myinnerslut
His chains. His lash.
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topping from the bottom
- Thread starter myinnerslut
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catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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If you are aware of the problem, you have the power to stop it would be my thinking.
Catalina
Catalina
JMohegan
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Ask yourself this question. Why do you think what you are doing is "wrong"?myinnerslut said:
Is it because you read the rule on page 6 of the BDSM Manual stating that a bottom instructing a Top is a cardinal sin?
If so, you might want to cross-reference that rule with the one on page 18, noting the importance of service to the Sir. ;o) Your guidance may be providing an invaluable service to him as he learns how to use various toys, etc.
You also may want to keep in mind that One Size Does Not Fit All. If both of you are happy with what is going on, then you may want to chuck the rulebook and continue to have a great time.
OTOH, if you think what you are doing is wrong because your Sir gets frustrated, irritated, discouraged, displeased, any or all of the above, then you clearly have a problem that needs to be addressed and it's time to ask yourself another question. Why are you drawn to BDSM? I can't offer further suggestions until I know the answer to that one.
Rrrosyn
Literotica Guru
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I'd ask yourself if you notice you're doing this before or during scene play.
If during, change the bahvior.
If in reflection you notice it, discuss it.
When I am learning something the submissive has more knowledge of, I like to go over it before the scene, maybe a day or two before. Unless something is actually painful or crossing a limit, I don't want to hear about it during the scene. I will stop if my sub starts leading a scene. Several hours or even days after a scene, I am open to hear about how the technique or scene be improved upon.
If during, change the bahvior.
If in reflection you notice it, discuss it.
When I am learning something the submissive has more knowledge of, I like to go over it before the scene, maybe a day or two before. Unless something is actually painful or crossing a limit, I don't want to hear about it during the scene. I will stop if my sub starts leading a scene. Several hours or even days after a scene, I am open to hear about how the technique or scene be improved upon.
O'Mac
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I'll admit, I get right angry if a sub starts to assert her control and have ended sessions immediately because of it. I always point it out and make them know that to me it's unacceptable behaviour and make sure they learn from it, but I never allow it to go unchallenged. For me, denial of activity seems to work best. For example, Painsluts will often go out of their way to bend or break the rules because they crave the punishment. In that case, I would not punish them in any physical sense (yes, it can be hard to do because you are so tempted to use the whip), but rather deny them pleasure and dole out more satisfactory verbal punishment.
Daddyslilpet
Marked And Owned
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myinnerslut said:
Before giving you tips for not topping from the bottom, this description really doesn't give me enough information to go on honestly. What is it that you feel you are doing that is topping from the bottom? Are you upsetting your Sir? Has He told you you are doing this? Maybe an example if it wouldn't be too personal to ask, if so I understand, but a general idea would help.
myinnerslut
His chains. His lash.
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AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
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Let's hope it stays in the past. Based on his response, i'd say he either learns fast, or intuitively understood the difference between play, discipline, and punishment. Play usually involves something both partners enjoy. Discipline can either teach or train. Both can incorporate each other, and no one says the latter ain't training both sides of the partnership.myinnerslut said:
[soapbox]Punishment, however, strives to eradicate undesired behavior, and (in our world of whips and chains) you don't beat anyone with the slightest masochistic desire. Withholding, on the spectrum of play to presence usually gets the job done. On occasion, the ultimate withholding (walking away for good) finally gets the point across.[/rant]
Daddyslilpet
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myinnerslut said:
So therefore you know that you have a place to give Him "suggestions" of things you'd like to see happen in the future. Now the thing you just have to remind yourself of is that ultimately the rest is up to Him. Of course you already know this, and it's one of the hardest parts for us to sit back and just wait patiently. (They love that btw...lol)
Something I have done is ask Master to help me, because I'm not perfect. (I know it's shocking but true.) I'm human and I'm going to have a bad day, or I'm going to forget and try to get MY way because we've only been Master and pet for 4 years (and 2 of those years have been spent apart thanks to the military). Does that mean I don't know what I'm supposed to do? Nope, I've read and been active online here and other places since 2002.
Ok I'm rambling, the point is, you aren't going to be perfect. Perfect doesn't happen in real life, it only happens in stories. Just be honest, faithful, and communicate your needs with your Sir respectfully and openly.
JMohegan
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One thing that caught my attention is your signature line:
There are some people who, for one reason or another, have a need to misbehave simply for the sake of misbehaving. Some call it a "naughty girl" or "brat" fetish.
This may or may not apply to you; I have no idea. If it does, my suggestion would be to discuss with your Sir the idea of occasionally engaging in roleplay scenes in which you act the part of the brat and are "punished" for it.
This would not be *real* punishment of the type described by AngelicAssassin (with whose comments I concur, btw). The point is that both the disobedience and the punishment would be part of the roleplay game.
Perhaps I am reading too much into your celebration of the phrase, but it raises one possibility in my mind.myinnerslut said:
There are some people who, for one reason or another, have a need to misbehave simply for the sake of misbehaving. Some call it a "naughty girl" or "brat" fetish.
This may or may not apply to you; I have no idea. If it does, my suggestion would be to discuss with your Sir the idea of occasionally engaging in roleplay scenes in which you act the part of the brat and are "punished" for it.
This would not be *real* punishment of the type described by AngelicAssassin (with whose comments I concur, btw). The point is that both the disobedience and the punishment would be part of the roleplay game.
Kajira Callista
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hmmm being a brat is a fetish?JMohegan said:
Kajira Callista
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JMohegan said:
another to add to my list i suppose
Kajira Callista
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bratwear....we could make a fortune!JMohegan said:
Daddyslilpet
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FurryFury said:Great post!
Fury
Thanks!
Marquis
Jack Dawkins
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First off, I want to comment in response to something that AA said. I do believe it is possible to use physical punishment to eradicate behavior in a masochist if you take the level of pain beyond their physical desires. Although I'm certainly not an expert on the topic, I would think even a heavy masochist has a threshhold that when crossed, presents true blue, genuine displeasure.
I've had experiences with submissives all over the topping from the bottom spectrum. I've known women so sneaky and canniving, all while projecting the most intense image of innocence that it was almost surreal.
On the other hand, I have my current and most long-term partner. I can honestly say that she either makes no attempt at all to top from the bottom, or pulls my strings with such perfect machination that I simply have no opportunity to discover her. Each of these scenarios is equally acceptable, the illusion of power being just as sweet as the real thing, in my mind.
But in my observations, what it comes down to is simply respect. We don't try to manipulate people we respect. We treat them honestly, and if they are worthy of our respect, they will do the same for us.
I've had experiences with submissives all over the topping from the bottom spectrum. I've known women so sneaky and canniving, all while projecting the most intense image of innocence that it was almost surreal.
On the other hand, I have my current and most long-term partner. I can honestly say that she either makes no attempt at all to top from the bottom, or pulls my strings with such perfect machination that I simply have no opportunity to discover her. Each of these scenarios is equally acceptable, the illusion of power being just as sweet as the real thing, in my mind.
But in my observations, what it comes down to is simply respect. We don't try to manipulate people we respect. We treat them honestly, and if they are worthy of our respect, they will do the same for us.
Hester
hesterosexual
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slightly offtopic but i really must concur with this. i freely admit i'm a manipulative little bitch but if i respect someone i exercise self control and lock it in a box. oh, fuck, did i just say i'll keep it in a lock box?Marquis said:
as for topping from the bottom, if it works for both of you i don't see why it's a problem. your sexuality has to fit you and your partner not some bdsm platonic form.
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
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I've seen a few "If it works for you" comments; my observation is, if it worked for her, she wouldn't be asking us for suggestions on how to stop it, now, would she? 
You've got a place to share ideas; do you have a time and space away from the scene to discuss things? A pregame planning session and a postgame review? (As a genuine conversation, I mean. With input from both of you and both of you taking on board what the other is talking about.) It's complicated somewhat by the fact that you're more experienced than your partner, but this only adds to the weight of your responsibility to truthfully communicate. If you want something harder, rougher, and nastier, before or after is the time to let him know. Eventually, he may be able to "read" you very well, and the SAM tendencies you're describing won't even cross your mind anymore.
To some others, yes Brattiness is a fetish; it seems to combine some minor elements of ageplay with a very mild case of SAMS (Smart Assed Masochist Syndrome).
You've got a place to share ideas; do you have a time and space away from the scene to discuss things? A pregame planning session and a postgame review? (As a genuine conversation, I mean. With input from both of you and both of you taking on board what the other is talking about.) It's complicated somewhat by the fact that you're more experienced than your partner, but this only adds to the weight of your responsibility to truthfully communicate. If you want something harder, rougher, and nastier, before or after is the time to let him know. Eventually, he may be able to "read" you very well, and the SAM tendencies you're describing won't even cross your mind anymore.
To some others, yes Brattiness is a fetish; it seems to combine some minor elements of ageplay with a very mild case of SAMS (Smart Assed Masochist Syndrome).
