Submission vs. Bottom

[myinnerslut]

The photo has been captioned with "Beige. I think I'll paint the walls beige."

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/funny-pictures-cat-is-going-to-paint-the-ceiling.jpg

 

[Homburg]

*snort*

Something like that, yeah.

 

[ZRT]

My previous experience sort of led me to believe that I was psychosexually sadistic and emotionally masochistic. Too much love of drama, fraught situations and all that gothic crap. To say that I had risked loss of control in order to bond would be giving myself too much credit. I liked to writhe about in romantic agony.

I did the romantic agony thing precisely once, and that was enough. Nobody will ever get that deeply into my head again. Other times, I've been the dumper or the the dumpee, and it was a bummer, but that's life.

But that doesn't remove the 'love and romance' thing altogether. It just means that I don't expect the glorious tidings to last forever, or any particular relationship to go on and on.

 

[eastern sun]

I've really enjoyed reading this thread.

And just want to add that my husband and I feel a very deep love for each other within the M/s dynamics.

I'm kind of fascinated by the way feelings of "love" turn on and off in any long-term relationship, even in any given day.

The M/s structure gave us a framework for that experience that allowed us to make sense of it in the context of our personalities, and once it made sense - and it no longer concerned us when the feelings turned off for a while - the deeper and abiding seeds of intimacy and shared happiness had a chance to grow.

 

[ZRT]

What baffles me (when I bother thinking about it) is how I can care for someone, provide for them, fight for them, all entirely sincerely, and still enjoy hurting them.

It's not something I really delve into much, because I am a sadist and comfortable with that fact. It's just confusing. It also means that I do have to throttle myself back from full expression, because as was mentioned earlier, it's the real thing that fires me up, not a sub enjoying the show. Ethically, I can't follow through on every desire, but I'm also reasonably comfortable (if morbidly annoyed) with that.

 

[myinnerslut]

What baffles me (when I bother thinking about it) is how I can care for someone, provide for them, fight for them, all entirely sincerely, and still enjoy hurting them.

im something of an amateur songwriter, and wrote a song for Master a while back. one of the versus contained the lines

"i love you so i'll hurt for you,
you hurt me 'cuase you care"

sometimes hurting that special person is part of providing for them and caring about them. its meeting a need, both of yours and of hers.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I've really enjoyed reading this thread.

And just want to add that my husband and I feel a very deep love for each other within the M/s dynamics.

I'm kind of fascinated by the way feelings of "love" turn on and off in any long-term relationship, even in any given day.

The M/s structure gave us a framework for that experience that allowed us to make sense of it in the context of our personalities, and once it made sense - and it no longer concerned us when the feelings turned off for a while - the deeper and abiding seeds of intimacy and shared happiness had a chance to grow.

I have been in love with my husband for more than 25 years. I have never, even for a second felt my love turn off. Sometimes I get angry or hurt but I still feel love. I have only been with my PYL for almost 4 years but again I have never felt like my love for him has been off.


I know that I could never submit or enjoy a painful experience with someone who I did not have a loving relationship with.

 

[ZRT]

im something of an amateur songwriter, and wrote a song for Master a while back. one of the versus contained the lines

"i love you so i'll hurt for you,
you hurt me 'cuase you care"

sometimes hurting that special person is part of providing for them and caring about them. its meeting a need, both of yours and of hers.

And I'll deliver that kind of pain/pleasure in the same fashion that I'd caress a pet- it'll please me to please someone else, and I do enjoy making other people happy.

But then I have the sadistic streak, which is an entirely different and entirely selfish thing. Truly fulfilling it means that I don't care if someone enjoys it, indeed would prefer that they didn't.

What you have fulfills the two of you and that's awesome, but for me it's more like a substitute, making do.

I'm just a self-contradictory son of a bitch, but I'm reasonably settled. Anybody up for some bruises?

 

[eastern sun]

I have been in love with my husband for more than 25 years. I have never, even for a second felt my love turn off. Sometimes I get angry or hurt but I still feel love. I have only been with my PYL for almost 4 years but again I have never felt like my love for him has been off.


I know that I could never submit or enjoy a painful experience with someone who I did not have a loving relationship with.

We have been together for about 23 years, and I can honestly say that there were more than a few years where we didn't love each other much. It's when those feelings of hurt and anger fester that the love worm turns.

On the other hand, here we are today loving each other. Thank god we didn't quit in the middle.

 

[myinnerslut]

But then I have the sadistic streak, which is an entirely different and entirely selfish thing. Truly fulfilling it means that I don't care if someone enjoys it, indeed would prefer that they didn't.

when Master feels sadistic, my enjoyment is not a factor. when he wants to give me pain for the sake of pain, he doesnt want to see me wanting it. he wants to see my tears, my suffering, my pain written across my face and echoed in my screams.

there are different types of cuasing pain, and each has its own time and place. there is the above mentioned "i want to hurt you and dont want you to like it", the "ill tickle your masochism, you tickle my sadism" kind, and everything in between. my best advice would be to find what words for you and yours, and have a good time of it.

 

[ZRT]

when Master feels sadistic, my enjoyment is not a factor. when he wants to give me pain for the sake of pain, he doesnt want to see me wanting it. he wants to see my tears, my suffering, my pain written across my face and echoed in my screams.

there are different types of cuasing pain, and each has its own time and place. there is the above mentioned "i want to hurt you and dont want you to like it", the "ill tickle your masochism, you tickle my sadism" kind, and everything in between. my best advice would be to find what words for you and yours, and have a good time of it.

I appreciate your perspective. Thanks.

 

[myinnerslut]

I appreciate your perspective. Thanks.

heh. im glad somebody even saw it, and that i wasnt rambling into the abyss that is the internet for no reason.

 

[rida]

Sometimes the only reason why I know the Sadist care is because he cannot help but wanting to hurt me.

 

[bethpage]

I love it! I hadn't checked this post in a long time, but I love where everybody has taken it. Thank you.

I had some other stuff to say, but now I've forgotten......

the OP