Spring/Autumn relationships.

[JMohegan]

Annoying generalization. I know you said 'many' and 'most,' but I hear this sort of thing so often, its really starting to grate on my nerves. I think the "I know everything" mentality mostly dies out in high school.

Your observation is that most college kids defer to the superior age and experience of their parents when making dating decisions?

 

[FurryFury]

i found after i turned 40 that a great many men quite younger were interested. i think that is a tribute to the sex drive part.

I found the same thing. There are so many men of any age I could get involved with if I were single.

 

[FurryFury]

I blame the stereotypes put forth on this thread.

Most notably: For any given age, women are supposed to be more mature than men, so what on earth's going on if he's actually younger than her? And: Men are supposed to be attracted to younger meat, so what's wrong with this guy, huh?

I think some people actually think on a conscious level and over come the lizard brain. However, not all guys like younger women. I mean what's younger to a 15 year old? KWIM?

They totally think an 18 + year old is hotter, and not incidentally, more likely to be interested / able to have children. Sadly, the 18+ year old is pretty far out of most 15 year old males reaches.

So depending on age, a younger man might actually find an older woman to be more likely to have kids and more appealing even if they didn't overcome the lizard brain yet.

Maybe they have a Mommy fixation. God knows enough ladies have a Daddy fixation.

Women can be more mature than men but damn, I've seen a lot of fluffy headed bitches, going after my son. It's so disheartening to see how completely air headed, manipulative and just wrong some of these girls can be. My first question to these chicks or the people that know them is, "So does Madison have any goals in life?"

LOL.

Cause if she doesn't? That's a really bad sign. I don't want my son with a girl whose only goal in life is to be supported and/or have kids.

I want him with a girl who is honest, not frivolous, but fun. One who is tolerant of all sexual orientations and probably not religious, those would likely be key too. They are as rare as hen's teeth around here.

However, when I was 16, I was very mature for my age. That's why I didn't like other people my age. We had different priorities. They seemed just silly and superficial to me then. Happily later in life I was able to enjoy more people my age. Either I've become more silly and superficial or they've matured, maybe both.

LMAO.

 

[Keroin]

Older men with younger women, older women with younger men, neither scenario bothers me. I view each relationship as unique and to be judged on its own terms.

However, here is a scenario I've seen more than a few times among my male colleagues and acquaintances. Man marries a woman within a five to seven year age difference (aprox). Years down the road, the marriage ends on bad terms. Man, now at middle age, pursues and hooks up with twenty-something(s).

In the short term, these relationships seem to work. He gets frequent sex and a significant ego boost, she gets a meal ticket and some second hand worldliness. I've yet to see one of these particular types of older man/younger woman partnerships work out, though. In fact, they tend to end more disastrously and bitterly than the original relationship that the Man was recovering from.

What I find amusing is that, while in the honeymoon phase, these men seem to believe they are really something for being able to score such pretty, young things. They fail to see that simply by virtue of having their own car, a good income and conversation skills beyond, "Oh man, I was totally wasted last night", many young girls are bound to be impressed.

Put down the flaming torches and pitch forks! Of course not all twenty-somethings are brainless gold-diggers. Not even the majority fit that description. Many, (especially those on this board), are intelligent, witty, mature far beyond their years and would never fall for a man based on shallow or material offerings.

As a 39 + 9 month year-old woman, I think I could play with a younger man but that would be it. He'd have to have a massive cranium and a rock hard imagination to satisfy me in any meaningful way. If I were to bump uglies with a much younger man, I would enjoy it for what it was and not take his interest in me as a sign of my...I'm thinking of the female equivalent of "studliness"...hmmm, coming up empty...well you get the point.

 

[00Syd]

Your observation is that most college kids defer to the superior age and experience of their parents when making dating decisions?

My observation is that most college kids aren't pig-headed, know-it-all morons who can't take advice like most people make them out to be.

 

[Keroin]

My observation is that most college kids aren't pig-headed, know-it-all morons who can't take advice like most people make them out to be.

Syd, nice. Very feisty.

(Off topic: you must be so excited about your upcoming trip!)

 

[00Syd]

Syd, nice. Very feisty.

It's just annoying to be constantly lumped together with a bunch of morons just because a couple of morons happen to attend college, too.

That's like saying, wow, I saw a couple people from NYC on TV and they were total bitches, therefor I'm going to assume that most people from NYC are bitches.

No.

(Off topic: you must be so excited about your upcoming trip!)

I think I'll be much more excited once I have time to think about it

 

[JMohegan]

My observation is that most college kids aren't pig-headed, know-it-all morons who can't take advice like most people make them out to be.

My niece and her friends, as well the college-age children of my close friends, male and female, are smart, motivated, hard-working, politically active, and very generous with their community service time. They also like to party & fun, but the idea that this somehow reduces all conversation to contemplation of being wasted is just plain nonsense.

They take advice very well - when it comes to majors, summer jobs, and career goals. They *don't* tend to respond well at all when challenged on personal relationship choices. Most often, they dig in their heels and claim that their parents just don't understand their unique wants & needs, or the way things are these days, or some combination of both.

 

[JMohegan]

It's just annoying to be constantly lumped together with a bunch of morons just because a couple of morons happen to attend college, too.

That's like saying, wow, I saw a couple people from NYC on TV and they were total bitches, therefor I'm going to assume that most people from NYC are bitches.

No.

I was a football-playing frat boy when I was in college. Stereotypes about the implications for my intelligence, ethics, and world view abounded - back then and even today.

 

[WriterDom]

I think some people actually think on a conscious level and over come the lizard brain. However, not all guys like younger women. I mean what's younger to a 15 year old? KWIM?

They totally think an 18 + year old is hotter, and not incidentally, more likely to be interested / able to have children. Sadly, the 18+ year old is pretty far out of most 15 year old males reaches.

So depending on age, a younger man might actually find an older woman to be more likely to have kids and more appealing even if they didn't overcome the lizard brain yet.

Maybe they have a Mommy fixation. God knows enough ladies have a Daddy fixation.

Women can be more mature than men but damn, I've seen a lot of fluffy headed bitches, going after my son. It's so disheartening to see how completely air headed, manipulative and just wrong some of these girls can be. My first question to these chicks or the people that know them is, "So does Madison have any goals in life?"

LOL.

Cause if she doesn't? That's a really bad sign. I don't want my son with a girl whose only goal in life is to be supported and/or have kids.

I want him with a girl who is honest, not frivolous, but fun. One who is tolerant of all sexual orientations and probably not religious, those would likely be key too. They are as rare as hen's teeth around here.

However, when I was 16, I was very mature for my age. That's why I didn't like other people my age. We had different priorities. They seemed just silly and superficial to me then. Happily later in life I was able to enjoy more people my age. Either I've become more silly and superficial or they've matured, maybe both.

LMAO.

I was at a baseball game once listening to this mother trash her kid's girlfriend. Her son ended up signing a multimillion dollar baseball contract. She was terrified that he might end up marrying this local girl who had never been on an airplane. I don't know how the story ended. I imagine he dumped the local girl by now and will end up with some gold digging bitch who will squeeze out a kid and then take him for half of what he is worth after three years.

 

[Etoile]

I just want to chime in that I never heard the word spring/autumn before, I've always heard it called May/December, which implies an even larger age gap.

 

[FurryFury]

I was at a baseball game once listening to this mother trash her kid's girlfriend. Her son ended up signing a multimillion dollar baseball contract. She was terrified that he might end up marrying this local girl who had never been on an airplane. I don't know how the story ended. I imagine he dumped the local girl by now and will end up with some gold digging bitch who will squeeze out a kid and then take him for half of what he is worth after three years.

If he is stupid enough to do that, he deserves what he gets.

I'd never trash a siting gf. At least not where it would get back to my son and her.

 

[FurryFury]

I agree, those replacement model wife things rarely work out and it makes me kind of sick in general.

I have met some younger men that I think could hold my attention in the last few years. They have been hot, talented, smart and wise. Those young men are so rare.

*le sigh*

BTW, I think a great many 20+ people are vapid and also most are depressed. I'd never want to go back to those ages. Poor things.

Older men with younger women, older women with younger men, neither scenario bothers me. I view each relationship as unique and to be judged on its own terms.

However, here is a scenario I've seen more than a few times among my male colleagues and acquaintances. Man marries a woman within a five to seven year age difference (aprox). Years down the road, the marriage ends on bad terms. Man, now at middle age, pursues and hooks up with twenty-something(s).

In the short term, these relationships seem to work. He gets frequent sex and a significant ego boost, she gets a meal ticket and some second hand worldliness. I've yet to see one of these particular types of older man/younger woman partnerships work out, though. In fact, they tend to end more disastrously and bitterly than the original relationship that the Man was recovering from.

What I find amusing is that, while in the honeymoon phase, these men seem to believe they are really something for being able to score such pretty, young things. They fail to see that simply by virtue of having their own car, a good income and conversation skills beyond, "Oh man, I was totally wasted last night", many young girls are bound to be impressed.

Put down the flaming torches and pitch forks! Of course not all twenty-somethings are brainless gold-diggers. Not even the majority fit that description. Many, (especially those on this board), are intelligent, witty, mature far beyond their years and would never fall for a man based on shallow or material offerings.

As a 39 + 9 month year-old woman, I think I could play with a younger man but that would be it. He'd have to have a massive cranium and a rock hard imagination to satisfy me in any meaningful way. If I were to bump uglies with a much younger man, I would enjoy it for what it was and not take his interest in me as a sign of my...I'm thinking of the female equivalent of "studliness"...hmmm, coming up empty...well you get the point.

 

[WriterDom]

Well more often it's the ballplayer with a loving wife out getting women pregnant as often as a honeybee pollinates a flower. Wilt Chamberlain slept with how many women? 20,000?

 

[FurryFury]

Well more often it's the ballplayer with a loving wife out getting women pregnant as often as a honeybee pollinates a flower. Wilt Chamberlain slept with how many women? 20,000?

So true.

 

[gypsy*seer]

"I have met some younger men that I think could hold my attention in the last few years. They have been hot, talented, smart and wise. Those young men are so rare."


True!

Growing up much "older" than I actually was, I have a hard time relating to any man who isn't wise, worldy, and generally jaded. Most of the older men I have been with tended to be needy, even if mature.

Recently I have been tallking to a man who is a good deal younger than myself, but he has shown an unlikey maturity, intelligence, and wit that I find refreshing and intoxicating. Rarely do I find a man who can capture my attention for longer than it takes for him to mention what kind of car he drives!

"Dive right in, baby....the water is fine"

 

[WriterDom]

I've had two older lovers in my life. One was so wealthy she could go to Europe for months at a time. Now she is with a 35 year old woman. If only I had known.

 

[00Syd]

My niece and her friends, as well the college-age children of my close friends, male and female, are smart, motivated, hard-working, politically active, and very generous with their community service time. They also like to party & fun, but the idea that this somehow reduces all conversation to contemplation of being wasted is just plain nonsense.

They take advice very well - when it comes to majors, summer jobs, and career goals. They *don't* tend to respond well at all when challenged on personal relationship choices. Most often, they dig in their heels and claim that their parents just don't understand their unique wants & needs, or the way things are these days, or some combination of both.

I honestly don't think that a stubborn attitude in response to unsought relationship advice is unique to young people.

 

[FurryFury]

"I have met some younger men that I think could hold my attention in the last few years. They have been hot, talented, smart and wise. Those young men are so rare."


True!

Growing up much "older" than I actually was, I have a hard time relating to any man who isn't wise, worldy, and generally jaded. Most of the older men I have been with tended to be needy, even if mature.

Recently I have been tallking to a man who is a good deal younger than myself, but he has shown an unlikey maturity, intelligence, and wit that I find refreshing and intoxicating. Rarely do I find a man who can capture my attention for longer that it takes for him to mention what kind of car he drives!

"Dive right in, baby....the water is fine"

Awesome!



Good for you!

 

[jm_kaye]

If you're out to have fun, nothing wrong at all. If we're talking about a long-term relationship, then my advice would be to proceed with caution.

I'm currently in the process of negotiating a painful separation from my husband of 10 years. He's 20+ years older than me; when we met I was 30 and he was 53. At the time I stupidly assumed that nothing would change. I wasn't anticipating the changes in his career, the changes in my career, the spike in my hormones, the drop in his. The same age gap can mean very different things as the parties involved reach different ages.

Before getting involved with someone much younger or much older than you, try to visualize how things are going to be in 10 or 20 years. People can change a LOT. That's been my experience.

 

[Netzach]

Annoying generalization. I know you said 'many' and 'most,' but I hear this sort of thing so often, its really starting to grate on my nerves. I think the "I know everything" mentality mostly dies out in high school.

Completely agree - at 23 my problem was that I didn't feel qualified to make the most basic of decisions.

If anything most women I know suffer from this kind of thing till about 30.

 

[Netzach]

I honestly don't think that a stubborn attitude in response to unsought relationship advice is unique to young people.

I find it the specialty of the middle aged, actually. Even more vehemently if they did ask you.

 

[Netzach]

All I know is that I'm vacationing with rida at some point. The late 20's guys look better and better to me. There was always something really fun about playing with a guy who thought of me as a "MILF" and was unduly impressed. That butterfly collector mentality - I haz it.

 

[JMohegan]

I honestly don't think that a stubborn attitude in response to unsought relationship advice is unique to young people.

I agree with this statement, but would say that the reasons for both the advice being given, and the objection in response, tend to shift over time.

 

[JMohegan]

I find it the specialty of the middle aged, actually. Even more vehemently if they did ask you.

Keeping in mind that we're talking about advice given from parents to offspring here, I disagree with this statement.

Middle aged people have several decades of experience interacting with their parents as adults. They also tend to have a much firmer understanding of their parents' perspective than they did before they left home, simply because they have spent so much time as adults themselves.

For these reasons, they tend to either respect their parents' opinion and welcome their advice, or know when to avoid conflict and just not ask.