The everything about rape topic.

[BiBunny]

Either do I. I was talking to bunny about this last night, and I was like ok do I post it, do I not post it. I finally said I don't think I will, but I bet osg comes along and says it for me..LOL

You sure did! You can call 'em for sure, girl.

 

[ZRT]

So..basically your dynamic is just like ours. You just use a safeword and we use plain English.

My thoughts as well. Though I have no desire to simulate rape.

That's almost exactly what I said earlier- we use different means to achieve the same ends. The confusion was in whether a safeword was more like a 'stopword', which it isn't to me, unless stopping is necessary.

 

[nh23]

You sure did! You can call 'em for sure, girl.

I must be psychic. It's why blanket consent does work in our relationship. I know some don't validate it, but for me as a person it's not an issue.

I was with my vanilla ex for 12 years. I never once told him no for sex. I don't think a wife should tell her husband no to sex. I don't think a slave should tell her Master no to sex. I don't expect everyone to be like that, it's just how I am. So blanket consent works perfectly well for us.

Sure there are some days I'm not in the mood. It's just my belief that I shouldn't tell him no. If I did tell him no and he did anyway, that's part of our relationship. It wouldn't be devastating to me.

I can remember as a little girl about 5 or 6 years old, sneaking into the bathroom at night and taking a bath with my panties on, because my panties were stuck to the burns on my bottom and pelvic area. My abuser had a thing for lit cigarettes. I can remember hiding bloody panties in my room so my mom wouldn't find them. That was devastating. So to me him fucking me when I'm not in the mood isn't a big deal.

Not to say that it isn't for some. I greatly empathize with anyone who had been raped or sexually abused. I'm just trying to explain my ideas a little better.

 

[nh23]

That's almost exactly what I said earlier- we use different means to achieve the same ends. The confusion was in whether a safeword was more like a 'stopword', which it isn't to me, unless stopping is necessary.

*nods*

 

[ownedsubgal]

You sure did! You can call 'em for sure, girl.

dang, am i that predictable?

 

[nh23]

dang, am i that predictable?

It just seems that sometimes you and I have the same ideas about stuff. Not everything by any means, but some things. Then I can call em..LOL

 

[BiBunny]

It just seems that sometimes you and I have the same ideas about stuff. Not everything by any means, but some things. Then I can call em..LOL

That makes three of us.

 

[Netzach]

As a wife, I'm horny, I'm feeling selfish, I just plain want to.

So I can reach into my husband's pants and take out his cock for my amusement no matter how he feels about it, yes?

And forget begging out of buttsex, what's a 'roid between spouses.

 

[nh23]

As a wife, I'm horny, I'm feeling selfish, I just plain want to.

So I can reach into my husband's pants and take out his cock for my amusement no matter how he feels about it, yes?

And forget begging out of buttsex, what's a 'roid between spouses.

sure

 

[ownedsubgal]

As a wife, I'm horny, I'm feeling selfish, I just plain want to.

So I can reach into my husband's pants and take out his cock for my amusement no matter how he feels about it, yes?

And forget begging out of buttsex, what's a 'roid between spouses.

because you are a Dominant female, then i would say yes. however if i were a vanilla wife, i absolutely would not have the right to sex with Hubby when i wanted and how i wanted, only he would have that prerogative with me. these things don't go both ways in my book.

 

[nh23]

because you are a Dominant female, then i would say yes. however if i were a vanilla wife, i absolutely would not have the right to sex with Hubby when i wanted and how i wanted, only he would have that prerogative with me. these things don't go both ways in my book.

Same here. But here's why for me. If he doesn't really feel like having sex with me.. I don't want him to do it just for me. That makes me feel like shit. It's like a pity fuck. So I don't mind if he tells me no. He's Master. I won't tell him no though. My body belongs to him. If he wants it he gets it.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Same here. But here's why for me. If he doesn't really feel like having sex with me.. I don't want him to do it just for me. That makes me feel like shit. It's like a pity fuck. So I don't mind if he tells me no. He's Master. I won't tell him no though. My body belongs to him. If he wants it he gets it.

i feel the same way about pity sex (or pity anything for that matter)...don't want it, don't even want to think about it. but for me there's the additional element of it being pretty hardwired into my brain that sex is just not about me anyway. the whole purpose of sex, in my life, has always been to please and serve my partner. whether i want it or not has never been a factor for me in the sexual equation.

 

[nh23]

i feel the same way about pity sex (or pity anything for that matter)...don't want it, don't even want to think about it. but for me there's the additional element of it being pretty hardwired into my brain that sex is just not about me anyway. the whole purpose of sex, in my life, has always been to please and serve my partner. whether i want it or not has never been a factor for me in the sexual equation.

I've had issues with this. The whole nympho thing and all. I learned to get fixes from pain and sex. With my ex husband he opened our marriage so that I could just get it elsewhere. Get it from someone who wanted it, instead of him when he didn't.

I hate that part of me, it's selfish, and ugly. I've been working very hard on trying to make it go away. Master and I are mono. So if he doesn't want sex I have no way to get that fix. At times he has offered anyway, but like I said if he doesn't want it..then it just makes me feel like shit.

Cutting used to be a way around that, but it's not allowed anymore.

I wish I was more like you and didn't have that nympho part of me. I know it's not the real me. I know it doesn't belong there..

Master has been very patient with me and it is a bit better than it was, but I still have a long way to go.

 

[JMohegan]

If there was an audible and unequivocal revoking of consent and he proceeded regardless, that's rape. The number of times the woman has been fucked in the ass, dry or lubed, by him or anyone else, in D/s or non-kinky contexts, is irrelevant. She still has the right to say no.

I must be psychic. It's why blanket consent does work in our relationship. I know JM and some others don't validate it, but for me as a person it's not an issue.

This has nothing to do with me validating or not validating whatever goes on in your bedroom, and everything to do with the fact that (as far as I know) the woman in KC's example lives in the United States, 2009, rather than some place like Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia.

You, BiBunny, osg, and anyone else may decide to forgo the right to say no in the context of your own relationships, and that's fine. Personally I consider that type of forgoing to be an element of D/s 101, not advanced slavery dynamics. I get the concept just fine.

But that right to say no is still yours to embrace, whether or not you can imagine embracing it, from where you are sitting today.

 

[nh23]

This has nothing to do with me validating or not validating whatever goes on in your bedroom, and everything to do with the fact that (as far as I know) the woman in KC's example lives in the United States, 2009, rather than some place like Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia.

You, BiBunny, osg, and anyone else may decide to forgo the right to say no in the context of your own relationships, and that's fine. Personally I consider that type of forgoing to be an element of D/s 101, not advanced slavery dynamics. I get the concept just fine.

But that right to say no is still yours to embrace, whether or not you can imagine embracing it, from where you are sitting today.

Maybe it was someone else who had the issue with blanket consent. I'm all confused now. I was pointing out why in our relationship it's not an issue.

The likely hood of me ever saying no, or saying rape is zero.

So blanket consent works for us.

Or am I off again.

 

[BiBunny]

I could say no. But I won't. I don't have a "you can't say 'no' to us" clause. I'm just not going to do it. *Shrug* Take from that what you will. Other people can do as they please, too.

 

[intothewoods]

This has nothing to do with me validating or not validating whatever goes on in your bedroom, and everything to do with the fact that (as far as I know) the woman in KC's example lives in the United States, 2009, rather than some place like Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia.

You, BiBunny, osg, and anyone else may decide to forgo the right to say no in the context of your own relationships, and that's fine. Personally I consider that type of forgoing to be an element of D/s 101, not advanced slavery dynamics. I get the concept just fine.
But that right to say no is still yours to embrace, whether or not you can imagine embracing it, from where you are sitting today.

Pretty much. Even if I'm merely a bedroom only sub, the fucking whenever he wants to is part of the deal.

 

[nh23]

Pretty much. Even if I'm merely a bedroom only sub, the fucking whenever he wants to is part of the deal.

That's what I've been saying the whole time. So what am I missing. He's saying that even though we won't say no we have the right?

Sure I have the right, right out the door.

 

[JMohegan]

I'll cut to the chase- my personal belief is that there is no such thing, ethically, as absolute surrender of consent for a person with adequate mental function.

There are take-backs in these circumstances. Call it false slavery if you will, but no means no, regardless.

I'd argue that rape does fit into the BDSM umbrella, too. It's sex and power, which is the larger part of the whole 'lifestyle'. There are valid discussions to be had as to where it fits in as fantasy (consensual rape play), and where such matters fit into the categories of real abuses, such as the above scenario of the pyl changing her mind.

I have not said much in the past about my feelings, as they are just my feelings, but I am troubled about total power surrender and no safeword relationships. I feel everyone must have a way to say "stop" and have it respected.

This discussions is an example of why.

Maybe it was someone else who had the issue with blanket consent. I'm all confused now. I was pointing out why in our relationship it's not an issue.

The likely hood of me ever saying no, or saying rape is zero.

So blanket consent works for us.

Or am I off again.

Perhaps one of the above?

My personal M.O.: I would respect a revocation of consent, and stop whatever the heck I was doing immediately. But in the context of a committed relationship, I would also consider "no" to mean: "I don't want to be your submissive partner any more."

 

[nh23]

Perhaps one of the above?

My personal M.O.: I would respect a revocation of consent, and stop whatever the heck I was doing immediately. But in the context of a committed relationship, I would also consider "no" to mean: "I don't want to be your submissive partner any more."

I'm sorry JM. I'll fix that post of mine. I confused you with someone else.

 

[ownedsubgal]

This has nothing to do with me validating or not validating whatever goes on in your bedroom, and everything to do with the fact that (as far as I know) the woman in KC's example lives in the United States, 2009, rather than some place like Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia.

You, BiBunny, osg, and anyone else may decide to forgo the right to say no in the context of your own relationships, and that's fine. Personally I consider that type of forgoing to be an element of D/s 101, not advanced slavery dynamics. I get the concept just fine.

But that right to say no is still yours to embrace, whether or not you can imagine embracing it, from where you are sitting today.

that's just in JMohegan...while of course i and pretty much anyone else outside of a prison has the legal right to say "no," legal right does not necessarily equate to ACTUAL right. i do not have the right to say no/refuse my Master, because that is a right i gave up when i became a slave. and trust me, there are times when i have wished that i had such a right! but i have as much right to say no to him as i have right to take a machete and start slicing him to bits in his sleep. and unlike some, if i ever were to lose what's left of my mind and refuse him anything, it would not terminate the relationship because i do not have the power to terminate the relationship. my "consent" cannot be taken back, period.

however, the issue of consent goes far beyond the right to say "no" or not. i know that you believe that anyone has the right to revoke consent at any time, however i disagree with this and especially so within the context of certain relationships such as Master and slave and Husband and wife. and because imo a wife or a slave cannot revoke consent, something like rape is not possible because consent to specific sexual activities is irrelevant on the part of the partner at the bottom of the power dynamic.

and yes, i am fully aware that my beliefs on topics such as this are very archaic, very non-PC, and seemingly not very compassionate, but eh what can ya do.

 

[BiBunny]

That's what I've been saying the whole time. So what am I missing. He's saying that even though we won't say no we have the right?

Sure I have the right, right out the door.

Hell, I can say no and not have to leave. It's just fairly likely he's going to laugh and do it, anyway. Doesn't have to be sexual, either. A specific incident involving their backyard, a garden hose, and me chained topless to the back porch comes to mind.

They're still laughing over that fucking video. Assholes.

 

[intothewoods]

I would hope that the woman in KC's example does not feel less than submissive because she left a man who, when confronted with his wife's screams and her or their children's screams, continued right along without regard for any of them.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I would hope that the woman in KC's example does not feel less than submissive because she left a man who, when confronted with his wife's screams and her or their children's screams, continued right along without regard for any of them.

i certainly hope not also, because of the children as i stated earlier. yes a man can take his wife if he pleases, but the complete disregard for the children is what signaled to me that something was seriously wrong with that man.

 

[nh23]

i certainly hope not also, because of the children as i stated earlier. yes a man can take his wife if he pleases, but the complete disregard for the children is what signaled to me that something was seriously wrong with that man.

*nods* That bothered me as well. It wouldn't bother me if Master ignored my screams. He's been known to do that. But, if my kids were upset..I can't imagine.