Submissive/Slave Haven

[intothewoods]

Things with Jim are over. I put the hammer down and he is not handling it well. But how can I continue to beat my head against the wall when the wall never even sees me in the first place?


I think I know exactly how you are feeling. The gravity of life can sometimes get to you and you just don't know how to shake it off. Hang in there, sweets. I don't know the answers... I sure as crap wish I did. In times and moments like this, I just have to cling to the hope and faith that everything's not broken, and that everything will be fine.

Good for you for being brave enough to make that decision. I know how hard that is.

I think when stress gets to me, I crave the white knight thing. It's weird, because I never wanted it in my twenties. In fact, I never wanted it before I got pregnant. I think having kids really shakes you to your core, and brings out some primal instincts that you never knew were there.

 

[SweetGigi]

Good for you for being brave enough to make that decision. I know how hard that is.

I think when stress gets to me, I crave the white knight thing. It's weird, because I never wanted it in my twenties. In fact, I never wanted it before I got pregnant. I think having kids really shakes you to your core, and brings out some primal instincts that you never knew were there.

Thanks, hun. I really need to hear that right now.

I can see that and totally understand it. I think the closer I get to 30, the more I lean toward the panic mode of being single and childless. Comments from my family of being a spinster don't help. As a matter of fact, it hurts. Esp. when they know there is nothing in this world I want more than to be a wife and mother.

 

[intothewoods]

Thanks, hun. I really need to hear that right now.

I can see that and totally understand it. I think the closer I get to 30, the more I lean toward the panic mode of being single and childless. Comments from my family of being a spinster don't help. As a matter of fact, it hurts. Esp. when they know there is nothing in this world I want more than to be a wife and mother.

Ooh, I know this well. I remember it and my sister is going through this now. If it makes you feel any better, no one says anything to her, and she's still pretty freaked out and upset by it all. There is just so much pressure. It's really nuts.

 

[rida]

Hope you don't mind I am going to curl in a corner with some warm blankets (wish I could find my yellow fluffy plush rabbit ...)

I thing I am dropping fast. It feels like a panic attack: my head kind of hurts, I am nauseous and I am ready to cry ...

I guess being played with 3 times in 4 days, and one of it being a totally new first has been a bit too much.

The "be careful what you wish for as you might get it" it surely rings true.

 

[intothewoods]

Hope you don't mind I am going to curl in a corner with some warm blankets (wish I could find my yellow fluffy plush rabbit ...)

I thing I am dropping fast. It feels like a panic attack: my head kind of hurts, I am nauseous and I am ready to cry ...

I guess being played with 3 times in 4 days, and one of it being a totally new first has been a bit too much.

The "be careful what you wish for as you might get it" it surely rings true.

Oh wow - uh, yeah, hon! That's a lot to take in.

 

[SweetGigi]

yeah this is a classic case of subdrop. I suggest a nice long bath soak, some good orgasmic chocolate, a good scary or sappy movie, and a cuddle with the kitty or puppy. I also suggest getting a body pillow to cuddle for next time. Having your PYL cover it in his 'smell' might help.

In any case, you have my sympathy and support. Hang in there, kiddo, it will pass.


*hugs*

 

[SweetGigi]

Ooh, I know this well. I remember it and my sister is going through this now. If it makes you feel any better, no one says anything to her, and she's still pretty freaked out and upset by it all. There is just so much pressure. It's really nuts.

I can sympathize with her. It is driving me towards rash and hasty choices and I know the feelings of desperation I am enduring right now can be smelled by every man within a 1000 mile radius. No wonder no one wants me.

 

[rida]

Oh wow - uh, yeah, hon! That's a lot to take in.

yeah this is a classic case of subdrop. I suggest a nice long bath soak, some good orgasmic chocolate, a good scary or sappy movie, and a cuddle with the kitty or puppy. I also suggest getting a body pillow to cuddle for next time. Having your PYL cover it in his 'smell' might help.

In any case, you have my sympathy and support. Hang in there, kiddo, it will pass.


*hugs*

Thank you both

A bath, a sappy movie and cuddles sounds just perfect ... too bad it will have to wait until the day is over (Monday and all here ...) As for my PYL (Hubby) smell ... just any of his t-shirts will do ... I think I will use that as a pj tonight.

As an aside, He is already talking about having some more fun tomorrow (no pain, orgasm denial only, but still ...) but I think I am going to safeword on him for the very first time and ask for a break.

I can sympathize with her. It is driving me towards rash and hasty choices and I know the feelings of desperation I am enduring right now can be smelled by every man within a 1000 mile radius. No wonder no one wants me.

Hugs to you too.
From what I have read of yours, you sound like a great catch. Don't let anybody make you believe any less.

 

[SweetGigi]

....Hugs to you too.
From what I have read of yours, you sound like a great catch. Don't let anybody make you believe any less.

I hope I am. I just sure don't feel it right now.

 

[intothewoods]

I can sympathize with her. It is driving me towards rash and hasty choices and I know the feelings of desperation I am enduring right now can be smelled by every man within a 1000 mile radius. No wonder no one wants me.

I tell her to relax, breathe and realize what you have in front of you. You don't have to be married with kids by 30, or else you poof, become some spinster. You have time. If you want to be a parent, you will be one. If you want to get married, you will.

I have never had so many men fighting over me when I said, I'm not looking for anything.

 

[intothewoods]

Thank you both

A bath, a sappy movie and cuddles sounds just perfect ... too bad it will have to wait until the day is over (Monday and all here ...) As for my PYL (Hubby) smell ... just any of his t-shirts will do ... I think I will use that as a pj tonight.

As an aside, He is already talking about having some more fun tomorrow (no pain, orgasm denial only, but still ...) but I think I am going to safeword on him for the very first time and ask for a break.

Is there a reason you can't ask not to play?

 

[rida]

Is there a reason you can't ask not to play?

That is what I meant by "safewording on him": I will just tell him that I am in no shape to play, in spite of my desire to please Him.

We are not 24/7 so usually when the play is over, everything goes back to normal interactions. But this last days, He has been sort of in role almost all the time we have been alone the two of us. Maybe is a shift in my perception more than a change in his attitude, or maybe is both. The play I mentioned in the safeword thread has affected deeply both my and His perception of my submission. Things are getting discussed that where not previously, aspect of His Dominant nature and my submissive one have come up that we were not previously aware of. It was surely a turning point in this learning path.

Ah ... so much to think about ... and so little time ...

 

[intothewoods]

That is what I meant by "safewording on him": I will just tell him that I am in no shape to play, in spite of my desire to please Him.

We are not 24/7 so usually when the play is over, everything goes back to normal interactions. But this last days, He has been sort of in role almost all the time we have been alone the two of us. Maybe is a shift in my perception more than a change in his attitude, or maybe is both. The play I mentioned in the safeword thread has affected deeply both my and His perception of my submission. Things are getting discussed that where not previously, aspect of His Dominant nature and my submissive one have come up that we were not previously aware of. It was surely a turning point in this learning path.

Ah ... so much to think about ... and so little time ...

Ah, okay. I seriously imagined you were going to get all tied up or something, and then he pokes you in the tush and you go RED! Lol, I'm clearly just up too late.

 

[rida]

Ah, okay. I seriously imagined you were going to get all tied up or something, and then he pokes you in the tush and you go RED! Lol, I'm clearly just up too late.

LOL! That would be some serious Topping from the bottom

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thanks Cat...

i think what i struggle with is the part i bolded about. It's not a "need" per se...more of a desire and only with one person who wants me to indulge that desire in a MAJOR way.

Ugh...i think i'm just getting hung up on semantics and over-analyzing things.

Don't feel bad, it is only natural until you get your head around it. People will try and tell you, you are a switch...I had plenty of that when I did it, but being ordered or requested to do something and doing it to please another, is far different to going out and looking for someone to do it with because you feel you need to for your own desires. There has been suggestions I do it on a professional basis because I can tap into the psyche of those wanting it and deliver what hits the spot so to speak, but I also have been fortunate in being able to take on male subs who think and feel very much like me so it was not a stretch that made it hard work. That also helped me relax about how far to go as I talked with them before, got a feel for what they wanted, and when it became obvious they were almost my twin, it was just a matter of thinking from both the top perspective, and my own masochist/sub perspective of what I like, why, and how it feels best. LOL, I even enjoyed it from a creative POV, and knowing I had pleased in what I did. Go for it and let yourself enjoy the rythm, flow, and experience. Most of all, don't let other people tell you who you are because you have topped someone, and how you should feel...you know who you are and if their descriptor/lable doesn't fit, it is their problem, not yours.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

You get to decide when your label merits re-evaluating, not anyone else.

For me, service topping ends when someone has me at that psychic moment of "do anything you want to me" vulnerability. Without that, it's my game, even if it gets pretty darn vulnerable and floaty and high. But that's a personal definition, and you'll probably notice that I haven't revamped my sense of Dominant identity simply because there is one person who's able to do that to me.

It's still very much about me *letting* him do that to me, and *actively choosing* not to do it to him instead while I damn well know I can. Kind of odd circumstances without a really good label on them.

 

[nh23]

OK...maybe here is a good place to ask this question... i don't really want to start a big "look at me" thread, but i need opinions...

For those that don't consider themselves switches, what has been your experience with "service topping?" When, in your own personal opinion, does "service topping" become actual switching?

i'm probably not wording it right, but this spun off of a conversation i had the other night that is causing me to question some things about myself.

You totally need to talk to nh. She's a self-identified sub who service tops. She's been *busy* the past few days, though.

I started out as a sub who service-topped. It was sort of awkward and uncomfortable to begin with. I did it because the other person wanted me to. I enjoyed getting my pleasure from the other person's, though. Eventually, I started to enjoy topping just for its own sake and started to want it for my own pleasure. Hence, the switch label.

But I think you can ID yourself any way you want, actually. That probably wasn't very helpful, huh?

HM I do the service top thing. I identify as submissive also. The way I see it I'm providing a service that gives someone else pleasure..and as a submissive that's my nature..to be pleasing. I don't identify as a switch because I don't get turned on by topping, or get any personal satisfaction other than the fact that the person on bottom is being pleased.

 

[HottieMama]

Bunny, Cat, Netzach, and nh,

Thank you all so much. You have all given me somethings to think about...or not think about and just enjoy it. LOL

One of my problems both in this lifestyle and in life in general, is that i am overly self-analytical. Sometimes it is a credit, because it allows me to know myself and my motivations for my actions fairly well, but other times it is a negative because it can really "suck the joy" out of many things.

 

[rida]

*going back in my corner with a blanket*

Got a lot of cuddle from Hubby last night and that helped some.

It does not help that on top of dropping, I got a note from my new play partner that due to unforeseen circumstances we cannot continue.
I get attached too quickly and too easily ... it makes me doubt whether I am really ready to explore outside my marriage. I guess I cannot just bottom, I crave a deeper connection. Or maybe it is just a chemical reaction: silly crushes and obsession ...

 

[SweetGigi]

*going back in my corner with a blanket*

Got a lot of cuddle from Hubby last night and that helped some.

It does not help that on top of dropping, I got a note from my new play partner that due to unforeseen circumstances we cannot continue.
I get attached too quickly and too easily ... it makes me doubt whether I am really ready to explore outside my marriage. I guess I cannot just bottom, I crave a deeper connection. Or maybe it is just a chemical reaction: silly crushes and obsession ...

oh hunny!!!


I am so sorry to hear that, Rida. I can relate to the attached thing too. It makes me want to not extend myself to any one any more.

 

[DVS]

*going back in my corner with a blanket*

Got a lot of cuddle from Hubby last night and that helped some.

It does not help that on top of dropping, I got a note from my new play partner that due to unforeseen circumstances we cannot continue.
I get attached too quickly and too easily ... it makes me doubt whether I am really ready to explore outside my marriage. I guess I cannot just bottom, I crave a deeper connection. Or maybe it is just a chemical reaction: silly crushes and obsession ...

You might be correct in that you crave a deeper connection and you get attached.

But, I feel even the simplest relationship between a PYL and a pyl can seem so powerful that an attachment forms. There is a trust level that must be there, so even in a STRANGER/stranger scene, a connection is formed.

Sure, I know there are some who are strong and don't seem affected by this chemical bond that happens, but I think most of us would seem it to be rather cold, if we weren't affected. It's not just sex. It's a power exchange between to people.

 

[SweetGigi]

You might be correct in that you crave a deeper connection and you get attached.

But, I feel even the simplest relationship between a PYL and a pyl can seem so powerful that an attachment forms. There is a trust level that must be there, so even in a STRANGER/stranger scene, a connection is formed.

Sure, I know there are some who are strong and don't seem affected by this chemical bond that happens, but I think most of us would seem it to be rather cold, if we weren't affected. It's not just sex. It's a power exchange between to people.

so would you agree, DVS, that love can and often does form quicker in D/s relationships than in vanilla relationships? Or would you chalk this 'attachment' up to infatuation?

 

[DVS]

so would you agree, DVS, that love can and often does form quicker in D/s relationships than in vanilla relationships? Or would you chalk this 'attachment' up to infatuation?

That's a good question, but I tend to think the D/s relationship bonds sooner. But, as with beauty, love is in the eyes of the beholder. As it turns out, this is a relative question that only those involved can answer.

I got out of that one pretty well, don't you think?

 

[SweetGigi]

That's a good question, but I tend to think the D/s relationship bonds sooner. But, as with beauty, love is in the eyes of the beholder. As it turns out, this is a relative question that only those involved can answer.

I got out of that one pretty well, don't you think?

*sighs*

i suppose i will always feel like a crazed infatuated love sick girl then.

 

[rida]

oh hunny!!!


I am so sorry to hear that, Rida. I can relate to the attached thing too. It makes me want to not extend myself to any one any more.

Funny thing is ... I hate the suffering ... but I have learned, by now, that I cannot avoid searching for a connection. Is a deep craving and experiencing it is, even for a fleeting moment, well worth it.
I just make sure that I do not extend myself to everyone ... just selected few.

Thank you