The unappreciated limerick

[Smuttyandfun]

G

Is this where I try to make a Limerick about Stella?

Go for it.

 

[HectorBidon]

I was fucking a girl in black lace,
And she asked me to pick up the pace.
"My boyfriend is due
At a quarter to two,
And I still need to tidy the place."

I know a sweet girl from Nepal,
Who comes to the park to play ball.
When she sits on the swing
You can see everything,
'Cause she never wears panties at all.

I know a sweet girl from Tibet
Who keeps a white lamb as a pet.
When they're not in the yurt
It hides under her skirt,
And that's closer than you'll ever get.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Is this where I try to make a Limerick about Stella?

Okay, so I gave this a shot:

There was a young lady named Stella
Who'd chase any well-endowed fella
She'd get on her knees
And do as she pleased
Until she encountered a yeller

 

[Bubo_bubo]

G

Go for it.

In Leuven lived a girl named Stella
She married a Brazilian fella
the wor-ld of beer
they conquered through fear
And now keep it all locked in their cellar

I didn't say it would be good.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

In Leuven lived a girl named Stella
She married a Brazilian fella
the wor-ld of beer
they conquered through fear
And now keep it all locked in their cellar

I didn't say it would be good.

Good one! Considering it's not exactly easy finding something that rhymes with Stella.

 

[SimonDoom]

I met a fair lady named Gail,
In a pub on an eve in Birkdale.
She splashed me, apace
With a drink in my face.
Was it something I said, or the ale?

 

[Bubo_bubo]

Good one! Considering it's not exactly easy finding something that rhymes with Stella.

It was getting the ambev/inbev références in there that was the challenge. (Artois would have been an even more difficult Rhyme)

 

[Smuttyandfun]

It was getting the ambev/inbev références in there that was the challenge. (Artois would have been an even more difficult Rhyme)

Yeah, no kidding.

It was getting the ambev/inbev références in there that was the challenge. (Artois would have been an even more difficult Rhyme)

Okay, challenge met:

A townsman named Johnny Artois
Decided he liked what he saw
When he looked up the dress
Of the town call girl Bess
And spied not a muff but a paw!

Nothing to do with beer, but at least it rhymes.

 

[AlinaX]

There was a young woman named Stella
Who took everywhere her umbrella
In the heat of the day
She threw her clothes all away
And danced, in the nude, tarantella

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There was a young woman named Stella
Who took everywhere her umbrella
In the heat of the day
She threw her clothes all away
And danced, in the nude, tarantella

Good one! Tarantella really works with Stella, too.

 

[Bubo_bubo]

Yeah, no kidding.

Okay, challenge met:

A townsman named Johnny Artois
Decided he liked what he saw
When he looked up the dress
Of the town call girl Bess
And spied not a muff but a paw!

Nothing to do with beer, but at least it rhymes.

I'm sorry to say it doesn't (Artois is pronounced Artwah)

There was a blonde named Stella Artois
She had a certain je ne sais quoi
I wanted a taste
but it was a waste
She was nothing but headache so "Bwah!"

(In my student days Stella had a reputation of giving you a headache, well more than the other beers).

 

[HectorBidon]

My roommate's a girl from Merced,
She's pretty and very well read.
She sleeps in the nude,
And when she's in the mood,
She visits my side of the bed.

My pretty lab partner then sits,
And I measure her pussy and tits.
She measures my penis
As it swells between us
And asks, "Shall we see if it fits?"

The scene called for Hector and Rose
To embrace in a passionate pose.
For the sake of the art,
and to nail down the part,
They rehearsed it without any clothes.

 

[Trionyx]

I generally believe all politicians are suspect until proven otherwise, which is rarely the case. That being said, I decided to fire off a few political limericks. I am an equal opportunity basher and will trash both Rs and Ds with joy. Here are a few that I came up with today.

There once was a gov named Newsome
Who wanted more than a twosome
And to get his fix
He got five or six
So many it was quite gruesome.

There once was a gov named Abbott
Who partook in an odd habit
He’d jump, swear and cuss
Making a big fuss
Saying ‘I can't come, Dagnabbit’.

There was a president named Trump
Who into a woman would bump
He was no wussy
He’d grab her pussy
But was only good for one pump.

There now is a president named Joe
Who would like to go with the flow
Even with a pill
Happily for Jill
He is now far too old to blow.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

There was a young lady named Ramsom
Who was rogered three times in a hansom.
When she called out for more,
Came a voice from the floor,
"My name is Simpson, not Samson!"

 

[SimonDoom]

Their sex life, grown stale, needed zest,
So the couple took on a new test.
He spun her around,
And her thong hit the ground.
Soon they both realized backdoor was best.

 

[HectorBidon]

Searching for depth in porn is kinda like renting a submarine to investigate a puddle. Stjepan Sejic

Yeah. But if you rent a microscope, you can see a lot of interesting shit. "The world in a grain of sand . . ." I'd just say, some puddles are siltier than others.

 

[MillieDynamite]

From Jaw's

Here lies the body of Mary Lee;
Died at the age of a hundred and three.
For fifteen years, she kept her virginity;
Not a bad record for this vicinity.

While not a limerick, I love the line, "Here's to swimmin' with bowlegged women."

 

[Smuttyandfun]

I'm sorry to say it doesn't (Artois is pronounced Artwah)

There was a blonde named Stella Artois
She had a certain je ne sais quoi
I wanted a taste
but it was a waste
She was nothing but headache so "Bwah!"

(In my student days Stella had a reputation of giving you a headache, well more than the other beers).

Picky, picky, picky. Actually I do know how to pronounce Stella Artois. I thought since we had both attempted to rhyme Stella with words like cellar and yeller, that saw and paw weren't too much of a stretch to rhyme with Artois, especially since I wrote it pretty quickly!

 

[XerXesXu]

Picky, picky, picky. Actually I do know how to pronounce Stella Artois. I thought since we had both attempted to rhyme Stella with words like cellar and yeller, that saw and paw weren't too much of a stretch to rhyme with Artois, especially since I wrote it pretty quickly!

It's pronounced Artoys in English Law French, as in 'oterfoyz' acquit/convict, but I'm not sure that makes it rhym either.

This has me wondering where my Law French dictionary is now.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

It's pronounced Artoys in English Law French, as in 'oterfoyz' acquit/convict, but I'm not sure that makes it rhym either.

This has me wondering where my Law French dictionary is now.

I just checked and if you look up the brand online, the Belgian brewery pronounces it two ways: a shorter sounding Artoi, and also Artwah, where the last part is more dragged out, which is a closer rhyme to saw and paw.

 

[XerXesXu]

I just checked and if you look up the brand online, the Belgian brewery pronounces it two ways: a shorter sounding Artoi, and also Artwah, where the last part is more dragged out, which is a closer rhyme to saw and paw.

I'm convinced.

 

[Rustyoznail]

How we say words is a hassle
I'm thinking tomato and castle
My "A's" are all sharp
So don't you dare harp
Unless you're from northern Newcastle

 

[AlinaX]

lol - my thought processes anticipated that last line.

 

[Bubo_bubo]

Picky, picky, picky. Actually I do know how to pronounce Stella Artois. I thought since we had both attempted to rhyme Stella with words like cellar and yeller, that saw and paw weren't too much of a stretch to rhyme with Artois, especially since I wrote it pretty quickly!

I'll give you the point on cellar, but
paw is pronounced (in British English (RP)) as /pɔː/
and
Artois is pronounced (in French) as /aʁ.twa/
and so to my ears the rhyme between /wa/ and /ɔː/ didn't work, they're rather far apart as sounds go.

Now both can be pronounced with a sound more like /(w)ɑ/ and then I admit it could work.

But that's the risk of rhyming between languages, one of which is notorious for being differently pronounced in different countries and regions and having no real 'official' pronunciation.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'll give you the point on cellar, but
paw is pronounced (in British English (RP)) as /pɔː/
and
Artois is pronounced (in French) as /aʁ.twa/
and so to my ears the rhyme between /wa/ and /ɔː/ didn't work, they're rather far apart as sounds go.

Now both can be pronounced with a sound more like /(w)ɑ/ and then I admit it could work.

But that's the risk of rhyming between languages, one of which is notorious for being differently pronounced in different countries and regions and having no real 'official' pronunciation.

The rhyme works for me, even allowing for the French pronunciation. I knew how it was pronounced and thought it worked fine.

To the ear of an English speaker there's a "w" before the "ah" in ar-tois. It's more of a consonant sound rather than a vowel sound. It's like saying "Wah." Regardless, it ends in "ah" following whatever you want to call that sound, and the end rhyme works with any word that ends in "ah." That's how it sounds to me, anyway.