The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[voluptuary_manque]

And you get back a satisfied smile.

I put in a chicken dijonnaise

 

[Austin8]

And you get back a wild-eyed woman.

I put in a tube of K-Y Warming Gel...

and you get 'one hot mama'.

I put in a pixie anal probe...

 

[Handley_Page]

And you got a shit picture on the screen.


I put in a real good Steak dinner -

 

[Emperor_Nero]

And you got a shit picture on the screen.


I put in a real good Steak dinner -

...and you get back a bottle of A-1 Steak Sauce.

I put in a peck of pickled peppers...

 

[Handley_Page]

.
I put in a peck of pickled peppers...

And you got out a nice lunch.


I put in an old B52

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And you got out a nice lunch.


I put in an old B52

And you get a nasty phone call from the Strategic Air Command.


I put in a DeHavilland Beaver . . . on floats.

 

[Handley_Page]

I put in a DeHavilland Beaver . . . on floats.

And you get two fishing rods and tackle.

I put in a grilled Salmon

 

[The_Darkness]

And you get two fishing rods and tackle.

I put in a grilled Salmon

And you get a viral video of a fisherman kicking a bear in the balls.

I put in two T-bones cooked to the perfect shade of medium rare.

 

[TE999]

And you get a viral video of a fisherman kicking a bear in the balls.

I put in two T-bones cooked to the perfect shade of medium rare.

And you get back two loaded baked potatoes.

I put in a platter of corn on the cob...

 

[The_Darkness]

And you get back two loaded baked potatoes.

I put in a platter of corn on the cob...

And you get a nun who's spent a little too much time working in the garden.

I put in a tub of unsalted, unsweetened cream butter.

 

[TE999]

And you get a nun who's spent a little too much time working in the garden.

I put in a tub of unsalted, unsweetened cream butter.

And you get back a little girl on a tuffet.

I put in a house of straw...

 

[Austin8]

And you get back a little girl on a tuffet.

I put in a house of straw...

And you get a wood frame shack in the Washington wilderness.

I put in a leaky carton of milk, 2%...

 

[TE999]

And you get a wood frame shack in the Washington wilderness.

I put in a leaky carton of milk, 2%...

And you get back a bag of broken cookies.

I put in a silent film on DVD...

 

[Austin8]

And you get back a bag of broken cookies.

I put in a silent film on DVD...

and you get your own personal mime.

I put in an ear of field corn...

 

[TE999]

and you get your own personal mime.

I put in an ear of field corn...

And you get back a flock of crows.

I put in a failed experiment involving bacteria and jelly beans...

 

[Handley_Page]

I put in a failed experiment involving bacteria and jelly beans...

And you get a complete Government.

I put in a field of Grass

 

[Austin8]

And you get a complete Government.

I put in a field of Grass

And you get a bong made from a coke can.

I put in 3 pickled eggs...

 

[Handley_Page]

I put in 3 pickled eggs...

And you got three drunken chicks.

I put in a Colt 45

 

[TE999]

And you got three drunken chicks.

I put in a Colt 45

And you get back an MD 20/20.

I put in a bag of broken electric toothbrushes...

 

[Austin8]

And you get back an MD 20/20.

I put in a bag of broken electric toothbrushes...

and you get a pissed porn actress.

I put in a slippery tube of K-Y jelly...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

and you get a pissed porn actress.

I put in a slippery tube of K-Y jelly...

And you get some embarrassing questions from your proctologist.


I put in a French cook book, well-used.

 

[Austin8]

And you get some embarrassing questions from your proctologist.


I put in a French cook book, well-used.

and you get Jacque Pepin in a speedo!

I put in a burnt on mess...

 

[TE999]

and you get Jacque Pepin in a speedo!

I put in a burnt on mess...

And you get back a coupon for a hamburger.

I put in a colander of wilted string beans...

 

[Austin8]

And you get back a coupon for a hamburger.

I put in a colander of wilted string beans...

and you get 'th' bear' offering cooking lessons.

I put in a stained sheet.

 

[TE999]

and you get 'th' bear' offering cooking lessons.

I put in a stained sheet.

And you get back a torn condom.

I put in a set of fur lined handcuffs...