Tell us something about yourself

[IrisAlthea]

I am fighting a fight i no longer think i can win. Each day, i wake up to a world where i don't belong, and slog through it with a fake smile and longing eyes. I do not fit. My life is abnormal. Platitudes bring me no comfort. They say 'someday' and my heart wants to demand empirical proof. Name the day. There are no guarantees. There is no choice. Effort is not rewarded, there is no novel in this, just endless, empty heartache. I bow my head so they don't see my expression. My goal and reward comes no quicker by sharing my grief, letting them see eleven years of tears, and hopes that have been crushed by fate's fickle brush strokes. I rage against it, against me. What purpose have i? Inferior, an arid wastleland. Nothing grows here, tiny shoots of greenery smothered, til they are nothing but dust and faint memory. My body aches, my ears prick at cries i'm hard-wired to respond to, yet weren't issued at me. I fight because it is a dream that i can't let go of. I am fast approaching the point where my lack of control over my life will be remedied by pain from choice instead. I can't stop the hate, the agony and the jealousyy. Why me? Why this? I try to silence the insiduous voice that foretells of other failures, judged incompetant by the highest powers to play nicely with a gift given automatically to their other children on earth, many who have not been good, not played nicely with others, fall below th recommended age rating or who don't have an appreciation for what they receive. I cannot turn back time, even that would not turn bare soil to lush meadow, but i could teach my childhood self not to hope, that she be spared this. Fate turns her creul yet beautiful face from me whilst i beg and plead for equality and normality. She spurns my desires again and again, unmoved. There is not always a choice. I want what i can not have.

(I've toyed with deleting this, but that would be cowardly. It's been slightly cathartic)

Catharsis is a good thing, but I am sorry you have to go through this. I do know that feeling when you just want to give up on it, because yesterday wouldn't be soon enough and it hurts too much, this cycle of wait and wish and be disappointed.

Molly,

I know we don't know one another. Yet my need to reply to this cannot be denied. Your words? My God. Powerful words, from a powerful woman.

I realize I don't know you, your life. I can't possibly understand any of what you're dealing with, and have, and will continue to. I can't believe I have the audacity to add my words to others more able, more worthwhile, more known than a stranger.

But we ache, we try, we need, we crave, we want, we desire, we deserve. And we are disappointed, and denied, stepped on and crushed, ignored and overlooked. Over and over again. In pain, in suffering, again. But we continue to try, to hope, to dream, to take the f-ing next step forward. There are no guarantees, life is NOT fair, promises are broken, and people let us down. But because we need and want, and deserve, we try again.

Failure isn't a real word, not to me, not anymore. Because taking that next step forward doesn't allow it to be. Call it what you will, coping, dealing, coasting or fighting. It's taking another f-ing step forward. Another hour, another day. Will today be the day, or tomorrow, next week, next month, next year?

You're in my thoughts. No comfort there, I know. But it's true.

Great post!

 

[satindesire]

teached

It's Taught in that context, sweetie. No offense, I'm just being helpful.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I has a secret. ssshhhhhhh *shifty eyes* but don't worry, it's only a little one

 

[sillygooz]

Thank you, Daddy! =)



No, not redundant. I did ask the question you know. =)

Well then..............not redundant.........lets call it relevant.........but then you know some other things.......things we can only whisper about..........

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Is it bad to say that I like being a fucktoy? Is it bad to say that I like forced submission? Is it bad to say that both these combined makes me soaking wet?

Some people think its stupid, some think its whatever, some think its hot, some think its orgasmic.

Which are you?

It's not at all bad to say these things... unless they're untrue.

I think if those things work for you, then they're a wonderful thing - for you.

 

[zuntira]

I wish there were some way I could convince my husband to let me fuck other people. I'd just love it if he brought a friend home and screwed me from sundown to sun up. Pass me back and forth, share me, double team me, make me watch while they enjoy each other...

For now, I can only enjoy the perverse glee of how pissed off he gets whenever I suggest this.

 

[sillygooz]

I wish there were some way I could convince my husband to let me fuck other people. I'd just love it if he brought a friend home and screwed me from sundown to sun up. Pass me back and forth, share me, double team me, make me watch while they enjoy each other...

For now, I can only enjoy the perverse glee of how pissed off he gets whenever I suggest this.

oooooooooo.............I think I love the way your mind works..........

 

[sillygooz]

I second that ...

Ditto..............

 

[CurvAppeal]

Sorry I haven't written on my own thread lately. I worked a 24hr shift. 7-3 3-11 11-7 kind of deal, all three shifts. So I am thoroughly exhausted. No sleep at all but I appreciate all of the responses that have been presented on my, or our thread. =) Hope to get many more responses as I enjoy reading each and every one of what each of you have to say.

 

[satindesire]

I wish there were some way I could convince my husband to let me fuck other people. I'd just love it if he brought a friend home and screwed me from sundown to sun up. Pass me back and forth, share me, double team me, make me watch while they enjoy each other...

For now, I can only enjoy the perverse glee of how pissed off he gets whenever I suggest this.

How supremely healthy your relationship must be.

 

[CurvAppeal]

Well then..............not redundant.........lets call it relevant.........but then you know some other things.......things we can only whisper about..........

absolutely!! =)

 

[Felix_Jones]

You internet fascists are hilarious.

 

[CurvAppeal]

You internet fascists are hilarious.

And by whom are you referring to?

 

[CurvAppeal]

I wish there were some way I could convince my husband to let me fuck other people. I'd just love it if he brought a friend home and screwed me from sundown to sun up. Pass me back and forth, share me, double team me, make me watch while they enjoy each other...

For now, I can only enjoy the perverse glee of how pissed off he gets whenever I suggest this.

Communicate. =)

 

[sillygooz]

absolutely!! =)

Bummer on the 24 hour shift.........you were missed........

 

[FloggingMolly]

Thank you all for your responses, they touched me deeply. I'd written it half-asleep, so even I was surprised by some of it. I don't always feel quite that bad!

 

[CurvAppeal]

Bummer on the 24 hour shift.........you were missed........

Well thank you, gooz. =) Your words are very kind.

 

[sillygooz]

Well thank you, gooz. =) Your words are very kind.

You're so welcome..........mmmmmmm............I am such a naughty older guy.........

 

[CurvAppeal]

This question is for everyone to answer as they like.

What are your plans for the fourth of July? Are you traveling far and wide? Or staying at home with the family, setting off your own fireworks? I would love to hear your plans. Feel free to answer!

 

[the captians wench]

This question is for everyone to answer as they like.

What are your plans for the fourth of July? Are you traveling far and wide? Or staying at home with the family, setting off your own fireworks? I would love to hear your plans. Feel free to answer!

No plans, infact, I think I'm working.

When I was a kid, my step dad would grill out and the house would be full of people. When he died, my brother took over grilling, his kids would be bouncing, and we'd end the night with sparklers. Now he's stationed in Kansas, so it's just mom and me, and we don't do anything.

I do usually get a phone call or text from Jounar which always tickles me. I don't know why, but I get a special kind of giggle from him wishing me a happy holiday on holidays they don't celebrate. The best was the year he did it and my sister in law was beside me when I recieved the text. She asked me "do they celebrate 4th of July there?" I couldn't keep a straight face when I told her I'd ask him. He laughed and said to tell her "no, we skip from the 3rd right to the 5th".

She didn't get the joke

*giggles*

 

[CurvAppeal]

No plans, infact, I think I'm working.

When I was a kid, my step dad would grill out and the house would be full of people. When he died, my brother took over grilling, his kids would be bouncing, and we'd end the night with sparklers. Now he's stationed in Kansas, so it's just mom and me, and we don't do anything.

I do usually get a phone call or text from Jounar which always tickles me. I don't know why, but I get a special kind of giggle from him wishing me a happy holiday on holidays they don't celebrate. The best was the year he did it and my sister in law was beside me when I recieved the text. She asked me "do they celebrate 4th of July there?" I couldn't keep a straight face when I told her I'd ask him. He laughed and said to tell her "no, we skip from the 3rd right to the 5th".

She didn't get the joke

*giggles*

It is adorable to see how much you love Jounar. That is so special and I am so happy for the both of you. Makes me happy.

 

[the captians wench]

It is adorable to see how much you love Jounar. That is so special and I am so happy for the both of you. Makes me happy.

*giggles*

 

[HottieMama]

Plans for the 4th?? None really... I try to avoid fireworks as much as possible because they seriously hurt my ears. (I have hearing loss and low, rumbling noises really bother me for some reason.) I will probably have a wonderful weekend of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise being a Mom. My semi-girlfriend (we're working on getting back together officially) is coming to visit for 5 days starting the 15th, so that's when my "fun" will happen...

 

[CurvAppeal]

Plans for the 4th?? None really... I try to avoid fireworks as much as possible because they seriously hurt my ears. (I have hearing loss and low, rumbling noises really bother me for some reason.) I will probably have a wonderful weekend of cooking, cleaning, and otherwise being a Mom. My semi-girlfriend (we're working on getting back together officially) is coming to visit for 5 days starting the 15th, so that's when my "fun" will happen...

Not a firework person myself either, dear. But I am glad things may work out for you and her. =) I wish you the best of luck and an amazing time with her, as I am sure things will be just fine.

 

[HottieMama]

Thanks Curv... We are spending a lot of time talking and working things out, so I think it will all be ok...