Strickly online D/s relationships...discuss, share advise

[cascadiabound]

I think the thing that bothers most 'traditional' subs is my progressive ideas. They generally see my ideas as not wrong, but just different. People don't like change and I really believe that the traditional idea of a sub, Dom, etc is changing... more individualistic or hybrid versions are coming out. It means the D/s is going to become less definable. That scares some people, especially if they feel safe with boundaries.

I am also rather untraditional in my views of most things. I am appreciating your perspective Racy. And your comment that "perfection" as a concept did seem to trip a lot of us up. Your follow on comments about the relativism / subjective nature of how you intentended the word got me thinking. Thank you.

 

[Primalex]

As such, may I suggest those of you who do feel this way, understand that no experience is more valid or qualifying than another. They are just different.

Or not.

I give an opinion the value I think it deserves, not the value the owner of the opinion thinks it deserves because he or she might feel discriminated otherwise.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Primalex]

Primalex, are you acquainted with the Dom perspective subspace experience racy describes

"when a Dom suddenly reaches a type of subspace, something inside of them switches, and they fall at your feet"

If you ask me if there was ever something happening in my mind that made me fall at someones feet: No.

I have received some awesome blowjobs that made my knees weak. Not sure if this counts.

 

[KimGordon67]

"when a Dom suddenly reaches a type of subspace, something inside of them switches, and they fall at your feet"

If you ask me if there was ever something happening in my mind that made me fall at someones feet: No.

I have received some awesome blowjobs that made my knees weak. Not sure if this counts.

I don't think it does - although I'm personally of the opinion that give a blowjob - particularly a good one - is an act in which I feel a huge amount of control and power ... but I don't think they've ever made anyone fall at my feet.

 

[Iamsubmissive]

Isn't the whole premise of a sub to submit? Subs may be "independent and rebellious" to their own degree but never more than their submission, otherwise the D/s relationship won't work - brats still submit. My "independence and rebellion" is stronger than my submission - too strong to keep a D/s relationship. Or just maybe I haven't met a strong enough Dom yet. So, therefore I don't think "independence and rebellion" is an attribute of a sub, no. At least not to the degree that I have.

So basically your degree of independence and rebellion prohibits you from wanting to be a sub? (By the way, no credentials were needed to express the above opinion.)


How curious that everyone is fearful of the word 'perfect'. You do realise perfection is relative. Subjective. It is in the eye of the beholder when we are talking about human beings. Heck, some men have called my body perfect on my pic thread. Should I not believe how they feel, or feel good about the fact that they think so?

You say perfection is relative/subjective. I say, when talking about people, it is unrealistic/impossible. Even if someone says, "you're perfect for me", it is likely that is still an exageration...a loosely used term.

Or is it the fact that you think I am boasting? That no one is allowed to be perfect in your world? I can assure you, I am not boasting. I do believe the line was: 'when I do choose to submit, I've been told it is too perfect.' This clearly suggests that my beholder thought this way about me. Is it so wrong or unthinkable for me to be in tune with a Dom so much so that he thinks I'm perfect? I believed that's what he thought and shared it with you to explain why I wouldn't make a 'good sub'. (I would go into the fact that I think being 'too perfect' is actually a bad thing...lol. Doms don't want you to be perfect because what's the fun in that? lol)

If perfection is subjective as you said, how would that have an influence on whether you would make a good sub? Surely everyone's subjective opinion wouldn't be the same?


If it is your nature, then you don't choose it - but I'm not going to go into the logic of this here.

I get the point you're trying to make...if I'm just am that way, it isn't a choice. (Kinda like the "I didn't choose to be gay, I was born that way" ) That doesn't really apply here. Like I said, I'm not submissive to everyone. I choose when, for who, and the conditions surrounding my submission.

Ah, no. I was talking about when you are already in the middle of a D/s relationship. When I am in a D/s relationship, he has no control over who, when, what... because I don't give up my will completely to him. I don't set it up that way - even though he'll try, and usually think it is a challenge. (Most Doms I've come across want this control.) If I want to fuck someone else... if I want to talk to someone else... if I want to masturbate... I goddamn will and it has nothing to do with him. They think/understand that if I'm like this then I'll be his sub but with 'permission' to play with others - but no. If he wants me, he will let me be free, and give up his control. I only allow him to have control of me when I want it while in the middle of our relationship. To my understanding, this is not the norm.

I've heard many subs make that same statement. Just sayin'...


Being spoken about, not spoken to, when I am within a thread, is being treated like a child, which is condescension.

I still don't see it as condescending...people were just discussing, and you were referred to directly a few times.

I think the thing that bothers most 'traditional' subs is my progressive ideas. They generally see my ideas as not wrong, but just different. People don't like change and I really believe that the traditional idea of a sub, Dom, etc is changing... more individualistic or hybrid versions are coming out. It means the D/s is going to become less definable. That scares some people, especially if they feel safe with boundaries.

I think the problem is the idea that there is a "traditional" sub. D/s has been unable to be defined in simple terms since the very beginning. We have already established there is no "one kink fits all" mould. With your progressive ideas, maybe there is room for more latitude in your views of what makes a good sub?

 

[Iamsubmissive]

Or not.

I give an opinion the value I think it deserves, not the value the owner of the opinion thinks it deserves because he or she might feel discriminated otherwise.

I think all opinions are to be respected...that's simply how a person 'feels' about a particular subject. Advice, on the other hand, I give it the value it deserves. I'm not gonna take your advice on how to ride a bike if you've never ridden one yourself...

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Iamsubmissive]

Ha, the not identifying as a sub woman responds with that I do not feel powerful giving a blow job, but worshipful, delighted and even vulnerable. It's an act I consider more intimate than sex and something I only really enjoy with love and I feel desperate to please, vulnerable to his greater physical power and his ability to ignore my preferences, and emotionally vulnerable in a way I don't do much during sex. When I love a man I cannot get enough of his vock in my mouth, but it still doesn't make me feel powerful; just wanton and greedy...I sometimes get carried away by enjoying it myself over providing best pleasure for him and then I feel bereft afyerwards, but get no complaint.

I'm sure with that level of 'enthusiasm' there wouldn't ever be any complaints.

 

[Farawyn]

There's a few people here explaining on what Racy "intended" to say. Racy can write, and Racy runs threads. I'm subscribed to a few. So, please, let's all get off on what Racy is intending and instead how it's being interpreted, by more than a few.

I'd like to talk more about the concept of being progressive and less traditional.
I hadn't realized all subs were in one box.
This brings to mind IAMS' analogy of the waitress up there.

 

[Farawyn]

"when a Dom suddenly reaches a type of subspace, something inside of them switches, and they fall at your feet"

If you ask me if there was ever something happening in my mind that made me fall at someones feet: No.

I have received some awesome blowjobs that made my knees weak. Not sure if this counts.

I don't think it does - although I'm personally of the opinion that give a blowjob - particularly a good one - is an act in which I feel a huge amount of control and power ... but I don't think they've ever made anyone fall at my feet.

*sits in the awesome BJ/not subby Dom corner with you lot*

 

[Primalex]

I think all opinions are to be respected...

whatever this is supposed to mean.

that's simply how a person 'feels' about a particular subject. Advice, on the other hand, I give it the value it deserves. I'm not gonna take your advice on how to ride a bike if you've never ridden one yourself...

and I also don't value your opinion on whether bike-riding is fun or not if you've never ridden a bike.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[barefootgirl69]

Quoting Racy:

Ah, no. I was talking about when you are already in the middle of a D/s relationship. When I am in a D/s relationship, he has no control over who, when, what... because I don't give up my will completely to him. I don't set it up that way - even though he'll try, and usually think it is a challenge. (Most Doms I've come across want this control.) If I want to fuck someone else... if I want to talk to someone else... if I want to masturbate... I goddamn will and it has nothing to do with him. They think/understand that if I'm like this then I'll be his sub but with 'permission' to play with others - but no. If he wants me, he will let me be free, and give up his control. I only allow him to have control of me when I want it while in the middle of our relationship. To my understanding, this is not the norm.

***

How can you be in the middle of a D/s relationship where you don't allow him to control you? To me, and I am trying to understand you, that is an oxymoron. That's not a D/s relationship, because you aren't submitting.

To surrender sexually is so different than submitting to someone. Maybe, just maybe... we aren't the ones who are confused. That's not snarky... that's just poking and saying "Guess what, Racy, maybe you are confused." Maybe you think differently, but it sounds confused to me.

 

[Iamsubmissive]

whatever this is supposed to mean.



and I also don't value your opinion on whether bike-riding is fun or not if you've never ridden a bike.

Ok fine! Point made...geez...why do you always make me think?

I'll ammendment my previous statement and say, you can't really form an accurate opinion on something you haven't tried...that would be more of an hypothesis on how you think you would feel, thus not really an opinion but a guess. People should not present guesses as opinions then.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Farawyn]

Bicycling, now.
This is a lot of backpedaling to justify one person's words, in my Opinion.
Let's just let it ride.

 

[Iamsubmissive]

We are back to opinions?

So ' it is my opinion bike riding would not be enjoyable' is acceptable, especially when backed up with experiences the opinion given gives that they associate as being similar ....?

Of course you can form opinions of things you haven't tried.

Would you like to go for a picnic in a slaughter house this Saturday with Donald trump and Hilary Clinton? ( tbh, I think that sounds quite s stimulating afternoon , but I hope it makes the point)

People also learn in different ways, not everyone is a trial and error learner by necessity.

Yes, those were my thoughts too, but after thinking about it more I changed my opinion

I don't think you can really know how you would feel about something if you haven't tried it. You can make a good guess because of other experiences and the things you know about yourself, but that doesn't mean the actual outcome of experiencing it would be as you expected.

You might 'think' the slaughter house picnic with DT and HC would be stimulating but after you got there you might find it boring as hell.

I thought anal sex was disgusting and would probably hurt too much to enjoy it. (I mean, that doesn't belong there!) But after I tried it...well, now I know how I feel about it.

I can still say I think incest is wrong, because that's a moral issue for me. I haven't tried it...and I wont...but I'm not gonna try to tell someone else how it would make them feel if they did it. I can't know that answer, I only know that I think it's wrong. Maybe that's an opinion or maybe just a moral stance. I also think it's wrong to murder someone...I haven't tried it though. (But I can understand why people do it sometimes...I don't agree but I can understand.)

 

[KimGordon67]

*sits in the awesome BJ/not subby Dom corner with you lot*

Sometimes it's also quite subby - if my head's off the bed and he's using some physical control. But I still feel quite powerful, oddly because of the fairly one-sided nature of the act.

 

[Farawyn]

Sometimes it's also quite subby - if my head's off the bed and he's using some physical control. But I still feel quite powerful, oddly because of the fairly one-sided nature of the act.

I said something about the power exchange of a BJ at the beginning of the Oral Servitude thread.
I don't think a Dom will become submissive just from getting a mind numbing BJ.
I also said that liking to receive is my thing, too, and no, I don't think it makes a Dom submissive to do that. I think it gives him more control over me.

No one really agreed with me, but meh. I'm figuring out who I am and what I want, and I like it. I agree with me.

 

[IslandStyle_44]

I said something about the power exchange of a BJ at the beginning of the Oral Servitude thread.
I don't think a Dom will become submissive just from getting a mind numbing BJ.
I also said that liking to receive is my thing, too, and no, I don't think it makes a Dom submissive to do that. I think it gives him more control over me.

No one really agreed with me, but meh. I'm figuring out who I am and what I want, and I like it. I agree with me.

Giving nor receiving mind blowing head makes me submissive. Furthermore, loyalty/commitment/devotion never waned but strengthened. So, that makes two of us. Good on you for standing on your own.

 

[RuneBlade]

Sometimes it's also quite subby - if my head's off the bed and he's using some physical control. But I still feel quite powerful, oddly because of the fairly one-sided nature of the act.

I suppose submissve has different connotations to different people. I don't necessarily consider a certain position or certain act submissive or dominant. You can put a spin on almost any position or act.

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

... Oh holy hell.

 

[Iamsubmissive]

... Oh holy hell.

What? See something weird going on around here?

 

[Iamsubmissive]

I suppose submissve has different connotations to different people. I don't necessarily consider a certain position or certain act submissive or dominant. You can put a spin on almost any position or act.

Hello! Just to get as many views as we can, care to share how you would define a submissive? Only if you want to!