The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Noor]

and you get a letter from the Principle telling you it did not make the grade.

I put in an ash quarter-staff

and you get Errol Flynn

I put in a green silk wimple

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get Errol Flynn

I put in a green silk wimple

and you get a green wimp !

I put in a cross bow

 

[Noor]

and you get a green wimp !

I put in a cross bow

and you get a quiver

I put in a chalice

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a quiver

I put in a chalice

and you get a a large thurible to match.

I put in a wafer

 

[ms.read]

and you get a a large thurible to match.

I put in a wafer

and you get the priest who gave the wafer to you last Sunday.

I put in my mother's favorite perfume.

 

[jacks4u]

I put in my mother's favorite perfume.

and you get a pink corsage and a long strand of fake pearls

I put in left hand wrist brace and a somewhat worn USB travel mouse

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a pink corsage and a long strand of fake pearls

I put in left hand wrist brace and a somewhat worn USB travel mouse

and you get a right-hand wheel brace and a broken cable.

I put in a steering wheel from an old Ford tractor.

 

[kimbalee]

and you get a right-hand wheel brace and a broken cable.

I put in a steering wheel from an old Ford tractor.

...and get back an Atari joystick control.

I put in a request for a back rub...

 

[Handley_Page]

...and get back an Atari joystick control.

I put in a request for a back rub...

and I get the right oils for the job.
"come to me, lady. . . . . "

I put in a box of tissues.

 

[jacks4u]

I put in a box of tissues.

and you get a weeping and sobbing teenage girl..
"Dad, how could you be sooo mean to my boyfriend?..."

I put in a left hand monkey wrench.

 

[kimbalee]

and you get a weeping and sobbing teenage girl..
"Dad, how could you be sooo mean to my boyfriend?..."

I put in a left hand monkey wrench.

... and you get a thank you note from Bubbles the chimp.

I put in a bunch of refrigerator magnets...

 

[Handley_Page]

... and you get a thank you note from Bubbles the chimp.

I put in a bunch of refrigerator magnets...

and you get strangely attracted to them.

I put in a 'fridge motor

 

[Austin8]

and you get strangely attracted to them.

I put in a 'fridge motor

and you get a v-groove belt and a speed reducing pulley

I put in a pair of topiary shears

 

[Irania]

*******

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get out a redneck rendition of the Playboy Bunny

I put in an agnostic Baptist

and his Church is turned into a playgroup.


I put in a hot 60w soldering iron.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and his Church is turned into a playgroup.


I put in a hot 60w soldering iron.

and out comes a bird's nest of copper wires

I put in a half-used tube of Hooker's Green acrylic paint

 

[Austin8]

and out comes a bird's nest of copper wires

I put in a half-used tube of Hooker's Green acrylic paint

and you get a Hooker in a miniskirt

I put in a post-it-note

 

[Irania]

*****

 

[Austin8]

and you get out a decadent proposal

I put in some peaches and cream

and you get me to lick it off your body

I put in a pair of holy jeans

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get me to lick it off your body

I put in a pair of holy jeans

and the local Bishop wants a word with you.


I put in a pair of Roman Sandals

 

[TE999]

and the local Bishop wants a word with you.


I put in a pair of Roman Sandals

And you get back 5 drachma.

I put in an aqueduct...

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get back 5 drachma.

I put in an aqueduct...

and you get very, very wet.

I put in a steam hammer

 

[Irania]

******

 

[kimbalee]

and I get very, very wet!

I put in a fistful of dollars

And you get back The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

I put in a box of chocolates...

 

[TE999]

And you get back The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

I put in a box of chocolates...

And you get back Forrest Gump.

I put in a diving suit from the Nautilus...