Something to hide??

[SarahSantiaga]

I am not really sure if that topic is right here but I have a question...
I have been talking to a guy here with whom I had extreme fun.
I asked for a pic once because he can see mine as well and just found it fair.
No answer.
I asked again - still no answer.
And when I asked a third time this morning I just got a .

I must admit even though we had so much fun chatting the last days it turned me off big time not even being worth a pic of him - and called him off.

Would like to know if you have felt that way before as well and what you think
about that. Isn't it normal wanting to connect the face to what's written?
Or am I too sensitive about it?

Thanks in advance - you help is really appreciated

Sarah

 

[SweetErika]

I am not really sure if that topic is right here but I have a question...

This is the perfect place to ask if you want feedback that is typically very honest and thoughtful.

I have been talking to a guy here with whom I had extreme fun.
I asked for a pic once because he can see mine as well and just found it fair.
No answer.
I asked again - still no answer.
And when I asked a third time this morning I just got a .

Um, yeah, not even getting a straight answer is definitely a big red flag! Maybe we can give him props for choosing not to lie (typically, it's something along the lines of not having a working camera for whatever reason(s), they don't have anything current/suitable, time to take a picture...), but outright avoiding the subject is almost as bad! If he wanted to be honest without avoiding, he could always say he's uncomfortable sharing pics, realizes the fantasy is better than the reality, is embarrassed for you to see him, or similar, right?

I must admit even though we had so much fun chatting the last days it turned me off big time not even being worth a pic of him - and called him off.

I'm absolutely positive his unwillingness to show himself has absolutely NOTHING to do with you or your worthiness, so get that thought right out of your head! Remember that this is his issue, not yours, since he's the one who is unwilling to buck up and show himself, or at least give you an honest response as to why he won't do so.

Would like to know if you have felt that way before as well and what you think
about that. Isn't it normal wanting to connect the face to what's written?
Or am I too sensitive about it?

I think it's wholly typical to want to put a face to the words! It's something I'm always eager to do, although I'm definitely a "face person" in that I prioritize faces over other body parts and tend to have strong feelings about faces. It might be a bit of a female thing, too; at least I've noticed the women I've met have put more of an emphasis on seeing faces.

Anyway, based on what you've said, it doesn't sound like you're being too sensitive or overreacting. I'd be upset in this situation and would very likely cut ties immediately because I have no desire to get more involved with someone who isn't totally forthright, willing to share and avoids direct questions/requests.

Regardless of what you decide to do from here on out, perhaps you can see this situation as a learning experience and adjust your own behavior and expectations accordingly in the future.

 

[SpiritRider]

It's not really a woman thing. Seeing a persons face is something I always enjoy. I understand why so many are reluctant, but I'd much rather see the truth than create a fantasy, regardless of what the conversation involves.

And to the OP....
Sorry to say there's probably a very good chance you've been played.
Next time, use the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" strategy. lol

 

[njlauren]

What you are describing is common in the world of cyber. Some people want to see other's pictures to get off on (usually erotic ones) but aren't into sharing, others are claiming they are something they are not (like a man pretending to be a woman online or claiming to be a gorgeous T gal when they aren't), sometimes it is legitimate concern of being identified if the person they send the picture to decides to post it and their spouse can see it (not even talking nude photos and the like, even a headshot if posted with the comment "this is the person I had hot cybersex with" could theoretically be spotted, as unlikely as that might be)., and so forth.

I agree with others, if seeing the other person is important than don't give yours until they give you theirs, otherwise expect that you will often not get reciprocity. I wish people would be more honest, like saying "I don't feel comfortable sharing pictures' up front but they won't; and especially with the 'picture trolls' whose big fetish is getting photos from people, you aren't going to get much back.

 

[SarahSantiaga]

Thanks Sweet Erika - that's what I did. Cut ties that is.
Because after days of me asking for a pic (and I didn't even want a naughty one - just a face pic) I felt really weird. Could not have chatted with him any longer. I trust my gut feelings very much. Other than that is that if one door closes another opens. That's life - and it is good that way.
Thanks for your answer - it's really appreciated!
Hugsss
Sarah

 

[SarahSantiaga]

@ Spiritrider - I have a pic in here and just wanted to have a short glimpse at one of his pics. That was it. Do you think I need to remove my pic in my profile?

 

[SarahSantiaga]

@njlauren.... yeah... then I must delete my pic in here... You don't have any posted either... only a few people have...
Thanks for taking your time to answer and advice me. It is very much appreciated!

 

[TorontoBoyWest]

If he doesnt have the balls to show it he shouldnt have the gumption to ask.

Easier said then done I know. Huge red flag tho. For either sex IMO.

 

[Bramblethorn]

@ Spiritrider - I have a pic in here and just wanted to have a short glimpse at one of his pics. That was it. Do you think I need to remove my pic in my profile?

Keep in mind that even if he'd sent you a pic, you'd have no guarantee that it was him. A lot of folk "borrow" other people's pics for this sort of purpose. (The website Tineye might catch this sometimes, but not always.)

Basically, put up a picture if you're comfortable having others see it, but don't do it in the expectation of reciprocity.

 

[SarahSantiaga]

@Totontoboywest - today I feel much better about that whole thing.
But yesterday I felt really down - since we had spent a significant amount ot time together.
Oh well...

@ Bramblethorn - I am aware people show other people's pics but in this moment i didn't
have the idea that he would do that - and he obviously didn't do that either - otherwise he
would just uploaded a pic I guess huh?? lol

Thanks for cheering me up!
Very much appreciated

 

[NomadLady]

One word....RUN!!

 

[Joseph28]

much appreciated

 

[SpiritRider]

@ Spiritrider - I have a pic in here and just wanted to have a short glimpse at one of his pics. That was it. Do you think I need to remove my pic in my profile?

As you've probably seen by now, I have two face pics posted. If it was a worry for me they wouldn't be there.
I see no reason you shouldn't be able to keep yours posted.

 

[SarahSantiaga]

@ Nomad Lady - ohhh - I DID run! lol

 

[Likes_Them_Kinky]

One word....RUN!!

I agree with what she said... RUN

 

[Riles]

Did he stop all communication after the reply? Or was he just skirting the photo issue? If so, I think maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt; perhaps he simply isn't comfortable with swapping images. Granted, his inability to communicate that is a little confusing if he was so verbose in other chats as you say. Keep in mind that people come here for many varried reasons, and from different circumstances.

...I know that the quickest way for me to want to cool the jets in a conversation is for somebody to hound me for pictures. I will give what I want when I feel that level of information is warranted.

Did you maybe jump the gun and scare him off?

 

[Lewisdb]

I am not really sure if that topic is right here but I have a question...
I have been talking to a guy here with whom I had extreme fun.
I asked for a pic once because he can see mine as well and just found it fair.
No answer.
I asked again - still no answer.
And when I asked a third time this morning I just got a .

I must admit even though we had so much fun chatting the last days it turned me off big time not even being worth a pic of him - and called him off.

Would like to know if you have felt that way before as well and what you think
about that. Isn't it normal wanting to connect the face to what's written?
Or am I too sensitive about it?

Thanks in advance - you help is really appreciated

Sarah

First things first, definitely do not remove your picture. You are extremely attractive so let the whole world know about it.

If the guy failed to send you his picture then I am pretty sure he has something to hide. Why else would he not send one!

I personally think that on sites like this you get to talk to all sorts of people, some are genuine but most are not. Stick with it though as when you do find the good guys it more than makes up for the losers!

Good luck

x

 

[talldad1]

I recommend removing your profile picture.

Soon (if not now) there will be software that can match people up by face. And if you don't want people to know you are on this site, then it's best to not show your face publicly.

It's quite a pretty face.

 

[billrichards41]

No don't react to someone's inability to communicate on here. There are many frauds and creeps, but there are also genuine people and ones you can actually have great conversation with via a thread or pm's.
Not putting a picture, any at all is a choice and not always cowardly or wrong, but if you do share a photo of yourself privately it is totally fair to expect one back. The only other thing might be it's a person you know from somewhere else and they are seeking to device or remain anonymous to you here.
Personally you seem attractive and if asked I'd send you anything you wanted

 

[wicked woman]

Personally that you decide to put your face pic on your profile would never obligate me to show you a pic of my face. Cybering with you wouldn't make me feel obligated either. But then I almost never share pics of my face on the Internet... Or pics at all except for a phase when I was displaying my bra collection as AVs instead of just using one.

The difference is that I always make it clear that I won't share pics. If someone offers to share theirs I make it clear up front that I'm not returning the gesture. I just don't share pics and definitely not a face pic.

So no I don't think you posting a pic on your profile obligates anything. It's like your AV. That he wasn't up front and just said 'sorry I don't share pics' says something about his ability to be up front about communicating though.

 

[b4uris]

You did the right thing by cutting ties with him.

If you're establishing a friendship, relationship, whatever, it should be built on trust.

BTW, why on earth would you remove your picture? You're gorgeous!!!

 

[subwannabe]

I think everyone else already said it. You can only expect so much from the cyber world. The real world is filled with a bunch of worthless losers and the cyber world has even more. One thing good about the cyber world is you can spot the losers ahead of time, before you actually meet them in person, which is an advantage.

 

[SarahSantiaga]

I agree that it isn't necessarily so that if one shows a pic the other has to do so too.
But when you have been talking for some time I think you come to a point where you want to finally see the person you are talking to. I think after all it's just polite.

But I will have to change my thinking about that I assume.

I am neither superficial nor greedy for pics - I only ask people if I am really interested in them
for different reasons. I am aware too that people can send anything - so my thinking doesn't make any sense...

Thanks for all your comments.
Really appreciated!

 

[jonosmith]

my two pence worth.

I agree that it isn't necessarily so that if one shows a pic the other has to do so too.
But when you have been talking for some time I think you come to a point where you want to finally see the person you are talking to. I think after all it's just polite.

But I will have to change my thinking about that I assume.

I am neither superficial nor greedy for pics - I only ask people if I am really interested in them
for different reasons. I am aware too that people can send anything - so my thinking doesn't make any sense...

Thanks for all your comments.
Really appreciated!

First I've just looked at your profile picture and you are beautiful.

Personally I would never share a face picture over the net. I tend to use the net because it offers anonymity. As for building friendships, I have some great online friends. But I don't know what they look like. They don't know what I look like, thats how I like it. I have had pictures sent to me but never asked for them, so I don't feel the need to send any back. If you do want to know that the picture is really them one way is to ask them to write something like your name or something on their hand and have that visible in the picture.
Also I have a few friends that have found love over the internet and are married etc.

 

[nicecthulhu]

yeah, he's got something to hide

Hi. I agree with many of the posters here.
There are many reasons he would not want to show you a picture, some of them are very dishonest and cruel ones. However, there are innocent ones.
But, the innocent ones demand a better response than a kiss-off (which is how I'd read those lips).
Assume he thinks you're gorgeous (out of his league) and won't be interested in him if you see his picture and he looks like Quasimodo. A simple response such as "I'd rather keep things as they are for now" from him probably would have kept your communications going. He didn't do that.
Your choice of running from the 'relationship' was a wise one.
Some people may be leery about posting their pictures for reasons mentioned by other posters. Would it deter you from interacting with them if they were open and honest about their concerns and then wouldn't give you a picture?
Chalk it up as a bit more life experience, a lesson learned and a small chance that you had a lucky escape from something that could have been weird or harmful.
I have two editors who accidentally know my real name, but don't know my address or what I look like. I don't know what they look like or where they live, but I know their names. I am interested in them as people, but don't want to ever meet them or see them. Everyone is different.