BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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Tell a Joke
- Thread starter in_oral_office
- Start date
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Feb 20, 2012
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The clearest presentation
I have seen in quite some time.
Social Security check
Here we go.
JUST REALIZED THAT WITH REQUIRED AUTO DEPOSIT,
I NEVER GET TO SEE THE CHECK .....
ALERT EVERYONE YOU KNOW.
THIS AFFECTS ALL OF US.*
SOCIAL SECURITY becomes FEDERAL BENEFIT CHECK
Have you noticed, the Social Security check is now referred to as a
"Federal Benefit Payment"?
The government is now referring to our Social Security checks as
a Federal Benefit Payment.
This isn't a benefit it. It is earned income! Not only did we all contribute to Social Security but our employers did too.
It totaled 15% of our income before taxes .
If you averaged $30K per year over your working life, that's close to $180,000 Invested in Social Security .
If you calculate the future value of your monthly investment in social security( $375/month, including both your and your employers contributions) at a meager 1% Interest rate compounded monthly, after 40 years of working you'd have more than $1.3+ million dollars saved!
This is your personal investment .
Upon retirement, if you took out only 3% per year , you'd receive $39,318 per year,
or $3,277 per month .
That's almost three times more than today's average Social Security benefit of $1,230 per month,according to the Social Security Administration
(Google it - its a fact).
And your retirement fund would last more than 33 years (until you're 98 if you retire at age 65)! I can only imagine how much better most average-income people could live in retirement if our government had just invested our money in low-risk interest-earning accounts .
Instead, the folks in Washington pulled off a bigger Ponzi scheme than Bernie Madoff ever did.
They took our money and used it elsewhere.
They forgot (Knew) that it was OUR money they were taking.
They didn't have a referendum to ask us if we wanted to lend the money to them .
And they didn't pay interest on the debt they assumed .
And recently,they've told us that the money won't support us for very much longer .
But is it our fault they misused our investments?
And now, to add insult to injury, they're calling it a benefit , as if we never worked to earn every penny of it. Offered by John C. Just because they borrowed the money,
doesn't mean that our investments were a charity !
*Then call it what it is:
Our Earned Retirement Income.
I have seen in quite some time.
Social Security check
Here we go.
JUST REALIZED THAT WITH REQUIRED AUTO DEPOSIT,
I NEVER GET TO SEE THE CHECK .....
ALERT EVERYONE YOU KNOW.
THIS AFFECTS ALL OF US.*
SOCIAL SECURITY becomes FEDERAL BENEFIT CHECK
Have you noticed, the Social Security check is now referred to as a
"Federal Benefit Payment"?
The government is now referring to our Social Security checks as
a Federal Benefit Payment.
This isn't a benefit it. It is earned income! Not only did we all contribute to Social Security but our employers did too.
It totaled 15% of our income before taxes .
If you averaged $30K per year over your working life, that's close to $180,000 Invested in Social Security .
If you calculate the future value of your monthly investment in social security( $375/month, including both your and your employers contributions) at a meager 1% Interest rate compounded monthly, after 40 years of working you'd have more than $1.3+ million dollars saved!
This is your personal investment .
Upon retirement, if you took out only 3% per year , you'd receive $39,318 per year,
or $3,277 per month .
That's almost three times more than today's average Social Security benefit of $1,230 per month,according to the Social Security Administration
(Google it - its a fact).
And your retirement fund would last more than 33 years (until you're 98 if you retire at age 65)! I can only imagine how much better most average-income people could live in retirement if our government had just invested our money in low-risk interest-earning accounts .
Instead, the folks in Washington pulled off a bigger Ponzi scheme than Bernie Madoff ever did.
They took our money and used it elsewhere.
They forgot (Knew) that it was OUR money they were taking.
They didn't have a referendum to ask us if we wanted to lend the money to them .
And they didn't pay interest on the debt they assumed .
And recently,they've told us that the money won't support us for very much longer .
But is it our fault they misused our investments?
And now, to add insult to injury, they're calling it a benefit , as if we never worked to earn every penny of it. Offered by John C. Just because they borrowed the money,
doesn't mean that our investments were a charity !
*Then call it what it is:
Our Earned Retirement Income.
Balladeer08
Literotica Guru
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I wish I'd read this when I was in High School. I could have been SO suspended! The English teachers I had were all boring as hell, and frowned anytime they saw anyone smile or laugh. I spent many a classtime standing in the hallways, opening the combination locks on the lockers.
Balladeer08
Literotica Guru
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- Nov 3, 2010
- Posts
- 4,101
Exclusively on line.
I like doing the designs, I can tolerate doing the website, I HATE doing sales. I am a people person when the people are attractive naked females. Otherwise, not so much.
Could use some help getting the word out about the site, though. Search Engine Optimization is a complete mystery to me, pure technobabble.
I'd like to sell a lot of shirts for Christmas. Muscle in on Santa and his 3 ho's.
Balladeer08
Literotica Guru
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- Nov 3, 2010
- Posts
- 4,101
Okay, that is "HOLY FUCK!" to the third power.
BusyAfternoon
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BusyAfternoon
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BusyAfternoon
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Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polak, and they get captured by some Amazons.
The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"
The German responds, "I will take oil!"
So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times.
When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak, "What do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Polak, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, "I'll take the Polak!"
The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"
The German responds, "I will take oil!"
So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times.
When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak, "What do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Polak, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, "I'll take the Polak!"
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
Affordable Boat Act
The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The affordable boat act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April 2014.
These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been passed because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" boat of their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase an average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthier people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can't afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.
If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can't). If you don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can't afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, lack of experience, knowledge or desire are not acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between port, starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride in your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out-lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories, (like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat. Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so...it's only fair.
The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment. Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free at the expense of tax payers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.
If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat....or ANYTHING else...
Yea...it's that stupid...
The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The affordable boat act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April 2014.
These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been passed because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" boat of their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase an average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthier people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can't afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.
If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can't). If you don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can't afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, lack of experience, knowledge or desire are not acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between port, starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride in your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out-lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories, (like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat. Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so...it's only fair.
The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment. Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free at the expense of tax payers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.
If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat....or ANYTHING else...
Yea...it's that stupid...
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Feb 20, 2012
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Been around before
A New Fragrance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9yRJiP4f_EU
A New Fragrance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9yRJiP4f_EU
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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RobDownSouth
BoycotDivestSanctio
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2002
- Posts
- 78,470
What did Princess Di and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was THE WALL.
Their last big hit was THE WALL.
Elixxxher
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 16, 2013
- Posts
- 739
An old favorite of mine.
>>>>
Three guys arrive at the pearly gates and St. Peter says to the first guy “I have to ask you a question before you can enter Heaven. When you were alive, did you ever cheat on your wife?”
First guy looks a little ashamed when he says, “Well, I have to be honest, yes, I had two affairs while I was married.”
St. Peter says “Ok, I’m glad you were honest with me. You can drive an economy car while you are in Heaven.” The first guy nods, walks past St. Peter and goes through the gates.
The second guy approaches and St. Peter asks him the same question, “When you were alive, did you ever cheat on your wife?”
Second guy, looking a little embarrassed says, “Well, I have to be honest as well and yes, I had one affair while I was married.”
St. Peter says “Well, we are doing pretty good, I’m glad you were honest with me, you can drive a mid-sized car while you are in Heaven.” The second guy smiles a bit and walks through the gates.
Finally the third guy approaches St. Peter with a big grin on his face. St. Peter looks at him curiously, but still asks him the same question as the other two, “When you were alive, did you ever cheat on your wife?”
The third guy, smile still plastered on his face says, “Well, I have to be as honest as the other two guys you just saw. No, I didn’t have any affairs while I was married.” he says triumphantly.
Well, St. Peter is very impressed and responds, “I’m pleased you were honest with me as well, and you get to drive a luxury car while you are in Heaven.” The third guy, still smiling, walks through the gates and the three guys all enter Heaven.
A week later, the first and second guys are sitting in their cars at a red light when the third guy in the luxury car drives up and stops beside them. Looking over, the two notice the third guy is crying like a baby, obviously very upset. The first guy, confused, calls out to the third guy, “Hey pal, what’s wrong. You are in Heaven driving a luxury car. What could be the problem?”
The third guy looks over and calls back, “I just saw my wife and she was riding a skate board!”
>>>
>>>>
Three guys arrive at the pearly gates and St. Peter says to the first guy “I have to ask you a question before you can enter Heaven. When you were alive, did you ever cheat on your wife?”
First guy looks a little ashamed when he says, “Well, I have to be honest, yes, I had two affairs while I was married.”
St. Peter says “Ok, I’m glad you were honest with me. You can drive an economy car while you are in Heaven.” The first guy nods, walks past St. Peter and goes through the gates.
The second guy approaches and St. Peter asks him the same question, “When you were alive, did you ever cheat on your wife?”
Second guy, looking a little embarrassed says, “Well, I have to be honest as well and yes, I had one affair while I was married.”
St. Peter says “Well, we are doing pretty good, I’m glad you were honest with me, you can drive a mid-sized car while you are in Heaven.” The second guy smiles a bit and walks through the gates.
Finally the third guy approaches St. Peter with a big grin on his face. St. Peter looks at him curiously, but still asks him the same question as the other two, “When you were alive, did you ever cheat on your wife?”
The third guy, smile still plastered on his face says, “Well, I have to be as honest as the other two guys you just saw. No, I didn’t have any affairs while I was married.” he says triumphantly.
Well, St. Peter is very impressed and responds, “I’m pleased you were honest with me as well, and you get to drive a luxury car while you are in Heaven.” The third guy, still smiling, walks through the gates and the three guys all enter Heaven.
A week later, the first and second guys are sitting in their cars at a red light when the third guy in the luxury car drives up and stops beside them. Looking over, the two notice the third guy is crying like a baby, obviously very upset. The first guy, confused, calls out to the third guy, “Hey pal, what’s wrong. You are in Heaven driving a luxury car. What could be the problem?”
The third guy looks over and calls back, “I just saw my wife and she was riding a skate board!”
>>>
Colonel Hogan
Madness
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2005
- Posts
- 18,372
SCOTUS ruled on this issue 53 years ago in the case of Flemming v. Nestor. No individual has an accrued property right to Social Security benefits. Perhaps you misplaced the memo.
FICA payroll taxes are a current tax used to pay legislated benefits to current retirees. Excess benefits to collected FICA tax revenues in any given year are covered by appropriations from the Social Security Trust Fund. There are no individual accounts in that fund with your or anyone's name on them. Accounting is done on a fiscal year basis. A surplus or shortfall in any given year has no bearing on the next year.
Like any tax, rates and benefits under the law are subject to change at any time.
Joeybagadonuts
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 6, 2010
- Posts
- 9,202
WHY OLDER MEN DON'T GET HIRED
Job Interview:
Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"
Older Man : "Honesty."
Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."
Older Man : "I don't really give a shit what you think."
Job Interview:
Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"
Older Man : "Honesty."
Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."
Older Man : "I don't really give a shit what you think."
Comparative Political Ideologies 101
A Republican man-about-town
Could make a smile vertical frown
For, at finish, the heel
Always made the girl kneel
And let all the wealth trickle down!
A Democrat is well suited to diddle
In the sense that he's . . . straight-up-the-middle
But, 'tween left and right hand
He can ne'er . . . make a stand
At the end, can just sit there and twiddle!
Socialists like to share their virility
But it brings social costs in fertility
For, "To each by her need!"
Is their true solemn creed,
But the sharing wears out the ability!
When an Anarchist's out of her clothes
Make no mention of rules to impose
As to what's hot or not
Or, what tab fits what slot --
She will make it all up as she goes!
The proud stalwarts of the Tea Party
Have lusts that are hearty but naughty
Such as offering their sacks
As mid-morning snacks
To all and to sundry! How haughty!
Although Fascists might seethe, rant, and hate
You can still, if you'll dangle the bait
Have 'em your way, and then some
If but once you convince 'em
It is all for the good of the State!
An Objectivist Atlas will shrug
When the ladies won't go past a hug
Self-reliant as Rand
Is his own nimble hand
On his Fountainhead ready to tug!
A Minuteman was a staunch, fearless warder
'Gainst the Brown Peril south of the border
'Til a boom-chicka chica
From south Costa Rica
Sucked him into a whole New World Order!
The bold ladies who camp with the OWSers
Are no puritanical wowsers
One can't walk up Wall Street
Without hearing them tweet,
"Why, what's that occupying your trousers?!"
A lascivious thing is a Green
Every tree, every shrub, every bean
Every beast classed "Endangered"
And life-forms far stranger
Must endure his attentions obscene!
A Theocon's holy and pious
But it seems that his judgment is biased
By his mind filled with floods
Of the cries of hung studs:
"Come into the closet and try us!"
Libertarians swing and they play
You can use them most any which way
Straight, gay, trans, or bi
Or whatever you'll try
All while shouting, "For freedom! Hooray!"
A Republican man-about-town
Could make a smile vertical frown
For, at finish, the heel
Always made the girl kneel
And let all the wealth trickle down!
A Democrat is well suited to diddle
In the sense that he's . . . straight-up-the-middle
But, 'tween left and right hand
He can ne'er . . . make a stand
At the end, can just sit there and twiddle!
Socialists like to share their virility
But it brings social costs in fertility
For, "To each by her need!"
Is their true solemn creed,
But the sharing wears out the ability!
When an Anarchist's out of her clothes
Make no mention of rules to impose
As to what's hot or not
Or, what tab fits what slot --
She will make it all up as she goes!
The proud stalwarts of the Tea Party
Have lusts that are hearty but naughty
Such as offering their sacks
As mid-morning snacks
To all and to sundry! How haughty!
Although Fascists might seethe, rant, and hate
You can still, if you'll dangle the bait
Have 'em your way, and then some
If but once you convince 'em
It is all for the good of the State!
An Objectivist Atlas will shrug
When the ladies won't go past a hug
Self-reliant as Rand
Is his own nimble hand
On his Fountainhead ready to tug!
A Minuteman was a staunch, fearless warder
'Gainst the Brown Peril south of the border
'Til a boom-chicka chica
From south Costa Rica
Sucked him into a whole New World Order!
The bold ladies who camp with the OWSers
Are no puritanical wowsers
One can't walk up Wall Street
Without hearing them tweet,
"Why, what's that occupying your trousers?!"
A lascivious thing is a Green
Every tree, every shrub, every bean
Every beast classed "Endangered"
And life-forms far stranger
Must endure his attentions obscene!
A Theocon's holy and pious
But it seems that his judgment is biased
By his mind filled with floods
Of the cries of hung studs:
"Come into the closet and try us!"
Libertarians swing and they play
You can use them most any which way
Straight, gay, trans, or bi
Or whatever you'll try
All while shouting, "For freedom! Hooray!"
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
“He could have used a warning..." or not.
From WTTC News in Dallas, we get this heartwarming tale of a long-time criminal, 33, named Deyfon Pipkins,
who tried to climb in a window of a home.
The elderly owner inside saw him and fired one shot, ending Deyfon's criminal career.
As the police do, they came by, gathered the corpse, then went to notify Deyfon's family of his timely demise.
It seems that the family was upset though, because they showed up at the scene.
“He could have used a warning," Lakesha Thompson, Pipkins' sister-in-law, said. "He could have let him know that he did have a gun on his property and he would use it in self-defense."
COMMENT FROM THE SIDELINE: "That's certainly true, Lakesha. He could also have invited him in and given him a beer, then helped him cart the TV out to the curb.
Unfortunately for Deyfon, Texas is a Castle Doctrine state, and the homeowner chose to shoot Deyfon, as it is right and proper to do.
For that matter, Lakesha, you could have warned Deyfon "Deyfon, you need to quit breakin' into those peoples houses and stealin' they shit. Someone is goin' to pop a cap in yo' ass!"
From WTTC News in Dallas, we get this heartwarming tale of a long-time criminal, 33, named Deyfon Pipkins,
who tried to climb in a window of a home.
The elderly owner inside saw him and fired one shot, ending Deyfon's criminal career.
As the police do, they came by, gathered the corpse, then went to notify Deyfon's family of his timely demise.
It seems that the family was upset though, because they showed up at the scene.
“He could have used a warning," Lakesha Thompson, Pipkins' sister-in-law, said. "He could have let him know that he did have a gun on his property and he would use it in self-defense."
COMMENT FROM THE SIDELINE: "That's certainly true, Lakesha. He could also have invited him in and given him a beer, then helped him cart the TV out to the curb.
Unfortunately for Deyfon, Texas is a Castle Doctrine state, and the homeowner chose to shoot Deyfon, as it is right and proper to do.
For that matter, Lakesha, you could have warned Deyfon "Deyfon, you need to quit breakin' into those peoples houses and stealin' they shit. Someone is goin' to pop a cap in yo' ass!"
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
The Lifestyle And You - Joining The Lifestyle
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/451585/the_lifestyle_and_you_joining_the_lifestyle/
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/451585/the_lifestyle_and_you_joining_the_lifestyle/
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
Choose your bag wisely...pretty good CGI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lncwRnV4Gsg&feature=player_detailpage
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lncwRnV4Gsg&feature=player_detailpage
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
and there you have it...
The Supreme Court disagreed, saying “To engraft upon the Social Security system a concept of ‘accrued property rights’ would deprive it of the flexibility and boldness in adjustment to ever changing conditions which it demands.” The Court went on to say, “It is apparent that the non-contractual interest of an employee covered by the [Social Security] Act cannot be soundly analogized to that of the holder of an annuity, whose right to benefits is bottomed on his contractual premium payments.”
The Court’s decision was not surprising. In an earlier case, Helvering v. Davis (1937), the Court had ruled that Social Security was not a contributory insurance program, saying, “The proceeds of both the employee and employer taxes are to be paid into the Treasury like any other internal revenue generally, and are not earmarked in any way.”
In other words, Social Security is not an insurance program at all. It is simply a payroll tax on one side and a welfare program on the other. Your Social Security benefits are always subject to the whim of 535 politicians in Washington. Congress has cut Social Security benefits in the past and is likely to do so in the future. In fact, given Social Security’s financial crisis, benefit cuts are almost inevitable. Several proposals to cut benefits, from increasing the retirement age to means testing, are already being debated.
