Submissive/Slave Haven

[SweetGigi]

Funny thing is ... I hate the suffering ... but I have learned, by now, that I cannot avoid searching for a connection. Is a deep craving and experiencing it is, even for a fleeting moment, well worth it.
I just make sure that I do not extend myself to everyone ... just selected few.

Thank you

hang in there, hun... you are welcome.

 

[DVS]

*sighs*

i suppose i will always feel like a crazed infatuated love sick girl then.

Nothing wrong with that, is there? I think that's a healthy human response. I'd be worried, if you were less than crazed, infatatuated and love sick. A good healthy sex drive is never a bad thing.

 

[rida]

You might be correct in that you crave a deeper connection and you get attached.

But, I feel even the simplest relationship between a PYL and a pyl can seem so powerful that an attachment forms. There is a trust level that must be there, so even in a STRANGER/stranger scene, a connection is formed.

Sure, I know there are some who are strong and don't seem affected by this chemical bond that happens, but I think most of us would seem it to be rather cold, if we weren't affected. It's not just sex. It's a power exchange between to people.

It happens even with vanilla interactions, but in that case I know is just the chemicals released by sex and as such I find it easier to overcome.

With PYL/pyl interaction ... so much more is on the table, even when is just bottoming. I guess that being new to it I was not ready for the depth of the aftermath.

And thank you for your words. It makes me feel a bit better thinking that perhaps, he too is feeling a bit sad.

 

[SweetGigi]

Nothing wrong with that, is there? I think that's a healthy human response. I'd be worried, if you were less than crazed, infatatuated and love sick. A good healthy sex drive is never a bad thing.

Your response is the first time I have ever heard that this is a healthy way for me to be.


Mind expanding a bit?

 

[OnDisplay]

You have that correxxxt!

 

[rida]

*sighs*

i suppose i will always feel like a crazed infatuated love sick girl then.

Nothing wrong with that!

Being able to experience the depth of emotions, even when they make us suffer, is much better than the alternative.



ETA: lol ... DVS beat me to the punch

 

[SweetGigi]

Nothing wrong with that!

Being able to experience the depth of emotions, even when they make us suffer, is much better than the alternative.



ETA: lol ... DVS beat me to the punch

So then why is this such a taboo way to be and constantly gets me hurt, used, taken advantage of, and abused if it is a healthy way to be?

 

[SweetGigi]

You have that correxxxt!

*blank stare* wha?

 

[intothewoods]

So then why is this such a taboo way to be and constantly gets me hurt, used, taken advantage of, and abused if it is a healthy way to be?

I wouldn't say healthy or bad - it's who you are. You get attached. You aren't into casual play.

How long do you usually wait before playing with a person?

 

[DVS]

Your response is the first time I have ever heard that this is a healthy way for me to be.


Mind expanding a bit?

Any doctor will tell you that a strong sex drive is healthy. It's good for the body (the heart in particular). The heart as a muscle needs exercise and benefits from a healthy sex life and the physical exertion of the sex act itself.

It's good for the ego to find someone we find who's attractive and also to feel attracted and attractive to someone that pushes our buttons. This produces endorphines, and we need them to feel good about ourselves.

And, it's also good for your spiritual self, because God intended for us to feel this way, so our sole can feel nurtured and this allows us the strength to continue, even if our love isn't reciprocated. I've been there and done that, for sure!

Even those of us who don't feel they are attractive to someone else. I think they'd be surprised to find out there is someone out there, but probably just too shy to come forward. Sadly, shyness is the plague of lovers.

 

[OnDisplay]

Do you think that I'm attractive??:

 

[HottieMama]

Any doctor will tell you that a strong sex drive is healthy. It's good for the body (the heart in particular). The heart as a muscle needs exercise and benefits from a healthy sex life and the physical exertion of the sex act itself.

It's good for the ego to find someone we find who's attractive and also to feel attracted and attractive to someone that pushes our buttons. This produces endorphines, and we need them to feel good about ourselves.

And, it's also good for your spiritual self, because God intended for us to feel this way, so our sole can feel nurtured and this allows us the strength to continue, even if our love isn't reciprocated. I've been there and done that, for sure!

Even those of us who don't feel they are attractive to someone else. I think they'd be surprised to find out there is someone out there, but probably just too shy to come forward. Sadly, shyness is the plague of lovers.

Ok...i have no idea why...perhaps because i just have SO much shit going on right now that i can't talk about...but that made me cry...in that good..cleansing type of way. Thanks DVS.

 

[DVS]

So then why is this such a taboo way to be and constantly gets me hurt, used, taken advantage of, and abused if it is a healthy way to be?

It's just a part of life. Feeling the need of another person's affection...their touch, feeling the desire for sexual satisfaction, feeling the pain of rejection, and the uncertanty of it all...strangely enough, those are all healthy feelings.

Love isn't easy and finding a satisfying sex life isn't easy. If it was easy, we'd all be bored and probably out bowling or something. Some people are lucky and find that special person very soon. Some just don't. I've been in the group that has found many part time lovers, but as it turned out, none of them were "the" one.

I'm 54 years old, soon to be 55. I'm still searching for that special lover that everybody longs for. I'm still a kid inside, looking for someone to play with.

 

[rida]

So then why is this such a taboo way to be and constantly gets me hurt, used, taken advantage of, and abused if it is a healthy way to be?

The way I see it is this, and it is the way that worked for me.

It is healthy if you are aware of it. If you know the risks involved and you do it anyway because you wouldn't want it any other way (doesn't it sound familiar? lol)

But if you are aware of it, it should not get you taken advantage of or abused.
Being taken advantage or abused is not healthy

Look inside of you why is happening. What is making you go into such situation. Accept what your needs are, and don't forget to love and protect yourself.
Never doubt your value.

And, ultimately, my believe is that everything happens for a reason, that we meet the people that we do because we have to. Every encounter carries a lesson to be learned or to be given, as life is a learning process and we are each others' teachers. Sometime thou we are not ready for the lesson, and we will have to come back to it, sometimes we forget what we have learned and we have to start over.

 

[DVS]

Ok...i have no idea why...perhaps because i just have SO much shit going on right now that i can't talk about...but that made me cry...in that good..cleansing type of way. Thanks DVS.

I'm sorry. I didn't intend to make anybody cry. But, it sounds like it was a good cry, so I feel better about it.

 

[rida]

It's just a part of life. Feeling the need of another person's affection...their touch, feeling the desire for sexual satisfaction, feeling the pain of rejection, and the uncertanty of it all...strangely enough, those are all healthy feelings.

Love isn't easy and finding a satisfying sex life isn't easy. If it was easy, we'd all be bored and probably out bowling or something. Some people are lucky and find that special person very soon. Some just don't. I've been in the goup that has found many part time lovers, but as it turned out, none of them were "the" one.

I'm 54 years old, soon to be 55. I'm still searching for that special lover that everybody longs for. I'm still a kid inside, looking for someone to play with.

I am one of the lucky ones: I found my "one".
But I am still here searching, looking, learning, craving connections. Sometimes I feel greedy as I should just be happy with what I have.
Hopefully I give back as much.

 

[DVS]

I am one of the lucky ones: I found my "one".
But I am still here searching, looking, learning, craving connections. Sometimes I feel greedy as I should just be happy with what I have.
Hopefully I give back as much.

Maybe we never stop looking for that affection from others. It's such a nice feeling, after all.

 

[intothewoods]

Any doctor will tell you that a strong sex drive is healthy. It's good for the body (the heart in particular). The heart as a muscle needs exercise and benefits from a healthy sex life and the physical exertion of the sex act itself.

It's good for the ego to find someone we find who's attractive and also to feel attracted and attractive to someone that pushes our buttons. This produces endorphines, and we need them to feel good about ourselves.

And, it's also good for your spiritual self, because God intended for us to feel this way, so our sole can feel nurtured and this allows us the strength to continue, even if our love isn't reciprocated. I've been there and done that, for sure!

Even those of us who don't feel they are attractive to someone else. I think they'd be surprised to find out there is someone out there, but probably just too shy to come forward. Sadly, shyness is the plague of lovers.

I don't disagree with what you're saying, but ... it's a question of what works for you. If the past several romantic encounters/relationships have made you miserable, I think you might want to reevaluate.

We're all talking so vaguely here, I don't really know for sure. But there's a difference between a healthy sex drive, and constantly feeling empty.

 

[rida]

Maybe we never stop looking for that affection from others. It's such a nice feeling, after all.

Feeling the affection, feeling the connection, is the closest thing to Nirvana on earth.

That is probably why we never stop looking: it brings us back where we belong.

from your writing you seem a very nice person ... it is never to late to find the one ...

 

[the_pet]

i have a problem that's bothering me deeply.....


i've begun to notice that i feel like i've lost the will to serve my SO
i'm still doing it but it with big sigh
i use to take GREAT pride in anticipating his every need
he wanted for nothing
my motto everyday was what could i do to make his life more pleasant today
serving and being supporting for him
caring for him
years of devotion

now......

i sit here without a collar or symbol OF ANY KIND around my neck~bare
i still have my bell on only because my silent movement makes me feel even more detached and i put it back on (he prefers me to wear it because he says it makes him smile to hear me jingling through the house or wherever) but i don't have it on for him

i don't like feeling like this
it's not like me AT ALL
it scares me kind of

pet

 

[ImpishSeraph]

Wow, pet. That makes me sad for you...

 

[the_pet]

Wow, pet. That makes me sad for you...

Thank you i don't know what is wrong....i hope it passes soon

pet

 

[Yang4yin]

... i don't know what is wrong....i hope it passes soon

pet

If He'd give you some attention, I'm sure that would help!

 

[SubKekiLee]

so would you agree, DVS, that love can and often does form quicker in D/s relationships than in vanilla relationships? Or would you chalk this 'attachment' up to infatuation?

YES Gig i agree that you attach to a PYL/pyl in a BDSM relationship quicker and love grows stronger cause of the power exchange and trust that is built and your relationship is built on communication

You might be correct in that you crave a deeper connection and you get attached.

But, I feel even the simplest relationship between a PYL and a pyl can seem so powerful that an attachment forms. There is a trust level that must be there, so even in a STRANGER/stranger scene, a connection is formed.

Sure, I know there are some who are strong and don't seem affected by this chemical bond that happens, but I think most of us would seem it to be rather cold, if we weren't affected. It's not just sex. It's a power exchange between to people.

some people are capable of "bottoming" with no emotion I am not one who can do that if a PYL inspires me to my knees I am growing with them, taking a journey... so I believe as pyl you can fall in love much easier than in a vanilla relationship

 

[SweetGigi]

It is nice to hear you say this. It gives me comfort in this time. Thank you.