Thinking about getting third person involved...

[femmedeviant]

Hi all, I've got a quick question regarding involving a third person in my relationship. I've been with my fiance for about a year and a half now and he's quite a bit older than me, he's 31 and I'm 20. Last summer when we were out at his friend's cabin he asked if I would give his friend a blowjob while he watched and had sex with me at the same time. I was completely turned off by the idea since I barely knew the other guy and could just picture how dirty I'd feel afterwards. In other words that was the end of it for that night.

Now just the other day my fiance brought it up again, since we're planning on going out to the friend's cabin again this summer and he wants to go through with this 'threesome'. He wouldn't be involved with the other guy but loves the idea of me and the friend doing things while he watches, and probably he and I have sex while I'm giving the other guy oral. I'm considering the idea and it doesn't sound half bad to me. Actually I think it could be a lot of fun, if we do it right. Now that I know the other guy a little better I wouldn't feel dirty about it anymore, and it helps to know that my fiance is all for it and OK with it.

I just wanted to hear from everyone on here if you have had this type of experience before, what you thought of it, how you felt afterwards, what were the 'rules', etc. How did your partner feel afterwards.

I know my fiance has done this in the past with a different partner, so I know he's eager for me to agree. Like I said though, I am still considering it and will let him know when I'm sure! The main thing that bothers me is that his friend is still a virgin and I don't really think that will help make it as 'fun' as I am hoping. I almost hope my fiance brings up doing this with some of this other more experienced friends!

Looking forward to responses...
femmedeviant

 

[marlow3]

For your consideration

My husband and I have been "playing" with others for a very long time. I had my first 3sum and moresums with him before we were married and have had many more since. I think that most women think about having 2 men at one time but are afraid of what their significant other will think of them the next morning.

Only you will have a sense of what your significant other will think of you the next morning.

I can tell you that there are physical sensations that you can only experience with a third. It can be great fun. It energizes a relationship and i hope to have many more 3 sums and moresums.

 

[KokopelliRises]

My situation is far enough removed that I can't really compare, but I can give some advice I got from someone else: make sure that every person involved knows exactly what this means to your relationship, what boundaries are, and that everyone feels comfortable doing whatever they do. If anyone starts to feel uncomfortable with what's happening they should have every right to say "stop" or "slow down". Most importantly, I think the three guidelines of BDSM should definitely apply here: safe, sane, and consensual.

 

[emap]

It's tons of fun having 2 or more men totally involved in being inside of you.

However, there is one thing you really have to think about. Does your boyfriend really want you to do that. Well OK, there's more than one thing, does the other guy know it's just sex. Last one, and this is actually the biggest, what are the rules and are you sure everyone will follow them?

The last is super important because while this guy may actually be a virgin and thus safe from disease, do you want to risk it or make him wear a condom. Especially important if say you go through with it stay with your boyfriend and do it with someone else. Also important if say, your not on birth control, nothing kills a relationship faster than getting pregnant by someone else, unless he had a vasectomy or doesn't work that way and begs you to find a virile man.

Also, if there are condoms in use by one guy, all guys have to wear a condom, otherwise there will be jealousy and if say his breaks, he probably won't say anything.

Like I said, tons of fun, but the pre orgy is a nightmare.

 

[SweetErika]

The last is super important because while this guy may actually be a virgin and thus safe from disease, do you want to risk it or make him wear a condom.

WRONG!
Virgins can have diseases from oral or even just touching/skin-skin contact. Also, you never really know someone's sexual history. There could be a misunderstanding, different definitions of virginity, or they could be lying.

Also, if there are condoms in use by one guy, all guys have to wear a condom, otherwise there will be jealousy and if say his breaks, he probably won't say anything.

You should stop making generalizations, especially since they're off-the-mark all too often.

As for the OP, I'd say your main concern shouldn't be whether or not this guy's a virgin; it should be how this will impact you and your relationship. Virgins can be a ton of fun and fantastic - it all depends on who they are. I wasn't horrible early in my sexual career, and some of the hottest sex I ever had was with a virgin, so I wouldn't put a lot of stock into that if I were you, especially if he's more worldly than, the typical teenage or religious virgin.

How does this other guy feel about the possibility of a group thing?

Why would you wait/hope for your guy to bring up more experienced men, instead of asking him about it yourself? If your communication, trust, etc., is lacking to the point where you couldn't talk freely about that, you'd likely be wisest to involving others (and certainly marriage) on hold until it's developed. Why? Because if there are problems (and there are likely to be at least little snags), EVERYONE needs to be able to share freely in order to work them out.

Best of luck in whatever happens!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I think every 19 and 20 year old on Lit has asked this question one way or another. The answer is always the same - it's about love and respect.

I cannot count the number of couples I know who have jumped into a threesome and aren't couples anymore. It's hard on a relationship and not that many couples can stand the strain.

It's a big fantasy for guys to see their woman being pounded by another guy, but the reality isn't as sweet as the fantasy. So, if you really want to do this, do it for the right reasons.

Right reasons: Both you and your BF want to OPENLY explore another facet of your sexuality, have openly discussed this and decided to go ahead on a provisional basis. It is agreed up front, if either of you doesn't feel right about the encounter, you both will back off.

 

[femmedeviant]

Thanks for the replies everyone! I know what everyone's talking about, saying that everything has to be talked through beforehand and to know that this could have a huge impact on the relationship.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the situation and I think it's something we will do in the future. Maybe not with the virgin friend but possibly with someone else. I know that my fiance has had numerous experiences like this one in the past, before he was with me, so for him it's no big deal. I asked him once if this is something he would ask his future wife to do, and he said absolutely yes. So in that area I'm really not at all concerned about what he will be thinking afterwards.

It's more the third person aspect of it, like how do you know who to bring into the picture and how to get it started. Just from playing it out in my mind I agree with emap, that the getting started would be the worst part. To be honest I would love to get another woman involved in the future as well, but that also would take some planning!

My relationship with my fiance is great right now, we talk about everything and sort our our differences relatively easily. Both of us would rather make love than war. Which by the way we do quite frequently. Just considering the prospect of involving another person to spice things up a little, although it wouldn't be a thing that happens frequently. And we would make that clear to whoever we involve. The virgin friend would probably just happen once just to 'liberate' him... from my past experiences being with a virgin has always been terrible. They don't know what they're doing and it's over too fast. This is why I would prefer someone with more experience. Maybe in the end the virgin friend won't even happen at all. But I'm still hmmmming and hawwwwing over the pro's and con's of the whole thing.

Anyways I know not everyone's going to read the long post. More responses would be appreciated though!

 

[femmedeviant]

By the way I think it's funny that there's been 200 views on the post and only 5 people have replied!

 

[M's girl]

By the way I think it's funny that there's been 200 views on the post and only 5 people have replied!

Well.... welcome to Lit

 

[wehstar]

By the way I think it's funny that there's been 200 views on the post and only 5 people have replied!

Most people read it, and decide they don't have anything special to add that hasn't been said already. Like me when I read it yesterday. At the end of the day on this how-to forum, the general rule I go by is just to see what sweeterika has to say on the matter - normally the enquiree has what they're looking for by then.

 

[M's girl]

the general rule I go by is just to see what sweeterika has to say on the matter - normally the enquiree has what they're looking for by then.

Haha, cool! And true...

 

[subwannabe]

All other good and bad things about the idea aside, your future relationship is what worries me, and I'm not talking about what happens if you go through with it. What bothers me is that your fiance did this kind of activity with another girlfriend and obviously like it, asked you do to this, you said no, and now he is asking you do to this again. What happens if you eventually decide to say no again this time? What happens if you go through with it, don't like it, and tell him you don't want to do it anymore? Do you just go off, get married, and live happily ever after with him respecting your wishes? Does he just accept your decision and goes the rest of his life without a threesome? I don't really see that happening. And, oh, by the way, my suspicious nature doubts whether his friend is truly a virgin. I am not against threesomes but this could really develop into a trust issue. In any event, good luck with your decision.

 

[wehstar]

And, oh, by the way, my suspicious nature doubts whether his friend is truly a virgin.

I didn't read this in detail till now. The third person a virgin? How do you even know he would want to do it. Personally, if I hadn't done it before, the last thing I'd want for my first time would be to share my mate's girl. That would just be too weird and/or nerve wracking. Whatever happened to

 

[Mr_G]

All other good and bad things about the idea aside, your future relationship is what worries me, and I'm not talking about what happens if you go through with it. What bothers me is that your fiance did this kind of activity with another girlfriend and obviously like it, asked you do to this, you said no, and now he is asking you do to this again. What happens if you eventually decide to say no again this time? What happens if you go through with it, don't like it, and tell him you don't want to do it anymore? Do you just go off, get married, and live happily ever after with him respecting your wishes? Does he just accept your decision and goes the rest of his life without a threesome? I don't really see that happening. And, oh, by the way, my suspicious nature doubts whether his friend is truly a virgin. I am not against threesomes but this could really develop into a trust issue. In any event, good luck with your decision.

I agree with a lot of what you're saying. The first thought I had when I finished reading the original post was that this seemed like a guy who was not going to want to except an answer of no on this subject.

 

[yoshimitsu]

I didn't read this in detail till now. The third person a virgin? How do you even know he would want to do it. Personally, if I hadn't done it before, the last thing I'd want for my first time would be to share my mate's girl. That would just be too weird and/or nerve wracking. Whatever happened to

I totally agree but then again most guys simply amaze me. v(",)v

 

[femmedeviant]

Thanks everyone

Thank you to everyone who's responded, I guess what I've heard so far is the extent of what I should be expecting. I will definitely be playing this by ear, it's not like it's something that will happen any time soon or anything. Still have plenty of time to consider everything.

I am not the type of person to just go along with something for someone else's sake. I have made that clear to begin with. But also I have to admit that I'm interested in trying a threesome sometime, be it with another guy or another woman, so I'm sure that day will come. The virgin friend though I do have doubts about, like I have stated above, and also because in my opinion he's a 30-year old loser who has no one to blame but himself for still being a virgin at this age! Harsh perhaps but everyone has their own reasons. When I find the right person to bring into our relationship then I will not have to be questioning about it, I will know and I will not recklessly endanger my current relationship.

I appreciate everyone's concerns but in the end I know that it's up to me and I will deal with the effects afterwards. I know that I will make the right decision and do the right thing for me when the time comes.

I also know not many will read all that I've just written. So thanks for the replies everyone but I think this thread is pretty well done.

 

[bob69carter]

Making a 3sum happen

The first time we had a threesome was about 7 or 8 years ago. We used to fantasise about it while lovemaking and I kept pushing Kate to do it for real. Of course I wanted to see her with another woman, and the idea of having one gorgeous femme on either side of me was a real turn-on. Over a long period Kate finally agreed to try it, but the condition was that our first threesome had to be with another guy, not a woman. I certainly had fantasised about watching her with another guy but considered myself totally straight. I agreed, and thought that sooner or later if that was a success she would agree to a FFM threesome.

She dressed at her sexy best and several times we tried to pick up a guy in a club or pub. They wanted to shag Kate but didn’t want me present, so there was no luck. Eventually we placed an ad in our local paper and had a few replies. We both spoke to a few guys by phone and whilst most were pretty awful, unable to put a sentence together, two seemed quite nice so we agreed to meet them for a coffee. One was really nothing like he sounded on the phone but the other seemed our type completely. Fit, healthy, liked what we wanted to experience and so we met him a second time, this time over drinks followed by dinner. Kate really liked Tony and flirted with him all evening, even touching his erection with her foot under the table. Of course, she made sure I knew what she was doing.

We invited him back to our place and Kate did a slow strip amidst dim lights and soft music. She did an amateur lap-dance on him and he thoroughly enjoyed it, especially when she suggested he fondle and suck on her boobs and run his fingers over her very trim pubes. I undressed and sat on the sofa, Kate straddling me, but with her back towards me, beckoning Tony to kneel in front of her so he could fondle her boobs and see her snatch as she rode me, her legs spread wide, her fingers rubbing her own nipples and clit. Kate loves an audience and Tony went right for it, burying his face first between her boobs and then into her crotch, where he was up against my balls. To my surprise he started to lick my balls and my shaft as it slid in and out of Kate’s snatch. To my even more surprise, I enjoyed it and so did Kate.

It didn’t take long before Kate stood up. She undressed Tony and led us both into the bedroom. She lay on the bed and Tony and I got on each side of her, each taking a breast and each playing with her clit. She had a cock in each hand. We kissed her in turn full on the mouth. Kate put my hand on Tony’s cock and I enjoyed giving it a pump, then he went for mine and he started sucking on my cock. It was a great feeling and Kate smiled broadly. Then I went down on him.

Kate wanted to be fucked and I let Tony have her first. He climbed on top, slid straight in and after all the foreplay he shot his load inside her after only a couple of minutes. He got off and knelt near her head as I mounted Kate and went right in, Tony’s juices now covering my cock inside that warm, wet snatch. Kate took Tony’s limp cock and played with it between her fingers, then moved her mouth over it and within a few minutes had him hard as she sucked greedily on his tool. I came inside Kate just as Tony blew again, Kate swallowed some and pumped the rest over her own face and tits.

Tony stayed the night and we fucked several times. We saw him again a few times until he got a girlfriend who wasn’t into foursomes. I would never take or receive anal from a guy but I did enjoy mutual masturbation and oral with Tony so I guess I am bisexual, and when we moved to foursomes I enjoy that part of the action, but there is no way I would give up tit and pussy. I’ve only ever been with a guy in a 3/4some situation. Anyway, it was a while before we had our first foursome, but Kate did agree after we stopped seeing Tony to have a threesome with another woman. But that’s another story.

 

[hbcacouple]

For fun

As a twenty year old dating a thirty-something, you think you are "mature for your age."
It's just not so! You are not equals in experience or abilities. He does not think of you as his equal. You grow up so much during theses years that the difference is tremendous. A thirty-something dating a twenty something is looking for someone that is immature and can be manipulated to do what the older one wants. They probably are looking for younger because they cannot cope with their equal. Also, he is enjoying you as pretty, young, arm candy that makes him feel studly.
That said, if you can acknowledge the above; if you don't get too emotionally invested; if you can be in it for the party; go for it and have fun!

BTW. We can tel;l you from experience that threesomes and moresomes are a LOT of fun.

 

[femmedeviant]

hbcacouple: I appreciate your honest reply. That doesn't mean that I necessarily agree with everything you said, but it's still much appreciated.
I can see as a 20 year old dating a 30-something year old that some people may look at it as just an ego boost for the older guy and a fling for the girl involved; however as a 20-year-old engaged to a 31 year old man I feel that that doesn't apply. He's not simply trying to manipulate me in any way, but I do agree that he's had a lot more experience than I have at this point. He's looking for a wife and I feel ready to become one. I'm not the type of person who will put up with a relationship where I am seen in any way as being on a lower level than the other person involved.

Now that said, I would in no way be emotionally invested in any sexual relationship outside of the one I already have. All I'm looking for is a new experience that I'm interested in trying and that he has already tried and enjoyed. Like I've said previously though I'm still weighing whether or not I will actually do it, or perhaps it should wait a few more years yet.

What I was hoping to get from starting this thread was replies sharing past experiences of the same type that I'm interested in getting involved in, and honest feedback regarding each experience. Stories written about the experience itself I can easily find as well, so instead of that I'm looking for actual personal experiences. I found something closer to what I was looking for in the GLBT Chatter forum so I had thought I killed off this thread.

I do always appreciate the feedback though!

 

[AvaAdore]

All other good and bad things about the idea aside, your future relationship is what worries me, and I'm not talking about what happens if you go through with it. What bothers me is that your fiance did this kind of activity with another girlfriend and obviously like it, asked you do to this, you said no, and now he is asking you do to this again. What happens if you eventually decide to say no again this time? What happens if you go through with it, don't like it, and tell him you don't want to do it anymore? Do you just go off, get married, and live happily ever after with him respecting your wishes? Does he just accept your decision and goes the rest of his life without a threesome? I don't really see that happening. And, oh, by the way, my suspicious nature doubts whether his friend is truly a virgin. I am not against threesomes but this could really develop into a trust issue. In any event, good luck with your decision.

I think every relationship has hangups like this. There is always something you might like to do that your partner isn't into. But if you love them and choose to marry them, you just deal!