Some Questions to Discuss

[A Desert Rose]

Much of this has been discussed before, in numerous threads and in numerous ways. Judging by all the new faces in here and many who admit to being new to this particular sexual "scene," I thought it might be good discussion, again.

It would be good to hear from some of you who are veterans to this forum. I am sure those who lurk and those who are new would gain a great deal from all of your insights.

The following is a start of a discussion I hope we can all engage in.

Again. I now this has been discussed in many ways but I think new faces can always use your input.

What factors lead someone to a cyber-romance? Is it the exotic quality of it? The anonymity? How does a cyber-romance work in a D/s relationship for you, now or in the past?

 

[Desdemona]

I tried the cyber romance thing and it didn't work out. The plus side was that we got to know each other pretty well very quickly. The down side was the lack of skin-to-skin interactions. I need to feel the sharp sting and the soft caresses, to smell and to taste Him in order to be happy. I need to look into His eyes and to hear His voice to know that I belong to Him. I need regular, real time contact with my Dom in order for a D/s relationship to work for me. My current situation has a nice mix of the cyber relationship with real life contact.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I know many who have met online before developing a RL relationship, as do you, Des. And I agree with you that the natural and much needed next step is the physical aspect.

I do think there is something to the mystery, the exoticness, of the internet in encouraging a romance. For many it is easier to be open online regarding their innermost fears and concerns. A lot of that baggage can be unloaded before 2 people actually meet in the flesh.

The anonymity also makes it easier to say things we otherwise might be too inhibited to discuss face to face in a first meeting.

Thank you Des for your post. ~smile~

 

[Desdemona]

Rose, of course you are right. We both know those whose relationships have flourished and we know others whose relationships have sadly failed.

I think part of the danger of online relationships is that time seems to be a bit distorted. Things move faster online and it can feel like you have known someone all your life after talking for only a week or two.

For me, nothing is truly real until I have met in real life and verified that there is a connection. Online doesn't always translate into real life, you know.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Rose, of course you are right. We both know those whose relationships have flourished and we know others whose relationships have sadly failed.

I think part of the danger of online relationships is that time seems to be a bit distorted. Things move faster online and it can feel like you have known someone all your life after talking for only a week or two.

For me, nothing is truly real until I have met in real life and verified that there is a connection. Online doesn't always translate into real life, you know.

Absolutely, oh wise woman. ~smile~

 

[SexyChele]

Good topic, Rose!

I think what needs to be considered is the intent of the parties involved. Some people delve into a cyber-romance without any intention of actually meeting. They simply are looking for a little "excitement" that is non-committal and easily dropped. This can be unfortunate if one of the parties feels it is a serious thing, but can be an interesting diversion if both parties are upfront about it.

There are those who do meet online, get to know one another, and romance blooms. However, without the possibility of meeting face to face, where can such a romance really go? At some point the couple must meet or they must resolve themselves to eventually being just friends or abandoning the relationship altogether.

As for me, I was invovled in a D/s relationship (using the terms VERY loosely here) that was strictly online in the summer of '01. Neither of us believed it was actually going to "go" anywhere. We liked and respected each other, and are still friends to this day, and chat when the opportunity arises. (He lives in the UK, and might actually be coming to where I live early next year) It was a brief "fling", in some ways titilating, but not truly satisfying. It did help me to learn about what I need and want - a real life relationship, not cyber. I don't regret what I did, as I made a good friend in the bargain and that is always a good thing.

I don't know if it is easier to be more honest. Again, it depends on the motives of the people involved. I know at first, in my situation, true honesty came after we had ended the "fling" and started to become friends. But I do have a very special internet buddy who knows more about than most people, so in that respect I am more honest. But then, again, because of being online and being long distance, I don't know that I would call it a "romance". Perhaps if we were to meet things might be different, but if that is to be, it will be.

 

[MissTaken]

I have tried to stay away from this thread,

but I just can't.

There was a time when I felt I compromised the board by responding to every thread on every topic. I am trying to leave room for other perspectives.

However, in terms of the internet's place in D/s, this is a matter that is close to my heart as I realized some time ago, that the chances were slim to none that I would meet someone special with the same or similar tastes as mine here , in no man's land lol

So, yes, I agree.
The "Cyber" relationships that develop allow us to get to know one another without inhibitions. Hence, there is a great opportunity for complete honesty and open communication. Time is compressed, as Des points out, and that helps us to find out whether there is potential for what we are looking for or not.

When it doesn't work, feelings can be preserved, in most cases. (That open communcation thingamabob.)


I have met Doms and yes, nilla men , in real life after being on line with them. None have ever been anything but what I anticipated, in the beginning. Often the relationships ended because expectations were not or could not be met, or honesty was an issue. Does that negate what I previously said? No. In these situations, the OPPORTUNITY for complete honesty escaped us...errr him.

I have made mistakes.....sometimes being on line lends itself to an intensity that can't be foudn in real life. Many times, I have been the naive one, easily led. And yes, I have jumped into the transition from on line to real life on more than one occasion.

Time for a break, for sure.

I have more thoughts and will share later.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think what needs to be considered is the intent of the parties involved.

Great post SC. And I hope you don't mind that I snipped this one sentence, but I feel it is a very important point you have made. Intentions need to be clear, as do expectations.

Thank you again for the post, hon.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: I have tried to stay away from this thread,

However, in terms of the internet's place in D/s, this is a matter that is close to my heart as I realized some time ago, that the chances were slim to none that I would meet someone special with the same or similar tastes as mine here , in no man's land lol

So, yes, I agree.
The "Cyber" relationships that develop allow us to get to know one another without inhibitions. Hence, there is a great opportunity for complete honesty and open communication. Time is compressed, as Des points out, and that helps us to find out whether there is potential for what we are looking for or not.

I have met Doms and yes, nilla men , in real life after being on line with them. None have ever been anything but what I anticipated, in the beginning. Often the relationships ended because expectations were not or could not be met, or honesty was an issue. Does that negate what I previously said? No. In these situations, the OPPORTUNITY for complete honesty escaped us...errr him

I am glad you can't stay away, your posts are always welcome on my threads, hon.

Again, those two words, communication and expectations.
Communicating expectations between parties regarding a RL meeting is a must. The result of miscommunication or non-communication is disappointment.

Thank you Miss T, great post.