The "ethics" of casual 'love'

[WriterDom]

True love after three weeks?

Something you would expect from a journal of a eighth grader. But if someone offered you a bdsm relationship inside of such a casual, laughable, three week romance, isn't that inherently dangerous and disingenuous? Don't such immature love affairs tend to quickly fade as the same rate of speed that they began?

You see this all the time online. Seemingly sane people moving across the country who wake up after a couple of months wondering what the hell they were thinking? Could it work? Yes but the chances are very slim. What would someone who was in the advice gig say about casual love? Well, if they had a mouth full of coffee and knew you as a friend, they'd probably spew it out laughing and ask if you were serious. If they saw you were serious, they'd probably sit you down for several sessions about rushing into lifelong decisions.

A serious warning to submissives. Experienced subs, ones that have been around the block wouldn't take a casual "love" player serious, but newcomers might be swayed. Be very careful. Someone who clearly has issues about bdsm play shouldn't be trusted when it comes to such activity under the illusion of "casual" immature love. Think of the rage and anger that could immerge after the "casual" love fades.

And there is the chance that the "casual" lover has been lonely for years. Perhaps feeling like an outcast. Rejected over and over by various groups he or she longs to belong to. Banned even perhaps.

And sadly, the "casual" lover may have suffered a deep personal loss and is only projecting his feelings for a past lover, on to you. His causal love.

Causal internet love. Not a laughing matter.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you for this sobering warning.

 

[FloggingMolly]

http://www.madeofwin.com/mow_ntro.jpg

 

[BLoved]

~smile~

We will have lived together for six weeks as of tomorrow.

As it was love and respect that brought us together, so it will be love and respect that keeps us together.

There were many offers over the two+ years I quested for my Beloved ... none compare with her.

I'm glad I waited.

 

[Stella_Omega]

~smile~

We will have lived together for six weeks as of tomorrow.

As it was love and respect that brought us together, so it will be love and respect that keeps us together.

There were many offers over the two+ years I quested for my Beloved ... none compare with her.

I'm glad I waited.

that's what they all say, but it's a ruse...

 

[FloggingMolly]

The last shit relationship I had was with someone who claimed they loved me, that I was their one and only beloved. Mostly, it was verbal abuse, mental and emotional blackmail and misery. It ended in me thinking I needed to put out to keep him, which I wasnt willng to do, and him cheating on me and telling all my friends I was a slut. Thats what casual 'love' can do.

 

[intothewoods]

I have known those rare successful couples who met and got married after a whirlwind romance of two weeks or something. I don't claim to be an expert on marriage, but I think it's what happens after the initial falling in love stage that's important for the success of a relationship. I don't know if you can determine compatibility and a person's willingness to work on the relationship after a couple of weeks.

 

[Keroin]

Causal internet love. Not a laughing matter.

Oops, too late. Sorry.

 

[WriterDom]

~smile~

We will have lived together for six weeks as of tomorrow.

As it was love and respect that brought us together, so it will be love and respect that keeps us together.

There were many offers over the two+ years I quested for my Beloved ... none compare with her.

I'm glad I waited.

Is she a Dell or a Toshiba? Maybe you should turn her off and give her some downtime. We'll be here tomorrow.

 

[CutieMouse]

New Relationship Energy

 

[Bandit58]

Sir and I were friends here on Lit for a few months before the relationship shifted subtly into the "love domain" I flew to Sydney to meet Him 4 months later, stayed at His place for three weeks and then flew home to sell up and came back to Him 6 weeks later.

We've been together since January 2004 and will celebrate 4 years married this December 9.

My first marriage? I knew him for a year, we were engaged 6 months and married for nearly 24 years. He never told me he loved me, was possessive, selfish and immature. The emotional abuse (putdowns, criticism, demands for sex and if I said no the silent treatment was rigorously enforced) still affects my life even though I've been apart from him for 8 years.

Oh, sorry. When I told him I was leaving, he claimed he loved me

 

[intothewoods]

Sir and I were friends here on Lit for a few months before the relationship shifted subtly into the "love domain" I flew to Sydney to meet Him 4 months later, stayed at His place for three weeks and then flew home to sell up and came back to Him 6 weeks later.

We've been together since January 2004 and will celebrate 4 years married this December 9.

My first marriage? I knew him for a year, we were engaged 6 months and married for nearly 24 years. He never told me he loved me, was possessive, selfish and immature. The emotional abuse (putdowns, criticism, demands for sex and if I said no the silent treatment was rigorously enforced) still affects my life even though I've been apart from him for 8 years.

Oh, sorry. When I told him I was leaving, he claimed he loved me

See, I really feel like I needed time for our relationship to breathe and evolve. Things came up naturally that way, and we could see how we both stood on various issues. Having said that, I was in relationships for years that ended up not working out. I didn't always know what I needed.

So, do you think you guys just covered everything possible in those initial four months? Was there a bit of luck involved?

 

[Bandit58]

See, I really feel like I needed time for our relationship to breathe and evolve. Things came up naturally that way, and we could see how we both stood on various issues. Having said that, I was in relationships for years that ended up not working out. I didn't always know what I needed.

So, do you think you guys just covered everything possible in those initial four months? Was there a bit of luck involved?

Those four months were spent posting, chatting on Yahoo and getting to know each other. Almost every day there would be an email, PM or offline message. We had also gotten to know each other pretty well as friends beforehand which helped.

We did not "play" online as such, although I called Him Master and He called me His slut it was more fun than anything. We did do a couple of play sessions on the phone though, mainly for me to get the "feel" of being dominated. I was a complete noob He was an experienced Dom who had had several subs over about 10 years but no one "live in".

Oh we certainly believe that we are VERY lucky to have met, despite all Sir's health issues we have to deal with

 

[intothewoods]

Those four months were spent posting, chatting on Yahoo and getting to know each other. Almost every day there would be an email, PM or offline message. We had also gotten to know each other pretty well as friends beforehand which helped.

We did not "play" online as such, although I called Him Master and He called me His slut it was more fun than anything. We did do a couple of play sessions on the phone though, mainly for me to get the "feel" of being dominated. I was a complete noob He was an experienced Dom who had had several subs over about 10 years but no one "live in".

Oh we certainly believe that we are VERY lucky to have met, despite all Sir's health issues we have to deal with

Cool, thanks for answering.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I was on my way to meet a guy for a one night stand.

I looked out the lobby window as my date got dropped off; the driver of the car was equally attractive. Umm... more attractive.

Like, I wanted to ditch my date and take off with this other guy.

i didn't-- I had a rather dreadful date including very unsatisfying sex because my date was pretty drugged out. About a month later, my date tried for a second go-round. I said I would meet him at a party. The same dude that had dropped him off the first time showed up-- and he and I are still partners, 34 years later.

So, watch out, that casual love thing is more powerful than you'd think!

 

[Netzach]

I saw him. He looked good. He smelled good. I wanted some of that.

We had coffee that lasted till work, resumed after work, and lasted till the next afternoon.

Pure motherfucking luck, asking a lot of the right questions, and having had good relationships in our past that just weren't compatible in fundamental ways but still being friends with the exes - so we knew what good *should* feel like - those things helped.

But really, it was hormones. I date like a guy. Let's screw and if I like you and you like me, maybe you ought to keep a toothbrush here.

The relationships I've been in have generally been quality relationships of long duration. I go to bed early on but with high selectivity. I see what I want and I want it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I saw him. He looked good. He smelled good. I wanted some of that.

We had coffee that lasted till work, resumed after work, and lasted till the next afternoon.

Pure motherfucking luck, asking a lot of the right questions, and having had good relationships in our past that just weren't compatible in fundamental ways but still being friends with the exes - so we knew what good *should* feel like - those things helped.

But really, it was hormones. I date like a guy. Let's screw and if I like you and you like me, maybe you ought to keep a toothbrush here.

The relationships I've been in have generally been quality relationships of long duration. I go to bed early on but with high selectivity. I see what I want and I want it.

Word.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

New Relationship Energy

I know I'm still caught up in this sometimes. I get those mushy feelings. They're tangled in with my subbycraze moments.

But then we also have the serious and difficult moments and conversations, where all the fluff and mush are nowhere in sight and we're just two people working our shit out.

Mr and I decided we wouldn't see anyone else after about a month, and entered an exclusive relationship, but then, we didn't move in with each other and declare undying love either.

 

[KellysCrack]

Met in November married in April....13 years later still going strong. He is a wonderful man and father.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I met my husband when we were 18, set our wedding date 2 weeks after our first date. The date was for 5.5 years in the future (we knew we wanted to finish college before getting married) Five and a half years later we married on that date, and now 20+ years later we are still very happily married.

During those 5+ years of college we "casually" dated others, had a few intense arguments with resulting short term break-ups, etc. It was a time to learn and grow-up.

But the love was something we just knew after that first date.