sudden, though, I wonder what he's thinking?

The trust issues would be a huge red flag for me. At this point, I'd probably say I was really a man and tell him to fuck off!

LittleBitMagic, whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best. Be careful.

Since you're so into sending pics, what about a few for us?

This thread has your name on it.

 

[vin_26m]

Wait a tick, you've been in contact for eight months and have yet to meet face to face? Maybe it's just me, but I'm not sure somebody just interested in her for identity theft purposes would stick around for almost a year despite getting very little he can use. And, OK, he's gone about it in a thoroughly stupid way but...I don't know, scrapping the past eight months because he was an idiot and you're feeling concerned seems wasteful.

That may be true.

It may also be true that he's scamming lots of other people in the same way at the same time.

Maybe now he wants to meet because that's when his prison sentence ends.

Or maybe he doesn't want to meet at all. He just wants the info.

 

[fire_breeze]

Sorry, I don't know how to do a quote!

We have been taking for 8 months now. Voice-verified, over phone and internet messenger chats with voice.
As to the web cam, both had decided early on not to go for that, but we had since decided that it might be nice to say hello to each other there in a non-sexual way.

And yes, there are other people who know that we had planned to meet. And on the first few meetings, it would have been in a very public place.

*Sigh* I guess that is not to be now.

Thank you

Hmm... that might raise a few red flags if all of a sudden, after 8 months of communication, he's being paranoid. I understand he wants to sure of your identity, but after this long? It doesn't make sense.

I know that there might be some disappointment in not meeting (if you aren't), but if your gut is acting up like the way it is, there is something not right with the situation that you might not feel safe about. And that, my dear, is the most important thing.

Good luck

 

[MisterSir]

Hmm... that might raise a few red flags if all of a sudden, after 8 months of communication, he's being paranoid. I understand he wants to sure of your identity, but after this long? It doesn't make sense.

On the contrary, it makes perfect sense. They're planning to meet, the relationship's moving from here to the real world - this is where people are most likely to get screwed if they've been scammed. His way of going about it is stupid, like I've said already, but the sentiment - that he doesn't want to get screwed over - is solid.

It may also be true that he's scamming lots of other people in the same way at the same time.

Maybe now he wants to meet because that's when his prison sentence ends.

Or maybe he doesn't want to meet at all. He just wants the info.

Or maybe he's a serial killer trying to kill a woman for every letter of the alphabet and wants to make sure he's not making the trip for nothing. We don't know a gorram thing about this guy, but everyone seems happy to jump to conclusions and accuse him of being a scammer.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

I met my husband online, so I definitely understand why this guy would want to be cautious if he was planning to take an online relationship one step further, because people aren't always who or what they seem to be (of course, that's also the case for RL friends and acquaintances). This seems awfully sudden, though, I wonder what he's thinking?

The trust issues would be a huge red flag for me. At this point, I'd probably say I was really a man and tell him to fuck off!

LittleBitMagic, whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best. Be careful. This thread has your name on it.

Thanks Eilan,

That is what bugs me most about this entire thing. That we have had all this time together and now the questions. I do think there are serious trust issues on his part. But why all this now?

Anyway, thank you.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

On the contrary, it makes perfect sense. They're planning to meet, the relationship's moving from here to the real world - this is where people are most likely to get screwed if they've been scammed. His way of going about it is stupid, like I've said already, but the sentiment - that he doesn't want to get screwed over - is solid.



Or maybe he's a serial killer trying to kill a woman for every letter of the alphabet and wants to make sure he's not making the trip for nothing. We don't know a gorram thing about this guy, but everyone seems happy to jump to conclusions and accuse him of being a scammer.

Oh! the serial killer thing would suck!

Maybe he is not a scammer....could possibly be that he is just afraid i am not who I say I am. And maybe he hopes to get clear with it before he comes here. In ways I can't blame him at all for that.

It just sent every cel screaming when he went for the too-personal information requests. There is a better way to find out answers. Not asking for this kind of info.

But, time will tell the tale. Either he will wake up and see where the trust issues are, or he won't and we drift apart. Either way, it's a big question mark on the whole thing.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

That may be true.

It may also be true that he's scamming lots of other people in the same way at the same time.

Maybe now he wants to meet because that's when his prison sentence ends.

Or maybe he doesn't want to meet at all. He just wants the info.

Thanks vin,
that is entirely possible too.
Sheesh too many variables to think over, but damage has been done big time.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

Hmm... that might raise a few red flags if all of a sudden, after 8 months of communication, he's being paranoid. I understand he wants to sure of your identity, but after this long? It doesn't make sense.

I know that there might be some disappointment in not meeting (if you aren't), but if your gut is acting up like the way it is, there is something not right with the situation that you might not feel safe about. And that, my dear, is the most important thing.

Good luck

Thank you, Sweetie

He said basically the same thing to me...that his insides were telling him something wasn't clear.
I'll sleep on it and see if it all comes clearer in the morning.
Or not. Whatever happens, I just want my peace of mind back.

 

[_explore_]

Deleted. Farewell Literotica.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

Thank you for the reply.

We have worked out the issues as far as we can.

In his way of doing things he was only doing what he felt comfortable with.

Since we were meeting, I can't blame him for asking.

Insight is the key thing.
Right.
And yes two of us are the best judges. This thread was made at a stressful time.

He is a good man, and it is all just time.

Thanks for the good wishes.

 

[subwannabe]

O.K. I'm going to defend him, followed by my suggestion to dump him and move on. I agree with just about every post. I don't believe anyone ever mentioned anything about your avatar. Is that you? If it is I must say that you seem to have a nice body and look very attractive. In other words, if I was having an online relatiohship with someone and they sent me a picture like that I would automatically think that you were conning me. Let's face it, in most online relationships the other person doesn't usually look that good. I haven't quite got about your communications with him. Did you ever have substantial real conversations with him over a real phone? I would think that as much as you claim to have been in contact with him both of you should have been able to figure out my now if the other was full of shit or not. So, since he should've already figured out if you were full of shit or not, then there is something wrong with him and you should move on. There are just too many questions after 8 months of communications.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

O.K. I'm going to defend him, followed by my suggestion to dump him and move on. I agree with just about every post. I don't believe anyone ever mentioned anything about your avatar. Is that you? If it is I must say that you seem to have a nice body and look very attractive. In other words, if I was having an online relatiohship with someone and they sent me a picture like that I would automatically think that you were conning me. Let's face it, in most online relationships the other person doesn't usually look that good. I haven't quite got about your communications with him. Did you ever have substantial real conversations with him over a real phone? I would think that as much as you claim to have been in contact with him both of you should have been able to figure out my now if the other was full of shit or not. So, since he should've already figured out if you were full of shit or not, then there is something wrong with him and you should move on. There are just too many questions after 8 months of communications.

Yes
We had substantial talks over phone and in internet calls.

And it is me in the avatar. I am not one to send fake pictures. People like me or they don't, plain and simple.

 

[CrazyNicholas]

I'd say that giving your IP address is fine as long as you have some sort of security system. As a man with lots of experience with technology, I would say that, unless h'es a computer genius, you're probably okay giving out your IP address. The most he could find would probably be the city you live in. As for the other things he's asking for, they seem a bit absurd.

I think a timestamp would do. Write the time and date on your hand, take a picture. Simple as that.

Sorry for wasting your time if you've already gotten it figured out.

 

[chelleb]

I don't really have an opinion on the information he's asking for, other than it does seem odd.

I would like to comment on the trust issue-thing however. I met someone online, and talked with him online and on the phone for about 4 months before meeting him (he lived 1100 miles away). After meeting him, he became paranoid that I was lying to him about just about everything. As first, I went along with what he called "proving I was telling the truth". I didn't realize how far it had escalated until the night he asked me to send him a pic to prove I was at home and not somewhere else. I realized and decided that if he didn't trust me then, what was going to happen if the relationship continued in real life, with one of us moving to where the other lived.

Good luck with everything, and I hope it turns out well for you!

 

[LittleBitMagic]

I'd say that giving your IP address is fine as long as you have some sort of security system. As a man with lots of experience with technology, I would say that, unless h'es a computer genius, you're probably okay giving out your IP address. The most he could find would probably be the city you live in. As for the other things he's asking for, they seem a bit absurd.

I think a timestamp would do. Write the time and date on your hand, take a picture. Simple as that.

Sorry for wasting your time if you've already gotten it figured out.

Thanks Nicholas
Opinions and advice I always listen to.

 

[LittleBitMagic]

I don't really have an opinion on the information he's asking for, other than it does seem odd.

I would like to comment on the trust issue-thing however. I met someone online, and talked with him online and on the phone for about 4 months before meeting him (he lived 1100 miles away). After meeting him, he became paranoid that I was lying to him about just about everything. As first, I went along with what he called "proving I was telling the truth". I didn't realize how far it had escalated until the night he asked me to send him a pic to prove I was at home and not somewhere else. I realized and decided that if he didn't trust me then, what was going to happen if the relationship continued in real life, with one of us moving to where the other lived.

Good luck with everything, and I hope it turns out well for you!

chelleb,
I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. That would hurt. Are things better between you now? I hope you got it worked through in one way or the other.


Same to you, good luck and I hope you are fine!

 

[_explore_]

Deleted. Farewell Literotica.

 

[subwannabe]

I think the overwhelming consensus here is that there really is no reason to continue further with this guy. Chelleb really made a good point in saying that if he can't trust you now then trust is always going to be an issue with this guy and it will never end. Maybe his problem is insecurity. Maybe that's why he is looking for women online rather than in real life. The fact that you are attractive brings out his insecurity and his inability to be able to trust you. He may feel you are too good for him and, even if you get together, he will always have that mistrust, thinking you can easily find someone better than him. If this is indeed the case, you will never be able to convince him that he can trust you and he will always be needing proof and reassurances, etc. He is right in his feelings. You can do better than him and you should start today.

 

[chelleb]

chelleb,
I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. That would hurt. Are things better between you now? I hope you got it worked through in one way or the other.


Same to you, good luck and I hope you are fine!

Sorry, didn't see this before!

Yeah, it did hurt at first, until I realized it was never going to change, and I was turning into someone I never thought I would. Things are better because I told him I was done with it all and tired of having to prove myself trustworthy over and over and over again.

I am a much happier person now

 

[Erosian]

I feel that all the possible viewpoints have been presented, but one side is under-represented and missing a few pieces. I'm on the fence and can go either way with this, but here's where I'm leaning towards and I'm gonna play it out like this, and I'm using the personal "I" to really hammer the ponit in:

"It's been 8 months, and yeah, you're too good-looking for anyone to have an online relationship. Probably everyone I've met in the past turned out to be horrible hambeasts, or worse, a man. I've heard the stories: go online, answer an ad, or surfing through craigslist, and end up in the home of some rapist/killer. Oh my god, what if you're one of those black-widows? Let's say all those pictures are of you and I'm hearing your voice on the phone...I'm gonna shell out a lot of money and time to come see you...to die? No way, I'm gonna set up some precaution.

So now I'm getting paranoid too, and I'm not gonna make sense. To me, your IP address, passport, and any other forms and junk I can think of would help ensure that I stay alive. You're a wonderful person, hot and sweet, but I can only risk so much. Your job now should be to insistantly deny giving out all these info. Sure, I'll be hurt and this wouldn't help me get out of my paranoia, but I'm feeling a little irrational right now.

You CAN ask for more time, you CAN keep doing what you're doing. I think you're too good to be true, and I want to make sure I'm not going out to meet up some guy/serial killer."

 

[_Virginia_]

Is he willing to reciprocate and give you a copy of his driver's license and passport? He doesn't sound like someone I would trust - but I'd be really interested to hear what he says if you asked for this information from him.

FYI, it's very easy to get someone's IP address from email they've sent...so he's probably already got yours. I wouldn't worry about that - I'd be concerned about his requests for the other stuff, though.

 

[thee3dguy]

And it is me in the avatar. I am not one to send fake pictures. People like me or they don't, plain and simple.

Ironic...a thread about trust and you're the one using some web porn starlet's (kelseyxxx) pictures.

 

[stilts30]

Ironic...a thread about trust and you're the one using some web porn starlet's (kelseyxxx) pictures.

Good call with noticing that she is a fake. Or it or him or shim or whatever. It messaged me on here a few weeks ago spewing a bunch of stuff about some coffee shop it owns and stuff like that. It also said that the avatar was a picture of it. So I went ahead and emailed it a picture of me. Anyways this trust thread is so ironic considering it has been lying the whole time. So I applaud the guy for wanting more info from it. I have never met anyone from online before and these are the reasons why well and of course Chris Hanson from dateine asking me to sit down and have a cookie and explain why I am there.....