The Black Cloud

[sirhugs]

I've been fortunate enough to get a lot of red H's on my recent stories. The validation frankly helps me going.
So after much urging on both the story Ideas and Author's hangout forums and in DMs from respected writers, I wrote The Black Cloud , a story very personal to me. More reality at than fantasy, though the sex part is pure fantasy. I thought it was well written, with enough hot sex. It is in EC, for lack of a better category.

I know I probably should not complain about a story hovering round 4.3, but I can't for the life of me figure out why this is less deserving than my recent "HOT" entries.

Thoughts?
Be kind... I'm still struggling with the black cloud.

 

[NaughteeDragon]

I started reading Black Cloud and I’ll tell you my opinion on why I think it’s not doing as well.
Therapist-patient is a very emotionally intimate relationship. It also has very strict boundaries. Those boundaries are why the relationship can flourish. There is no pressure worrying about the relationship crossing those boundaries. When that relationship crosses that boundary it feels wrong.
I stopped reading when she let him touch her tits. It bothered me, a lot.
It could very well be a great story with powerful emotional depth. I will never find out because I cannot get past that first scene. That is a violation that makes me very uncomfortable.

 

[sirhugs]

I started reading Black Cloud and I’ll tell you my opinion on why I think it’s not doing as well.
Therapist-patient is a very emotionally intimate relationship. It also has very strict boundaries. Those boundaries are why the relationship can flourish. There is no pressure worrying about the relationship crossing those boundaries. When that relationship crosses that boundary it feels wrong.
I stopped reading when she let him touch her tits. It bothered me, a lot.
It could very well be a great story with powerful emotional depth. I will never find out because I cannot get past that first scene. That is a violation that makes me very uncomfortable.

sorry that you feel that way, but I doubt it explains the scores. Thanks for the reply anyway.

 

[sirhugs]

bumpity bump
still hoping for some useful feedback on the scoring of this story as compared to recent stories I wrote that got ranked hot.
Am i just blinded by my immersion in this particular tale?

 

[ElectricBlue]

sorry that you feel that way, but I doubt it explains the scores. Thanks for the reply anyway.

I read it after your first post and to be honest, @NaughteeDragon might be on the money, that the story pushes too hard against credibility. Further, even though it's short, he's a depressing character - the words suicidal turns up twice in the first hundred or so words, which is hardly the promise of a fun story, going on. You then write about her great tits and kept on about it, which is school boyish and turns into cliché. It's not a convincing story.

bumpity bump
still hoping for some useful feedback on the scoring of this story as compared to recent stories I wrote that got ranked hot.
Am i just blinded by my immersion in this particular tale?

I think you might be, yes. It's hard to be kind - it's a quickie, but not very deep.