Trust issues

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

anyone else on here been burned to the point of doing background checks with people they meet online? (Not here, necessarily, but if things were to go offline, I do.)
I admit, I won't even respond to a suitor from an online website if they give their phone number in the first email and when I run the number I get that it's a VOIP line listed to some unprounceable name or listed as halfway across the country when they're supposed to be across town.

I've even pinged email addresses and if it doesn't add up geographically, I put a hard stop on electronic communication unless they agree to meet me for lunch or coffee..

Am I the only one who does this?

 

[DayMaker]

Okay, to be fair, you and I probably have totally different expectations from those that we meet online. Meaning, I have no intent to meet them "IRL".

HOWEVER, I agree with the burned point. I learned hard and fast to not take anything at face value. If things don't seem to add up, then I get a little waning light in my head. Not saying I want someone to deliver me their life story via PM for us to be friends, but if I catch you in lies about little things (and no, I'm not referring to penis size), what else are you hiding?

 

[tolyk]

Okay, to be fair, you and I probably have totally different expectations from those that we meet online. Meaning, I have no intent to meet them "IRL".

HOWEVER, I agree with the burned point. I learned hard and fast to not take anything at face value. If things don't seem to add up, then I get a little waning light in my head. Not saying I want someone to deliver me their life story via PM for us to be friends, but if I catch you in lies about little things (and no, I'm not referring to penis size), what else are you hiding?

People lie about their penis size? Say it isn't so!


As for the op, lots of interesting discussing cropping up on the playground the last few days. It's fantastic.

I tend to trust rather easily, until someone shows me they are not trust worthy. I don't see any reason to be guarded. I'm an open book, will answer any question someone asks of me (about myself, not about secrets I may know of others). I haven't met anyone off this site in person that I had any reason to not trust. But you always meet up somewhere public the first time to put everyone at ease. Except my wife. Our first meeting was at her place. Where we quickly progressed our relationship to new levels

 

[Stryderthorongil]

Okay, to be fair, you and I probably have totally different expectations from those that we meet online. Meaning, I have no intent to meet them "IRL".

HOWEVER, I agree with the burned point. I learned hard and fast to not take anything at face value. If things don't seem to add up, then I get a little waning light in my head. Not saying I want someone to deliver me their life story via PM for us to be friends, but if I catch you in lies about little things (and no, I'm not referring to penis size), what else are you hiding?

Very much agree. Inconsistent life stories, lies, even AVs that are claimed as their own and clearly are taken from an image online...I've heard them all. Virtual worlds can be odd.

 

[PattiJolene]

Another great thread choice....this one hits a nerve, don't even get me started....lol!

 

[DayMaker]

Very much agree. Inconsistent life stories, lies, even AVs that are claimed as their own and clearly are taken from an image online...I've heard them all. Virtual worlds can be odd.

The online environment can be funny that way. If someone build this online personality, story, pictures, etc. as something that you know to not be true, I always wonder if that person has a deep need to be someone else as their outlet? But at what point is that hurting others, or do they have the right to use Lit as their outlet just as everyone else has their own motivations?


To be clear, I'm not defending anyone's behavior or even have a person(s) in mind. Just a theoretical situation.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

Trust issues? Sweet lord almighty yes do I have them. I wish I didn't but I do.

 

[Stryderthorongil]

The online environment can be funny that way. If someone build this online personality, story, pictures, etc. as something that you know to not be true, I always wonder if that person has a deep need to be someone else as their outlet? But at what point is that hurting others, or do they have the right to use Lit as their outlet just as everyone else has their own motivations?


To be clear, I'm not defending anyone's behavior or even have a person(s) in mind. Just a theoretical situation.

That's a good question. Virtual connections can be just as strong as personal connections. Therefore, creating an alias can play with another's emotions. Not sure if that's fair.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I think if your gut is warning you, that you'd be wise to listen to it. Knowing how the internet is these days, it is too easy to pretend to be something you're not. There are a great many sites out there where people meet and for some, they work wonderfully. You have to sift a lot of dirt to get a nugget of gold.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Okay, to be fair, you and I probably have totally different expectations from those that we meet online. Meaning, I have no intent to meet them "IRL".

HOWEVER, I agree with the burned point. I learned hard and fast to not take anything at face value. If things don't seem to add up, then I get a little waning light in my head. Not saying I want someone to deliver me their life story via PM for us to be friends, but if I catch you in lies about little things (and no, I'm not referring to penis size), what else are you hiding?

I put Literotica into a different category than online dating sites( POF, Match, Chemistry) because they are different.

I don't really expect to meet very many people from Lit in person, but if you wouldn't have coffee with me because you met me here and you'd be worried about how people in your real life would react, then, I don't see us getting along very well. I don't have a problem in the world with never actually meeting a person from here, but to clam up at the possibilty of going to get a burger together or meeting at an outlet mall to go shopping?

What I'm talking about here are for sites where you are intending on meeting up with someone for a date or get-to know you. I've encountered no less that three suitors who, on paper would be someone a woman could proudly take home to meet their father, only to to get a red flag about two or three emails in that just maybe this person is not on the up and up.

By the third communication in real life dating situations, I want your phone number or a face to face. And I guess I'm a little extreme in running a phone check but on two of the examples above, when I got a phone number, they could only use it for "texting"..

um, yeah.. no.

You don't have a phone solely for the purpose of texting.

I don't know, I was just curious if others had thoughts on this or not.

 

[Aquagal]

Okay, to be fair, you and I probably have totally different expectations from those that we meet online. Meaning, I have no intent to meet them "IRL".

HOWEVER, I agree with the burned point. I learned hard and fast to not take anything at face value. If things don't seem to add up, then I get a little waning light in my head. Not saying I want someone to deliver me their life story via PM for us to be friends, but if I catch you in lies about little things (and no, I'm not referring to penis size), what else are you hiding?

This reminds of some asswipe that figured out where I live from my posts on thor's Alaska thread. He kept PMing he wanted to get a coffee at Safeway. Not interested at all but the douche somehow let it slip his wife ran a gym. Detective Aqua took it upon herself to google the owner of the gym, get her name, look her up on FB, which traced back to him, voilà he was a youth pastor!!!

I love burning people with their lies revealed.

 

[DayMaker]

I put Literotica into a different category than online dating sites( POF, Match, Chemistry) because they are different.

I don't really expect to meet very many people from Lit in person, but if you wouldn't have coffee with me because you met me here and you'd be worried about how people in your real life would react, then, I don't see us getting along very well. I don't have a problem in the world with never actually meeting a person from here, but to clam up at the possibilty of going to get a burger together or meeting at an outlet mall to go shopping?

What I'm talking about here are for sites where you are intending on meeting up with someone for a date or get-to know you. I've encountered no less that three suitors who, on paper would be someone a woman could proudly take home to meet their father, only to to get a red flag about two or three emails in that just maybe this person is not on the up and up.

By the third communication in real life dating situations, I want your phone number or a face to face. And I guess I'm a little extreme in running a phone check but on two of the examples above, when I got a phone number, they could only use it for "texting"..

um, yeah.. no.

You don't have a phone solely for the purpose of texting.

I don't know, I was just curious if others had thoughts on this or not.

I would totally have coffee, or burgers, with you.

I think I would be the same as you for a dating website, partially because I'm a bit of a control freak and partially because I have kids.

I would get the same red flags as you in the above situations.

 

[tolyk]

I put Literotica into a different category than online dating sites( POF, Match, Chemistry) because they are different.

I don't really expect to meet very many people from Lit in person, but if you wouldn't have coffee with me because you met me here and you'd be worried about how people in your real life would react, then, I don't see us getting along very well. I don't have a problem in the world with never actually meeting a person from here, but to clam up at the possibilty of going to get a burger together or meeting at an outlet mall to go shopping?

What I'm talking about here are for sites where you are intending on meeting up with someone for a date or get-to know you. I've encountered no less that three suitors who, on paper would be someone a woman could proudly take home to meet their father, only to to get a red flag about two or three emails in that just maybe this person is not on the up and up.

By the third communication in real life dating situations, I want your phone number or a face to face. And I guess I'm a little extreme in running a phone check but on two of the examples above, when I got a phone number, they could only use it for "texting"..

um, yeah.. no.

You don't have a phone solely for the purpose of texting.

I don't know, I was just curious if others had thoughts on this or not.

Sure you do, when you're married and you don't want your spouse to hear you talking on the phone! Silly

Oh, wait.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

This reminds of some asswipe that figured out where I live from my posts on thor's Alaska thread. He kept PMing he wanted to get a coffee at Safeway. Not interested at all but the douche somehow let it slip his wife ran a gym. Detective Aqua took it upon herself to google the owner of the gym, get her name, look her up on FB, which traced back to him, voilà he was a youth pastor!!!

I love burning people with their lies revealed.

Oh boy...
Can I get an "amen" for the heathens in the back row??

 

[DayMaker]

This reminds of some asswipe that figured out where I live from my posts on thor's Alaska thread. He kept PMing he wanted to get a coffee at Safeway. Not interested at all but the douche somehow let it slip his wife ran a gym. Detective Aqua took it upon herself to google the owner of the gym, get her name, look her up on FB, which traced back to him, voilà he was a youth pastor!!!

I love burning people with their lies revealed.

Yeah, that's why I try to keep location stuff low-key. This town can be way too small at times....

On a different site, I met a girl (friendly) who told me everything about herself...including the neighborhood where she lived. Which turned out, is my neighborhood.

I miss your face around here.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Sure you do, when you're married and you don't want your spouse to hear you talking on the phone! Silly

Oh, wait.

:caning:

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Working with the public since I was 19, I have a very attuned bullshit meter in my head. If 2 and 2 don't add up to 4, I immediately investigate, and call that person out on it.

I've been talking to two men on dating sites and so far, everything seems okay. Doesn't mean that they aren't extreme con artists. One I've met in person already, and the other I'm making plans to meet by next weekend due to his work schedule.

I guess I trust until I have reason not to trust. But break my trust and you'll never, ever get it back.

 

[Aquagal]

Yeah, that's why I try to keep location stuff low-key. This town can be way too small at times....

On a different site, I met a girl (friendly) who told me everything about herself...including the neighborhood where she lived. Which turned out, is my neighborhood.

I miss your face around here.

Try 1/10th the size of your town.

Awwww thanks. I for one was glad to see you make your way back here.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Working with the public since I was 19, I have a very attuned bullshit meter in my head. If 2 and 2 don't add up to 4, I immediately investigate, and call that person out on it.

I've been talking to two men on dating sites and so far, everything seems okay. Doesn't mean that they aren't extreme con artists. One I've met in person already, and the other I'm making plans to meet by next weekend due to his work schedule.

I guess I trust until I have reason not to trust. But break my trust and you'll never, ever get it back.

I agree, and I used to trust willingly until given a reason not to. Latley though, I've encountered so much ever-loving bullshit, that I can't anymore. I will still help out the homeless man or loan to a friend if needed, and I'm there for people in general. However, when it comes to me, my heart, my sexual needs, and my feelings, you have to earn that trust from now on.

 

[Aquagal]

Oh boy...
Can I get an "amen" for the heathens in the back row??

Amen, Sister!

 

[ydahecnot]

Try 1/10th the size of your town.

Awwww thanks. I for one was glad to see you make your way back here.

Would you two make out already.

 

[tolyk]

I agree, and I used to trust willingly until given a reason not to. Latley though, I've encountered so much ever-loving bullshit, that I can't anymore. I will still help out the homeless man or loan to a friend if needed, and I'm there for people in general. However, when it comes to me, my heart, my sexual needs, and my feelings, you have to earn that trust from now on.

There are a lot of idiots out there, looking to swindle their way into someone's pants. I don't blame you for being careful. I wouldn't call this a trust issue, per say, as you clearly trust others as stated in this quote. I'd say you're being intelligent and thorough.

 

[bjhass]

anyone else on here been burned to the point of doing background checks with people they meet online? (Not here, necessarily, but if things were to go offline, I do.)
I admit, I won't even respond to a suitor from an online website if they give their phone number in the first email and when I run the number I get that it's a VOIP line listed to some unprounceable name or listed as halfway across the country when they're supposed to be across town.

I've even pinged email addresses and if it doesn't add up geographically, I put a hard stop on electronic communication unless they agree to meet me for lunch or coffee..

Am I the only one who does this?

First off, I agree 100%. I always do as much research as I can on people. There are so many reasons not to trust someone you've just met online. If you haven't heard the horror stories of how wrong these encounters can go then you have probably been living with your head in the sand. You have to be careful and trust your gut.

That being said there are a lot of legitimate reasons that someone could be masking their location through VOIP phones, VPN's or other measures. But you are right to do your research and trust your instincts more than an online stranger.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

My wife and I seem to be so different than most. We do everything together and share everything. I mean EVERYTHING.
Therefore we've never had secrets or reason to sneak around and lie.

As I mentioned in another thread and use the words of someone much wiser.........

"It's much easier to tell the truth than try to remember a bunch of lies."

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

There are a lot of idiots out there, looking to swindle their way into someone's pants. I don't blame you for being careful. I wouldn't call this a trust issue, per say, as you clearly trust others as stated in this quote. I'd say you're being intelligent and thorough.

Again, I sometimes feel weird about my Spidey senses lol

First off, I agree 100%. I always do as much research as I can on people. There are so many reasons not to trust someone you've just met online. If you haven't heard the horror stories of how wrong these encounters can go then you have probably been living with your head in the sand. You have to be careful and trust your gut.

That being said there are a lot of legitimate reasons that someone could be masking their location through VOIP phones, VPN's or other measures. But you are right to do your research and trust your instincts more than an online stranger.

Says the man with the creepy Game of Thrones meme in his siggy...lol