The unappreciated limerick

[AlinaX]

There once was a man with two cocks
And a trio of sizeable rocks
His sisters all teased
Till one day he sneezed
And shot semen over their frocks

 

[AlinaX]

There once was a chicken who crossed
The road at a terrible cost
It shouldn't have tried
To get to the side
For thus was its little life lost

 

[Bubo_bubo]

The rhyme works for me, even allowing for the French pronunciation. I knew how it was pronounced and thought it worked fine.

To the ear of an English speaker there's a "w" before the "ah" in ar-tois. It's more of a consonant sound rather than a vowel sound. It's like saying "Wah." Regardless, it ends in "ah" following whatever you want to call that sound, and the end rhyme works with any word that ends in "ah." That's how it sounds to me, anyway.

The a-sound in Artois is one as such is hard to find in isolation English (it's part of the the diphtong in 'why' /ai/ - can't do superscript),
In English in general the distinction between /a/ and /ɑ/ is not important while in Dutch/Flemish, my mother tongue, it is the base of many minimal pairs (raat/rat, laat/lat, laag/lag, wraak/wrak, zaak/zak, braak/brak etc.) so the distinction is quite important.

For the same reason, someone who grows up with Chinese, Japanese, Kinyarwanda or Kirundi as a mother tongue will have difficulty making the distinction between r & l because in their language that distinction isn't important.
(While Armenian makes a distinction between three different sounds that sound all as r to me).

As a baby you're capable to distinguish I believe up to 90 phonemes but this then gets paired down as you learn your mother tongue and certain distinctions aren't important.

And here ends your lesson of phonology of the day.

 

[SimonDoom]

The a-sound in Artois is one as such is hard to find in isolation English (it's part of the the diphtong in 'why' /ai/ - can't do superscript),
In English in general the distinction between /a/ and /ɑ/ is not important while in Dutch/Flemish, my mother tongue, it is the base of many minimal pairs (raat/rat, laat/lat, laag/lag, wraak/wrak, zaak/zak, braak/brak etc.) so the distinction is quite important.

For the same reason, someone who grows up with Chinese, Japanese, Kinyarwanda or Kirundi as a mother tongue will have difficulty making the distinction between r & l because in their language that distinction isn't important.
(While Armenian makes a distinction between three different sounds that sound all as r to me).

As a baby you're capable to distinguish I believe up to 90 phonemes but this then gets paired down as you learn your mother tongue and certain distinctions aren't important.

And here ends your lesson of phonology of the day.

It's interesting, but none of this has any bearing upon how an English-speaking poetry reader is going to hear the poem, and that's what matters. With end rhyme, exact matching isn't necessary, especially with limericks, which are usually light-hearted. When I read a poem, what I care about is how I hear it, not the phonology or etymology of the words used. It's all about the music of it, and it's the ear of the listener that matters.

 

[Bubo_bubo]

It's interesting, but none of this has any bearing upon how an English-speaking poetry reader is going to hear the poem, and that's what matters. With end rhyme, exact matching isn't necessary, especially with limericks, which are usually light-hearted. When I read a poem, what I care about is how I hear it, not the phonology or etymology of the words used. It's all about the music of it, and it's the ear of the listener that matters.

I explained why the rhyme didn't sound right to me. Goodbye.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

A wonderful race are the Persians.
They have such delightful diversions.
They make love each day
In a most ordinary way
And save their nights for perversions.

 

[SimonDoom]

I explained why the rhyme didn't sound right to me. Goodbye.

No, that's not correct. You responded to both smuttyandfun and to me as though you knew the objectively correct answer and you were enlightening us about our ignorance and errors. My point is that it's a matter of how we all hear it and there's no objectively correct answer when it comes to something light-hearted like a limerick. There's no need to get snarky and dismissive.

 

[AlinaX]

My teacher was Mr A Hunt
And was known for being terribly blunt
In PE one day
He got carried away
And called the head teacher a very nice gentleman; afternoon, sir!

 

[TarnishedPenny]

​

There was a young lawyer named Rex,
Who had a small organ of sex.
When charged with exposure,
He replied with composure,
“De minimus non curat lex.”

 

[HectorBidon]

I know a sweet girl from Milan,
Who can't keep her underpants on.
When she leaves on a date
They'll be perfectly straight;
By the time she gets home they'll be gone.

I know a sweet girl from Muskegon.
She's perky and friendly and vegan.
If you want it she'll try it,
'Cept because of her diet
She won't ever swallow your semen.

I know a sweet girl from Belize,
Whose ancestors all lived in trees.
She will mate you for life,
Make a hell of a wife,
As long as you don't mind the fleas.

 

[Handley_Page]

The a-sound in Artois is one as such is hard to find in isolation English (it's part of the the diphtong in 'why' /ai/ - can't do superscript),
In English in general the distinction between /a/ and /ɑ/ is not important while in Dutch/Flemish, my mother tongue, it is the base of many minimal pairs (raat/rat, laat/lat, laag/lag, wraak/wrak, zaak/zak, braak/brak etc.) so the distinction is quite important.

For the same reason, someone who grows up with Chinese, Japanese, Kinyarwanda or Kirundi as a mother tongue will have difficulty making the distinction between r & l because in their language that distinction isn't important.
(While Armenian makes a distinction between three different sounds that sound all as r to me).

As a baby you're capable to distinguish I believe up to 90 phonemes but this then gets paired down as you learn your mother tongue and certain distinctions aren't important.

And here ends your lesson of phonology of the day.

And it as bloody good.

 

[XerXesXu]

The a-sound in Artois is one as such is hard to find in isolation English (it's part of the the diphtong in 'why' /ai/ - can't do superscript),
In English in general the distinction between /a/ and /ɑ/ is not important while in Dutch/Flemish, my mother tongue, it is the base of many minimal pairs (raat/rat, laat/lat, laag/lag, wraak/wrak, zaak/zak, braak/brak etc.) so the distinction is quite important.

For the same reason, someone who grows up with Chinese, Japanese, Kinyarwanda or Kirundi as a mother tongue will have difficulty making the distinction between r & l because in their language that distinction isn't important.
(While Armenian makes a distinction between three different sounds that sound all as r to me).

As a baby you're capable to distinguish I believe up to 90 phonemes but this then gets paired down as you learn your mother tongue and certain distinctions aren't important.

And here ends your lesson of phonology of the day.

English is a bit like that - paired, pared, peered.

Do they do unaccompanied drum music in Mali as in Senegal? I've been unable to locate any on youtube, but for sentimental reasons, I'd like to include some in my playlist. Do you know of any on youtube?

 

[Bubo_bubo]

English is a bit like that - paired, pared, peered.

Do they do unaccompanied drum music in Mali as in Senegal? I've been unable to locate any on youtube, but for sentimental reasons, I'd like to include some in my playlist. Do you know of any on youtube?

Don't know like that - or what is good or not, but you will have more success when using 'djembé' as a search term, which is the traditional type of drum.
A quick search gave me this video (ao)

 

[XerXesXu]

Don't know like that - or what is good or not, but you will have more success when using 'djembé' as a search term, which is the traditional type of drum.
A quick search gave me this video (ao)

Excellent tip. Thanks, that's just the sort of thing.

 

[AlinaX]

The haiku is three lines of verse
But syllable counting's a curse
Though most tend to strive
For five-seven-five
This rule makes it clunky and worse

O crude limerick!
Thy predictability
Makes sweet comedy

 

[TarnishedPenny]

There was a young woman named Bright,
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

 

[Duleigh]

There is an entertainer in Western New York named John Valby, AKA Doctor Dirt. His entire routine is singing "Locker Room Songs" to drunk college kids. He was doing it in 1975 (I was there at Melonies Bar, Clarence NY) and he's still doing it. This is one of his limericks. If you don't like it, you will definitely not like the one about the female vampire.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who took a pig in a thicket to fuck it.
The pig said that's crass!
Get away from my ass!
Come around to the front and I'll suck it.

 

[Duleigh]

This one is from John Valby's Philosophical Bullshit album. It's one of his less shocking limericks from the "Ya Ya Song"

A Rabbi who lived in Peru
Was vainly attempting to screw
His wife said "Oy Vey!
"If you keep on this way -
"The Messiah will come before you."

 

[Djmac1031]

"Here lies the body of Mary Lee;
died at the age of a hundred and three.
For fifteen years she kept her viginity;
not a bad record for this vicinity."

Quint - Jaws.

 

[Duleigh]

"Here lies the body of Mary Lee;
died at the age of a hundred and three.
For fifteen years she kept her viginity;
not a bad record for this vicinity."

Quint - Jaws.

Nice, but not a limerick - let me fix it for you

"Here lies the body of Mary Lee;
died at the age of a hundred and three.
She kept her virginity
In this sexy vicinity
That was until she met me

 

[AlinaX]

The body of Mary lies here
Who by eighteen was famously queer
A virgin, they thought
But by me she was taught
To adore a sweet tongue in the rear

 

[jehoram]

There was an old man from 'Stanboul,
Who soliloquized thus to his tool:
"I gave you my health,
My youth and my wealth,
And now you won't pee, you old fool!"

 

[SimonDoom]

He fell into a financial rut.
But his wife had the loveliest butt.
So he hooked up the 'Net.
Got his camera all set.
Now they're making good money from smut!

 

[EmilyMiller]

What’s your favourite?

There was a young lady called Miller
Who invited a guy once to drill her
Holding open her butt
She was such a slut
And pleaded the guy just to to fill her

One of Edward Lear’s finest IMO.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

There once was a maid all forlorn
As she had to write tentacle porn
When she’d asked them to choose
Which subject to use
They voted her clothes should be torn

The man was a genius.

Em