The Challenge Club

[Black Tulip]

So, how's everyone progressing on this new challenge?

I'm moving right along, but I haven't yet figured out how to incorporate the kama sutra quotation. I'm at almost 2,000 words, most of that having been written today.


Just had to post this since we had fallen to page 2. Can't have that now can we?

I have not even started yet. Too busy with writing my noveltype thingy and taking work home.

How stupid can you get?

I'll hope to write something in the weekend.

 

[Guest]

Well, I have the required 3,000 words, but I am nowhere near finished. Still hammering away...

 

[Wills]

Pissing down with rain today. Plasters not dried so I’m giving myself the rest of the day off. Time to catch up on reads for the last Challenge. I’m working back, so they are in reverse order.

Crimson Maiden
Nicely drawn out, vivid colours and imagery. I would have preferred more on why stockings were his fetish, what led him there, though I guess with most males it is impulse, something sticks and that’s the ‘image’ you follow/seek. Wasn’t sure about the washing, for me (and I hasten to add no stocking fetish here), that would take away part of the attraction, removing the wearer. On the other hand, I’m allergic to most detergents so maybe it’s just me.

Remec
That’s a nice style Remec, laid back, easy, natural flow. I like the way you suggested more than you revealed, let me work the scenarios, visualising what was going on.

Black Tulip
Hmm… That did the trick.

Dingus Guy
Kevin! Kevin doesn’t sound like a dominant name, but that could just be an English thing. Interesting start, I’d write on if I were you. Kevin’s language is slightly strange. Intentional? The only thing that is missing for me is some apprehension. No matter how much you are into this type of game, there must be an initial tension and I don’t think that comes across.

SummerMorning
For me that’s the best of this round, very accomplished. Nice reversal of roles and fetish.

Following some of the comments on my fetish story, I have made a heavy edit, it’s on page 17.

Working a story for this round, only first chapter of something that will be a lot longer, doesn’t include all of the challenge items to date so may not post.

 

[SummerMorning]

Wills! Thanks - the story also has about 4.0 so far - so apparently it's rather decent...

What say we...erm...stretch the challenge till next weekend? I'll try to get it done by tomorrow, but I'm actually quite hassled.

Just had an exam today - and now I'm a bona fide angler... silly snobby sport

 

[SummerMorning]

hehehe I knew a guy had a chainmail one...A mutual friend had made a comment during a D&D game about whether there were chastity belts for men, and what they might look like...<smile>

Oh god... chainmail... chainmail condom. Ouch. So ouch.

I've also been into D&D in a big way and into medieval reenactment, and just remembering what a coif does to hair (see avatar for example of hair)... *shiver* I am not putting chainmail anywhere NEAR my privates, no sir... all plate for me. *snicker*

 

[Black Tulip]

Black Tulip
Hmm… That did the trick.

What trick would that be?

I am a bit dense sometimes.

 

[Wills]

What trick would that be?

I am a bit dense sometimes.

It was rather akin to an erotic dance, I went with the flow.

 

[Remec]

Remec
That’s a nice style Remec, laid back, easy, natural flow. I like the way you suggested more than you revealed, let me work the scenarios, visualising what was going on.

Thanks...I did finish it a few days ago, but it's still pending. I think I might have rushed the ending 'cause I had a lot of things going on around here and just wanted to come up with an ending. Although, it's more of a pause in the action than a complete and utter ending.

Perhaps I'll revisit Elizabeth and her unnamed narrator of a husband sometime in the future...<g>

 

[Black Tulip]

How's the Kama Sutra going along?

I'm almost finished, just need to wrap it up.

 

[SummerMorning]

Me an' me big mauff!

 

[Black Tulip]

He, he, he.

 

[Wills]

When's the deadline?

 

[Black Tulip]

When's the deadline?

Today!

Here is my effort, 4505 words, exhibitionist with the possibility of incest and group sex hovering in the sideline.

A valuable lesson

The young men lounged in front of the small gazebo, the lush grass soft and fragrant beneath their bodies. The three of them had been meeting nearly every afternoon for the past five months. Their classes had started in the New Year, as they needed to be complete on Midsummer Eve. They felt excited and tried to behave in a manly fashion since they would soon be real men. Right now, they were waiting for their teacher, the learned and respected Master Payne.

Master Payne knew all about the art of love, was teaching them the secrets of male and female body's and taught them the lessons of the Kama Sutra so they would be able to give pleasure. He had told them they had to give before they could receive. They were responsible for the arousal of their partner so she would be able to give pleasure back.

Normally they would have gone to Master Payne's house but Grant and Blade had been invited to share the teachings to their best friend Drake. Drake's father was wealthy and powerful enough to have a teacher come to his house, even such a respected one as Master Payne. Grant and Drake were hardly more than boys, all of eighteen years old and intent on exploring the world, tasting and feeling it, bent on experience more than on learning. Blade was a few years older, but as he was just back from visiting relatives at some far away place, he had missed the rites in the year he turned eighteen.

Their teacher knew them rather well by now and he smiled as he observed them. He remembered his own time of passing into manhood. The big feast of Midsummer Eve, when all was possible, all acceptable for once. He sighed a bit in reminiscence.

Before he had taken a step toward his pupils however, a movement across the vast lawn caught his attention. With a sigh he allowed himself a few moments to enjoy the sight. The gazebo had been off limits to all in the household for months now, the teachings being for men only, but Drake's sister had been hovering around a lot, always at a discreet distance of course, but nevertheless visible.

Payne grinned as he watched the young woman. In the eyes of his pupils he no doubt was an old man, but with his forty years he felt in his prime and his cock certainly was not feeling old. Not when he was watching young Fay in a thin summer dress, her long brown hair free for once instead of being coiled around her head.

As she wandered through the garden the teacher licked his lips, for a moment wishing she could be used as practice material. He felt his pants strain against the bulge of his cock as he visualized the full breasts and round hips he guessed beneath the thin silk of her pink dress. He knew she had taken part in the Midsummer Feast a few years ago, but she had not yet married. Rumor had it she was too wild to be tied to one man.
With a shake of his head, Master Payne stepped out from under the sycamore tree and started on his way towards the gazebo.

The young men were unaware of their teacher approaching them, but they had certainly noticed Fay. Drake made a face as he watched his sister. He was more than tired of her hanging around whenever his friends came over. He loved her, he truly did, but sometimes she really was an embarrassing pain in the ass.

"I'm sorry guys, she just doesn't get it that we don't want her around."

Instead of agreeing with him and saying it was not his fault, both Blade and Grant laughed out loud.

"Are you joking?" Grant said. "Just take a look at her will you?"

Blade was a bit more outspoken. "Your sister is a hot piece man. Don't tell me you never looked at those tits."

Drake felt the color rise in his cheeks. As a matter of fact he had looked at those tits, more than once. But he was not going to admit that. "Jeez, it's my sister. Give me a break. Besides, we can get a real woman in only a few weeks."

Blade raised his eyebrows. "Are you telling me Fay is not a real woman? She passed her rite a few years ago, didn't she? And she looks like a woman to me."

He looked around but could not see Master Payne anywhere, so he assumed the teacher was late. He licked his lips a bit nervously and decided to take some of the teachings to the test. He took a deep breath and looked to his friends.

"I have this idea. Like testing our teachings." Blade wiped his hands on his pants in a nervous gesture. "Remember Part seven: On the picking up of men or women? Chapter III? Examination of the state of a woman's mind? I want to try it. On Fay." He blurted the last words out; afraid he would loose his nerve or his friend.

Drake looked at him with a stunned expression on his face, but Grant started a grin that split his face almost in half.

"My sister?"

"Do you mean to test only chapter III of Part seven? Or the rest as well?"

"Well, that depends, doesn't it?"

"You want to uh, to do my sister?" Drake started laughing softly. "Oh man, I would like to see her face to that."

Blade felt secretly relieved. After all, Drake could have been insulted on behalf of his sister. "You can, if you two agree to what I have in mind."

On impulse Master Payne had changed his course so he was now concealed behind the gazebo. He was able to hear and see all of his pupils, but they had no clue he was near. On hearing Blade's confession he nodded in approval. Blade seemed to have grasped the intent of the lessons extremely well, perhaps because he was older. Master Payne suspected something else however. That visit to faraway relatives? He would not be surprised if Blade had sampled the local girls, without the proper teachings of course.

Payne held his breath to hear what Blade had in mind. The next few minutes made him very uncomfortable. The bulge in his pants had returned twice as big and he felt hot and sweaty. He had difficulty focussing on the task at hand but he had to decide here. It was not unheard of to let young men practice before the big event, but that usually was done with the aid of paid women. Could he let them continue? Fay was not a virgin, but not a paid woman either. She was very attractive however.

He bit his lip as he looked out over the big expanse of grass, dotted with clusters of blossoming trees, searching for the form of Fay. He spotted her in the shade of a tree, stretching her lush body as if she didn't know that at least three pairs of eyes were glued to her curves. She lifted her arms and grasped her hair at the back of her neck, thrusting her breasts out, presenting them with a tempting profile.

Payne took his decision then and there. She obviously knew what she was doing. He was too distracted to know the right citation at the moment, but she was definitely displaying signs of being willing. He'd let the boys go ahead. All he had to do was stay in the neighborhood to make sure all went well. Should he let them know? He was still debating that when he heard Drake's voice.

"Fay? Hey, Fay!" He wave at his sister. "Come on, Payne's not here. You can come."

Fay made a point of looking all around before she approached the gazebo. "I'm not supposed to be here. You know that Drake." She stood with one hand on a round hip, the other toying with her hair. "I shouldn't let you boys look at me." She lifted both arms behind her head again as if to fix her hair. "Not with my hair down like this. I'm a mess."

Blade took a deep breath. "I like the way you look. With your hair like that, I mean." He coughed a bit nervously. "As for messy, I'd love to untidy you even more." He looked pointedly at the silk ribbon that closed her dress just below her breasts.

When he next studied her face he was pleased to see a light blush creep into her cheeks. God, she really was beautiful. The long brown hair fell straight down her back and her brown eyes had a golden sparkle in them. And she blushed at his words. Surely that meant something?

"Don't be ridiculous. You are still studying. Where is your teacher, by the way? Shouldn't he be here by now?"

Drake was not surprised. His sister felt herself far above her little brother and his friends. He was a bit disappointed as well though. The thought of actually watching two people perform, even if it was only a plain Yawning Position send shivers down his spine.

"When a man makes up to a woman, and she reproaches him with harsh words, she should be abandoned at once." Grant laughed without mercy as he quoted from chapter III. "Too bad Blade, the Kama Sutra itself says you haven't got a chance."

Payne stepped out from behind the gazebo, feeling proud of his students. Grant for interpreting correctly and Blade for having the nerve to experiment. He had forgotten for a moment that the woman was still there and he almost ran into her. He could avoid touching her but he stood close enough to smell her perfume, an enticing fragrance with hints of fresh flowers and herbs combined with a touch of musk.

"You called me?" He couldn't suppress the wicked grin that suddenly appeared on his rugged face. As he looked down at her he remembered how her body language had spelled willing. "May I hope you need a teacher too?"

Fay blushed again as the boys' teacher suddenly appeared from behind the gazebo. He stood practically on top of her and she could feel the warmth from his body. "You should be teaching those boys, not me." She briefly looked up into his silver-grey eyes.

As she turned to leave she looked back over her shoulder. "Not that I would mind learning from you." She send him a dazzling smile.

"Ha, thanks sis. Now I can cite as well" Drake stared at Master Payne with a distinct challenge on his face. "When a woman reproaches a man, but at the same time acts affectionately towards him, she should be made love to in every way."

"What? You miserable worm, I'll show you reproach!" Fay jumped on her brother and tried to punch him in the eye.

Drake was still her younger brother, but she had forgotten he was no longer a little brother. He easily caught her by the arms and held her in front of his body, her wrists behind her back.

Master Payne felt like he had been punched in the stomach. That rascal had hit the nail on the head. He was sure of that even if he hadn't given it a thought before. The way she had been hanging around every time he came to the house, the way she had been dressing ever more provocatively. It had all been for his benefit. Looking back he had to scold himself for being so blind. And that for a highly qualified teacher of the erotic arts. He shook his head.

He looked at the struggling body in front of him. With her brother still holding her arms behind her back, all she could do was twist. He could see her breasts moving around in the thin dress, suggesting she wore nothing to confine them and he let his eyes wander over the rest of her body. The skirt ended just above her knees, showing a pair of shapely legs with slender ankles, the feet encased in pink sandals. He wondered for a moment if the dress was all she was wearing, but the way his groin started to itch at that thought, made him abandon it at once.

"Let your sister go, Drake." He gave the boy a stern look, then turned a seductive smile onto the woman. "I can talk to you after the classes of the boys. Will you meet me here?"

Before she could answer, both Blade and Grant felt the need to interfere. "Can't she stay?" "Doesn't it say, she should be made love to in every way?"

Payne was a bit surprised by their questions, but Fay's reaction was really stunning him. Instead of protesting or making a disparaging remark, she blushed a deep pink and looked at him from under her dark lashes. "I wouldn't mind helping you. With your classes, I mean."

Drake licked his lips as he let his sister go. Was she offering to assist Master Payne in showing them what they had been learning about? He felt his cock stir in his pants. He would never admit it to anybody, but he thought his sister had a hot body and he had tried to spy on her on numerous occasions. Looking at his friends he could see they both liked the idea too, a lot, if he had to judge from the way their pants were filling out.

Payne cleared his throat as his thoughts raced through his head. He would love to use her body, but in front of those boys? She was the daughter of the house. If her father found out... On the other hand, he could use the assistance of a female body right now. And she had a reputation that would fit his needs quite admirably.

He took a step forward and put his hand against her face, lightly stroking the soft skin of her cheek. "I think we need to discuss this generous offer. I want you to be very sure of this." With that he took her arm and guided her inside the gazebo, settling her on the broad, comfortable couch that ran the entire wall. He gestured to the boys to find themselves a seat among the cushions in the center of the circular space.

"Now, I want you to think this over real careful." Payne sat down besides her and brushed her hair to the side, tucking the strands behind her ear and caressing the sensitive skin behind her ear at the same time. A quick glance at the boys showed him three faces with eager expressions. He doubted they would be able to tell afterwards which techniques he had employed.

Gazing intently at the young woman by his side, he saw the color in her cheeks deepening at his touch. He smiled and trailed his fingertips lightly down her neck, his hand cupped her shoulder and his thumb stroked the skin below her collarbone.

"I have to ask. You took part in the Midsummer Eve rites?" When she nodded, he continued. "You attended your classes in preparation, did those entail a live demonstration? No? You realize you'll be exposing your body to all present here?"

Fay started to feel distinctly hot. She had been lusting after Master Payne from the moment he had first come to the house for her little brother. But never for one moment had she envisioned herself in this situation. The image of letting him use her body in front of those boys however, was turning her on in a way she would have thought impossible.

Payne saw her reaction and it made his cock twitch in his pants. Her breathing caught in her throat and he could see her nipples poking the thin material of the dress, definitely no bra there. Still stroking her collarbone he let his other hand land on her leg, his fingers insinuating themselves between her knees.

He could almost see her making a decision from the way she relaxed under his hands. She turned those beautiful brown-with-gold eyes on him, the tiny flame of lust in them not really unexpected. He leaned over and touched his forehead against hers. That should be easy to spot for the boys, the Embrace of the Forehead. He inhaled her perfume and made sure she noticed the way he relished her smell.

"I don't mind, as long as you'll do the touching." She squirmed on the couch as she glanced at the boys. "And as long as no word if this gets outside this gazebo. You all understand that, don't you?" She stared pointedly at Drake, not trusting her brother completely.

Payne grasped her chin and lifted her face for a Turned Kiss, tasting her lips and coaxing her to open her mouth, allowing him to explore her with his tongue. The small gasp when he entered her mouth excited him, telling him she was already thinking of him entering her body in another fashion.

He buried both hands in the mass of her hair and bent her head back, presenting him with her throat. He kissed his way down, licked the hollow at the base and continued down her cleavage. He touched his nose to her nipples, rubbing them through the pink silk, moving the material over the sensitive peaks with his tongue. He kept teasing her till she started moaning. He took that as his clue to pull at the ribbon that closed her dress below her breasts.

Almost reverently he lifted the silk of her dress and exposed her breasts, the firm globes topped by lovely dark pink nipples. His fingers followed the silk ribbon to the side, caressing the underside of her breasts on the way. He untied the knots and opened the dress completely, confirming his suspicion that she were no underwear at all. Payne sighed as he looked at the glowing youthful body beside him. He could easily loose himself if he wasn't careful. Such passion, such a zest for the teachings was very appealing to him.

Fay was almost drowning in the sensations. Master Payne was truly a master; his touch was firing her like no one before him. As he opened her dress she almost opened her legs to him as well. He got rid of the pink silk and sat back, like he was exhibiting his latest masterpiece. For a moment she had forgotten their audience, but the flushed faces of the boys and their obvious erections got to her. She arched her back almost automatically, pushing her breasts forward, wanting them to see how aroused she was.

Payne tried to keep a cool head. After all, he was in the middle of teaching a class here. It was getting a bit hard though. He chuckled at his own thought. He was getting more than a bit hard. As a matter of fact he had been hard as a rock for the past ten minutes. Just as he was thinking about removing his own clothes, he felt a feather light touch on his neck. Smiling he looked down at the naked body next to him.

It was clear to him she enjoyed having viewers and he started telling the boys how enticing her body was. Describing to them how she felt to his touch, how she smelled and how she tasted. His words spurred her on and she took off his tunic, exploring his broad shoulders and chest with her hands. She slid off the couch and bent over him. The opportunity for a Pierced Embrace was too good to pass so he grabbed her breasts, while she busied herself with getting rid of his clothes.

She knelt between his legs and pushed his pants down, licking her lips when his cock sprang free. Fay reached up to stroke his chest, her long hair trailing over his thighs and his cock. He wondered if the boys would realize she was employing Hair Play. He stopped talking about her body when she started licking and kissing his chest, concentrating on his nipples.

Payne felt his lust growing and he had to exercise quite some willpower. If it were up to him, he would go for the Milk and Water Embrace right now, but that would not be very instructive for the boys. He eyed the boys as he enjoyed the caresses of those skilled hands and soft, wet lips. All three of them were sporting a hard-on and both Grant and Drake had a hand wrapped around it. Blade had already shed all of his clothes and was watching the naked body of Fay with a look of longing on his face that told Payne exactly why Blade had started this whole business in the first place.

"Fay, wait. It's not our pleasure in the first place, remember?" He pushed her gently away and placed her on the couch again. "We have to show them, let them see." He suspected his words would excite her even further and he grinned at the sudden intake of breath. Yes, this woman was made for him, uh, his teachings. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Made for him, indeed.

Still sitting next to her, he placed his hands on her knees and spread her legs. He leaned over and gave her a fierce kiss, leaving her breathless. For a moment, he whispered in her ear, not wanting the boys to hear him. As she nodded, her kissed her again. Then he slid between her legs, kneeling in front of her.

"You'd better come and sit on the couch boys. Observe well."

He waited till Blade and Grant took up positions on both sides of Fay, Drake standing a bit further off. Payne laughed softly at the discomfort of the boy. No doubt he thought himself unique in getting an erection from looking at his sister. He'd have to remember to enlighten Drake afterwards. Having made the mental note, Payne concentrated on his lesson again.

He could smell how aroused Fay was, but for the sake of the boys he fondled her breasts a few moments longer, than trailed kisses down to her bellybutton. His hands took hold of her hips as he kissed lower and he shifted her body so her buttocks rested on the edge of the couch. He looked up at her face for a moment and his breath caught at the beauty of it. He decided to treat her, and the boys of course, to a demonstration of Licking a Delicate Flower.

Fay felt as if her heart would burst from her chest. God, the way he treated her body, as if it was a valuable work of art. The way he caressed her and seemed to know exactly how he could arouse her more and more, it was making her head spin. The boys on both sides of her were no more than minor additions right now. All she could think of was taking him in, feeling him inside her. He took her therefore totally by surprise when he did not enter her with his cock. She gasped audibly and bucked her hips when she felt his tongue softly licking her folds, tickling her clit and finally penetrating her. Her hands buried themselves in his graying hair, keeping his face between her legs as she closed her eyes and gave herself up to the sensations he was creating in her body.

He felt her body starting to spasm after only a few minutes of licking and probing and he sucked her clit into his mouth, keeping up the pressure till he felt the last of her tremors subside. Feeling proud as always that he could give a woman so much pleasure, he lifted his face and locked eyes with her. She was soft, wet and hot and completely ready for Seagulls On The Wing.

His eyes held hers as he lifted her legs and spread them even more, bringing the tip of his cock in contact with her. As he entered her body he felt like drowning in her being. Her eyes and her body welcomed him both, open and vulnerable to his touch, so he even forgot he was teaching. Sliding inside her felt like coming home, her flesh sucking him in, caressing him with her inner muscles. He supported her with one arm behind her back, leaving the other free to roam her body as it was draped on the couch in front of him.

The boys watched in awe as their master kept going and going. They had long since shot their seed, but Master Payne had made Fay come twice, and still he was thrusting in and out of her body. Finally they saw his face screw up; he groaned and sped up his pounding, so they could hear his balls slapping against Fay's bottom. The sound blended in with the panting and moaning of Fay herself and the slick, sucking sounds of their body's.

Payne felt the familiar tingling start in his balls, the fire sped along his spine, spread through his body and with a loud expelling of his breath he pumped his seed in the inviting body below him. No doubt she climaxed again because he experienced her contractions, milking his cock till there was nothing left, sighing and moaning.

She opened her eyes and he felt something else stir as he was touched by her trust. She had accepted his directions without question, without hesitation, relying on him to take her with him. Besides that she had given him intense sexual pleasure, more than he had ever had before. He bent down and kissed her with tenderness, his hands sliding up and down her sides, enjoying the silky feel of her skin. With a sigh he remembered he was supposed to be teaching, so he gently brought her down to earth again. He helped her dress and stood looking after her till she disappeared behind a cluster of cherry trees in bloom.

As he tried to keep his mind on evaluating the class of the day, Payne had trouble concentrating. The boys had revelled in the demonstration, but he noticed his own reaction was not much different. His thoughts kept coming back to Fay, to her body, her eyes, her hair, her moans and her sighs, her smell, her taste. He ran his hand through his hair and knew he had to see her again. He mocked himself as he left the park-like garden on his way home. It certainly looked as if Payne, the master of erotica had been hooked by a woman nearly twenty years his junior. But what a woman, he sighed in remembrance, feeling his cock stirring again. Yes, he definitely had to see her again and again and again.


Very curious to hear your comments. I'd like to post it, maybe with a follow up if you guys think it's worth it.

 

[Wills]

Black Tulip

First up! It is a good erotic read, but not as flowing as your fetish piece. I didn’t feel comfortable with the plot, it felt forced in the way that you introduced the KS elements.
Possibly because it was the Teacher ‘thinking’ the elements he was performing rather than instructing his pupils in what he was doing; maybe he should ask the boys to tell him what KS element he was performing. In that way, you could involve the pupils more in the action and increase the voyeuristic angle of the plot. As written, they are simply ‘watchers’, they could almost not be there. You could then increase the role of the brother working the incest angle (what is he thinking – will he get his chance with her – does he want to watch his friends with her). Did I miss the hemp rope and the songbird? And exactly who is falling in love?

As for mine, I’m at 5k words – only 2 people involved so far – a blind wheelchair bound computer geek and a therapist, though three others are mentioned, two items covered + love element, but I haven’t even got to KS. I’m reluctant to post because it contains no direct sexual action though it will deal with abuse and exploitation.

 

[Black Tulip]

Will's,

Thanks for the comments. And damn, your right. I forgot the rope. The songbird is in, somewhere at the start.

You are right about the boys hardly being a part of the story. I wanted to finish it in time, and I only started it Friday evening. I know some of you can whip something up in a few hours, but I can't.

I'll see what other comments I'll get before working on it some more.

 

[Guest]

BT, I really liked the story, and I thought that it flowed just fine.

The only thing that might need to be added is the Master talking with the boys about what they had seen being used. It isn't clear whether or not that is happening during the *instruction* or whether the teacher is saying it to himself or the narrator is telling the reader.

 

[Black Tulip]

CM,

Thanks for the comment. I'm still thinking on how to improve.

Your AV keeps making me laugh, no matter how oft I've seen it.

 

[Dingus Guy]

Sorry I haven't been myself lately so things have fallen by the waist side. I am only 1,000 words into the story, yet I did see Summer say the deadline was extended so I am going by that. I am just not into this challenge, but I will have it done. As for my scavenger hunt and fetish pieces, I still have not finished them off, just too bogged down in life and procrastination seems too easy.

CM, finally read your fetish story. It is well written, but I will say your character is creepy weird. I am sure there are people out there that do that kind of stuff, I just don't want to know about it. That is not a knock on your story, it just reminded more of Stephen King story than erotica. The visuals were very good.

BT, I want to praise your efforts. This challenge thing we have going with this club is for us to find the creativity to push out a story. It doesn't have to be perfect nor does it have to be error free. You want to submit it to Literotica because you are proud of it, then you have more time to fine tune and edit the hell out of it. Don't think for one second that your efforts were in vain because whether the story is magnificient or pathetic, it is your attempt you should be most proud of. BT, your story was crafted very well, and it was a good read and erotic. It didn't meet the love element as in true love, but the requirement wasn't true love. It was 'falling in love' that was in the requirements. I do believe you captured that sentiment at the end.

Yes, he definitely had to see her again and again and again.

Enuff said, back to my boring existence of procrastination.

 

[Wills]

Hey DG

Good to see you around.

Hope you sort out what's weighing you.

W

 

[Dingus Guy]

Hey DG

Good to see you around.

Hope you sort out what's weighing you.

W

Thanks Wills, it is also good to see you around here too. I hope your world of landlording and activity has not put a crimp on your life.

 

[Guest]

Hey DG, thanks for the comments on the story. I hadn't noticed the creepy side, but I guess somone covertly watching someone else would be, wouldn't it?

The story is getting edited at the moment and will be submitted shortly.

Well, I am off. It's time to leave for my hair appointment. Maybe the danged hairdresser will finally get the color right....

 

[Dingus Guy]

Hey DG, thanks for the comments on the story. I hadn't noticed the creepy side, but I guess somone covertly watching someone else would be, wouldn't it?

The story is getting edited at the moment and will be submitted shortly.

Well, I am off. It's time to leave for my hair appointment. Maybe the danged hairdresser will finally get the color right....

Your welcome. Anytime you can't connect with the main character either the story is not written well or you can't relate to the character. I could not relate to watching a guy wack-off in some stolen hose he just molested. Maybe it is just me, but I thought he had been hanging around fish way to long.

 

[Black Tulip]

Hey Dingus,

Nice to see you around again. Thanks for the comment.
I did mean for Master Payne to start getting interested, but was afraid to overdo it.
Not wanting something like Harlequin's.

As to being proud. It never ceases to amaze me what I can write in another language. Funny thing is, I do better in English than in my own speak. That does not mean I value all efforts in the same way. Some things from challenges I never posted as stories.

Hope you can find the time to enjoy yourself, not necessarily on Lit.

 

[Guest]

Part one of my challenge story

Ok, I am 15 Word pages into this story, and the end isn't coming anytime soon. I am almost at 5,000 words. I have all the aspects of the challenge except for the Kama Sutra quote. I haven't gotten anywhere near the sex stuff yet. Obviously, this story is going in the Romance category, which is good, since those stories generally have quite a bit of plot development before any kind of sex happens.

I am going to go ahead and post what I have so far since I don't know how long this story will end up being or how long it will take me to finish it.

When I get to that point, the quote from the KS that I intend to use is this one: Those things that increase passion should be done first, and those for amusement should be done afterwards.

Anyway, tell me what you think of the story so far. (I don't have a title yet). This is entirely unedited, so ignore any grammatical/spelling errors, those will be fixed upon completion of the story.

**********************
Grace lay in the hammock, which her dad, George, had made by hand out of hemp rope, and enjoyed the serenity of the outdoors. It was a beautiful spring day. The sun shone down in patches through the thick branches of the backyard trees and scattered its light sporadically over the shaded yard.

The hammock swung gently in the breeze as Grace listened to the peaceful sounds of the day. Leaves swished, insets buzzed faintly, and a songbird sang sweetly in the distance. Grace wished the quiet tranquility wouldn’t end, but she knew that it was inevitable that it would. Soon, the backyard would be overrun with sounds of people laughing and talking and of children playing.

Her parents, George and Martha, were throwing a cook-out bash in honor of her being home from college for spring break. Grace went to school out of state so summer, Christmas, and spring break were the only times that she made it home for visits. Her parents had invited most of the extended family which included one set of grandparents and several aunts, uncles, and cousins.

A sigh escaped from Grace’s full lips, and she almost wished that she had not come home for a visit. Wanting it to be a surprise, her parents had not told her about the family get together until this morning. If it had been any other day, it wouldn’t have been a problem, but today was the planned day for her boyfriend, Aidan, to drive down so that he could meet her parents.

After being informed of the party, Grace had called Aidan and tried to convince him to wait until the next day to come, but he had already been on the road for a couple of hours and didn’t want to turn around and go back.

“I’m already on my way,” he had said. “Besides, what’s the big deal about meeting the rest of your family? I don’t mind.”

The big deal was that he would arrive shortly after the party started, and none of her family even knew he existed. Grace had really stuck her foot in it this time. Her mom had been so critical of past boyfriends that Grace had decided to keep Aidan to herself for awhile and not to tell anyone about him.

She hadn’t even really intended for her family to know about him this soon, but he had brought up wanting to meet them and asked if he could come down during break. Because he lived so far away from school, he only went home during the summer.

“Why don’t I go home with you for spring break?” he had asked. “It gets boring staying here alone, and I would miss you too much. Besides, I’d like to meet your parents and your little sister.”

Grace had come up with some lame excuse about her parents wanting some alone time with her in order to persuade Aidan to drive down on the third day of break instead of coming with her. She needed the delay so that she could tell her parents about him before he arrived.

Realizing that she didn’t have much time left before the party started, Grace rolled out of the hammock and headed inside to inform her parents about Aidan. She found them in the kitchen preparing food for the party.

“Don’t even think about it,” Martha said as Grace reached for a paring knife. “This party is being held in your honor, so you just sit down and relax. Your father and I will take care of everything.”

“Whatever you say Mom.” Grace knew that her mom would be singing a different tune when it came time for the after party clean up. “I still can’t believe you talked Summer into staying with Gramps and Grams until today. Every time that we have talked on the phone over the last couple of weeks, all she could talk about was not being able to wait until I came home for a visit.”

Summer was Grace’s little sister. Four years ago, Martha had thought that she was going through the change of life. Instead, she found out that she was pregnant.

Grace sat for a moment listening as her parents discussed the food and how much would need to be fixed in order to have enough for the guests.

“Well, you know most of the men are going to eat more than one burger,” George said. “They may even eat more than one bratwurst or hot dog too.”

“So, count up how many men are coming and add that to the total number of people and throw in a few extra for good measure in case any of the ladies or kids want seconds.”

“You need to add one more guy to the list,” Grace added after her father had run down the list of who was coming.

“What do you mean one more? Your father listed everyone who was invited.”

“He listed everyone that you invited, but he missed someone that I invited. Someone that was coming today before I knew that you had planned a family get together.”

“Grace, whatever are you talking about?” asked Martha.

“It’s my boyfriend, Aidan. He was coming down today to meet you two and Summer.”

“Your boyfriend? What boyfriend?” demanded Martha.

“I met Aidan during the spring semester of the last school year. He was the one that I talked to so much on the phone last summer. You know, all the times that I told you “Just a friend,” when you asked who I was talking to. After school started back in the fall, he asked me out. We’ve been dating ever since.”

“You mean to tell me that you have been dating this boy for seven months and you are just now telling us about it?” Martha asked, incredulously.

“Yep, that’s pretty much what I am saying.”

“Grace Abigail Montgomery! How could you keep something like that from us all this time?”

“It’s not that big of a deal, Mom. I just wanted him to myself for awhile. Besides, considering how you usually act regarding my boyfriends, I decided to spare myself the drama for as long as I could.”

“How I act about your boyfriends? What are you talking about?”

“Now, now, you two, that’s enough. Martha, ease off on the girl. You have always been to rough on her when it comes to who she dates,” George said, as he jumped in to diffuse the threatening conflict. “Well, what’s this guy like?”

“He’s really sweet and funny, and he acts like what I have to say and I what I think are important.”

“And does he make you happy?”

“Yes daddy, he makes me very happy.”

“Well, that’s all I need to know then. When’s he supposed to get here?”

“He should be here shortly after time for the cook-out to start.”

“Well, you probably need to tell your Grams about him. You know she’ll be upset if she doesn’t know about him until he pulls up in the drive-way.”

“Don’t worry Dad. I plan on trying to tell as much of the family as possible before he gets here. Oh, and please don’t tell Aidan that I just now told you about him. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.”

“Sure pumpkin. We won’t say anything, will we Martha?”

“No, I suppose not,” said Martha, a disapproving look plastered across her face.

An uncomfortable silence fell upon the kitchen and remained unbroken until the sound of the front door being opened filtered down the hallway.

“Gracey! Gracey!!” hollered Summer as she came barreling down the hallway and into the kitchen, a pink silk ribbon flying merrily from her golden curls.

Grace swept her little sister into her arms and warmly embraced her.

“Hey munchkin! Did you have fun at Gramp’s and Grams’?”

“You bet! We had a tea party and ate pizza and watched movies!”

“Cool beans! I bet that was a blast.”

“Hey sweetheart,” said Grams, as she entered the kitchen and placed a gentle kiss Grace’s cheek. “Was your trip home okay?”

“It was fine Grams. It just gets a little tedious after awhile.”

“I bet it does,” responded Gramps. “Driving alone for six hours can’t be any fun.”

“Well, it’s not, but it’s how I get home.”

“George, you want to come out here and help me unload the tables and chairs from the truck?”

“Sure Dad, how about you pull the truck into the backyard. That way, we won’t have to carry the stuff so far.”

“Good idea.”

“Martha is there anything I can do to help?” asked Grams.

“No thank you Rose, I’ve got it handled. Why don’t y’all go outside and help the men set up the tables and chairs?”

“If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure. Go ahead.”

Grams, Grace and Summer, who was still riding along on her big sister’s hip, headed out to the backyard to help get the seating set up.

“Grams, there’s someone coming to the cook-out that I want you to meet,” Grace said.

“Who?”

“His name is Aidan, and he’s my boyfriend.”

“Gracey’s got a boyfriend! Gracey’s got a boyfriend!” chanted Summer exuberantly.

“Hush child,” said Grams. “Your sister is trying to tell me something. Go help Gramps and your Daddy with the tables and chairs.”

Grace put Summer down, and she skipped off towards where the men were unloading the truck.

“Okay, back to business,” said Grams. “Tell me about it.”

“You know how Mom has always acted about my boyfriends. No matter how good of a guy they are, they never meet her standards.”

“Yes, that’s very true.”

“Anyway, I have kept him a secret until now because I didn’t want to listen to Mom gripe about him and criticize him.”

“How long have you been seeing this boy?”

“We’ve been dating for about seven months, since right after school started.”

“What’s he like?”

“He’s really nice. He always listens when I talk, and he’s really supportive of me. He’s got a great sense of humor and can always make me laugh.”

“That’s good dear. It’s important to have someone to share laughter with and to have someone to talk to who actually listens. Knowing you, I bet he’s a hunk too.”

“Grams!”

“Well, I didn’t mean anything bad by it child. I just meant that a young woman as beautiful as you would obviously attract handsome young men. So, what does he look like?”

“Tall, dark, and handsome,” Grace said with a grin.

“Enough with the clichés child, I want details!”

“Well, he really is tall, dark, and handsome. I can’t really describe him without sounding silly. You’ll see when he gets here.”

“Does he treat you right?” asked Grams.

“Yes, he does. He buys me gifts and sends flowers for no reason. He says it’s just because he’s thinking about me. He often walks me to my first class, even though is first class doesn’t start for another two hours and he could have slept in.”

“You sound very happy.”

“I am. When I think about him, I feel all warm and tingly. When he walks into the room, my heart leaps.”

“Sounds to me like this might be serious. Is it?”

“I don’t know, Grams. We really haven’t discussed anything about a future. I mean, we see each other exclusively, but the “l” word hasn’t come up yet.”

“Well, it may not have been spoken aloud yet, but it’s written all over your face. I am very curious to meet this young man. I want to see his face when he looks at you. I can learn a lot just from that.”

“Learn what?”

“Well, learn his feelings about you, for one thing. Even if a person is really good at putting on a mask, it will slip ever so often when the person thinks no one is looking.”

“A mask? Why would he put on any kind of an act?”

“If he was using you, of course.”

“Using me?” It was all Grace could do to keep from bursting with laughter.

“I’m glad that you find it so amusing. However unfortunate it may be, it is very common for young men to use young women for their own pleasure. Since your mother is such a prude, I am sure that she hasn’t broached this subject with you, but I have no such hang-ups. Please tell me that you have been taking precautions.”

“We haven’t needed to take any precautions. I can assure you that Aidan is not using me for anything. Honestly Grams, that really isn’t any of your business.”

“You’re right, of course, but I couldn’t help it. I just don’t want you to get hurt. I guess that I just have to try and trust you to take care of yourself.”

“Don’t worry Grams. I will be fine.”

The whole subject was so amusing to Grace because she and Aidan had not even had sex yet. Even though they had been dating for seven months, Aidan respected the fact that Grace considered sex to be something special between two people that really cared for each other and that she didn’t want to rush into a sexual relationship. That’s not to say that they didn’t fool around a bit here and there.

There generally was some fondling going on during kisses, and before Grace had left school to come home for spring break, Aidan had slipped his hand inside her panties and started playing with her clit. It had felt so good that Grace hadn’t tried to stop him, and he continued until he had brought her to orgasm. She had tried to reciprocate, but Aidan had refused saying that he had wanted to do that for her and was not expecting anything in return.

“Are you two gonna stand over there and gab all day or are you gonna come over here and help?” Gramps hollered from the other side of the back yard.

“We’re coming Gramps!” hollered Grace.

Grace and her Grams headed over and helped get the remaining tables and chairs set up. The sounds of car doors closing in the distance signaled the beginning of the guests’ arrivals.

Family members began filtering into the backyard just as the last table and chairs were put into place. Grace used the diversion of the incoming guests to sneak around the opposite side of the house and enter through the French doors of the study. Using the phone that was on her father’s desk, she called Aidan to see how far away he was from the house.

“Hey Babe, I just passed the church that is four turns before your house.”

“Then you should be here in about ten minutes. You definitely can’t miss the house. It’s the only one around here with lots of cars parked in the driveway or the front yard. I won’t be able to wait for you out front. I snuck in the house to call you, so I will have to stay in the backyard and greet all of the family. Come around the right side of the house. I’ll be watching for you.”

“Okay, I will see you in a few.”

Grace hung up the phone and hurriedly returned to the backyard. If her mother had noticed her missing, there would be hell to pay.

Sounds of talking and laughter told Grace that more people had arrived during the short time that she had been on the phone. Summer, bubbling with laughter, raced in front of Grace as she rounded the corner of the house. Following close on Summer’s heels were Annie and Andy, her cousin Janey’s three year old twins. Janey had been an avid collector of rag dolls, and now she boasted that she had her very own live dolls.

Grace stopped at the edge of the crowd and looked out at her family. Both of her dad’s brothers and their wives were in attendance, along with four of their children. Two of the children, Janey being one of them, were married with families of their own, who were also at the party. Grace would bet her favorite pair of earrings that Uncle Bob had brought his guitar and would be serenading the group after everyone finished eating.

Also at the cook-out was her Aunt Lucy, who was Martha’s sister, and her two kids. As Grace looked around, she spotted her Great Aunt Louise and her Great Uncle Claude. Aunt Louise was Gram’s sister. Grace also noticed that both of the next door neighbors had come and so had her mom’s best friend and her family.

One thing was for sure. Anytime anyone in her family threw a party, everybody showed up. The family was pretty close knit. Well, most of them anyway.

Grace was more than a little irritated to see that her cousin Melissa had some. All throughout their lives, Melissa had constantly tried to outdo Grace. When Grace had tried out for cheerleading, so did Melissa, even though she had always said that cheerleaders were a bunch of snobs and that she would never be one. She took the same classes in high school and even applied for the same scholarships and the same college as Grace. Luckily, Melissa hadn’t been awarded enough money in scholarships for her to attend the same college as Grace.

On top of all the competition in school and with friends, Melissa had always tried to steal away Grace’s boyfriends, openly flirting with them and making suggestive comments in front of Grace. She had managed to steal away a couple of them. Grace was fairly certain that Melissa had succeeded with those because she slept with them, which is something that Grace wouldn’t do. She would have to try and keep Melissa away from Aidan as much as possible. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Aidan. It was more that she didn’t trust Melissa.

George was busily manning the grill, and Grace breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her mother come out through the patio door carrying a tray loaded with raw hamburger patties. That meant that she wouldn’t have known that Grace hadn’t been outside the entire time.

Wading into the crowd, Grace stopped here and there to speak to family members, but all the while, she had an eye trained on the corner of the house, on the lookout for Aidan’s imminent arrival.

As she walked by Aunt Louise, a frail hand reached out and grasped around Grace’s wrist. “How’s school going, Gracey?” Aunt Lou asked, her voice shaky with age.

“It’s going fine Aunt Lou. I only have two more months left before graduation,” Grace responded, raising her voice so that Aunt Louise could hear her over the din of the crowd.

“What kind of plans do you have for when you get out? Got any wedding bells in your future?”

Aunt Louise didn’t share the same liberated views with Grace’s Grams. Of course, that could be because she was fifteen years older. Grams was a late addition to the family and quite a surprise. That seemed to run in the family. Aunt Louise believed that all women’s place was in the home as a wife and mother. She didn’t think that a woman should have a career.

Grace chuckled to herself and replied, “I don’t know Aunt Lou. I am seeing someone, but I don’t think it is serious enough yet to even think about the possibility of getting married.”

“Well, you should be thinking about. That’s the most important thing that you can do. You should have already settled down and started a family by now.”

“All in good time Aunt Lou. All in good time.”

Grace walked away from Aunt Louise before she could get started on her lecture about the importance of being a wife and mother. It wasn’t like she hadn’t heard it countless times while she was growing up.

Checking her watch and not watching where she was going, Grace all but collided with her cousin, Melissa.

“Got somewhere else to be?” Melissa asked. “Or are you expecting someone?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because you were looking at your watch. You either have somewhere else to go, or you’re expecting someone else to show up. I am betting on the someone showing up because there’s been a rumor floating around that you’ve got a new boyfriend,” Melissa said with a smirk.

“It’s really not any of your business what I am doing,” Grace snapped.

“What’s the matter Grace, afraid that I am going to steal away another boyfriend?” Melissa taunted.

“Not on your life, Melissa. I’ve gotten past the point where I feel threatened by you,” Grace retorted, and then she stomped off towards where her Aunt Lucy was seated.

Grace’s words were actually just a brave front. She really did still feel threatened by Melissa, and she was afraid that Melissa would try to steal away Aidan. Grace knew that she was pretty, too many people had told her so for it to be a lie, but Melissa had a definite edge in the looks department.

Even though they were both relatively the same height, Melissa was lean and trim and had luxurious long, blonde hair while Grace was more full-figured and her sandy blonde hair was cut in a bob. Grace, more often than not, suffered from a low self-image. She frequently lamented the fact that she needed to lose weight, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t seem to shed any pounds.

She had tried working out religiously and eating better, but to no avail. Her mom said that it was the curse of her family and that it wasn’t that she was overweight, she was just curvy. Well, that was definitely true, Grace had curves; she just felt like the curves went too far away from her body.

The only advantage that Grace had ever felt that she had over Melissa was the size of her breasts. Melissa’s breasts were so small that she was almost flat-chested. Grace, on the other hand, had full breasts that often looked as if they wanted to escape the binding material of whatever shirt she happened to be wearing.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Aunt Lucy asked as Grace hurried towards her chair.

“Nowhere in particular, I’m just trying to get away from something irritating,” Grace responded.

“More like trying to get away from someone irritating, I would say.”

“Well, yeah…”

“What is she trying to do this time?”

“Oh, she heard a rumor that I have a new boyfriend, so of course she has to start making insinuating comments about it.”

“Don’t worry about it Grace. Any guy that’s worth anything would know in a heartbeat what Melissa is all about. If he truly cares for you, then you have nothing to worry about. So, is there a new boyfriend?”

“Yes, there is, and he should have been here by now.”

“Well, why don’t you go up front and see if you can see him coming? I’ll run interference with your mother. Honestly, I wish she would lighten up some.”

“You and me both! Thanks, Aunt Lucy.”

Grace looked around to locate her mother and found her close to the grill with her back turned. Using that opportunity to her advantage, Grace slipped around the house and then raced to the front yard. She had thought about going inside the house and trying to call him again, but she was afraid that he would arrive while she was inside.

She walked to the edge of the driveway and looked down the road in the direction from which Aidan should come. Even though she could hear what sounded like a car’s engine, she didn’t see anything. She checked her watch again. It had been twenty-five minutes. He should have arrived fifteen minutes ago.

Grace was beginning to get worried. She’d give him another five minutes, and if he didn’t show up by then, she would go back inside and try to reach him on his cell. As the minutes ticked by, Grace paced up and down the driveway, looking up hopefully each time she heard an approaching car.

Finally, just as she was about to turn and go into the house, she heard another car approaching. She breathed a huge sigh of relief when she recognized the black truck that was coming towards her. As it pulled into an empty space in the yard, Grace rushed towards the truck.

The first thing to come into view as the young man stepped out of the truck were his long legs, which were clad in blue jeans and had cowboy boots on his feet. Even though his legs were long they were in no way lanky, as was made evident when the rest of his body came into view. A black t-shirt fit snugly around his well muscled torso, his large biceps straining against the material. A black cowboy hat set atop his curly ebony hair, and his deep chocolate eyes twinkled merrily from his tanned chiseled face.

He caught Grace in a strong embrace as she threw her arms around him. “Oh Aidan, I was getting worried. You should have been here twenty minutes ago!”

“I know. I took a wrong turn and had to backtrack and start over at the church. Looks like you’ve got quite a crowd.”

“Yeah, there’s always a large turn out when we have family get-togethers. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay, but before we go back there… you remember the cousin I told you about that always tried to beat me in everything?”

“You mean Melissa?”

“Yeah, that’s who I am talking about. She’s here…”

“So? Oh, I get it, you’re worried that she’s gonna throw herself at me.”

“I have no doubt in my mind that she will. She’s already hinted at it.”

Aidan put his fingers under Grace’s chin and gently lifted her face towards his. “Honey, you don’t have anything to worry about. Don’t you know how much I love you? Well, I guess maybe you wouldn’t. I haven’t ever told you that, have I? She could strip naked in front of me, and it wouldn’t help. I only have eyes for you. I love you Grace Abigail Montgomery.”

Grace felt as though she would melt right there in that spot. She had waited so long to hear those words from the right man. At that exact moment, she was positive with all of her heart and soul that Aidan was her true love.

“Oh Aidan, I love you too!”

He bent down and planted a sweet and gentle kiss upon her lips, a kiss that was full of promise, hope, and love.

“Gracey’s got a boyfriend, Gracey’s got a boyfriend!” came the singsong, interrupting their kiss and causing both to laugh.

“Summer, what are you doing up here?” Grace asked as she scooped her little sister into her arms.

“Aunt Lucy sent me to look for you. She said mama had ants.”

“Had ants?” Aidan said with a perplexed look on his face.

“Oh, you mean Aunt Lucy said that mama was getting antsy?” Grace asked.

“Yep, that’s what she said.”

Grace had told Aidan about her mother and how critical she could be of her boyfriends, and of her not-always-sunny disposition, so he was prepared to not get a warm welcome.

“Summer, this is Aidan. He’s my boyfriend.”

“Hi Summer. It’s nice to finally meet you. Your sister has told me a lot about you,” said Aidan.

“Hi Aidan, Grace hasn’t told me anything about you.”

Grace’s face colored, and she could feel the heat of embarrassment. She took a deep breath and decided that she had better tell Aidan that her family hadn’t known of his existence until today. “Aidan, there is something that I need to tell you before we go back there. My family… well, you know what I told you about mom and how much guff she gives me about my boyfriends…”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Well, I just really didn’t want to deal with all of that. I wanted to be able to enjoy being with you without hearing all of mom’s complaints and gripes rattling around in my head.”

“You haven’t told them about me.”

“Yes, I have… but not until this morning. Oh please don’t be angry with me. It didn’t have anything to do with you. I was just being selfish and wanted you all to myself, and…”

“Shh, it’s okay Grace. I’m not upset with you. I understand why you didn’t tell them.

 

[Black Tulip]

All right, I read it without looking at typo's.

It was a good read, made me wanting to know what happens next.

I have only one point: why is the mother so difficult? Just a nasty character? Or is there a reason?
I think at least a hint, when you first mention it, is in order.



Another thing, you will probably catch it when you start editing, but you need to have a look at your vocabulary. You're 'betting' a lot, for instance.