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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Tell a Joke

Beethoven

A tourist was walking in a cemetery in Venice, when he heard some strange music playing.

There was no one around, so he had no idea where the music could be coming from. He searched and he searched, and finally he found that the music was coming from a grave.

The name on the grave read "Ludwig van Beethoven" and the more he listened to the music, he realized that it was Beethoven's 9th symphony, but it was playing backwards!

The next day he came back to the grave, and he heard the 7th symphony playing, but again it was backwards.

The next day he called a classical music expert and they went to the grave together. This time the 5th symphony was playing, but it was backwards just like the other two times.

The expert had no idea what could have caused this, but he realized that they were playing backwards in the order that he wrote them, 9th, then 7th, then 5th.

By the next day, word had spread about this strange occurrence, and many people had gathered at Beethoven's grave.

The 2nd symphony was playing backwards this time.

Just then the groundskeeper at the graveyard came along, wondering what these people were doing at this grave.

"Mister," the tourist said, "something strange is going on. Beethoven's music is coming from his grave, and it is playing backwards!"

"Don't you get it?" the groundskeeper said. "He's decomposing."
 
Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons. "So", he says
to them:

"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."

"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says: "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property".

Sarah replies: "Property? The ba$tid has a paper route!"
 
The Woman Marine Pilot
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie.
Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy.
She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all
she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher.
'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this
horrible story?

"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."
 
and more...


Q: What did the Polish mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's yours?"

Q: Why did the Polak sell his water skis?
A: He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.

Q: What do Poles do with all their gold medals?
A: Go home and got them bronzed.

Did you hear in the news that a 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland?
The Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.

Did you hear about the Polish family that froze to death outside a theater?
They were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter."
 
Last edited:
Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.

A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.

Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"

Verne: "Yes, sir, that's correct."

Coroner: "Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged in her ass."

Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3...?"

Coroner: "Yes, it was."

Verne: "That was my mulligan."
 
 
Easter Island Mystery Solved? New Theory Says Giant Statues Rocked
Potbellies might help explain how the moai were moved.

http://images.nationalgeographic.com/wpf/media-live/photos/000/554/cache/easter-island-statues-moved-by-rocking_55437_600x450.jpg

To move each moai, two groups may have rocked it side to side while a rear group kept it upright.
Illustration by Fernando G. Baptista, National Geographic

By National Geographic staff

National Geographic News

Published June 22, 2012

For centuries, scientists have tried to solve the mystery of how the colossal stone statues of Easter Island moved. Now there's a new theory—and it rocks.

The multiton behemoths traveled up to 11 miles (18 kilometers) from the quarry where most of them were carved, without the benefit of wheels, cranes, or even large animals.

Scientists have tested many ideas in the past, figuring that the islanders must have used a combination of log rollers, ropes, and wooden sledges. Now a pair of archaeologists have come up with a new theory: Perhaps the statues, known as moai, were "engineered to move" upright in a rocking motion, using only manpower and rope.

Watch video: Easter Island statues rocking forward

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YpNuh-J5IgE

Terry Hunt of the University of Hawaii and Carl Lipo of California State University Long Beach have worked closely with archaeologist Sergio Rapu, who's part of the South Pacific island's population of indigenous Rapanui, to develop their idea. They've observed that fat bellies allowed the statues to be tilted forward easily, and heavy, D-shaped bases could have allowed handlers to roll and rock the moai side to side.
Last year, in experiments funded by the National Geographic Society's Expeditions Council, Hunt and Lipo showed that as few as 18 people could, with three strong ropes and a bit of practice, easily and relatively quickly maneuver a ten-foot (three-meter), five-ton moai replica a few hundred yards (a few hundred meters). No logs were required. (National Geographic News is a division of the Society.)

http://images.nationalgeographic.com/wpf/media-content/photos/000/550/cache/55090_420x315-cb1340050820.jpg

In previous efforts to solve the mystery, Czech engineer Pavel Pavel worked with Norwegian explorer-adventurer Thor Heyerdahl and a team of 17 helpers to propel an upright, 13-foot (4-meter), nine-ton moai forward with twisting motions, keeping the statue fully upright at all times. That was in 1986. But Pavel's team damaged the moai's base and had to stop. (Related: "Easter Island Settled Later, Depleted Quicker Than Thought?")

A year later U.S. archaeologist Charles Love and a team of 25 erected a 13-foot (4-meter), nine-ton model upright on a wooden sledge and moved it over log rollers, advancing it 148 feet (45 meters) in two minutes.

(Podcast: National Geographic's Hannah Bloch on Easter Island statue theories.)

Meanwhile, for many of Easter Island's 2,000 or so indigenous Rapanui, descended from the original Polynesian settlers, the answer is simple. "We know the truth," says Suri Tuki, 25, a tour guide. "The statues walked."
 
Here is a bunch of "Low Information Voters" from California. Pretty scary...!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Political prankster Mark Dice asks San Diego beach-goers if they'll sign a petition supporting "the Police State" which includes "Orwellian" and "Nazi-Style" tactics to "keep Americans safe" in this "Brave New World."

"I Support an Orwellian Police State in America"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=l02E4cj4Vvo
 
A guy goes into the confessional box, after years being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur
chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies, who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears the priest coming and says "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession, and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest responds,

"Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".
 
Hahahah Brilliant!

Here's my lil joke

There once was a business man who had just had enough of his job. So when he won the lotto one day he quit his job, hopped in his car and drove into the country. Once he got there he say a "For Sale" Sign on a farm.

He thought to himself why the hell not? He bought the farm and went for a walk on his land to feel the land out to help him name his brand spanking new farm. On a hill there were 2 boys playing around, using profanity they couldnt use at home. One of the little boys yelled out "HAIRY BALLS!" They both giggled and ran home. The business man heard the Echo and thought it was a sign. So the next day he named his farm Hairy Balls.

Wasn't long before the mans farm was doing well, and all he thought he needed was a dog. Since he found the name of his farm aimlessly walking around he tried it again.

The 2 little boys were at it again and this time one of them called out "SMALL PENIS"
The farmer was miffed, but again stuck with the name that his farm had given him.

The farmer was very happy with his farm and his dog, and for 2 years he was doing very well for himself. One day his dog went missing and he began to worry. He searched for a entire week on his own before he decided to call the police.

He picked up the phone and dialed the number, all ready to tell them his emergency,
"Hello hello I need the police!" the man on the other end replied
"Yes sir what is your emergency"

The Farmer cleared his throat and replied
"Ive been all over my hairy balls, but I cant find my Small Penis!"

Heheh hope that put a smile on your face :)
 
BrownIslandGurl said:
Hahahah Brilliant!

Here's my lil joke

There once was a business man who had just had enough of his job. So when he won the lotto one day he quit his job, hopped in his car and drove into the country. Once he got there he say a "For Sale" Sign on a farm.

He thought to himself why the hell not? He bought the farm and went for a walk on his land to feel the land out to help him name his brand spanking new farm. On a hill there were 2 boys playing around, using profanity they couldnt use at home. One of the little boys yelled out "HAIRY BALLS!" They both giggled and ran home. The business man heard the Echo and thought it was a sign. So the next day he named his farm Hairy Balls.

Wasn't long before the mans farm was doing well, and all he thought he needed was a dog. Since he found the name of his farm aimlessly walking around he tried it again.

The 2 little boys were at it again and this time one of them called out "SMALL PENIS"
The farmer was miffed, but again stuck with the name that his farm had given him.

The farmer was very happy with his farm and his dog, and for 2 years he was doing very well for himself. One day his dog went missing and he began to worry. He searched for a entire week on his own before he decided to call the police.

He picked up the phone and dialed the number, all ready to tell them his emergency,
"Hello hello I need the police!" the man on the other end replied
"Yes sir what is your emergency"

The Farmer cleared his throat and replied
"Ive been all over my hairy balls, but I cant find my Small Penis!"

Heheh hope that put a smile on your face :)
Click to expand...

I like that!

Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence?
.
.
.
To see what's on the other side!
 
He sure makes it look real. Pretty good stuff.
------------------

It's a lovely day at the park for Criss Angel to demonstrate to some bystanders how fun it is to pull apart a couple by their torsos and switch their bodies up.

Criss Angel Rips Bodies Apart

ube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=i5gK2MxGR0M
 
 
Fun With Statues!

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/fun-with-statues-10.jpg?w=500&h=375

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/fun-with-statues-13.jpg?w=500&h=670

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/fun-with-statues-17.jpg?w=500&h=666

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/fun-with-statues-18.jpg?w=500&h=748

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/fun-with-statues-28.jpg?w=500&h=427

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/fun-with-statues-29.jpg?w=500&h=343

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/fun-with-statues-31.jpg?w=500&h=638

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/fun-with-statues-1.jpg?w=500&h=835

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/fun-with-statues-3.jpg?w=500&h=369

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/fun-with-statues-6.jpg?w=500&h=308
 
Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore it.
Thomas Sowell
 
Turn Signal

An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal may not be working.
He asks the Polish guy if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them.
The Polish guy steps out and stands in front of the car.
The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"
To which the Polish guy responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working....Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."
 
Check out some tech tips to enlighten and speed up the time you spend on your computer and smartphones. Now that we're all a little older, I especially like the tip on "enlarging" the text on a webpage. Some very cool tips.
--------------------------

Tech columnist David Pogue shares 10 simple, clever tips for computer, web, smartphone and camera users. And yes, you may know a few of these already, but there's probably at least one you don't.

David Pogue: 10 top time-saving tech tips

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QoT0-2vu9m4
 
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