Submissive Training

[Bachlum Chaam]

I am looking for constructive input on the proper training of a new sub. I have already asked a few trusted friends for their ideas but it was suggested I post here.
Your thoughts would be welcome to add to my own
Bachlum Chaam

 

[bbw38c]

No Real Advice but...

Kind sir, I don't have any advice for you but I am willing to bet you would be a great dom. Thanks for your advice on my previous post. Best Wishes.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I am looking for constructive input on the proper training of a new sub. I have already asked a few trusted friends for their ideas but it was suggested I post here.
Your thoughts would be welcome to add to my own
Bachlum Chaam

Where to start ... perhaps a journal.

Not for your perusal, although you may impose that right at your discretion.

More for the submissive to get what's in the head out and not spinning uselessly.

Makes for fond memories, red faced embarrassment, and an intellectual checkpoint at a later date.

 

[Arden]

Just a couple of links that may be of interest...
Disclaimer: Don't believe everything that you read...

On domination:
http://www.castlerealm.com/kingdom/kingdom.htm
http://www.submissiveloving.com/sensualtraining.html
http://www.darkrose.com/submissive-training.html
Again, I can't vouch that any of these are perfect - you have to know yourselves, your collective needs and desires...

For her:
http://www.castlerealm.com/subspace/subspace.htm

 

[FungiUg]

I already posted these to Tim, but I figure it won't hurt to post them for discussion.

Things I do for training are:

* the daily journal. This includes orgasms, thoughts behind them, and any other sexually related thoughts. Also, I read and comment on the journal entries each day. I will usually try and see if the journal answers the question "what have you done today that is slutty?" But it's important that she know I am reading what she writes, and thinking about it, and adjusting her training to suit what she is going through.

* orgasm quotas. This is adaptable -- for one submissive who had a lot of problems sleeping, and could orgasm easily, I allowed her one orgasm the next day per hour of sleep, unless she slept for six hours, in which case she could have as many as she liked. Another woman I trained, who has problems taking time out for herself with a very busy life had a quota of five orgasms required a day, which meant she had to take time out during every day to think about sex and submitting.

* the reverse is orgasm denial. A day of playing with herself once an hour, every hour (while awake), but no permission to orgasm. I will always do this once. Thereafter it's reserved for a punishment. Surprisingly, even though it is horible to do, a submissive feels a huge sense of accomplishment afterwards, so it is a positive thing.

* wardrobe adaption. It takes time to build up a slutty wardrobe (unless you are a millionaire, which I am not.) So make it clear what you want, and talk about what to buy (or make) next, but of course be realistic. Me, I like lingerie and slutty clothing so on, so it's normally done to build up that part of her wardrobe. And of course, you can chip in and buy her things as well. (Er, pick the things that aren't too size specific -- shoes are a bad choice, because she needs to feel how they will fit, but things like stockings or jewellery are fine.) Oh, sex toys fall into this category too.

* diet. One of the things I do is get a submissive to show herself off a lot (er, in private... not into public normally), and to do that she needs to be comfortable with displaying herself. Which can mean weight control and diet monitoring.

* becoming your inner slut. For this, the instructions are something like the following. Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself out loud "Today, I am going to be a slut!' Spend five minutes in the evening (vary the time as appropriate) fucking your cunt slowly and chanting out loud with each stroke "I am a slut." An orgasm is permissible at the end of that time. I like this one! I will sometimes get her to do the chanting exercise on the phone. But it also makes a point of reminding her every day of what she is becoming, and what her submissive requirements are.

* on-line teasing. As she progresses, I will have her sit with something in her cunt whenever she is online to me. Often I will specify what it is ("your vibrator, on low"), then knowing she is sitting there squirming while we chat about life... it's fun! Of course, whenever she is chatting, you may want to require that she ask for permission to orgasm, and inform you each time she cums. That way she can practice her begging...

* Weekly specials. Things like only allowing her to wear panties three times a week. Once a week, to wear a butt plug for an afternoon of work, or something in her cunt (vibra balls are good), or both. Anyway, she has to fit them into her schedule.

* Missions. Once a week, or once every two weeks, I will assign a "mission". This is usually something like "go to the sex shop in person and buy some vibra balls." Or "Wear a jacket to work one day with a lacy camisole showing underneath, and watch how the guys react." This is where you can start to stretch her boundaries.

I also do some training towards her cumming on command -- this doesn't work with all women though.

 

[Goddess Helia]

Things I do for training are:

</snip to save space>

WOW.

I wish my Master was a bit more proactive in this manner.

Chills ran up and down my spine when I read this. I can see how your Sub would have a feeling of worth. She must be very loyal to you.

May I please print this off to give to the man who calls himself my Master?

Respectfully,
Helia

 

[FungiUg]

Chills ran up and down my spine when I read this. I can see how your Sub would have a feeling of worth. She must be very loyal to you.

Er, is disloyalty a big problem with submissives? (Thank you, however)

May I please print this off to give to the man who calls himself my Master?

Of course, that's why I put it here.

 

[Goddess Helia]

Er, is disloyalty a big problem with submissives? (Thank you, however)

Well I guess only with me today... A bad day can color everything

Originally posted by FungiUg

Of course, that's why I put it here.

Of course, how stupid of me to ask. My apologies.

 

[Peter2002]

A modest proposal

Have her take her temperature every morning with an anal thermometer and record it via email, or call you on the phone with the result, or -- best of all -- keep it on a chart in your bedroom or bathroom if you are lucky enough to be together that often.

It's simple. It's intrusive. It's memorable.

And, of course, she has to by the thermometer.

Good luck.

 

[bunny bondage]

there are so many ways to train a sub. there's the approach in which rules are not laid out, discrections are just punished and it's up to the sub to figure out what is good and what is bad. then there's the offical contract type deal where everything is lain out as clearly as a plexi-glass cage. what kind of approach will you be using?

 

[SirTain]

Training is guiding

I like Mssr. FungiUg's ideas and use many similar ones. My goal is to give the sub a constant reminder throughout the day of now having a Master in her life, so I try to focus on ordinary, everyday things. Some, like building up time wearing a butt plug or having multiple orgasms or practicing deepthroating, are purposely for sexual training. Others are for beginning to provide a sub with a new sense of security and safety throughout her day, again the constant reminders that she is now not alone in even her most intimate or forgetful moments. Having her ask permissions and offer thanks aloud (with discretion) is a good one, like when she uses the bathroom (often a much more behavior to control than masturbating) or masturbates, having her pause and count to 60 and build from there before doing either of these things. Assigning specific underwear so that she continues to appear vanilla to the outside world but beneath her clothing is always dressed according to her Master's wishes. I have my slaves-in-training wear nothing but white for the first stages of training, the color of surrender, and have them "harness" their panties each day, again a simple task but one which necessitates their conscious effort and gives them a tight, sweet reminder. And even silly things like having them pull their panties to their ankles while they brush their teeth are effective and can be fun.

I also think it's very important to have a sub begin to explore all of herself so that her further exploration of her submissive nature does not overwhelm her but rather begins to become a part of her like other aspects of her life. Journals and the like are very helpful this way. Plus, I try to find something particular about my sub (it's the girl I 'm interested in, not teaching tricks) and encourage that, like art work or cooking or exercise or a particular hobby. I want my slaves to be esteemed women, not doormats, since they will reflect upon me.

Finally, I encourage them to talk and write and cry and basically communicate to me as much as possible and at least once a day. First, to let me know they are performing their "disciplines" and, second, for me to gauge their comfort and sense of safety, find out where to guide them next, what limit to explore or begin to even push a bit. I want them to begin to see their own world in a different light, one that sheds a new sense of liberty and excitement at finally allowing themselves to become who they may have always wanted to be. That's some pretty adventurous stuff, so it ought to be fun too. Again, if I wanted to teach tricks, I'd get a dog. My collared slave is my most precious position and my love, I want that girl to be safe and happy not only serving me but with who she is as she sees herself; obedience is a simple measure of the cane.

It takes time and a lot of attention so I try not to rush. What it all boils down to is that training is guiding.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

there are so many ways to train a sub. there's the approach in which rules are not laid out, discrections are just punished and it's up to the sub to figure out what is good and what is bad. then there's the offical contract type deal where everything is lain out as clearly as a plexi-glass cage. what kind of approach will you be using?

I think a mixture of both I have no intention of stopping her from telling me exactly what she wants, in fact I insist on that.

Thanks for all the replies, and the nice pm's from the ladies you are all too kind

 

[Netzach]

Scenes are training.

Sitting down and having a discussion is training.

You have to find the language your bottom/sub actually speaks, or find a bottom/sub who speaks your language.

What's enlightening to one person is just plain stupid to another. While most subs will tolerate a couple of things they dislike, it can't be a healthy norm.

What does she need to learn? Don't listen to your ego when you ask this question in your own mind, observe *her.* People will disagree with this vehemently, but I think D/s is about refining ourselves as people, not getting our way because it's fun.

 

[Peter2002]

Bunny's way

there are so many ways to train a sub. there's the approach in which rules are not laid out, discrections are just punished and it's up to the sub to figure out what is good and what is bad. then there's the offical contract type deal where everything is lain out as clearly as a plexi-glass cage. what kind of approach will you be using?

I suggest #1.

 

[morninggirl5]

As a sub, might i suggest that you have received lots of really good ideas, but whether they will be worthwhile and accomplish your goals depends on the two people involved in the relationship. What works with sub A may be a complete and total failure with sub B and annoying as hell to sub C.

 

[Zaudika]

I just wanted to post and say there were some wonderful ideas posted here.
Out of all of them, I think to me the most important listed was the journal keeping. My Dom did this with me in the beginning. It gave him a great way to both give me writing assignments that challenged me, and writing assignments that helped him learn more about me. That and of course he learned a lot from just reading my daily entries.
It gave me a feeling of completeness to do those things for him. And as a sub, I was always thrilled each time he made a specific comment about, or there was an action, that I knew was from my journal writing. It was one of the many things that let me know of his caring without him verbally having to speak it.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... What does she need to learn? Don't listen to your ego when you ask this question in your own mind, observe *her.* People will disagree with this vehemently, but I think D/s is about refining ourselves as people, not getting our way because it's fun.

i don't disagree.

 

[il mio angelo]

I by no means consider myself to be 'trained' by a long shot.. I don't think training ever really ends because I don't think that the two people involved every stop growing, therefore the needs of both grow and change constantly, but I will offer my two cents.

I would definitely agree that the journaling is a very important part, as it allows a sub to express her/himself to their Dom/me, but still feel that the writing is a personal expression, and a means of getting it out on paper (or monitor).

I think that the physical reminders- butt plug, underwear colors, panty harnessing, etc., were effective for me, but it was the emotional or psycological things that really trained me on a subconscious level. Behavioral changes, asking permissions out loud to do various things through out the day, etc.

I feel that it is communication and expression that truly allows a sub to slowly build a trust and connection that will aid in or enhance the effectiveness of training.

Just my two cents.....

~angel

 

[Peter2002]

Training as 'delicious torment'

I by no means consider myself to be 'trained' by a long shot.. I don't think training ever really ends because I don't think that the two people involved every stop growing, therefore the needs of both grow and change constantly, but I will offer my two cents.

I would definitely agree that the journaling is a very important part, as it allows a sub to express her/himself to their Dom/me, but still feel that the writing is a personal expression, and a means of getting it out on paper (or monitor).

I think that the physical reminders- butt plug, underwear colors, panty harnessing, etc., were effective for me, but it was the emotional or psycological things that really trained me on a subconscious level. Behavioral changes, asking permissions out loud to do various things through out the day, etc.

I feel that it is communication and expression that truly allows a sub to slowly build a trust and connection that will aid in or enhance the effectiveness of training.

Just my two cents.....

~angel

Well, angel, I'm not sure Emerson could have put it any better himself.

We're talking what should be a process of "sweet surrender", to borrow a phrase.

It is also about the eroticization of daily life. The instruction to a sub to wear her hair a certain way, to use -- or not use -- lipstick, what -- if any -- underclothes to wear should infuse daily life with a new found intensity. The knowledge that a phone call could come any time when she's at work telling to her to insert the butt pulg she carries in her purse works two ways: it teaches her to obey, but -- hopefully -- through obedience to acheive another level of joy. Although the path in that direction is decidedly marked with discomfort.

A journal can be very effective. It both takes a sub out of herself by objectifing her own experience, but, in the same process also allows her and her dom to understand each other better.

Training should never end. The intensity of a begining should slowly melt into a sublime but ongoing process.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Training as 'delicious torment'

Training should never end. The intensity of a begining should slowly melt into a sublime but ongoing process.

I call it the avoidance of boredom. I like to keep my subs off center, and non complacent. By training them constantly and keep things fresh, they cannot predict what I will do or what will be required of them.

 

[Peter2002]

Re: Re: Training as 'delicious torment'

I call it the avoidance of boredom. I like to keep my subs off center, and non complacent. By training them constantly and keep things fresh, they cannot predict what I will do or what will be required of them.

EB: You are -- I suspect -- more of a pro than me, and that's an observation of respect. Keeping a sub fresh and off base is a give. I think, EB, where we may differ is in the early stages. But I certainly admire your style.

 

[Croctden]

Three tricks

1) Experiement. Someone said not all subs enjoy the same activities. Well you know what? I don't enjoy the same activites from one sub to the next either? Assuming you are training someone new to BDSM you want to expose them to many practices anyway.

2) Petty commands. I like to give many small simple orders. This serves two purposes: not letting her get settled in to a routine and getting her used to not being in charge.

3) Talk with her, alot. Many later issues can be avoided with a five minute conversation. Chances are this is all pretty new to her, you don't want her to feel alone and afraid. Especially if it is a relationship.