Striving to find a place here

[spankableBelle]

i have spent time over the last weeks reading the messages on the board from different people and i have spent the last few days reading the stories that Cym, Risia, Caroline, KillerMuffin, and DVS have posted on Lit...there are more that i will get to in the next few days. i find an amazing amount of talent here, so much so that it humbles me. i have been moved to tears, moved to deep arousal, moved to amazing introspection...i don't fit in on this board really anymore than i fit in on the boards in general here at Lit...but i come back in the hopes of gleening some amount of knowledge and imparting my own thoughts openly when i feel i have something to say. i speak with One here on a semi-regular basis and He has helped me to understand a bit more about myself and asks pointed questions of me that require thought and sometimes dreaded answers, though always honest ones, and One i spoke to only briefly before i was counted no longer worthy of His time.

For the most part, i admire a number of people here and have great respect for those that live this lifestyle day in and day out. i do not. My fascination is deep and my desire for learning is true. But for even those without RL experience, it doesn't make the inner being any less submissive or Dominant, whatever the case may be. Even those in situations less than ideal for RL experience, and only online interaction, doesn't make them any less sincere in their needs for fulfillment or that they have any less vital opinions to offer.

From the people i have encountered on this board and other places on the internet, there are players and fakes everywhere as there are serious, sensitive, sincere people. There is always uncertainty and a desire for some to pass judgement on those that have not encountered RL BDSM. To ask questions, to answer some, to read and to talk openly, and to explore within ourselves our deepest desires and wants of what will make us whole is nothing more or less for the environment that we must live in at any given time. Most all want truth and a means of expression, whether it be online or IRL.

So, while i search for some acceptance somewhere here in a corner of the BDSM Forum...i must say thank you that the door has never been locked...

i don't know if anyone else feels that at times or all the time that they don't fit in here for whatever reason...but if there is, i hope you'll find acceptance too...

belle

 

[SexySusan]

Thank you!

SpankableBelle,

many of your words express my feelings exactly. Being in the presence of such experts can surely make one feel small.

Thank you for your message. A post like this would have made it far easier for me to come forward. I hope it encourages others.

Susan

 

[lilredwolph]

you are not alone in this feeling others also have the feeling of not belonging. i often feel like the foreign exchange student

 

[Shadowsdream]

I am applauding you all for with your honesty you show your value to be here and through your quest for knowledge you show your right to be here as well.

Yes many have real time experience and many have real time desires. Many have begun online and many wish to remain there.

The talk here is of skin to skin. It separates BDSM into a category of sexuallity that you can learn is so beautiful that eventually even if now is not the right time..you will have the NEED or want or opportunity to venture into yourself in RT. You will have the tool of knowledge to take you safely into the depth of a new world.

No one is more valuable than another..no amount of years practicing Our lifestyle allows Us to stand above another less experienced. Without those just beginning this incredible journey no matter their origion We as a whole would be less complete.

Relax and hunker down for the long run...you are welcome..you are needed..you are valuable and you are special.


~~smile~~

 

[cellis]

Belle...

I can feel your pain coming through your words. I am touched by them. And I somehow feel that if you, or anyone else feels less than welcome, then we have not done our job here.

When I first came here, I was without someone in my life. I was alone... seeking and craving to have my needs fulfilled. I found acceptance, the truth in ways that sometimes I did not want to hear, and encouragement to move beyond the internet to RL.

I would hope that I can offer that to anyone who comes here.

Perhaps because we were much smaller then, it was easier to find that acceptance.

But one thing absolutely upsets me beyond words is that you feel that one person here has found you unworthy. Perhaps you should look at it from the perspective that they are unworthy of you. I found those that said that I was unworthy were the ones that would not have treasured me and the gifts that I would bring to them.

You impress me as one who has many gifts and talents, and surely the one you are looking for will come along.

 

[Never]

I just woke up here so my brain is a tad sluggish. It's all right, I'll just listen to the soothing *snap*crackle*pop* of my cereal and see if it has anything good to say..
Hmm, 'Buy WPH' – what the? You know your cereal's stupid when it tells you to buy a mutual fund in this economy. Sorry, you'll have to settle for me today.

If you can't find a place for yourself, you can always make a place for yourself. You have to remember, the BDSM board is quite a bit younger than the other forums. People trickle into here, instead of pouring as they do into the GB and Playground sections. It's still growing and developing.

I also think the tone of the board makes it sound as though most people are spend all their time and energy doing BDSM. Or that everyone does skin to skin. Or that everyone is involved in a relationship right now. I don't know how accurate that perception really is though.

I don't think there's anything wrong with any online relationship but I know that it's never as good as the real world. The majority of cities in this country don't have a bdsm community, it can be difficult to meet people, and it's not easy to find someone who fits you. The online venue can be the only option for some and no one looks down upon you for that.

Anywho, polite and intelligent people are always welcome here. I'm sorry you don't feel like you're slipping into place but I know it takes awhile. I find randomly PMing people whenever you're bored helps. I hope you find your place.

Pease.

 

[morninggirl5]

Belle,

Figuring out where you fit is one of the hardest things anyone has to do. It often seems like you're the only one with those feelings, the only one struggling to find yourself buried beneath all the roles and expectations of everyone else in your life.

It's obvious from your posts here that you're learning about yourself and growing in your journey. That's really all any of us can do. Don't worry that someone here will think anything less of you because you're not ready to move beyond that point yet. It won't happen, there will probably be a few caring, concerned pokes and prods but they come because you are important to everyone here.

I agree with cellis. Anyone who finds you unworthy is probably not worth the effort to worry about them. Online is a wonderful way to meet new people and to begin to get to know their thoughts but it's also easily abused as well.

I agree with everything Never said. Well, not the part about the snap, crackle, and pop, i don't have cereal for breakfast.

In the short time you've been here, Belle, you've already had a positive impact on many of us. We see you as one of us, i hope you begin to feel that way as well.


mg

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I've felt this way myself. And some very wise people mentioned to me that I should make my own place here. So I try to follow that advice. However, its not always easy, as with anything else we do in life. I've come to feel that if just one person is helped by something I say or do here then it was all worth it. I may never know for sure that my time here was a help to someone, and that's ok too. I'm here to have fun and meet new people, and maybe, just maybe make some new friends in the process.

So I guess, its all in how you look at it that counts the most. If you are comfortable with who you are then you will find where you fit the best. Or it could be that you fit in several places, and there's nothing wrong with that either.

dixi

 

[willfulbrat]

I know how you feel, belle. I still feel like i don't fit in here. But you do add to the board, and i'm very glad you're here.

I had D/s desires long before i found a way to incorporate it into real life. But just having that desire is enough to be here. Those of us who get to practice D/s in real life are blessed indeed, and i could never look down on someone who has not had the opportunity. Instead, i sincerely hope you get to experience what you crave.

Hugs,

willful

 

[petrel]

Belle and everyone else who has posted here - in a quote form my latest movie madness evening:
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
Hard I know and pleeease don't think I'm being patronising - I'm nice really!
Its jut important to say this forum is what we - all of us from the 'oldest' to the 'youngest' make it.

Yes we are here to discuss RL/skin BDSM - but I always viewed that as being a definition of real wanting and curiosity not criteria of your own experience. It’s to steer us away from the 'chat room' conventions and styles not to denigrate people who are in an online relationship - I see online relationships as the logical progression of Long distance relationships.

Having said that feeling awkward is normal (well as normal as it gets around here) I felt awkward at first and now they can't shut me up (unless James gives me that spanking he's been promising me! )

Stay a while, flirt a little, talk a lot, ask questions, share experiences and well soon you'll feel like you never lived anywhere else!

 

[WickedEve]

Wonderful post, spankableBelle. I understand about having a desire but not having a way to satisfy that desire with skin to skin contact. It's frustrating. And it can be frustrating finding a place to talk with people when you don't have R/L experience.
I do wish you the best of luck.

 

[CarolineOh]

I want to thank everyone who has posted on this thread for their honest expressions of how they feel. This board should feel welcoming to all who come here seeking friendship or counsel, and only through honest exchange can we ensure that.
I am no expert on bdsm, I am a stumbling beginner like most of those posting here. I have been very lucky in making friends in real life who are knowledgable and eager to help, but I have learned so much on this forum as well.
I look over the names on this thread and I see only women I am proud and happy to share this space with. I hope you will all come to feel this forum is a home for you.

 

[WillowPuss]

No one is more valuable than another..no amount of years practicing Our lifestyle allows Us to stand above another less experienced. Without those just beginning this incredible journey no matter their origion We as a whole would be less complete.

Relax and hunker down for the long run...you are welcome..you are needed..you are valuable and you are special.

Belle, I quoted part of Shadowsdream's post because I think it deserves to be repeated. In fact, it probably ought to be carved in stone!

(((hugs)))


I am so sorry you don't feel as if you have a place here. In my opinion, you are quite wrong! (As is Susan and lilred!)

I may be one of the oldest in age here (groan) but am possibly one of the least experienced.
Not that you would believe it from some of my posts, I am quite reserved and when I first pressed that submit button, I wondered if I would ever be accepted/spoken to/liked ... my only advice to you is just be yourself.

From what I have seen of you, via your posts, you are an intelligent, warm and caring individual ... and fit right in (as do Susan and lilred!)

 

[Desdemona]

I believe there is room here for all of us.

I am still new in my journey into D/s. Like some of you, there are days that I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. That feeling is wholly influenced by my own mental and emotional state. Perhaps I'm a little arrogant, but I figure the best way for any of us, myself included, to feel like this is where we belong is to just jump in and swim with the others. Sooner or later you get used to the water temperature and the rules of the pool. As time passes, we try new things and find out what works and what doesn't for each of us.

When I first came to Lit, as a lurker, I was struggling with my unexpressed desires. I read and I watched when our place was on the How To board. I read the stories and figured out what turned me on. I learned how to protect myself. I learned where to find others with similar desires. I learned that I am ok, just as I am (even if I am a perv). I developed a comfort level with my own sexuality. I began some real life experimentation. All this happened before I ever posted the first word at Lit under my original persona.

I have found support throughout this journey from some of the most wonderful people I can ever imagine meeting. They are regular posters on this board. I've never heard their voices, but I've heard the words from their hearts. I wouldn't be the person I am today without them.

You all have a place here, just like the more experienced folks and just like I do. Its all good.

 

[MissTaken]

Nice thread.

And if it means anything to anyone, there are times when I wonder where my "place" is.

The forum is ever changing and as such, all of us struggle with our roles, or presence here.

Yes....a few more thousand posts and I will be saying the same thing, I am sure.

It has nothing to do with feeling welcomed, it has everything to do with wanting to enhance the forum, not just hang out. It is me...but trust me, we ALL feel that way from time to time.

many hugs

 

[MzChrista]

I got more real time experience than most, I think, so it aint about that. I get the feeling I make some people squicky, but I gotta be me. Its all you can do. Doesnt make any sense to be here otherwise.So dont let it get you down. make yourself happy and dont fret the rest. Those who are cool will be for you, those who arent, who cares what they think.

 

[SexySusan]

<< takes a deep breath>>

I do have something else to say. Something about why I did not feel so very welcome here at first. And still don't, sometimes.
You do realize you have this very strong "in-group", where everybody seems to know everybody, and internal jokes go around, and often you're even friends in RL?!? Imagine how that makes one feel ...

After posting my first question, I got a very friendly and warm welcome. Hello, nice to have you here, make yourself comfortable and all. And after that, I had the feeling y'all turned your backs on me again and resumed your conversation. Which is pretty natural, I think. But it takes extra courage (for me, at last) to "break into" such a conversation. I don't know if my remarks are welcomed or frowned upon, because more often than not I might simply get ignored. For example: I read through your thread about your own hotel/spa .... At one point, someone named "brotherbaron" volunteered to take charge of a toy workshop. Nobody reacted. I just didn't know if you didn't want him to join or nobody felt responsible or what happened. And probably neither did he.

(check it if you like http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=95888&perpage=20&pagenumber=3 )

Or take the "Can I come home now" thread, RisiaSkye asked for:

So, here's what I propose. The next thread that you read, note a poster or two who's posted to it before you. In other words, let's focus on more than the usual suspects--close friends or an S.O.--in praising or appreciating someone's qualities. Then, come here and list some things that you like about those people.

But, in the end, it's about CarolineOh ... and Cymbidia ... and DrXBlue ... the usual suspects. I did a body count. For those who are interested. I'm not judging that at all. They are wonderful people and I admire them a lot. They surely deserve all this praise. Yet it shows the "in-group" behaviour I've been talking about. IMHO.

Let me try to make a point: you might think your little community is very open to all kinds of people. But for some of us "newbies" it can take quite a while to "make ourselves at home". I feel like I have to get used to an entirely new dialect (what's a troll, BTW?). You show me how little I know, with very small things you do.

I'm not afraid to take on this challenge (not even afraid of scary dommes ... ). But a challenge it is.

Susan

... can I breathe out now?

edited for stupid typo that's been bothering me for the longest time

 

[MzChrista]

I hear you SexySue, but I feel I am squatting on the fence. One hand I do know some people RT, so I am an injoker, yes. But I also feel like there are some people here you just do the roll and scroll when they get to my posts. But thats on them not me. I am loud and pushy, so I make myself noticed. If that aint your style its going to be tougher. But hang in there, you cool.
And a troll thats an anonymous asshole who sneaks in to cause trouble.

 

[Desdemona]

Hi Susan, breathe in and out. Yes, there are folks here and on the other boards who have a history together. Some know each other in real life, others are only online friends. Just remember, we all have our posts ignored from time to time. It certainly happens to me. Some days I think I'm the official Lit thread killer. Guess what? It passes. Stay around, send a few PMs, keep on posting. If you want to talk, send me a PM. I'm not a Domme, but I'm probably a scary old broad anyway. If I'm not, I'll try harder.
For those that have been around a long, long time, they have seen lots of new people come and go. After a while, folks tend to get a little gun shy about taking new folks in close to their hearts until they see if the new ones will stay.

MzChrista, I'm not entirely sure what "squicky" is, but I bet there's a few of us around who like it.

 

[Ebonyfire]

i don't know if anyone else feels that at times or all the time that they don't fit in here for whatever reason...but if there is, i hope you'll find acceptance too...belle

As I have said many times, I have felt I do not fit in many times. I am different in that I do not look for acceptance from this forum or any other list I belong to.

I know who and what I am, and make no apologies for it. Those who serve Me know who they serve, and they know why they serve.

I hope you find this place as much fun as I do. But I find it very hard to take it too seriously.

Ebony
PS: the information here is very good!

 

[MzChrista]

squicky means something that makes you go Ewwwwwwwwwwww!

 

[Desdemona]

Thank you for the definition.

squicky means something that makes you go Ewwwwwwwwwwww!

You don't strike me as being squicky, though. Maybe you should try harder.

 

[MzChrista]

Re: Thank you for the definition.

You don't strike me as being squicky, though. Maybe you should try harder.

Thats cause you aint got reason to be scared of the butterfly board.

 

[artful]

<< takes a deep breath>>

I do have something else to say. Something about why I did not feel so very welcome here at first. And still don't, sometimes.
You do realize you have this very strong "in-group", where everybody seems to know everybody, and internal jokes go around, and often you're even friends in RL?!? Imagine how that makes one feel ...

After posting my first question, I got a very friendly and warm welcome. Hello, nice to have you here, make yourself comfortable and all. And after that, I had the feeling y'all turned your backs on me again and resumed your conversation. Which is pretty natural, I think. But it takes extra courage (for me, at last) to "break into" such a conversation. I don't know if my remarks are welcomed or frowned upon, because more often than not I might simply get ignored. For example: I read through your thread about your own hotel/spa .... At one point, someone named "brotherbaron" volunteered to take charge of a toy workshop. Nobody reacted. I just didn't know if you didn't want him to join or nobody felt responsible or what happened. And probably neither did he.

(check it if you like http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=95888&perpage=20&pagenumber=3 )

Or take the "Can I come home now" thread, RisiaSkye asked for:



But, in the end, it's about CarolineOh ... and Cymbidia ... and DrXBlue ... the usual suspects. I did a body count. For those who are interested. I'm not judging that at all. They are wonderful people and I admire them a lot. They surely deserve all this praise. Yet it shows the "in-group" behaviour I've been talking about. IMHO.

Let me try to make a point: you might think your little community is very open to all kinds of people. But for some of us "newbies" it can take quite a while to "make ourselves at home". I feel like I have to get used to an entirely new dialect (what's a troll, BTW?). You show me how little I know, with very small things you do.

I'm not afraid to take on this challenge (not even afraid of scary dommes ... ). But a challenge it is.

Susan

... can I breath out now?

Thanks for sharing that,...we tend to forget about NEWBIES unless they post. I like to respond to newbies,...they are my favorites. Not because I am more knowledgeable, more experienced, or more ANYTHING.

Because they are REFRESHING,...they allow me to touch bases with my thought processes. They cause me to look at my perspectives with "How do I feel about this NOW ? How have my opinions changed ?
Have I gained insight ? What are they REALLY asking ?"

Yes,...I love newbies,...yes,...I want to see them post, give opinions, ask questions, learn from them and about them. So Susan, please come on in,...the water is fine,...it just changes temperatures often.

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Thank you for the definition.

Thats cause you aint got reason to be scared of the butterfly board.

Tooooo Right!!!!!

Its probably a damn good thing that a certain Dominant Male is too busy with work for another month to be hanging out here at Lit. You might give him ideas...... hmmmmm. Wait a minute, maybe I'm changing my mind about that...... LOL