So why is it- that people stop communicating

[AnotherDude99]

So let me say it's very confusing to me. Women post, wanting all manner of things, and after connecting with her, it seems her desire has waned. Is it coz (1) I have bored her to tears and should've brought on the naughty stuff sooner ? or (2) she doesn't really have the time to correspond and engage with people? Come on Lit Woman - what do you want ????

 

[leopard50]

I totally understand the frustration, but tldr;…

In my experience, meaningful connections are difficult to form with strangers online and so are rare. The motivation for continued communication is meaningfulness. One isn’t going to do it if it becomes more obligatory and less pleasurable. Because of lit, I’ve communicated with hundreds of women over the past years. Only a handful of those contacts evolved into relationships which lasted a month or more (and one into a long term in real life relationship). It was I who stopped communicating in a large fraction of the others, because she became too needy, or turned out to have qualities that were dealbreakers, or for a myriad of other reasons. Of course it’s possible I’m just an asshole, but then again, some women like assholes, and those may turn out to be the diamonds in the rough, so you just never know.

So it could very well be a combination of (1) and (2) in your case, and perhaps even (3), (4), (5)… at least from individual women’s perspectives.

Asking lit women what they want is as futile as asking lit men what they want. We all want different things, and often those things change with time, even if we are the same gender and are members of the same online forum.

 

[JohnsonLongwood]

So let me say it's very confusing to me. Women post, wanting all manner of things, and after connecting with her, it seems her desire has waned. Is it coz (1) I have bored her to tears and should've brought on the naughty stuff sooner ? or (2) she doesn't really have the time to correspond and engage with people? Come on Lit Woman - what do you want ????

Perhaps the problem is your expectations. Do you realize that here are at least 10 guys here for every woman? There are many reasons for that including that some of the guys here are such ill behaved jackasses that many women who do join walk away because of them.

Women post wanting all manner of things - from the right guy(s) who may or may not be you.

Initial connections are easy but if that connection doesn't deepen and grow through your conversation and play then it will fade. It's no different from real life. We meet many we have casual connections with but how many of those blossom into more meaningful relationships?

Being sincere and honest helps as do active listening skills. I've had many short term conversations here and I consider each a gift from those who engaged with me for as long as they did even if I might have preferred more. A few of them have led to much longer conversations and deeper personal connections and those I treasure.

Keep trying, stay positive, don't be a jackass, and you'll find what you are looking for.

 

[StarGazer58]

I agree with what leopard said but I also understand where you are coming from. I often wonder too if I was just boring or she found someone else or something I said just turned her off. I can be long winded when I write to a woman but how do you have a meaningful conversation in two sentences? I have been told I write too much and I have been told I ask too many questions but again, how do I learn and get to know about another person without asking questions. For some reason I also tend to be the bridesmaid, never the bride. I will met a woman here and I can bet she already has some amazing, special guy that she met just before me. And of course he will be the love of her life. I guess I have a lot of shortcomings in my online interactions here on Lit but all you can do is keep trying.

 

[LiverpoolMaster]

So let me say it's very confusing to me. Women post, wanting all manner of things, and after connecting with her, it seems her desire has waned. Is it coz (1) I have bored her to tears and should've brought on the naughty stuff sooner ? or (2) she doesn't really have the time to correspond and engage with people? Come on Lit Woman - what do you want ????

Get real. On Literotica, nine times out of ten it's because there was no "she" there in the first place and "she" has moved on to her next target. Still confused or do I need to make it clearer?

 

[adamISOeve]

Permit me to add my comments also. In summary, I am convinced there are lots of reasons why attempts to connect tend to fail more often than succeed. After all, a truly deep connection needs quite a bit of resonance between two strangers, and that happens only rarely.

On the other hand, I bet that among those who advertise as looking to connect, only a small portion possess “the tools” for doing this. Combined with some longer-term dedication to maintain a connection, once it has been made. As you pointed out, StarGazer, reading a mail with some substance in it, and with genuine interest too, is nothing many people possess the skills for.

Nor a true desire. In these days of “chatting” mainly. I am convinced that so called “smart” phones have contributed much to this deterioration of (former) elementary skills.

 

[KatieDoes]

So let me say it's very confusing to me. Women post, wanting all manner of things, and after connecting with her, it seems her desire has waned. Is it coz (1) I have bored her to tears and should've brought on the naughty stuff sooner ? or (2) she doesn't really have the time to correspond and engage with people? Come on Lit Woman - what do you want ????

I’m not the official spokeswoman for lit women, so I’ll just respond for myself.

Good connections are rare. Most of the men that I’d talked with along the way to finding my Dom were genuinely good guys, and I wish them well. But that’s not enough. It’s just not.

I was looking for an intense and meaningful connection, and I found it. It won’t matter for anyone else what specific things I was looking for, or which kinks we were compatible on. It only matters that I needed to give specifically what he needed to take. It works.

Most of the other men didn’t do anything ‘wrong’. They just weren’t right for me. Be yourself, be honest, be selective, and be patient.

I promise that the solution is not to jump to dirty talk sooner. I promise that’s not it.

 

[Jada59]

Could be any number of reasons. They might have a partner who found out and didn't like it. Maybe the two of you seemed good together at first, but the more you chatted, the less you had in common.

I recently had a guy block me. Not here. On FB. He's my friend's husband's friend. He asked me out. I put him off. I had a lot of medical stuff going on, and also the holidays. He kept bugging me to the point of being annoying.

My life got even more hectic. Very sick cat, and I needed an operation. I was like... Please! I'll get back to you about two weeks after my operation. Until then, just let me rest and take care of the cat.

But no. He kept contacting me. Always started with him asking me what kind of food I liked. And then went to the burrito he had a a restaurant I tried twice and hated. The place has very bad reviews.

Not only was I getting extremely annoyed with him, but he repeated himself so often, I suspected senility. As in don't mention that fucking burrito again!

Then the day OF my operation, he texted me again. Operation was to my eye, so I couldn't see. So he called. Same repetitive conversation. Then he began professing his love for me and progressing as to our life in the future. Whoa! Red flags everywhere.

Next thing I knew, I was talking to no one. He hung up and blocked me. I will never know why. But it's okay as he was a pest.

 

[leopard50]

@Jada59 wow you were much more patient and diplomatic than I’d had been. I hope your surgery went well.

 

[leopard50]

I also wanted to add that this is not an issue specific to lit; the same type of behavior is common (ubiquitous?) on other sexually oriented social sites as well. when I find myself in to have desire or be in need, I cast the biggest net possible, and even that is hit or miss. Now if there was a site where the f/m ratio was 10:1 instead of the reverse as with all sites today, then we’d have something.

I’m personally waiting for the metaverse to be deployed so I can create the virtual haram of my dreams and sit on my sofa wearing a VR headset and a haptic suit while drooling and jerking all day. Some days I don’t think that can happen fast enough.

 

[English_guy_bkk]

I sent a facsimile (fax) sex message once. Sorry for my feeble input

 

[Chillygirl]

Or sometimes life just gets crazy. And then it’s been awhile and now you’re embarrassed to send a message. At least that’s what I’ve been told twice now.

it happens. I’ve been spending some time hiding from the world and ignoring messages. Sometimes people just need a break. It’s not the best way to handle things but

 

[BBW_T&A_Lover]

I've been here for over 11 years. In that time I have spoken with countless women. Older. Younger. Black. White......From those talks I got to know 6 personally. Yep only 6. These women found me interesting enough to let me into their world.

On the flip side I have talked to a number of women that I had a really good conversation with right off the bat. After that they either disappear and I never hear from them again or they answer very infrequently. It happens. It sucks but it happens. People here either don't want to take the time to form some sort of friendship or relationship, or they simply don't have time and you somehow caught them with some free time.

 

[Dribble]

9 times out of 10...it isn't personal. It is all about the moment. Hell...you can be talking to the most amazing person...and things seem to be progressing...and on another day...another year...another time...they would. But the moon wasn't in phase...so it didn't

 

[BBW_T&A_Lover]

9 times out of 10...it isn't personal. It is all about the moment. Hell...you can be talking to the most amazing person...and things seem to be progressing...and on another day...another year...another time...they would. But the moon wasn't in phase...so it didn't

I like this. I'd like to think our path is already set.

 

[KyleR215]

I cannot speak for the reason of the other person (woman)

I have been on the receiving end of the woman not talking to me.

I have always wondered why.

In my mind, I go right to death. She got into a car accident, her hubsand killed her, etc.

i know for me, that I go into phases where work is crazy and I have to travel. I work almost 18 hour days between work and entertainment, and meals and I neglect my online ladies.

I can be very absent from KIK, Skype, Lit, email, etc...

It is called real life. I try to give notice and let my online partners know that I am not available during the day or nights. It can be two weeks at a time that I travel. Checking into social media is the last thing on my mind at those times.

Some ladies take offense to not being available to me 24/7

There are times when there is just no connection. She feels it, you feel it. you just now it doesnt work. No words necessary.

But if the "it factor" is not there, if I am ot feeling it, I try to give notice that it is not working for me

 

[SmokingHotFireman]

I think sometimes it’s the “high” you get when meeting someone new. When that starts to wear off and you still have all your everyday responsibilities to handle, then the messages seem to get farther and farther apart. A lot of the time I don’t think it’s intentional, but rather just a fact of everyone’s busy lives.
Like everything in life, you still need to put the effort in to be able to reap the rewards. I believe most people don’t understand that when it comes to online messaging.
We all need to have the common courtesy to inform someone if we are busy, going to be absent for awhile, etc. the problem is courtesy is not that common anymore.

 

[MissMandy86]

As for me ..
I look for a lot of stuff between the lines maybe something you said didnt add up
Or i am not impressed

 

[Lonelywife1205]

Mostly I think it comes down to chemistry.

 

[AnotherDude99]

Thanks for everyone's thoughts and suggestions. I've been around these parts for many years, and I do think the air is a little different here, the last 4-5 yrs. Maybe its just climate change !!!

 

[Lady2020]

Hard to say. I work, have ADD, and at this point I feel like I have Lit pm ptsd. It's rare to connect with anyone. I decided recently that I'm only up for ol sex play on my days off. Probably bc the last guy I played with for a few weeks didn't hear me, or care, when I said that since I had just gotten off work I needed at least 45 minutes to unwind. At 20 minutes, he was ready. Given that we'd been chatting for a few weeks and things had been great, I thought, ok, although I don't feel like I'm at my best there shouldn't be any problems. Unfortunately, that was when he decided to tell me he hadn't been cumming all the times he said he had and BTW he was serious abt someone IRL. Then he took the attitude how dare you question my integrity. It's difficult to converse with multiple men via pm's. Being bombarded with all kinds of messages, demands, and expectations isn't easy. And then there's dealing with men's ideal Lit woman. Make me cum when I want it, whenever I want it, and your feelings don't enter the equation.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

And then there's dealing with men's ideal Lit woman. Make me cum when I want it, whenever I want it, and your feelings don't enter the equation.

Extremely valid points.

But women can be the same way on Lit.

I think some people forget that there is a real person on the other side of the screen text.

Not everyone does that. Many people are really warm and compassionate on Lit. Others....men and women....get a little self absorbed and act like they are owed sexy talk (and often a specific kind of sexy talk) at their leisure.

 

[Booboobear84]

Hard to say. I work, have ADD, and at this point I feel like I have Lit pm ptsd. It's rare to connect with anyone. I decided recently that I'm only up for ol sex play on my days off. Probably bc the last guy I played with for a few weeks didn't hear me, or care, when I said that since I had just gotten off work I needed at least 45 minutes to unwind. At 20 minutes, he was ready. Given that we'd been chatting for a few weeks and things had been great, I thought, ok, although I don't feel like I'm at my best there shouldn't be any problems. Unfortunately, that was when he decided to tell me he hadn't been cumming all the times he said he had and BTW he was serious abt someone IRL. Then he took the attitude how dare you question my integrity. It's difficult to converse with multiple men via pm's. Being bombarded with all kinds of messages, demands, and expectations isn't easy. And then there's dealing with men's ideal Lit woman. Make me cum when I want it, whenever I want it, and your feelings don't enter the equation.

On one level I just don't get this. How can it be fun if the other person isn't into it? You are better off rid of him.

 

[SubzeroGirl]

Why don’t you ask her? I think most people will tell you if you simply ask instead of making assumptions or creating answers in your head. If she doesn’t respond then let it go and move on. Be ok with some questions never being answered.

 

[Bbl87]

Honestly, I think it's kind of like friendships/connections IRL but at an accelerated pace.

There are friends who I really enjoy talking to IRL, but for one reason or another how often we talk/message/whatever decreases over time. Not that either of us is mad or dislikes the other or anything.

On Lit, it could also be the new contact shine wears off and someone isn't quite as intriguing as they may have seemed at first. Or, I'm sure plenty of guys on here talk a good game to start out but as things get deeper there comes a realization that it was a facade and whatever intrigued to other person doesn't go much deeper.

There have been plenty of people I've messaged here where we messaged for a couple days or so, and then things just kind of faded. Nothing personal against them, or I imagine against me. Really, I've only had a couple people who we've messaged consistently past a couple weeks. There are a few who we'll chat for a spell every week or to, and then not touch base for awhile.

Sometimes it's even schedules. I recently started a new job that shifted my wakeup, and therefore my in-bed time earlier, so I don't get to chat much late at night anymore. Kinda put a damper on some chatting buddies.