Spring/Autumn relationships.

[Netzach]

Keeping in mind that we're talking about advice given from parents to offspring here, I disagree with this statement.

Middle aged people have several decades of experience interacting with their parents as adults. They also tend to have a much firmer understanding of their parents' perspective than they did before they left home, simply because they have spent so much time as adults themselves.

For these reasons, they tend to either respect their parents' opinion and welcome their advice, or know when to avoid conflict and just not ask.

Oh, I'm talking about when your completely off the hook neurotic relative is dating 5 men at once and freaking out and asking you if you think she isn't suited to casual relationships and you tell her "in my opinion, you're not capable of casual sex, this is much more misery than fun for you and it's not working." Which is what she was saying just a second ago herself.

When people ask advice of people younger than they are who actually have maybe figured things out better then tell them they're young what could they know and get defensive about it.

I don't know a lot about a lot. But I definitely definitely DEFINITELY have figured out the relationship/sexuality thing better than my near relatives. Which is why they ask me this shit in the first place.

 

[JMohegan]

Oh, I'm talking about when your completely off the hook neurotic relative is dating 5 men at once and freaking out and asking you if you think she isn't suited to casual relationships and you tell her "in my opinion, you're not capable of casual sex, this is much more misery than fun for you and it's not working." Which is what she was saying just a second ago herself.

When people ask advice of people younger than they are who actually have maybe figured things out better then tell them they're young what could they know and get defensive about it.

I don't know a lot about a lot. But I definitely definitely DEFINITELY have figured out the relationship/sexuality thing better than my near relatives. Which is why they ask me this shit in the first place.

Oh, okay. We're talking about different things.

My exchanges on this subject started with CM's comment on what she'd do if she thought her 20 year old son or daughter was making a huge mistake in the relationship department. Concerned parent intervening in child's life is what I'm talking about here.

 

[intothewoods]

No one gave me relationship advice. I just got, what are you doing about peace in the Middle East?

 

[JMohegan]

No one gave me relationship advice. I just got, what are you doing about peace in the Middle East?

And the answer was...?

 

[intothewoods]

And the answer was...?

Not at all enough. At that time I found meetings held here about something going on there to be really futile, but now in my old age I find the local thing a lot more appealing.

 

[JMohegan]

Not at all enough. At that time I found meetings held here about something going on there to be really futile, but now in my old age I find the local thing a lot more appealing.

So your parents were right.

 

[rida]

All I know is that I'm vacationing with rida at some point. The late 20's guys look better and better to me. There was always something really fun about playing with a guy who thought of me as a "MILF" and was unduly impressed. That butterfly collector mentality - I haz it.

*beam*

oh how fun would be a vacation with Netzach-sama!
watch out you cute young ones! Tops, bottoms or switches ... boys, girls or any other ... you will not be the same after we are done

how many hot & wicked scenarios are running in my head ...

(I don't think I have the collector mentality but a hot & brilliant 20/30something finding me totally irresistible ... I could do with more than one of those )

 

[intothewoods]

So your parents were right.

Yep. Last week I was told I was too much of a purist about something! But in all seriousness, as soon as I had a kid I was like ohhhhhh about a whole lot of parenting choices my parents made.

*beam*

oh how fun would be a vacation with Netzach-sama!
watch out you cute young ones! Tops, bottoms or switches ... boys, girls or any other ... you will not be the same after we are done

how many hot & wicked scenarios are running in my head ...

(I don't think I have the collector mentality but a hot & brilliant 20/30something finding me totally irresistible ... I could do with more than one of those )

I did like the attention from the 20somethings when I hit my 30s. It was a nice ego boost. I never got that much attention when I was a 20 something or teenager.

 

[rida]

I did like the attention from the 20somethings when I hit my 30s. It was a nice ego boost. I never got that much attention when I was a 20 something or teenager.

(make it late 30s for me)
and EXACTLY! where were all those men that like younger chicks when I was a young one????

Oh, right ... I liked younger boys back then too ... OOPS!

 

[gypsy*seer]

Yep. Last week I was told I was too much of a purist about something! But in all seriousness, as soon as I had a kid I was like ohhhhhh about a whole lot of parenting choices my parents made.



I did like the attention from the 20somethings when I hit my 30s. It was a nice ego boost. I never got that much attention when I was a 20 something or teenager.

All of the things I thought I knew in my 20's ~ realized I didn't have a clue until I hit my 30's

 

[JMohegan]

All of the things I thought I knew in my 20's ~ realized I didn't have a clue until I hit my 30's

I wouldn't describe my own experiences this way.

For me, the learning curve pertaining to adult responsibilities was rapid and steep in my 20's. My 30's just took things to a whole different level, mostly because of a relationship that began around the time of the break between decades.

It's not that I had been wrong about the things I understood, it's just that the scope of my understanding took a leap in the subsequent decade.

 

[ZRT]

I knew then that I didn't know everything.

Now I know that I knew even less than I thought I knew. And I waved off a lot of good advice at the time.

Ah well, no regrets. I had a good time of things.

 

[FurryFury]

My teen years I was too mature and yet too driven on a subcounsious level to do potentially self destructive things.

In my early 20's I met my, soon to be, husband. Once we got married, I was absolutely miserable. Until my mid to late twenties I fantasied about suicide every day.

My thirties were much better. With a baby inside me I made less potentially destructive choices. It's certainly lead me to better places.

My forties have been better yet.

I am looking forward to the next decade. The kids will hopefully be out of the house. I'll have more time and money to be part of a couple as well as an individual.

 

[Netzach]

I got sick at 31 and stayed sick for about a year and sick in the head from it for 3. It takes another sickie to argue perspective with me now. There's a scray fucklot of people with health issues and until you get one, you don't really even think about it much.

I didn't know jack at 20 and knew it. I kind of had some idea of jack by 30 and then wham. Pow. Now a lot of the things responsible adults are usually freaking out over just amuse me again.

On really high-perspective days my own misery amuses me even more.

 

[Homburg]

I came up with a rule for relationships at 19. I still follow that rule. It has worked for me so far, and the times I've broken it, I paid for it.

 

[00Syd]

I came up with a rule for relationships at 19. I still follow that rule. It has worked for me so far, and the times I've broken it, I paid for it.

Whassat?

 

[Homburg]

Whassat?

Find someone that accepts your faults. Then you accept theirs.

The last part is the hard one.

 

[gypsy*seer]

Find someone that accepts your faults. Then you accept theirs.

The last part is the hard one.

For me, it's harder to let someone accept my faults. than it is for me to accept theirs.
Go figure!

 

[FurryFury]

For me, it's harder to let someone accept my faults. than it is for me to accept theirs.
Go figure!

Yes, me too!

*HUG*

 

[midwestyankee]

Originally Posted by Netzach
All I know is that I'm vacationing with rida at some point. The late 20's guys look better and better to me. There was always something really fun about playing with a guy who thought of me as a "MILF" and was unduly impressed. That butterfly collector mentality - I haz it.

*beam*

oh how fun would be a vacation with Netzach-sama!
watch out you cute young ones! Tops, bottoms or switches ... boys, girls or any other ... you will not be the same after we are done

how many hot & wicked scenarios are running in my head ...

(I don't think I have the collector mentality but a hot & brilliant 20/30something finding me totally irresistible ... I could do with more than one of those )

Wondering if, by dyeing my hair and toning up a bit, I might at least get to be a fly on the wall for these proceedings.

 

[jm_kaye]

Wondering if, by dyeing my hair and toning up a bit, I might at least get to be a fly on the wall for these proceedings.

I can't speak for anyone else, but as far as I'm concerned, making an effort will get you very far indeed.

 

[PurpleTiara]

For many years, I preferred to date men who were around 15-20 years older than me and women who were around 5-10 years older than me. I do think there is something to the cliche that boys tend reach their emotional maturity somewhat later than girls. There are exceptions; I remember a young man who was around 18 or so when we went out. The thing is, I did not start dating until I was 20, so we did not have the Lolita stigma.

I think part of the problem comes from the double standard of women not supposed to be interested in boy toys and biology.

It is a sad fact of life that women live longer than men, so when you reach the 45-50 age bracket and upward there are fewer men than women. For many years, there was a big stigma about women dating younger men. It was more acceptable for a 40 year old man to date a 20 year old woman then it was for a 40 year old woman to date a 20 year old man. (Happily, this is changing!) But for women who were raised not to date younger men, there is a lot of resentment and angst when they see men in their age group going for younger women. I understand the reason why; they feel a pressure to date amongst their own demographic, but there are not a lot of men there and so many of them are dating younger women that it narrows the pool even more.

Personally, I am still attracted to experience and intelligence, but I am finding that I can get a lot of these needs met nowadays by men closer to me in age. I have a date next weekend with a man who is only 8 years older than me. I do not have a problem with Spring/Autumn, or Late Summer/Spring or any of those things. I just do not care about that. I care about consent and healthy relationships. If you are 60 and your lover is 18, and both of you are happy and healthy, knock yourselves out.

The only rule I have is Dan Savage's campsite rule: leave your lover in better shape than you found them. All the rest is window dressing.