The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Zom_Dom]

and I pull out of my bag the makings for smores yum!

I put in a guitar..

And an acoustic version of Hotel California waftes slowly from the vending machine's door.

I put in a baby grand piano (It'll fit, trust me)

 

[DeevaLicious]

And an acoustic version of Hotel California waftes slowly from the vending machine's door.

I put in a baby grand piano (It'll fit, trust me)

and I'm completely amazed it does but I can't get my fingers in the door to play it!

I put in sheet music for Motley Crue's Home Sweet Home

 

[Handley_Page]

and I'm completely amazed it does but I can't get my fingers in the door to play it!

I put in sheet music for Motley Crue's Home Sweet Home

and the result is that it does not sound like it at all.
Something wrong with the Honky-Tonk piano, there.


I put in a stuffed printer

 

[Austin8]

and the result is that it does not sound like it at all.
Something wrong with the Honky-Tonk piano, there.


I put in a stuffed printer

and it prints out two tickets to England vs Ireland

I put in a stuffed aubergine

 

[Zom_Dom]

and it prints out two tickets to England vs Ireland

I put in a stuffed aubergine

And it clashes horribly with both team's colors, although it's still quickly devoured.

I put in a stuffed bear.

 

[Austin8]

And it clashes horribly with both team's colors, although it's still quickly devoured.

I put in a stuffed bear.

and one of the beloved AHers is now mounted on the wall of the game room

I put in a defeat at Twickenham

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

and one of the beloved AHers is now mounted on the wall of the game room

I put in a defeat at Twickenham

and it's but a moment in time for the history books.

I put in a box of matches..

 

[Austin8]

and it's but a moment in time for the history books.

I put in a box of matches..

and I offer a flint and steel

I put in a bag of pop rocks

 

[kimbalee]

and I offer a flint and steel

I put in a bag of pop rocks

and you get some Cherokee Red pop to wash them down.

I put in a bunch of Jerky Chew...

 

[Austin8]

and you get some Cherokee Red pop to wash them down.

I put in a bunch of Jerky Chew...

hahaha put I prefer real chew

I put in some fresh Cope

 

[kimbalee]

hahaha put I prefer real chew

I put in some fresh Cope

and the machine gives you a lecture for twenty minutes that begins like this:

"Hello friend, you do not chew. You might think that you chew, but it is all in your head. You are a non-chewer. Instead, you prefer to eat candy. Lots & lots of candy... and not freakin Copenhagan!!!" After twenty minutes, it starts to overheat. oh great... now you have corrupted the vending machine and it started smoking. I hope you are happy with yourself!

I put in a call to the fire dept for a fireman...

 

[Austin8]

and the machine gives you a lecture for twenty minutes that begins like this:

"Hello friend, you do not chew. You might think that you chew, but it is all in your head. You are a non-chewer. Instead, you prefer to eat candy. Lots & lots of candy... and not freakin Copenhagan!!!" After twenty minutes, it starts to overheat. oh great... now you have corrupted the vending machine and it started smoking. I hope you are happy with yourself!

I put in a call to the fire dept for a fireman...

i answer the call for fireman, looking you over,
i suspect it's you thats actually on fire and not the machine at all

i put in some towels... for later use

 

[kimbalee]

i answer the call for fireman, looking you over,
i suspect it's you thats actually on fire and not the machine at all

i put in some towels... for later use

okay, I guess I set myself up for that one...

and they are plush and soft and smell Downy fresh.

I put in a kick in the ass...

 

[Austin8]

okay, I guess I set myself up for that one...

and they are plush and soft and smell Downy fresh.

I put in a kick in the ass...

and a big ol boot flies out and makes contact with the seat of my pants as I run from the glass fronted machine
I put in a olive garden *special* cream sauce!

 

[kimbalee]

and a big ol boot flies out and makes contact with the seat of my pants as I run from the glass fronted machine
I put in a olive garden *special* cream sauce!

check, please!

and you get a very flustered server for the evening when he realizes you made your own sauce at the table.

I put in a round of singing with a breadstick as a microphone after a few too many glasses of wine...

 

[Austin8]

check, please!

and you get a very flustered server for the evening when he realizes you made your own sauce at the table.

I put in a round of singing with a breadstick as a microphone after a few too many glasses of wine...

and the blonde bombshell rips off her clothes

I put in snapshots to remember the ocassion and to pass around at christmas time

 

[kimbalee]

and the blonde bombshell rips off her clothes

I put in snapshots to remember the ocassion and to pass around at christmas time

and you get much laughing and hear, "remember when we were at the place and saw a whatchamacallit... and so-and-so did that thing we will never forget..." all evening.

I put in an album to hold all of those photos...

 

[Austin8]

and you get much laughing and hear, "remember when we were at the place and saw a whatchamacallit... and so-and-so did that thing we will never forget..." all evening.

I put in an album to hold all of those photos...

and I mark it xxx

and add one of a girl wiggling her ass in the window

 

[kimbalee]

and I mark it xxx

and add one of a girl wiggling her ass in the window

and you get a new tattoo that says "Eat Here" on it.

I put in some tattoo remover...

 

[Austin8]

and you get a new tattoo that says "Eat Here" on it.

I put in some tattoo remover...

and Im glad I have the tattoo
I notice you have one too?

and I put in a male nude model

 

[Zom_Dom]

and Im glad I have the tattoo
I notice you have one too?

and I put in a male nude model

And a wave of titters and giggles flow from the machine's door.

I put in an easel, some oil paints, and a few brushes.

 

[DeevaLicious]

And a wave of titters and giggles flow from the machine's door.

I put in an easel, some oil paints, and a few brushes.

and I pull up a stool and end up being so distracted it comes out looking like Picasso on crack!

I put in paint thinner..

 

[Zom_Dom]

and I pull up a stool and end up being so distracted it comes out looking like Picasso on crack!

I put in paint thinner..

(I'd love to see that picture, Dee!)

And the machine begins swaying omminously from side to side, odd mumbling and giggling noises issuing from the door...

I put in a print of Joseph Campbell's Little Red Riding Hood,.

 

[DeevaLicious]

(I'd love to see that picture, Dee!)

And the machine begins swaying omminously from side to side, odd mumbling and giggling noises issuing from the door...

I put in a print of Joseph Campbell's Little Red Riding Hood,.

and after sniffing all the paint thinner fumes and seeing the naked guy I see visions of a wicked wolf and a scantily clad "red" Riding Hood.

I put in a big bad "woof!"

 

[Zom_Dom]

and after sniffing all the paint thinner fumes and seeing the naked guy I see visions of a wicked wolf and a scantily clad "red" Riding Hood.

I put in a big bad "woof!"

And the nude model shimmers and wavers, becoming a striking woodsman, who flashes a cheeky grin and a wink.

I put in a few aspirin for the inevitable headache to come after the high wears off.