Size Matters

[policywank]

There have been a lot of good points here. I will just add another two cents worth. Good looks does not equate to good sex. For me the key is that a guy is interesting and fun to be with. At 64, I no longer look for the 6 pack abs or the tight tush. Give me a guy who is fun and willing to work with me and I bet we both can have a nice orgasm. The same applies to cock size. Bigger is not always better. I admit that some of us like to try a big one now and then but it is more about some variety rather than a deep need for a big penis.

I really relate to your point about variety. I don't want a big cock all the time. But it is a unique experience which I enjoy.

To me sex is a bit like cuisine. I enjoy variety. I enjoy trying new things. That doesn't mean I am not discriminating. But I know you can't find and enjoy new things if you won't try. Furthermore, sexual experiences are diverse. They do not fit into simple notions of best to worst and there are a multitude of factors that factor into the quality of a meal. A big dick is a bit like medium rare prime rib. I don't want it all the time - I wouldn't want any one meal all the time. But when I want it I want it. It it isn't on the menu I'll have something else but you aren't going to convince me that chicken is a substitute.

 

[Escierto]

I would agree with this view, particularly its beginning. I like my body, and my past partners have all of course been attracted to me, but I am very far from the ideal porn star body. I am completely fine with that. However, if someone I was sleeping with actually said that to me, or if someone told me outright that they aren’t attracted to me because I do not have their ideal body type, I would think that person was an asshole. It’s not that they’re not entitled to have their own preference; it’s that they’re not entitled to make other people feel like shit about themselves for not meeting those standards.
I believe the same is true for all people, regardless of their gender, sex, or body type. There is nothing wrong with preferring that a partner have a large cock, as many people in this thread have expressed in previous posts. But if someone feels some sort of compulsion to announce their preference in a way that makes someone feel bad about not having a huge dick, I’m going to err on the side of assuming that person is just… rude.

Well said.

 

[policywank]

I would agree with this view, particularly its beginning. I like my body, and my past partners have all of course been attracted to me, but I am very far from the ideal porn star body. I am completely fine with that. However, if someone I was sleeping with actually said that to me, or if someone told me outright that they aren’t attracted to me because I do not have their ideal body type, I would think that person was an asshole. It’s not that they’re not entitled to have their own preference; it’s that they’re not entitled to make other people feel like shit about themselves for not meeting those standards.
I believe the same is true for all people, regardless of their gender, sex, or body type. There is nothing wrong with preferring that a partner have a large cock, as many people in this thread have expressed in previous posts. But if someone feels some sort of compulsion to announce their preference in a way that makes someone feel bad about not having a huge dick, I’m going to err on the side of assuming that person is just… rude.

That would be incredibly rude. I find it hard to imagine any woman saying something like that gratuitously, but I know it does happen on occasion. I wouldn't comment on a guy's cock size unless asked. If asked I won't lie or obfuscate but there are lots of ways to answer without being offensive or tearing someone down.

The scenario you describe is of course very different from the scenario in which a guy initiates the conversation and takes offence because the woman won't tell him what he wants to hear.

The latter seems to me to be the more common scenario. I don't know many women who seek to initiate a cock size discussion with an intimate partner unless it is to complement him.

 

[Islander55]

I really relate to your point about variety. I don't want a big cock all the time. But it is a unique experience which I enjoy.

To me sex is a bit like cuisine. I enjoy variety. I enjoy trying new things. That doesn't mean I am not discriminating. But I know you can't find and enjoy new things if you won't try. Furthermore, sexual experiences are diverse. They do not fit into simple notions of best to worst and there are a multitude of factors that factor into the quality of a meal. A big dick is a bit like medium rare prime rib. I don't want it all the time - I wouldn't want any one meal all the time. But when I want it I want it. It it isn't on the menu I'll have something else but you aren't going to convince me that chicken is a substitute.

I like your comparison of sex to a meal. Some variety definitely makes things more interesting. Who wants to go to a restaurant with just one item on the menu. I realize that sex outside of the marriage is not for everyone but it is too easy for couples to get into a rut. It is not the only way to spice things up but it is an effective way.

 

[Bigspurt]

I like your comparison of sex to a meal. Some variety definitely makes things more interesting. Who wants to go to a restaurant with just one item on the menu. I realize that sex outside of the marriage is not for everyone but it is too easy for couples to get into a rut. It is not the only way to spice things up but it is an effective way.

So group sex is a smorgasbord?
One of my fantasies is to take a spot at a swinger’s gathering next to the best chair in the place and provide oral services to all interested women that want it. All the while I’m hard and dripping precum. Then, naturally have several of them all at once smother me with their wet, freshly fucked pussies and hot mouths.

 

[Islander55]

So group sex is a smorgasbord?
One of my fantasies is to take a spot at a swinger’s gathering next to the best chair in the place and provide oral services to all interested women that want it. All the while I’m hard and dripping precum. Then, naturally have several of them all at once smother me with their wet, freshly fucked pussies and hot mouths.

I have only done a group of 3 but I think an orgy could well be described as a smorgasbord. Certainly a lot of opportunity to experience unique sensations.

 

[policywank]

To be entirely honest, I don’t think that many men out there are deluded about their penis size. If a man is small, he probably knows it. This has certainly been true for conversations I’ve had on Lit; several men have sent me PMs since my first post in this thread, telling me that they were happy to see a woman speaking openly about preferring smaller cocks because that’s what they’re working with.
In my experience, if a man with a smaller or average sized cock wants to talk about size (especially during sex or dirty talk) it’s usually in connection to a fetish. He might want me to talk about how small it is and degrade him and humiliate him, or he might want me to pretend it’s big.
Either way, if it turns a guy on to hear me say something that might not be accurate, I don’t see what the harm is in saying that. Telling a guy with a thin, five inch cock that I want his big thick dick in me is quite literally no different from telling a guy with a cuck fetish that I’m going to make him watch while a dozen men breed me. It might not be true, but if it gets my partner off, what’s the harm in playing along for the fantasy factor?
You’ve mentioned several times in this thread that you refuse to be anything but completely honest and accurate about both your preferences and how your partners match up against those standards, if asked. I suppose I understand where you’re coming from, but I can’t help but feel like you might be… missing the point? Very few people who bring up size in the bedroom are looking for objective data. They’re looking for some sort of reassurance, or they’re looking for you to fulfill a fetish/fantasy. I think it could also be argued that data and statistics and, quite frankly, reality aren’t really what most of the people on Lit are here for either.

As it relates to honesty I think that you may be inferring more than I intended - my language is more blunt than it needs to be on this subject, but I'll address that in a moment. My point is simply that I don't think that any relationship (even a casual sexual relationship) should be built on a lie. I feel no need to pro-actively comment on a lover's physical features. If it comes up it will almost certainly be because he brought it up and I fully intend to be diplomatic and kind. But if it comes right down to it I won't be compelled to lie.

None of this has anything to do with role-play because role play isn't dishonest. It is make believe or fantasy where all parties are acting out a part and they know the difference between that and reality. I am not sure I am a good enough actress to pretend that a thin 5" cock is a big thick dick but nothing I have said suggests there is anything wrong with roleplaying if that is what you are your partner want. It is absolutely not the case that I would refuse to indulge based upon some misguided notion of needing to be brutally honest at all times. Honesty in my mind refers primarily to how I respond to question posed to me. It has nothing to do with feeling the need to go around blurting out unsolicited opinions.

As for what guys know about their cock size I think you are correct that very few are deluded about how they measure up. But they are frequently deluded about other things. Specifically many want to indulge the delusion that average is the universal reference point for all women and many want to indulge the delusion that size is universally irrelevant as long as they have certain other characteristics. Neither one of those things is a universal truth.

Consider the larger message I have tried to establish. Cock size is not as important as most guys think it is. Many things factor into what I find attractive in a man and most of them are more important that cock size. To the extent that it does matter even a little bit it isn't strictly a matter of bigger is better. And unless it is a micro penis it matters even less than what what I just said might lead one to believe. But if you are asking if it matters at all or whether I sometimes prefer larger the answer is yes. Why should I have to lie about that so that guys don't send me messages disparaging my big vagina or presumed slutty ways, slagging me for being stretched out or trying to mansplain to me about how I don't understand my own vagina and the relative importance of my clit (yes a guy really did that).

That last part is why I tend to be a bit blunt on this topic. We like to think that a few little white lies are harmless, but when you see the nasty things that some men are willing to say and think to compel us to indulge that little white lie I am not so sure it is harmless.

I am vocal here because that is the topic of the thread and I assume the point is to be honest. Not to sound defensive but I don't think that is missing the point. As someone who does prefer a larger penis I have no desire to make any man feel bad about that. Nor do I feel the need to announce it to everyone. I just don't accept the premise that it is incumbent upon me to pretend otherwise if the topic comes up (as it has here).

 

[policywank]

I like your comparison of sex to a meal. Some variety definitely makes things more interesting. Who wants to go to a restaurant with just one item on the menu. I realize that sex outside of the marriage is not for everyone but it is too easy for couples to get into a rut. It is not the only way to spice things up but it is an effective way.

The notion that humans are naturally monogamous and true love makes us blind to all others is a fabrication. I am not saying we shouldn't be monogamous but if we do so I think it is healthy to do so with full awareness that "forsaking all others" is in fact a conscious trade-off.

That is why I find the cuisine analogy so appropriate. I think that almost everyone can get their heads around the idea that even if they have a favourite meal they wouldn't want to be limited to only that for their entire lives. And enjoying another meal in no way diminishes the appeal of that favourite. In fact, sampling other food will often make one appreciate their favourite that much more.

 

[roc23]

The notion that humans are naturally monogamous and true love makes us blind to all others is a fabrication. I am not saying we shouldn't be monogamous but if we do so I think it is healthy to do so with full awareness that "forsaking all others" is in fact a conscious trade-off.

That is why I find the cuisine analogy so appropriate. I think that almost everyone can get their heads around the idea that even if they have a favourite meal they wouldn't want to be limited to only that for their entire lives. And enjoying another meal in no way diminishes the appeal of that favourite. In fact, sampling other food will often make one appreciate their favourite that much more.

Totally agree with all that. And being in a relationship where there’s love,respect,trust and honesty makes that cuisine analogy even stronger.

 

[Crownvic]

So true, but what a wonderful surprise - does she tell you about her lovers?

Does that make it better for you?

 

[LauraWilling]

In my kind of work, before retiring as well as personal experience for me average size aand maybe slighly above average is a perfect length. Now I will say I do have a preference for the thicker ones as they tend to hit more of the right spots in me. The link showing sizes and what is average I feel is correct. In all the men I have been with the average I would say of 5 to 6 inches long is what about 85-90 percent have been. But yes I have been with bigger and a few much bigger! The biggest was a Greek gentleman and he would make porn stars envious. Fortunately he also knew how to use it as he knew it could hurt me by bruising me internally if thrusting to hard and deep. I have also been with a number of black gentlemen and often truly enjoy them, not so much for size, but other reasons like lack or limited inhibitions.

As far as size being hard to judge, I know for a fact that is true. I am small, 4'11" and around 98-100 lbs on average. I hold a penis in my hand and even an average sized guy can look big in a picture or in person. When modeling I was rarely photographed with anything close to me that could give you an idea of how small I actually was. Fortunate for me my body proportions are close to what photographers and artist consider as perfect. My bust is larger than average but the type of modeling I did that was a plus and I need to mentio being as small as I am overall make my bust look even larger than it is. Same would apply to penis size estimates. Easy to make a mistake in size. Just luck of the draw in the gene pool. I do have some photos taken of me from lower perspectives and the pose that make me look tall. (I love those LOL!)

So guys stop worrying learn technique and learn how to read your partners body language and reactions.

 

[Nylonian]

As it relates to honesty I think that you may be inferring more than I intended - my language is more blunt than it needs to be on this subject, but I'll address that in a moment. My point is simply that I don't think that any relationship (even a casual sexual relationship) should be built on a lie. I feel no need to pro-actively comment on a lover's physical features. If it comes up it will almost certainly be because he brought it up and I fully intend to be diplomatic and kind. But if it comes right down to it I won't be compelled to lie.

None of this has anything to do with role-play because role play isn't dishonest. It is make believe or fantasy where all parties are acting out a part and they know the difference between that and reality. I am not sure I am a good enough actress to pretend that a thin 5" cock is a big thick dick but nothing I have said suggests there is anything wrong with roleplaying if that is what you are your partner want. It is absolutely not the case that I would refuse to indulge based upon some misguided notion of needing to be brutally honest at all times. Honesty in my mind refers primarily to how I respond to question posed to me. It has nothing to do with feeling the need to go around blurting out unsolicited opinions.

As for what guys know about their cock size I think you are correct that very few are deluded about how they measure up. But they are frequently deluded about other things. Specifically many want to indulge the delusion that average is the universal reference point for all women and many want to indulge the delusion that size is universally irrelevant as long as they have certain other characteristics. Neither one of those things is a universal truth.

Consider the larger message I have tried to establish. Cock size is not as important as most guys think it is. Many things factor into what I find attractive in a man and most of them are more important that cock size. To the extent that it does matter even a little bit it isn't strictly a matter of bigger is better. And unless it is a micro penis it matters even less than what what I just said might lead one to believe. But if you are asking if it matters at all or whether I sometimes prefer larger the answer is yes. Why should I have to lie about that so that guys don't send me messages disparaging my big vagina or presumed slutty ways, slagging me for being stretched out or trying to mansplain to me about how I don't understand my own vagina and the relative importance of my clit (yes a guy really did that).

That last part is why I tend to be a bit blunt on this topic. We like to think that a few little white lies are harmless, but when you see the nasty things that some men are willing to say and think to compel us to indulge that little white lie I am not so sure it is harmless.

I am vocal here because that is the topic of the thread and I assume the point is to be honest. Not to sound defensive but I don't think that is missing the point. As someone who does prefer a larger penis I have no desire to make any man feel bad about that. Nor do I feel the need to announce it to everyone. I just don't accept the premise that it is incumbent upon me to pretend otherwise if the topic comes up (as it has here).

Your candour and ability to get your message across is honestly refreshing and a bit of a turn-on!

 

[Islander55]

The notion that humans are naturally monogamous and true love makes us blind to all others is a fabrication. I am not saying we shouldn't be monogamous but if we do so I think it is healthy to do so with full awareness that "forsaking all others" is in fact a conscious trade-off.

That is why I find the cuisine analogy so appropriate. I think that almost everyone can get their heads around the idea that even if they have a favourite meal they wouldn't want to be limited to only that for their entire lives. And enjoying another meal in no way diminishes the appeal of that favourite. In fact, sampling other food will often make one appreciate their favourite that much more.

I totally agree with you. I very much enjoy trying new dishes and I find it is the same with men. They are not all great but you never know until you try something. I think one of the things that I really like is being able to become friends with a man and let the relationship move to intimacy if it is warranted.

 

[policywank]

Your candour and ability to get your message across is honestly refreshing and a bit of a turn-on!

Thank you very much!

 

[hanban24]

Most of my friends and I seem to agree that slightly above average size is best. I think the best equivalency for guys would be breast size. Most guys don’t prefer a completely flat chest or boobs so big you have to lift them with a forklift. They prefer something that is larger, but reasonable. You’ll always have someone that is into one of the extremes but most seem to like something that is a little above average.

Penis size is the same way. Don’t want something that is too tiny to even slip inside me. Don’t want something that is going to rip my vagina in two, either. As long as it isn’t in the extremes I’m good with it. My ideal one would be a touch above average in length and girth. But, in reality, it isn’t a massive deal.

 

[Escierto]

Most of my friends and I seem to agree that slightly above average size is best. I think the best equivalency for guys would be breast size. Most guys don’t prefer a completely flat chest or boobs so big you have to lift them with a forklift. They prefer something that is larger, but reasonable. You’ll always have someone that is into one of the extremes but most seem to like something that is a little above average.

Penis size is the same way. Don’t want something that is too tiny to even slip inside me. Don’t want something that is going to rip my vagina in two, either. As long as it isn’t in the extremes I’m good with it. My ideal one would be a touch above average in length and girth. But, in reality, it isn’t a massive deal.

Interesting to compare preferences regarding cock size to breast size. I am one of the guys who prefers a small breasted or even flat chested woman. There are actually quite a few men like me too.

 

[hanban24]

Interesting to compare preferences regarding cock size to breast size. I am one of the guys who prefers a small breasted or even flat chested woman. There are actually quite a few men like me too.

And like I said, there are people who will gravitate toward both extremes. Penis size is no different. I have a friend who has never met a cock that was too big for her, and actively craves something huge.

I have another friend who is scared to death of something big and has happily married a guy who is on the small end.

But I think you take a poll of most people and the bell curve would fall in the middle or just above average, for both.

 

[HoldYouDown]

Most of my friends and I seem to agree that slightly above average size is best. I think the best equivalency for guys would be breast size. Most guys don’t prefer a completely flat chest or boobs so big you have to lift them with a forklift. They prefer something that is larger, but reasonable. You’ll always have someone that is into one of the extremes but most seem to like something that is a little above average.

Penis size is the same way. Don’t want something that is too tiny to even slip inside me. Don’t want something that is going to rip my vagina in two, either. As long as it isn’t in the extremes I’m good with it. My ideal one would be a touch above average in length and girth. But, in reality, it isn’t a massive deal.

Personally I've never selected for or against a woman based on her breast size. There has to be so much more happening than that for me to be attracted. I suppose larger breasts can be displayed for attention and they do get that. But a smaller-chested woman can go braless and achieve the same effect. Anyway, the woman has to be sexy in her own right, a mean woman with big tits is just a waste of tits. From a physical standpoint, the rest of her body type and her face matter more to me. Of course if her personality sucks, she's out.

I don't speak for everyone but for me, what kind of chest she has doesn't mean much. Even when I watch porn, I don't care.

 

[hanban24]

Personally I've never selected for or against a woman based on her breast size. There has to be so much more happening than that for me to be attracted. I suppose larger breasts can be displayed for attention and they do get that. But a smaller-chested woman can go braless and achieve the same effect. Anyway, the woman has to be sexy in her own right, a mean woman with big tits is just a waste of tits. From a physical standpoint, the rest of her body type and her face matter more to me. Of course if her personality sucks, she's out.

I don't speak for everyone but for me, what kind of chest she has doesn't mean much. Even when I watch porn, I don't care.

Also another fair point. Size of this stuff is far from the only reason to be attracted to someone. For a woman, you don’t know what size a guy is until you get to the bedroom. By that point, I’m probably already really attracted to him. I’ve never turned a guy down because of his size.

Preference is different from who you actively choose. Sex is a very small part of a relationship.

 

[HoldYouDown]

Also another fair point. Size of this stuff is far from the only reason to be attracted to someone. For a woman, you don’t know what size a guy is until you get to the bedroom. By that point, I’m probably already really attracted to him. I’ve never turned a guy down because of his size.

Preference is different from who you actively choose. Sex is a very small part of a relationship.

Well said. Even if the relationship is for one night.

I can understand wanting to try different types. It's easy for me to say as I've enjoyed breasts that run almost the full range. And I know of some women who have gone on Craigslist in the old days looking for a monster cock - no matter what kind of guy it was attached to. So there's something to be said for variety and trying things.

Still, to me, most women look more or less the same once their clothes come off...and men and women's bodies aren't really that different. To each his own but I've never fixated on any one feature.

 

[policywank]

I totally agree with you. I very much enjoy trying new dishes and I find it is the same with men. They are not all great but you never know until you try something. I think one of the things that I really like is being able to become friends with a man and let the relationship move to intimacy if it is warranted.

Sounds like we have a very similar approach to meeting men. For me it is not all that much different than it was when I was single. Random hook-ups weren't my thing when I was single and they aren't any more appealing now that I married and dating.

I think that women are conditioned to believe that if we have more than a certain number of sexual partners or have an unsatisfying sexual experience that it reflects negatively on us. The resulting inclination to pre-determine outcomes and "ration" our experiences discourages variety.

Some of my best experiences with restaurants and men didn't look like much but turned out to be wonderful surprises. The ones that didn't work out so well were no great loss and well worth the price to broaden my horizons.

 

[policywank]

Also another fair point. Size of this stuff is far from the only reason to be attracted to someone. For a woman, you don’t know what size a guy is until you get to the bedroom. By that point, I’m probably already really attracted to him. I’ve never turned a guy down because of his size.

Preference is different from who you actively choose. Sex is a very small part of a relationship.

Preference is different from who you actively choose.

This is an important point. We all have a litany of reasons for choosing the partners that we do. The notion that we have any preference doesn't mean that it is all consuming or the only relevant criteria. I think of it as simply an "all other things being equal" kind of thing.

If my husband buys me the last top of the line Jaguar convertible on the lot and it is forest green instead of midnight blue, it is accurate to say that I would have preferred midnight blue. That doesn't mean I am not thrilled with it or that I am inclined to say anything other than thank you.

 

[hanban24]

Preference is different from who you actively choose.

This is an important point. We all have a litany of reasons for choosing the partners that we do. The notion that we have any preference doesn't mean that it is all consuming or the only relevant criteria. I think of it as simply an "all other things being equal" kind of thing.

If my husband buys me the last top of the line Jaguar convertible on the lot and it is forest green instead of midnight blue, it is accurate to say that I would have preferred midnight blue. That doesn't mean I am not thrilled with it or that I am inclined to say anything other than thank you.

Yes! I’ve been sexually disappointed by dicks of all sizes. Also been incredibly fulfilled sexually in the same way. I may prefer one size over another, but it isn’t the end all be all.

 

[Islander55]

Sounds like we have a very similar approach to meeting men. For me it is not all that much different than it was when I was single. Random hook-ups weren't my thing when I was single and they aren't any more appealing now that I married and dating.

I think that women are conditioned to believe that if we have more than a certain number of sexual partners or have an unsatisfying sexual experience that it reflects negatively on us. The resulting inclination to pre-determine outcomes and "ration" our experiences discourages variety.

Some of my best experiences with restaurants and men didn't look like much but turned out to be wonderful surprises. The ones that didn't work out so well were no great loss and well worth the price to broaden my horizons.

There is that line from Forest Gump about not knowing what you are going to get until you bite into the chocolate.. I suppose biting would be inappropriate but until you get his pants off and actually I think I need him inside of me to decide how good he is. I have not had disappointing sex since college and that was a much on me as him. I am at the stage of life that I am not going to get naked unless I at least like the guy and find that average sex is still good sex.

 

[Texastuffbbc]

I have a saying when ladies pontificate about size does not matter. I would rather have it and not need it, then To need it and not have it. Question for the ladies, how many of you have craved a small, no offense meant to anyone just making a point, white/black/ cock?