The everything about rape topic.

[FurryFury]

Husbands can and do rape wives all the time. It's hard to prove legally. It's hard to sort out emotionally. I was in a marriage like that. He was a fucked up person who could only get into things if he KNEW I didn't want them.

We spent ten years together with him trying to break me down like it were some kind of game enjoyed. When I became too emotionally strong for him, he got me pregnant and left. He wanted to keep me on a string even then. It didn't work out well for him.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Husbands can and do rape wives all the time. It's hard to prove legally. It's hard to sort out emotionally. I was in a marriage like that. He was a fucked up person who could only get into things if he KNEW I didn't want them.

We spent ten years together with him trying to break me down like it were some kind of game enjoyed. When I became too emotionally strong for him, he got me pregnant and left. He wanted to keep me on a string even then. It didn't work out well for him.

I understand this. My sad tale of woe is almost identical to yours. I am a little more over it each day that passes and I really never thought i would be while I was in it.

 

[FurryFury]

I understand this. My sad tale of woe is almost identical to yours. I am a little more over it each day that passes and I really never thought i would be while I was in it.

*hugs*

I tried to make things different in my mind. I'm good at that. That's just how sick I am.

 

[Kajira Callista]

*hugs*

I tried to make things different in my mind. I'm good at that. That's just how sick I am.

I don't think it is sick...it is how you coped with it.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks.

 

[Sayyid]

Whoa. This thread is about real-life rape, not the fantasy? I don't know what to say except that my heart goes out to anyone who's had to experience this violation of their person and psyche against their will. It's not much, I know.

I am SSC to the core and would never dream of partaking in any activity if I wasn't sure my partner was completely okay with it at all times, was enjoying it and was safe.

 

[CuteBrat]

Whoa. This thread is about real-life rape, not the fantasy? I don't know what to say except that my heart goes out to anyone who's had to experience this violation of their person and psyche against their will. It's not much, I know.

I am SSC to the core and would never dream of partaking in any activity if I wasn't sure my partner was completely okay with it at all times, was enjoying it and was safe.

in my opinion...SSC is not D/s. RACK makes so much more sense. just my opinion.

 

[Sayyid]

You're free to have your own opinion, but I disagree strongly. There are clearly defined pre-existing limits in any BDSM scenario and my partner's safety is one of them.

 

[Shankara20]

You're free to have your own opinion, but I disagree strongly. There are clearly defined pre-existing limits in any BDSM scenario and my partner's safety is one of them.

I feel the need to say that I agree.

There are other threads that have discussed SSC vs RACK and I hope this thread does not become just one more.

A Top/Master/Dom/Domme/Whatever that does not or cannot read and respond to bottom/slave/sub/whatever's safety, including emotional safety, is someone I have difficulty with.

Real life rape, the bad kind, does exist in this BDSM world.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I feel the need to say that I agree.

There are other threads that have discussed SSC vs RACK and I hope this thread does not become just one more.

A Top/Master/Dom/Domme/Whatever that does not or cannot read and respond to bottom/slave/sub/whatever's safety, including emotional safety, is someone I have difficulty with.

Real life rape, the bad kind, does exist in this BDSM world.

I you shankie pants.

 

[ZenDragoness]

in my opinion...SSC is not D/s. RACK makes so much more sense. just my opinion.

And luckily there is not only d/s under the bdsm umbrella, but also s/m as in sadomasochism and i like my s/m ssc just fine.

I always had the feeling that rack is the new cool, like shades at night in the 80s were.

Rape is a crime and rape in a marriage is since some years a special defined crime in Germany, i think that is a good legislative decision because at least it is a crime. Before that changed law it factual was not a crime. Factual meaning in the outcome of most trials.

 

[thisunrest]

considering my own past, and the experiences i have experienced, rape is very common.

if a man or woman puts themselves in a situation where rape is possible, its still rape but not 100% of the rapists fault.

what i have a question about is if a person was a child, and was molested by several people, and was taught to like it. what if they didnt even know it was wrong until later on in life? could that person say they were molested, or couldnt they becuase they liked it or taught to like it?

i like forced sex, but straight up rape, where male or female has no say no power nothing, and genuinely did not want it... i get pretty pissed about that subject. some serious issues could come from experiences like that.

I agree with the above.Role-play and fantasy are one thing,but sometimes they don't translate well into reality.
If the rape fantasy goes wrong,it can be a disaster.There was a man in the news not too long ago who hired someone to rape his wife while he watched.It was his biggest fantasy, but he didn't clear it with his spouse and now she's emotionally crippled and the "rapist" ( who thought everything was kosher) is in jail.

 

[thisunrest]

you know even in nature most females dont have a choice... then comes the glorious independant female tiger....ROAR! *go tigers* lol... *go baths!!!!*

Oftentimes in nature the female forces the male to fight to have her because she wants to assure strong genes in their offspring.You know,the whole "are you man enough to handle me at my worst" thing.Which,I think is kind of hot

 

[sadangel]

Stemmed from an offshoot from another topic. Without being too judgemental of each other perhaps we can discuss rape, examine the different points of view.. rapist vs. raped. The different types from purely fantasy and hot all the way to destroyed lives.. basically an open topic that hits it from every angle.


Does incestual molestation count if you were too young to consent but didn't object?

Also, I'm just guessing that a good percentage of us here have been through at least a date rape in our pasts or even have crossed the line with someone as the aggressor or both.

As an incest survivor who was anally raped at 7 until 12 and then vaginally raped from 12-17, yes, it is still rape. It doesn't matter that I didn't say no. I couldn't. I was threatened and my family was threatened by my step-father. It is still rape. I was being molested from age 4 until the anal rape started. I had no way to say no, no idea that I could.

There are some who will think I'm full of shit but I was raped during my marriage by my husband. I would have said yes many of the times that he chose to assault, abuse and rape me instead...he didn't have to go to those lengths. He was a bastard who did it because he could.

Believe it or not after all that, I can actually understand to some degree the woman who fantasize about "rape" though to me, I think what they are actually fantasizing about is the total control being taken. For some, it is the only way that they can "submit" and so it fulfills a need for them. For me, I don't fantasize about it. Been there. Done that. It isn't worthy for ME to fantasize about. I have no problem with those who do.

 

[ataxia.girl]

As far as the husband wife thing goes i really think for it to be considered rape or abuse it has to be part of a pattern. i would have a hard time categorizing a one time event where he lost control in the heat of passion either rape or abuse especially if it could be interpreted as an escalation of something already going on that was not felt as abuse by the bottom. i'm inclined to think everyone loses control occasionally or makes a bad judgment call even with regard to their own children but they don't usually make that same bad call twice. You wake up in the morning and reflect and say "oh shit" to yourself and figure out what needs to change to insure whatever risk you took isn't taken again. Sometimes you take a risk and nothing bad happens but you still wake up the next day and know that whole thing you did last night was a bad idea and decide not to do it again. When you insist to your partner that everything was fine, there was nothing wrong with it, she's imagining things and give no value to her feelings that's where it becomes abuse in my mind.

 

[Shankara20]

As far as the husband wife thing goes i really think for it to be considered rape or abuse it has to be part of a pattern. i would have a hard time categorizing a one time event where he lost control in the heat of passion either rape or abuse especially if it could be interpreted as an escalation of something already going on that was not felt as abuse by the bottom. i'm inclined to think everyone loses control occasionally or makes a bad judgment call even with regard to their own children but they don't usually make that same bad call twice. You wake up in the morning and reflect and say "oh shit" to yourself and figure out what needs to change to insure whatever risk you took isn't taken again. Sometimes you take a risk and nothing bad happens but you still wake up the next day and know that whole thing you did last night was a bad idea and decide not to do it again. When you insist to your partner that everything was fine, there was nothing wrong with it, she's imagining things and give no value to her feelings that's where it becomes abuse in my mind.

I consider it spousal rape if one party does not consent. It is never about loosing control in the heat of passion, it is about not respecting the "No", or the "Stop" or the "Safeword".

There is no "bad judgment" involved, there is a lack of respect for the right of everyone to consent to what they are involved in doing.

The other day I heard something like "sex should not be like giving a cat a bath, all involved should be enthusiastic about the event".

 

[ataxia.girl]

That's nice and all unless non-consent is your turn on and then you're kind of screwed. Role play doesn't always cut it either.

 

[Bandit58]

Then there is the emotional blackmail.
My ex would turn on the silent treatment if I said no. For days. He had me thinking there was something wrong with me because I didn't like sex.
I've since found out that it was sex with HIM that I didn't like.

 

[ZRT]

That's nice and all unless non-consent is your turn on and then you're kind of screwed. Role play doesn't always cut it either.

As the aggressor or the victim?

Because as the victim, I don't see how consenting to nonconsent is nonconsensual, beyond the fact that these things can be murky and headtrippy.

As the aggressor, it is my turn-on and roleplay -has- to cut it. Desire doesn't justify assault. No will always mean no to me, even if a darker part of the old sex drive just says 'Hell yes, let's do this.'

 

[angelfire1983]

I'm new to this whole posting thing..I have several instances of rape and molestation in my childhood. The one thing that I struggle with is that instead of hating it I now enjoy reading stories about loss of control and force and submission. It makes me wonder if there something intrinsically wrong with me.

 

[CuteBrat]

I'm new to this whole posting thing..I have several instances of rape and molestation in my childhood. The one thing that I struggle with is that instead of hating it I now enjoy reading stories about loss of control and force and submission. It makes me wonder if there something intrinsically wrong with me.

there isnt anything wrong with you. for one thing, almost every chick has rape fantasies. just not everyone has the balls to acknowledge it.

for a second thing....its psychological. you had something bad happen to you. your brain could a) hate it and remember the trauma and helplessness or b) identify with the perpetrator, and find ways to turn a bad experience into a good one. Which option would your average self-protective brain take? yeppers....option b.

so....dont worry about it. and what turns you on, turns you on. screw anyone who tries to judge you for it.

 

[ZRT]

there isnt anything wrong with you. for one thing, almost every chick has rape fantasies. just not everyone has the balls to acknowledge it.

for a second thing....its psychological. you had something bad happen to you. your brain could a) hate it and remember the trauma and helplessness or b) identify with the perpetrator, and find ways to turn a bad experience into a good one. Which option would your average self-protective brain take? yeppers....option b.

so....dont worry about it. and what turns you on, turns you on. screw anyone who tries to judge you for it.

There's also the element of having actual control and choice by fantasizing or playing out such fantasies. It's a way of taking back control after a trauma.

 

[FurryFury]

GREAT posts Cutebrat and ZRT!

 

[ataxia.girl]

As the aggressor or the victim?

Because as the victim, I don't see how consenting to nonconsent is nonconsensual, beyond the fact that these things can be murky and headtrippy.

As the aggressor, it is my turn-on and roleplay -has- to cut it. Desire doesn't justify assault. No will always mean no to me, even if a darker part of the old sex drive just says 'Hell yes, let's do this.'

i don't really feel like a victim but certainly the turn on is about being on the bottom. It can work in a long term relationship if blanket consent is given at the outset and the top is brave enough to use it. i consented to be my Daddy's girl but i did not promise to submit and often don't. i am always on the bottom. We NEVER have the adult to adult, am i still consenting, conversations. Not ever. i don't think the concept of a safeword has ever been mentioned by either one of us.

When he "rapes" me is it rape? In the legal sense i certainly hope not. In the psychological and emotional sense he gets pretty damn close but its hard for me to judge because everything happens within an incest kink that can be very confusing for the partner on the bottom. i love it but there nothing clear cut about it.

i don't consent to everything Daddy does. i consented that he was my Daddy and therefore could do anything within his power but i don't really identify with the submission i hear most subs and slaves speak of.

 

[ZRT]

i don't really feel like a victim but certainly the turn on is about being on the bottom. It can work in a long term relationship if blanket consent is given at the outset and the top is brave enough to use it. i consented to be my Daddy's girl but i did not promise to submit and often don't. i am always on the bottom. We NEVER have the adult to adult, am i still consenting, conversations. Not ever. i don't think the concept of a safeword has ever been mentioned by either one of us.

When he "rapes" me is it rape? In the legal sense i certainly hope not. In the psychological and emotional sense he gets pretty damn close but its hard for me to judge because everything happens within an incest kink that can be very confusing for the partner on the bottom. i love it but there nothing clear cut about it.

i don't consent to everything Daddy does. i consented that he was my Daddy and therefore could do anything within his power but i don't really identify with the submission i hear most subs and slaves speak of.

This is what I meant about how it could be murky and headtrippy.

You consented to a TPE at the outset. Now, however you feel about the binding nature of that relationship (and I'm not getting into this can of worms tonight), the legal fact is that you can revoke this at any time. If you choose to revoke this and declare that you don't want to have sex with him and he still forces you to have sex, that becomes rape.

That is the simplistic, legalistic, cut and dried view of things, and I understand that it doesn't take the emotional complexities of relationships into account. But as a society, we can't take everyone's personal arrangements into account for legalistic basis. We have to draw a line somewhere, and that line in legal terms should be that a sincerely given 'no, I don't want to do this' is a binding statement of denial.