The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Austin8]

And you get back an 8-inch cock shaped icecube tray.

I put in a fist full of pacifiers.

and you get two baby girl's calling you Daddy.

I put in a 3" Penis pump donut...

 

[The_Darkness]

and you get two baby girl's calling you Daddy.

I put in a 3" Penis pump donut...

And you get a copy of Austin Powers' penis pump book. Autographed.

I put in a first printing of "The Man with the Golden Gun"

 

[Trinique_Fire]

And you get a copy of Austin Powers' penis pump book. Autographed.

I put in a first printing of "The Man with the Golden Gun"

...and you get back a 24 pack of Pampers size 4 diapers.

I put in a light up baby doll

 

[The_Darkness]

...and you get back a 24 pack of Pampers size 4 diapers.

I put in a light up baby doll

And you get a lacy teddy

I put in three dozen broken crayons.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

And you get a lacy teddy

I put in three dozen broken crayons.

...and you get back a formula soaked bedsheet

I put in 2 dozen plastic Gerber containers

 

[Austin8]

...and you get back a formula soaked bedsheet

I put in 2 dozen plastic Gerber containers

and you get a hook point blade, made for skinin'

I put in a clutch plate from a 63' Stihl model 30...

 

[Handley_Page]

I put in a clutch plate from a 63' Stihl model 30...

And you get the gearbox of a '63 Ford GT.

 

[The_Darkness]

And you get the gearbox of a '63 Ford GT.

You didn't put anything in, so you don't get shit.

I put in a half-used roll of toilet paper.

 

[Austin8]

You didn't put anything in, so you don't get shit.

I put in a half-used roll of toilet paper.

Hey Dark

and you get a John Wayne video.

I put in a training switch...

 

[The_Darkness]

Hey Dark

and you get a John Wayne video.

I put in a training switch...

And you get a pair of redheaded willing participants

I put in my shoes that appear to have been chewed on by my daughter.

 

[Austin8]

And you get a pair of redheaded willing participants

I put in my shoes that appear to have been chewed on by my daughter.

Ha,ha and you get a new raw hide chew toy to replace them.

I put in a Dr. Pepper made with Imperial pure cane sugar...

 

[Handley_Page]

I put in a Dr. Pepper made with Imperial pure cane sugar...

and you get a large tarantula spider with a can of soda.


I put in a bottle of CO2

 

[Austin8]

and you get a large tarantula spider with a can of soda.


I put in a bottle of CO2

and you get a ballon and a buzz.

I put in a 20' section of 6mm hemp rope...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

and you get a large tarantula spider with a can of soda.


I put in a bottle of CO2

And get back a lump of dry ice.


I put in a trash barrel of leeks gone to bolt.

 

[Handley_Page]

I put in a trash barrel of leeks gone to bolt.

And you get a working shower head, complete with shower.

I put in a water tap

 

[Austin8]

And get back a lump of dry ice.


I put in a trash barrel of leeks gone to bolt.

and you get creamed leeks with curdled cream...

I put in a bunch of fresh ramps Never really cared for the taste

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get creamed leeks with curdled cream...

I put in a bunch of fresh ramps Never really cared for the taste

and you get a vehicle jack.

I put in a gallon of old engine oil

(Insomnia is a terrible thing. I'm off. Tata)

 

[Austin8]

and you get a vehicle jack.

I put in a gallon of old engine oil

and you get back an old injun' woo, woo oo !


I put in a piece of sassafras...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

and you get back an old injun' woo, woo oo !


I put in a piece of sassafras...

And get back a bowl of gumbo and a mug of root beer.

I put in a seed catalog.

 

[Austin8]

And get back a bowl of gumbo and a mug of root beer.

I put in a seed catalog.

and you get an organic 'Bloody Butcher' heirloom tomato plant.

I put in a pound of safflower seed... for our feathered friends...

 

[harrlequin]

and you get an organic 'Bloody Butcher' heirloom tomato plant.

I put in a pound of safflower seed... for our feathered friends...

and get the 45" coffee table edition of Feathered Friends - Songbirds of Northern Ontario in Glorious Colour

I put in 33" record - Meatloaf Bad Attitude

 

[Austin8]

and get the 45" coffee table edition of Feathered Friends - Songbirds of Northern Ontario in Glorious Colour

I put in 33" record - Meatloaf Bad Attitude

and you get me! With rope bag and ass hook.

I put in a black leather corset, left behind after drunken party...

 

[Handley_Page]

I put in a black leather corset, left behind after drunken party...

And you get a pair of lace-up leather gloves

I put in a mis-match pair of military boots

 

[Austin8]

And you get a pair of lace-up leather gloves

I put in a mis-match pair of military boots

and you get a voluptuous redhead calling you sarge.

I put in a dental pick...

 

[The_Darkness]

and you get a voluptuous redhead calling you sarge.

I put in a dental pick...

And you get back a Fansodox comic

I put in my rage for the movie theater.