small town bi sexual needs help!

[EMTcutie]

I'm a 20yr old female who is questioning everything she was raised to believe! I live in a small town with only one openly bi sexual couple. Needless to say I'm in a tough situation! I've always known that I've had strong feeling for women but never paid any attention to it. That was until I traveled w/ a womens softball team which was mostly openly gay couples! We went to several gay bars(a first for me) and I felt more comfortable than I ever have! The only problem is I can't express my feelings to anybody where I live or I will be treated as an outsider! Ignorance on their part I know but thats how it is around here!! Any suggestions as to what I should do? Please I'm desperate for advise or just to have a conversation w/ someone in the same frustrated situation I'm in!!

 

[Squeezenplease]

I'm a 20yr old female who is questioning everything she was raised to believe! I live in a small town with only one openly bi sexual couple. Needless to say I'm in a tough situation! I've always known that I've had strong feeling for women but never paid any attention to it. That was until I traveled w/ a womens softball team which was mostly openly gay couples! We went to several gay bars(a first for me) and I felt more comfortable than I ever have! The only problem is I can't express my feelings to anybody where I live or I will be treated as an outsider! Ignorance on their part I know but thats how it is around here!! Any suggestions as to what I should do? Please I'm desperate for advise or just to have a conversation w/ someone in the same frustrated situation I'm in!!

Where do you live? and would you like to talk?

 

[EMTcutie]

Re: Re: small town bi sexual needs help!

Where do you live? and would you like to talk?

I'm in VA and yourself?

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Since your only twenty you have a whole world of options to explore...which includes a whole world to explore!

How about a college or tech school in a larger city?

Job Corps?

 

[sylph54]

You've got options ahead of you.

Don't find yourself 49 and wishing you had taken other options 29 years ago.

 

[EMTcutie]

Since your only twenty you have a whole world of options to explore...which includes a whole world to explore!

How about a college or tech school in a larger city?

Job Corps?

I really appreciate everybody's replys! I've tried moving away twice and financially I'm not able to! I do plan on moving as soon as I graduate college. I'd love to go to a school somewhere farther than the one I'm going to but through minority grants and financial aid i'm going for practically nothing! But I'm just confused as to what I need to do now! I feel trapped but honestly its the easy way out until I can afford something different!

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Well, I guess then sweets your going to have to tough it out and build inter-net friendships that lend you the support you need to get through it.

How much further do you have to go?

I'm guessing there isn't a Gay-Straight Allegiance club at your school, but you might want to look them up on the internet and see where the nearest one is.

Just be leery of inter-net friendships and take them with a grain of salt, OK? Always follow safety guidelines.

This forum is a good place to get such support out in the open.

Good luck!

 

[Queersetti]

I really appreciate everybody's replys! I've tried moving away twice and financially I'm not able to! I do plan on moving as soon as I graduate college. I'd love to go to a school somewhere farther than the one I'm going to but through minority grants and financial aid i'm going for practically nothing! But I'm just confused as to what I need to do now! I feel trapped but honestly its the easy way out until I can afford something different!

I agree with PS that you may just have to resign yourself to "tough it out" for now.

That's not a negative approach. By waiting until you are in a more conducive environment, you will have some time to really consider what you need in your life.

Just about any college environment is likely to afford more opportunities than you have found in your small town life. Good luck!

 

[sdedalus]

I'm a 20yr old female who is questioning everything she was raised to believe! I live in a small town with only one openly bi sexual couple. Needless to say I'm in a tough situation! I've always known that I've had strong feeling for women but never paid any attention to it. That was until I traveled w/ a womens softball team which was mostly openly gay couples! We went to several gay bars(a first for me) and I felt more comfortable than I ever have! The only problem is I can't express my feelings to anybody where I live or I will be treated as an outsider! Ignorance on their part I know but thats how it is around here!! Any suggestions as to what I should do? Please I'm desperate for advise or just to have a conversation w/ someone in the same frustrated situation I'm in!!

I'm sure it's harder for you, being in a small town. Maybe you should move on. It took me 20 years to get out of my small town, but I did it and I really only go back to visit every once in a while. There is so much world out there, I think getting on the internet is a good step because it allows you to connect with that world. But it wasn't until I was in a big city and exposed to such much more culture and alternative lifestyles that I really began to see more of my self and even longer that I could admit I was bisexual to myself. Now I am starting to let others know more about me. Baby steps, but I am against small towns, maybe for retirement or growing up they are ok, but you really do need to see the world and experience it, it will make you a better person.

Just my two cents,

SD

 

[EMTcutie]

Once again I can't begin to thank everyone for their support and help! I've got about 2 years of school left and then hopefully going farther away to work on my masters. To be honest my school really doesn't offer anything that might help my situation. My best outlet are a few friends of mine(that i've known for a very small amount of time). I met them playing softball and they helped me understand what it is that i've been feeling for so long but raised to hide it. I never came out and said that i'm Bi but they know. I want to call them but I'm not sure on how to go about it since this is all still new to me! Slowly but surely i'm trying to take "babysteps" to becoming who it is I really am! Thanks everybody!!

 

[Boudicca]

I'm in the same boat, yet married with kids. He knows I'm bisexual (since I always have been), but living in a small town makes "coming out" difficult at best.

 

[sdedalus]

Once again I can't begin to thank everyone for their support and help! I've got about 2 years of school left and then hopefully going farther away to work on my masters. To be honest my school really doesn't offer anything that might help my situation. My best outlet are a few friends of mine(that i've known for a very small amount of time). I met them playing softball and they helped me understand what it is that i've been feeling for so long but raised to hide it. I never came out and said that i'm Bi but they know. I want to call them but I'm not sure on how to go about it since this is all still new to me! Slowly but surely i'm trying to take "babysteps" to becoming who it is I really am! Thanks everybody!!

EMT,

I think you may be on the right track. My girlfriend (also from my small town, well not that small, but has that atmosphere) has been coming to terms with her bisexuality too over the last couple of years. Her family is religious and would be pretty against that, she was made fun of in high school for being a lesbian when she wasn't, so it very hard for her to admit and understand these desires. She and I had a threesome with her childhood best friend a couple years ago and that was great for her and fun for me . We now have moved again to a place totally foreign to us and have become more open with who we are because we don't have to worry about effecting our old friendships or family. We have both become more comfortable with talking about sex with our new friends here and it is really helping us as people. Recently I came out as bisexual to my best gay friend and it shocked the hell out of him, but I told him first because I knew he could understand on a different level than my other friends. It was liberating and it gives me another venue to express myself. I think we're all scared to admit what goes against the norm at first, and eventually maybe it will be okay for all those other people to just accept (it's not our fault), and maybe we just don't give those people enough credit for understanding. After all understanding comes from openess and experience, maybe your small town friends just haven't had that chance yet, and maybe someday you will be the one to broaden their horizons and maybe someday one of them will come out to you because they found courage and acceptance through you. For now, I think you're on the right track, I think I'm on the right track. I am more comfortable with myself and that is what is important.

SD

 

[EMTcutie]

EMT,

I think you may be on the right track. My girlfriend (also from my small town, well not that small, but has that atmosphere) has been coming to terms with her bisexuality too over the last couple of years. Her family is religious and would be pretty against that, she was made fun of in high school for being a lesbian when she wasn't, so it very hard for her to admit and understand these desires. She and I had a threesome with her childhood best friend a couple years ago and that was great for her and fun for me . We now have moved again to a place totally foreign to us and have become more open with who we are because we don't have to worry about effecting our old friendships or family. We have both become more comfortable with talking about sex with our new friends here and it is really helping us as people. Recently I came out as bisexual to my best gay friend and it shocked the hell out of him, but I told him first because I knew he could understand on a different level than my other friends. It was liberating and it gives me another venue to express myself. I think we're all scared to admit what goes against the norm at first, and eventually maybe it will be okay for all those other people to just accept (it's not our fault), and maybe we just don't give those people enough credit for understanding. After all understanding comes from openess and experience, maybe your small town friends just haven't had that chance yet, and maybe someday you will be the one to broaden their horizons and maybe someday one of them will come out to you because they found courage and acceptance through you. For now, I think you're on the right track, I think I'm on the right track. I am more comfortable with myself and that is what is important.

SD

SD,
Thanks for the advice! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one having trouble with this! I know there are a lot of people in my situation but sometimes you tend to feel as if you are all alone! I'm glad to know that there is hope for me after all! I'm seriously looking into the moving away option and I can promise that I'm going to jump when the opportunity comes my way! As for now I'm just going to keep taking advice and encouragment from other wonderful, understanding people like yourself! Thanks again!
EMT

 

[infinityoverzero]

My gf (now my fiance) and I also became more sexually adventurous after moving from a city with a small-town feel to a larger one. The fact that we don't have many ties here along with the anonymity of the big city has allowed us to be more comfortable exploring ourselves, and also talking about our sex lives with our friends.

SD, I agree with your comment on giving those back in the "small-town" a chance. When I first came out to myself and my fiance (as a bisexual), I was pretty sure that I wouldn't tell anyone back in my hometown (well I could tell my parents as I know that they would be accepting, but we're all pretty introverted and secretive, and I feel no need at this time to tell them that). Now though, I think there are a couple of my friends from back home that I think I could tell and be comfortable talking about with.

EMT, I'm glad that you're finding strength and encouragement from the board here. Good luck in your endeavours, and I hope that you do get that chance to go to the big city.

--Infinity (or IOZ, since we all seem to like acronyms and abbreviations here )

 

[infinityoverzero]

Double post ... sorry

 

[infinityoverzero]

damn, triple post! Ok, say something intelligent to make worthwhile ... ummm ... hey, what's that behind you? *takes off*

--Infinity
(If I'm not going to say something smart, I might as well say something that's somewhat amusing ...)

 

[bi_m_4_cpls_630]

You've got options ahead of you.

Don't find yourself 49 and wishing you had taken other options 29 years ago.

So what's wrong with being 49? some of us have found being older and much wires does have it's advantages....like learning to enjoy the moment....LOL

 

[bi_m_4_cpls_630]

Once again I can't begin to thank everyone for their support and help! I've got about 2 years of school left and then hopefully going farther away to work on my masters. To be honest my school really doesn't offer anything that might help my situation. My best outlet are a few friends of mine(that i've known for a very small amount of time). I met them playing softball and they helped me understand what it is that i've been feeling for so long but raised to hide it. I never came out and said that i'm Bi but they know. I want to call them but I'm not sure on how to go about it since this is all still new to me! Slowly but surely i'm trying to take "babysteps" to becoming who it is I really am! Thanks everybody!!

I think you have taken the right steps and are looking in the rightplaces, like on line boards. But meeting people with your same intrests and in the same location is not like ordering a pizza from Dominos...it's going to take a while. This is a good place to find out what you really want in the person you are looking for both physicaly and mentally with the same intrests. Take your time and I am sure you will meet the right someone who is right for you. a bad experience with the wrong person could close the door so to speak.......does this all make sence? It did to me anyway