SOs of Rape Victims...how did you deal?

[sheath]

My question is for the significant others of rape victims.

We all have heard about the pain, embarrassment, anger, and flood of emotion that the rape victims go through.

But what about the significant others? The husband, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, the fiance...

What do THEY feel? How do they deal with it? How do they get over what has happened? Do they feel shame, revulsion, rage? Do they question their adequacy? Do they question whether or not they can ever be with that person again?

This question hits close to home for me. Please, serious answers, folks. Thanks.

S.

 

[Cheyenne]

*bump*

 

[sheath]

BUMP!

Thanks, Cheyenne.

S.

 

[BrownEyes26]

Hi There

I know that the sexual assault centre here in the city has a program specifically for the SOs of rape or assault. Maybe you can get in contact with your local sexual assault clinic?
Just a thought.

 

[sheath]

Thanks, BrownEyes. That is good advice.

I suppose I should go on to say...my SO and I have dealt with the negative experience. We're now just curious as to how others dealt with the same thing.

Anyone want to share?

S.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

***sigh***

It had to happen.

Such an original thinker.

The mind boggles.

 

[Guest]

 

[sheath]

Now that Hanns has inserted his two cents...

Back to the serious answers?

S.

 

[P. B. Walker]

[hijack]

Mmm.. I don't know what kinda crack you are smoking again Hanns, but guilty's ass is pretty damn fine in my book. And don't even get me started on what I'd do to it. Heh.

[/hijack]


This is an interesting topic. I would really like to hear from family members of people that were attacked. My little sister was stalked pretty bad in college and it ended with her coming home one day to find the dude sitting at her kitchen table. I was pretty livid about the whole thing and almost left my college to go to her college to stick my foot up his ass (which probably wasn't the best idea).

PBW

 

[sheath]

[hijack]

Mmm.. I don't know what kinda crack you are smoking again Hanns, but guilty's ass is pretty damn fine in my book. And don't even get me started on what I'd do to it. Heh.

[/hijack]


This is an interesting topic. I would really like to hear from family members of people that were attacked. My little sister was stalked pretty bad in college and it ended with her coming home one day to find the dude sitting at her kitchen table. I was pretty livid about the whole thing and almost left my college to go to her college to stick my foot up his ass (which probably wasn't the best idea).

PBW

Thanks, PBW. I have hardly ever seen anything that deals with the significant other's feelings on these things. Although my questions in the original post centered more on the SOs and perhaps the sexual aspects of it, you brought up family members...and that is a good insight, too. Any responses concerning that would be welcome as well.

And PBW...I hope your sister was alright?

S.

 

[sheath]

BUMP.



S.

 

[Noor]

So I forwarded your question to my friend whose wife had been raped and this is what he said:

Where to begin? The significant other is usually ignored, but goes through a lot as well. I felt that I didn't do my job as her protector, or else it wouldn't have happened. The police were useless, and the military authorities do all they can to ignore rapes. So, with a few clues, I became a hunter, I won't go into the details except to say it wasn't a pretty sight. What I should have been doing is staying home and giving all the love and support I
could. Anger doesn't help the situation, and in my case I ended up getting kicked out of the military (they were truly afraid of me, and what I might do, as the suspect in my wife's rape was another soldier). The rape survivor has lost control, and so the most important thing for the S.O. to do is to not try to take over. The S.O. should do all he can to make the survivor feel desirable, that nothing has changed in the relationship. I was called in once because a soldier's fiance was raped. He was devoutly Catholic, and virginity was very important to him. I wanted to smack him and his sympathetic priest.
No one warned me about the nightmares which came several times a night sometimes. My wife was already an alcoholic, and the rape exacerbated that situation. Hope this helps, please don't hesitate to ask if you have any more questions.


I can't imagine my friend being as he described, but I know it is true. He is a very mellow sweet man who loves women, all women, all shapes, all sizes, all kinds. When you are with him you can just feel it radiate out of him.

He also mentioned that the majority of marriages don't survive a rape. I had heard this as well.

 

[sheath]

Noor, that post made me feel like crying. I had no idea the extent of the SO being ignored and excluded, or being expected to deal with so much without complaint. A support system is so important. I'm sorry your friend went through so much.

THANK you for posting that...and to all others who have looked in on this thread. It is a sensitive topic, as evidenced by the avalanche of emails I've been getting concerning this, saying that they want to share their stories but don't want to post on the boards.

So, thanks to all who have replied...and know that there has been quite a response to those things you have said, even if it is not evident here.

And of course, if there is anyone else who would like to post, please, do so!

S.