The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[sadangel]

and you get a hug from him and he whispers *I like you too*

I put in a universal remote control

And you get static.

I put in a broken record...

 

[ms.read]

And you get static.

I put in a broken record...

... and you get the half a picture of a nude elvis photo....

I put in my 2 cents...

 

[Irania]

******

 

[Handley_Page]

And don't get a soda (boo hoo)

I put in a rain dance

and it rains (somewhere else).
[ would you stop doing that, please, darling ?]

I put in a very wet macintosh

 

[Irania]

******

 

[ms.read]

And I get out Steven Jobs in a bathing suit

I put in a (rain dance), scratch that least I loose a friend.
I put in a soccer ball.
couldn't resist

and you suddenly got the urge to bend it like beckham as storm clouds rage over your head.

I put in all of the bad memories of the last year....

 

[Handley_Page]

I put in all of the bad memories of the last year....

and they are drowned out by the capacity crowd at Edgbaston when the Ausies are all out for not many.

I put in a cricket ball.

 

[Irania]

******

 

[Austin8]

You get a very wet ball made of crickets

I put in a Jiminy Cricket

an you get some mighty fine fish bait

I put in a treegator

 

[Handley_Page]

an you get some mighty fine fish bait

I put in a treegator

and you get a quick dash away, just in case you get wet feet.


I put in a set of bails.

 

[sadangel]

and you get a quick dash away, just in case you get wet feet.


I put in a set of bails.

And you get a bail bondsmen.

I put in the mown grass that made me sneeze nearly the whole way home...

 

[Austin8]

And you get a bail bondsmen.

I put in the mown grass that made me sneeze nearly the whole way home...

and you get me and my grassy scent

I put in a box of Claritin

 

[ms.read]

and you get me and my grassy scent

I put in a box of Claritin

and you become allergic to rainbow colored ass'fro's

ass'fro: ass so hair it has it's own afro complete with a pik in it.

I put in all the shaved pubic hair that I found in the public ladies room at summer camp. (EWW!!)

 

[jacks4u]

I put in all the shaved pubic hair that I found in the public ladies room at summer camp. (EWW!!)

And you get back an empty can of Nair.

I put in a half used jar of Carmex...

 

[Irania]

*****

 

[slyc_willie]

And you learn the benefits of safe sex

I put in a condom

. . . and you get back an undergraduate thesis explaining why a woman can't get pregnant if she has sex in a hot tub.

I put in a pair of smiley-face boxers.

 

[Irania]

******

 

[Austin8]

She fans herself

You get a smiley faced girly

You put in a graduate thesis regarding the meaning of life

and you get a little tadpole swimming up stream

I put in a garden hoe

 

[sadangel]

and you get a little tadpole swimming up stream

I put in a garden hoe

and get back a different ho'

I put in my insomnia...

 

[Austin8]

and get back a different ho'

I put in my insomnia...

and you get sweet dreams

I put in a comfy pillow

 

[sadangel]

and you get sweet dreams

I put in a comfy pillow

and somehow, you get a new bed.

I put in my favorite blanket... (don't hurt it please!)

 

[Austin8]

and somehow, you get a new bed.

I put in my favorite blanket... (don't hurt it please!)

and you get me naked in the covers

I put in a home sleep remedy

 

[sadangel]

and you get me naked in the covers

I put in a home sleep remedy

And you get drowsy.

I put you back in the vending machine...

 

[Austin8]

And you get drowsy.

I put you back in the vending machine...

aww, and you get a call from me asking "why?"

I put in a grade rake

 

[Handley_Page]

aww, and you get a call from me asking "why?"

I put in a grade rake

and you get a letter from the Principle telling you it did not make the grade.

I put in an ash quarter-staff