So why is it- that people stop communicating

[Bookaddict72]

I've stopped chatting if the person is going in circles, asking the same questions of me. It's pretty obvious at that point that they're using the same tactics with more than one person.

If the person is engaged and engaging, I'll keep chatting until there's a reason not to (red flags) or our interests and expectations don't mesh.

 

[lanceGibs]

I

I know. It can be hurtful when you are dropped and don't know why.

Endorse the statement

 

[Seadog777]

Bitches be crazy.

 

[adamISOeve]

I wonder what sense it makes for me to post again. But here’s my take: just like in real life, connections end when there exists no genuinely strong basis for them. And a genuinely strong basis entails a strong need, on both sides, and some skills for getting those needs met.

And then there needs to exist a will for a commitment also. And that on both sides too. So it is almost a miracle when a meaningful connection develops in the first place. And to keep it going requires a few more miracles in addition.

There is one “remote” connection I am a part of, and it has lasted more than four years now. We two have gone through an awful lot together, and yet ….. we are far from a perfect match for each other. One reason: her need for me is far weaker than my need to connect intimately. Since she is “in good hands” already, without me.

I sure don’t like this mis-match, but I rather maintain our connection – compared to connecting with nobody. And every once in a while, there is great enjoyment involved, for the two of us. But in order for this to happen, we both have had to learn to practice a lot of tolerance too. Plus we are giving something to each other, despite our mismatched selves.

 

[Michaelcat17]

Very interesting thread

 

[tigger_lover]

ive really enjoyed reading though these posts i find people stop communicating for various reasons, from not connecting, to not maybe feeling anything from the first post, maybe messages are repeated too short or too long, the ones i feel hard over is when you have been talking normally maybe for like 2 years and one day they just vanish, no explanation or anything

 

[Britva415]

I wonder what sense it makes for me to post again.

I'm kinda glad you did, because it was never clear to me whether you were talking about people just losing interest and saying goodbye, or, people suddenly ghosting you without warning or explanation?

 

[adamISOeve]

@Valleyman, First of all: I wish you good luck for your current relationship.
And next I appreciate your remarks comparing ghosting to civilized forms of ending a mail exchange that is not working out. My (rough) guess is: women tend to act less civilized than men. I have no conclusive proof for this, just some experiences like you mention.

And my explanation is simple as well: it happens due to illusions of entitlement. And maybe not only illusions. Women who seek companionship are simply in a more favorable position, at least for establishing initial contacts.

Another possible explanation: men like you and I, usually think halfway rational, and about matters of the heart as well, at least we try to. Whereas a woman – even when she has acquired a PhD – cannot automatically be counted on letting her brain make her decisions then. And expressing in words what one's "non-brain" tells one to do, is pretty near impossible.

 

[Inthesewalls]

@Valleyman, First of all: I wish you good luck for your current relationship.
And next I appreciate your remarks comparing ghosting to civilized forms of ending a mail exchange that is not working out. My (rough) guess is: women tend to act less civilized than men. I have no conclusive proof for this, just some experiences like you mention.

And my explanation is simple as well: it happens due to illusions of entitlement. And maybe not only illusions. Women who seek companionship are simply in a more favorable position, at least for establishing initial contacts.

Another possible explanation: men like you and I, usually think halfway rational, and about matters of the heart as well, at least we try to. Whereas a woman – even when she has acquired a PhD – cannot automatically be counted on letting her brain make her decisions then. And expressing in words what one's "non-brain" tells one to do, is pretty near impossible.

I don't agree.I will concede women are more sought after because there are fewer of us. What men fail to understand is that not all attention is good attention. Just because men feel they lack attention, they figure it goes right to our heads or we are ungrateful. I'd say a good amount of the attention I've recieved in my life that I have been told I should be grateful for is tantamount to sexual harrasment.

Finding and connecting with another human being, the right human being, is hard no matter what gender you are. Good people are going to be good people regardless of how much attention or the situation. I choose to surround myself with men and women who believe in kindness and treating people with respect. They do exist on both sides of the gender divide.

As far as civilized behavior goes I could lump men together as well then. I had a person tell me I was too emotional as a woman while sending me links online to their family trauma. Said person also broke things off with me the day I told them a family member was terminally ill. Sound civilized? Ive had a man talk to me once on a messenger app. He made me uncomfortable, so I disengaged politely only to have him basically stalk men afterwards. I did not block my number, rookie mistake, but he used that to call me and harass me for over a month from different online numbers. I mean these are tip of iceburg experiences. Most women have them.

To say women are entitled because we are selective says a lot about you personally. It's been my overwelming experience that men who say stuff like that because they feel they are not being chosen enough. They feel owed respect from the gate. They don't want women to have standards. As if we aren't allowed to want to be with men we find attractive, intelligent and/or interesting. No, only men having standards is permissable. Women should shut up and take what they are given because they should be grateful to get attention no matter how unsafe or unwanted the attention is.

You don't seem like you actually like or respect women honestly. Women, even ones without PHD's can pick up on that. I mean you might say it's entitled to not want to interact with you for that reason, but thats a you problem.

People will stop communicating for shitty reasons in a shitty way regardless of whether they are men or women. There's a million whys and they suck when it happens with someone you care for. Quality people try to end things as kindly and respectfully as possible in those situations. Having said that we all fail sometimes. There's no easier here for men or women. We all have feelings that are capable of being hurt or damaged. The danger of online is of course, its easy to be a complete sociopath from the gate and hide that fact.

 

[munch2much]

I don't agree.I will concede women are more sought after because there are fewer of us. What men fail to understand is that not all attention is good attention. Just because men feel they lack attention, they figure it goes right to our heads or we are ungrateful. I'd say a good amount of the attention I've recieved in my life that I have been told I should be grateful for is tantamount to sexual harrasment.

Finding and connecting with another human being, the right human being, is hard no matter what gender you are. Good people are going to be good people regardless of how much attention or the situation. I choose to surround myself with men and women who believe in kindness and treating people with respect. They do exist on both sides of the gender divide.

As far as civilized behavior goes I could lump men together as well then. I had a person tell me I was too emotional as a woman while sending me links online to their family trauma. Said person also broke things off with me the day I told them a family member was terminally ill. Sound civilized? Ive had a man talk to me once on a messenger app. He made me uncomfortable, so I disengaged politely only to have him basically stalk men afterwards. I did not block my number, rookie mistake, but he used that to call me and harass me for over a month from different online numbers. I mean these are tip of iceburg experiences. Most women have them.

To say women are entitled because we are selective says a lot about you personally. It's been my overwelming experience that men who say stuff like that because they feel they are not being chosen enough. They feel owed respect from the gate. They don't want women to have standards. As if we aren't allowed to want to be with men we find attractive, intelligent and/or interesting. No, only men having standards is permissable. Women should shut up and take what they are given because they should be grateful to get attention no matter how unsafe or unwanted the attention is.

You don't seem like you actually like or respect women honestly. Women, even ones without PHD's can pick up on that. I mean you might say it's entitled to not want to interact with you for that reason, but thats a you problem.

People will stop communicating for shitty reasons in a shitty way regardless of whether they are men or women. There's a million whys and they suck when it happens with someone you care for. Quality people try to end things as kindly and respectfully as possible in those situations. Having said that we all fail sometimes. There's no easier here for men or women. We all have feelings that are capable of being hurt or damaged. The danger of online is of course, its easy to be a complete sociopath from the gate and hide that fact.

Hard to disagree with this