Size Matters

[Escierto]

Even a lesbian can do that.

86% of lesbians report having orgasm during sex while only 65% of straight women do. So ladies if you want an orgasm, date a lesbian.

 

[CTim]

My wife considers anything less than 7 inches erect small as far as her personal taste is concerned (5 inches here) but has made an exception for me as I’ve always been well to her with my tongue. Sometimes I do wish I were bigger though.

This post reminded me of one where I think it was policywank who said something to the effect that her husband, who is six inches, didn't want her to act like it was big because it felt patronizing. Correct me if I'm wrong on this. Brings up a couple of thoughts:

1. Our thoughts on size are clearly shaped by our own experiences. If you developed your sexuality by watching extensive amounts of porn, then a normal five incher looks small compared to all of those freakishly large ones. If you only look for hook ups with the basketball or football team or from the bulls on a lifestyle site, again it's going to give you a skewed perspective. On a more real world level, maybe your sweet wife's first husband was hung like a porn star so she's not overly impressed by your perfectly normal 5.5" cock. Tough luck there.

2. Alternatively, our individual perspectives don't change the fact that the worldwide bone pressed average is only 5.16 inches. So policywank and her hubby could in fact add some spice to their erotic talk and sex play if they wanted by acknowledging the fact that a 6" cock is actually in the top 10-15% in length and is therefore larger than average or even big if you like.

This very thing helped us add a bit of spice. My wife had very little experience before me and never mentioned my size at all. To me this either meant she had a hung boyfriend that she didn't want me to feel insecure being compared with, no point of reference at all, or simply didn't care much at all about size. She says it's the last two. I guess I'll have to believe her. Anyway, I came across the big study that stated anything over 6.3" was in the 95th percentile. I'll never be confused with a porn star, but that puts me in the top 2-3%. I shared the data with her and explained that it's mostly a guy thing but it does give me some confidence and we need help in the erotic talk area anyway. So we've added a bit of "big cock" talk to sex play and I'll admit it's pretty hot for both of us. Just something for you to try if you are in the slightly larger than average but not huge category.

 

[policywank]

This post reminded me of one where I think it was policywank who said something to the effect that her husband, who is six inches, didn't want her to act like it was big because it felt patronizing. Correct me if I'm wrong on this. Brings up a couple of thoughts:

1. Our thoughts on size are clearly shaped by our own experiences. If you developed your sexuality by watching extensive amounts of porn, then a normal five incher looks small compared to all of those freakishly large ones. If you only look for hook ups with the basketball or football team or from the bulls on a lifestyle site, again it's going to give you a skewed perspective. On a more real world level, maybe your sweet wife's first husband was hung like a porn star so she's not overly impressed by your perfectly normal 5.5" cock. Tough luck there.

2. Alternatively, our individual perspectives don't change the fact that the worldwide bone pressed average is only 5.16 inches. So policywank and her hubby could in fact add some spice to their erotic talk and sex play if they wanted by acknowledging the fact that a 6" cock is actually in the top 10-15% in length and is therefore larger than average or even big if you like.

This very thing helped us add a bit of spice. My wife had very little experience before me and never mentioned my size at all. To me this either meant she had a hung boyfriend that she didn't want me to feel insecure being compared with, no point of reference at all, or simply didn't care much at all about size. She says it's the last two. I guess I'll have to believe her. Anyway, I came across the big study that stated anything over 6.3" was in the 95th percentile. I'll never be confused with a porn star, but that puts me in the top 2-3%. I shared the data with her and explained that it's mostly a guy thing but it does give me some confidence and we need help in the erotic talk area anyway. So we've added a bit of "big cock" talk to sex play and I'll admit it's pretty hot for both of us. Just something for you to try if you are in the slightly larger than average but not huge category.

Our sex life is already plenty spicy thanks. What you suggest would be viewed by my husband as patronizing.

He is sufficiently intelligent and well read to know that worldwide statistics for cock size are skewed downward by the fact that many of the most populated nations are characterized by men of diminutive size and endowment. The average size in North America is larger than the worldwide average. Other studies show regional averages with the highest being some places in Africa where the average is over 7" and some slavic nations which aren't far behind. So he would immediately see that I was cherry picking the data to make him feel better, which is patronizing.

More importantly people generally do not aspire to be average. If your partner or parents are gushing over your 2.75 point grade average that doesn't tell you that you are academically impressive - it tells you that you impressed them relative to their low expectations or that they are stretching to offer up a complement. Most women aren't going to be flattered by being told that her appearance rates a 5.5 out of 10 unless she is objectively very unattractive. Both examples are "above average" yet many would interpret these type of complements as "damning with faint praise", an approach wherein one is clearly grasping for a weak reference point to drum up a complement = patronizing.

To the extent that your wife has no point of reference and isn't too much interested in size you can go with whatever makes you feel good. But my husband knows that most of my lovers have been above average in size and he knows that I like that. He also knows that I do not and have never drawn my dates randomly from the worldwide average of men. That is not to say that I am anything special but I do date the top quartile or higher in terms of looks and prefer physically larger men. Therefore there is already an established set of reference points. Drumming up alternative reference points to flatter my husband would be a transparently patronizing way of saying "You aren't so impressive on the most relevant scale so I found a new one that will make you look better." As I noted in another post I have had no problem finding men of well above average size and they are not nearly as rare in my dating pool as they are in worldwide averages.

There is no matter or measure in all of humanity that I am aware of wherein people aspire to be average or slightly above average other than those that they don't care about or for which they already know they don't measure up.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Our sex life is already plenty spicy thanks. What you suggest would be viewed by my husband as patronizing.

He is sufficiently intelligent and well read to know that worldwide statistics for cock size are skewed downward by the fact that many of the most populated nations are characterized by men of diminutive size and endowment. The average size in North America is larger than the worldwide average. Other studies show regional averages with the highest being some places in Africa where the average is over 7" and some slavic nations which aren't far behind. So he would immediately see that I was cherry picking the data to make him feel better, which is patronizing.

More importantly people generally do not aspire to be average. If your partner or parents are gushing over your 2.75 point grade average that doesn't tell you that you are academically impressive - it tells you that you impressed them relative to their low expectations or that they are stretching to offer up a complement. Most women aren't going to be flattered by being told that her appearance rates a 5.5 out of 10 unless she is objectively very unattractive. Both examples are "above average" yet many would interpret these type of complements as "damning with faint praise", an approach wherein one is clearly grasping for a weak reference point to drum up a complement = patronizing.

To the extent that your wife has no point of reference and isn't too much interested in size you can go with whatever makes you feel good. But my husband knows that most of my lovers have been above average in size and he knows that I like that. He also knows that I do not and have never drawn my dates randomly from the worldwide average of men. That is not to say that I am anything special but I do date the top quartile or higher in terms of looks and prefer physically larger men. Therefore there is already an established set of reference points. Drumming up alternative reference points to flatter my husband would be a transparently patronizing way of saying "You aren't so impressive on the most relevant scale so I found a new one that will make you look better." As I noted in another post I have had no problem finding men of well above average size and they are not nearly as rare in my dating pool as they are in worldwide averages.

There is no matter or measure in all of humanity that I am aware of wherein people aspire to be average or slightly above average other than those that they don't care about or for which they already know they don't measure up.

My wife always laughs at these size statistics. She uses words less kind than you have to describe men scrambling to define themselves as at least average when her simple response is that she doesn't date average and nor do most of them women that men want to date.

 

[CTim]

@policy

Good points, and I don't disagree with any of them. I hope I didn't offend in any way. Just using what you had said as an example. Sometimes I worry a bit that overall confidence in men is taking a hit due to our mostly unnecessary focus on penis size. Women seem to want confident men, but if all of the normal 5-6" guys are worried they are small for whatever reason it can't be serving either them or their partners well. IMO knowing what the true world average is should help give all of those average guys some confidence.

 

[twister947]

Mediocre is a synonym of average...

 

[policywank]

@policy

Good points, and I don't disagree with any of them. I hope I didn't offend in any way. Just using what you had said as an example. Sometimes I worry a bit that overall confidence in men is taking a hit due to our mostly unnecessary focus on penis size. Women seem to want confident men, but if all of the normal 5-6" guys are worried they are small for whatever reason it can't be serving either them or their partners well. IMO knowing what the true world average is should help give all of those average guys some confidence.

I certainly do not take any offence Tim.

However, I don't think I agree with your prescription. If a guy thinks porn cocks are representative, yes it does help to rectify that misperception. But I think that most guys who have a penis that is 6" +/- know that it is average or close to it (if they are self-conscious they have Googled it just like you did). Their path to confidence thereafter lies in accepting themselves for who they are, not in trying to find a way to distort the picture.

This matters from a female perspective as well. Average guys needing to believe that they are above average project the requirement to maintain that delusion onto women, which results in a substantial amount of unproductive and even hostile behaviour towards women.

Take the sensitive topic out of it as an example. Imagine that a guy is 5'10" with a mediocre vertical jump and average athleticism, but he really wants to play basketball competitively if not professionally. His truth....his reality is that he is not up to it and will not be a competitive basketball player. If his confidence is tied up in believing that he is competitive the best thing he can do is to suck it up, realize that is not true and move on with life. Recognizing that very few guys will ever rise to that level of proficiency may help put it into perspective. But comparing his abilities to other guys who are obviously mediocre will likely result in only one of two things: 1) he will see the comparison as obviously rigged and patronizing, which will further erode his confidence; or 2) he will buy into the delusion, live a lie and harbour resentment and hostility towards those that won't buy into the lie with him.

Truth is that at 6" +/- a guy is average. His cock size is nothing special at all and does not stand out (no pun intended) in any meaningful way. But that is not all that makes a man and it isn't all that is important to a woman. Accept who you are. Focus on being an attentive lover. Be good at the things that you can control. But for goodness sake don't make some poor girl pretend 6" +/- is objectively big.

Put another way, if reality is what is eroding guy's confidence they have to find some other way of addressing that that doesn't involve the rest of the world aiding in reality distortion. The distortion is not a kindness. It has consequences for the man fooling himself and it has consequences for the women he tries to compel to go along with it.

 

[CTim]

policy,
Are you always so thought provoking? It seems a bit out of place around here.

My prescription as you put it, was simply a suggestion for someone who might be in similar situation as me. Obviously, you and your husband are in a much different one and have a totally different perspective. I'm right at 7" x 5 3/4. So above average, but probably won't raise any eyebrows. Wife hasn't given a hoot about size, but was a little interested in the stats and has occasionally joined in the fun "sex talk". That's the extent of it. As an aside, she has no previous partners, has never seen porn, and claims to have never been in a conversation with other women about dick size. Some would say that's impossible, but she's a very old fashioned conservative and religious person. In other words, she would have been perfect for a guy with a micropenis.

I am not suggesting anyone with a 6" dick try to convince their partner they are really big. But rather that it seems odd there so many men with an average 5 to 6 inches that are convinced they are small or even tiny. No, you are perfectly average. Now, if it gets you and your wife off to think or acknowledge that it's small compared to her lover's, then have at it.

I'm raising boys who I want to be strong, confident, and capable husbands and fathers one day. The lack of overall confidence and masculinity in the general population is a concern of mine. Worries about how men measure up in size is probably ridiculous to the average woman, but I'm convinced it's at least a small part of the problem for many men. Even more so with this generation learning much of what they know about sex from porn.

 

[Escierto]

policy,
Are you always so thought provoking? It seems a bit out of place around here.

My prescription as you put it, was simply a suggestion for someone who might be in similar situation as me. Obviously, you and your husband are in a much different one and have a totally different perspective. I'm right at 7" x 5 3/4. So above average, but probably won't raise any eyebrows. Wife hasn't given a hoot about size, but was a little interested in the stats and has occasionally joined in the fun "sex talk". That's the extent of it.

I am not suggesting anyone with a 6" dick try to convince their partner they are really big. But rather that it seems odd there so many men with an average 5 to 6 inches that are convinced they are small or even tiny. No, you are perfectly average. Now, if it gets you and your wife off to think that it's small compared to her lover's, then have at it. I'm raising boys who I want to be strong, confident, and capable husbands and fathers one day. The lack of overall confidence and masculinity in the general population is a concern of mine. Worries about how men measure up in size is probably rediculous to the average woman, but I'm convinced it's at least a small part of the problem for many men. Even more so with this generation learning much of what they know about sex from porn.

Porn has distorted the perception of an average sized cock. It’s ridiculous. If you are a size queen and you need a huge cock, go for it. There are plenty of them out there. My girlfriend has a cock that is in the upper 1-2% but I would adore her even if she was small. It’s not the size of her cock that matters - it’s the size of her heart.

 

[policywank]

policy,
Are you always so thought provoking? It seems a bit out of place around here.

My prescription as you put it, was simply a suggestion for someone who might be in similar situation as me. Obviously, you and your husband are in a much different one and have a totally different perspective. I'm right at 7" x 5 3/4. So above average, but probably won't raise any eyebrows. Wife hasn't given a hoot about size, but was a little interested in the stats and has occasionally joined in the fun "sex talk". That's the extent of it. As an aside, she has no previous partners, has never seen porn, and claims to have never been in a conversation with other women about dick size. Some would say that's impossible, but she's a very old fashioned conservative and religious person. In other words, she would have been perfect for a guy with a micropenis.

I am not suggesting anyone with a 6" dick try to convince their partner they are really big. But rather that it seems odd there so many men with an average 5 to 6 inches that are convinced they are small or even tiny. No, you are perfectly average. Now, if it gets you and your wife off to think or acknowledge that it's small compared to her lover's, then have at it.

I'm raising boys who I want to be strong, confident, and capable husbands and fathers one day. The lack of overall confidence and masculinity in the general population is a concern of mine. Worries about how men measure up in size is probably ridiculous to the average woman, but I'm convinced it's at least a small part of the problem for many men. Even more so with this generation learning much of what they know about sex from porn.

Thank you for the compliment.

Yes I think that a substantial proportion of men do have some insecurity related to cock size. These days we are pushed to measure one another on so many criteria in an artificial way. Not only is porn misleading but social media is filled with distortions as people present unrealistic images of themselves and life in general.

Unfortunately the zeitgeist is such that it is sort of open season on white males. Obviously this a privileged group so there isn't too much sympathy for white men singing the blues. But there is sometimes an inclination to tear them down indiscriminately which is unfair to young men and boys who are just trying to find their place in the world and feel good about who they are.

But I think that how one addresses any image or expectation that makes young men feel insecure must have a relationship to truth and reality. Historically there has been a tendency to tear women down when they express a view or a preference that hurts a male's feelings. That isn't acceptable. It is often a fine line between images and expectations that are currently distorted to the detriment of a young male's confidence and those which have historically been distorted and are now being clarified in a way that young males have a hard time accepting.

Both are legitimate factors these days. None of us wants to see young men struggle with confidence. To the extent that dispelling myths can counter that dynamic that is fantastic and we must do that. But we must also push them to not rely upon old school notions of female sexuality that encourage men to project their insecurities onto women by shaming and seeking to control us.

 

[policywank]

Porn has distorted the perception of an average sized cock. It’s ridiculous. If you are a size queen and you need a huge cock, go for it. There are plenty of them out there. My girlfriend has a cock that is in the upper 1-2% but I would adore her even if she was small. It’s not the size of her cock that matters - it’s the size of her heart.

I think most people agree that we all have idealized images of what we expect in a partner's body, including cock size. And most agree that there are many things that are more important. But we do each have the right to want what we want and like what we like without being disparaged.

Too often we can't resist taking a jab at others simply because their preference offends us somehow or because it tweaks an insecurity. Often that jab comes in the form of disparaging the sexuality of a woman who likes bigger dicks. But it just as often comes in the form of a reference to what should or shouldn't matter in a loving relationship.

Personally i actually find the latter to be more pernicious. Most people can recognize a snide sexual comment from a jerk for what it is. But the suggestion that having a preference is somehow entirely superficial and that such preference has no place in a loving relationship is a bit self-righteous and trite. We all talk a big game about how beauty is only skin deep, but if you look at the vast majority of couples it is self evident that physical attractiveness is a factor in how we choose partners. As a society we have arbitrarily identified characteristics that we accept as being something we seek in a partner and others as not acceptable. It is no less valid for a woman to be drawn to a big dick than it is for her to be drawn to piercing blue eyes or a glorious head of hair. If that is all you care about yes that is shallow, but let's not pretend we are all truly blind either.

 

[Escierto]

I think most people agree that we all have idealized images of what we expect in a partner's body, including cock size. And most agree that there are many things that are more important. But we do each have the right to want what we want and like what we like without being disparaged.

Too often we can't resist taking a jab at others simply because their preference offends us somehow or because it tweaks an insecurity. Often that jab comes in the form of disparaging the sexuality of a woman who likes bigger dicks. But it just as often comes in the form of a reference to what should or shouldn't matter in a loving relationship.

Personally i actually find the latter to be more pernicious. Most people can recognize a snide sexual comment from a jerk for what it is. But the suggestion that having a preference is somehow entirely superficial and that such preference has no place in a loving relationship is a bit self-righteous and trite. We all talk a big game about how beauty is only skin deep, but if you look at the vast majority of couples it is self evident that physical attractiveness is a factor in how we choose partners. As a society we have arbitrarily identified characteristics that we accept as being something we seek in a partner and others as not acceptable. It is no less valid for a woman to be drawn to a big dick than it is for her to be drawn to piercing blue eyes or a glorious head of hair. If that is all you care about yes that is shallow, but let's not pretend we are all truly blind either.

I am in no position to criticize anyone’s criteria for choosing a mate or sexual partner. God knows many people would consider my choice to be completely perverse and incomprehensible. Like I said if a woman wants a guy with a big one, she should go for it.

 

[WillJ8787]

Youth is wasted on the young....it's a shame it takes so long to figure out some things.

 

[ChineseKate]

there is a reason why i dont date Asian guys

 

[Asian_Flower]

It's not just men. A friend, unmarried and still very much a virgin despite her age (40) with zero, I really do mean zero experience with men will say things to me how she would only want a guy with a big one. I tell her to be careful what she wishes for and it the quality of the owners usage of it that really matters. She is fixated on big is better. I have honestly given up on telling her not to be too concerned about size.

 

[billrokra]

It also varies between couples. I would have said I was pretty average in size but with girls I've been with who were tiny, I've had to go very slow at the start because I was too big. With taller girls, that was never a problem for them.

 

[HoldYouDown]

https://unravelingsize.wordpress.com/

I trust people know what they like. I wouldn't trust most people's concept of measurement.

 

[sterculius]

I think most people agree that we all have idealized images of what we expect in a partner's body, including cock size. And most agree that there are many things that are more important. But we do each have the right to want what we want and like what we like without being disparaged.

Too often we can't resist taking a jab at others simply because their preference offends us somehow or because it tweaks an insecurity. Often that jab comes in the form of disparaging the sexuality of a woman who likes bigger dicks. But it just as often comes in the form of a reference to what should or shouldn't matter in a loving relationship.

Personally i actually find the latter to be more pernicious. Most people can recognize a snide sexual comment from a jerk for what it is. But the suggestion that having a preference is somehow entirely superficial and that such preference has no place in a loving relationship is a bit self-righteous and trite. We all talk a big game about how beauty is only skin deep, but if you look at the vast majority of couples it is self evident that physical attractiveness is a factor in how we choose partners. As a society we have arbitrarily identified characteristics that we accept as being something we seek in a partner and others as not acceptable. It is no less valid for a woman to be drawn to a big dick than it is for her to be drawn to piercing blue eyes or a glorious head of hair. If that is all you care about yes that is shallow, but let's not pretend we are all truly blind either.

There's nothing wrong with having ideals. The majority of women fall far short of resembling porn stars, but this doesn't prevent porn stars from being held up as the epitome of sensual desirability. The mistake is in expecting women in general to attain the same level of attractiveness. There's the ideal world, and then there's the real world. I'm a Cocksucker and I'm also a size queen(king?). I do prefer a very big cock to suck on, but I'm not holding my breath expecting to find this ideal in every man whose cock I have the opportunity to suck, so my standards are flexible enough to include cocks of more modest dimensions. I work with what I can find and consider myself lucky.

 

[LincolnDuncan]

I'm sure that we have all seen the size issue discussed countless times on Lit and on other sites. Size obviously matters to some, men and women, and not to others. It's like breast size, some males and females are attracted to large breasts while others could care less. The only difference in this comparison is that, breast size is apparent while clothed but penis size isn't.

my 2 cents

 

[Islander55]

There have been a lot of good points here. I will just add another two cents worth. Good looks does not equate to good sex. For me the key is that a guy is interesting and fun to be with. At 64, I no longer look for the 6 pack abs or the tight tush. Give me a guy who is fun and willing to work with me and I bet we both can have a nice orgasm. The same applies to cock size. Bigger is not always better. I admit that some of us like to try a big one now and then but it is more about some variety rather than a deep need for a big penis.

 

[Strawberriez]

The key thing is in what you said in that size matters. Most men take this to mean bigger is better which is not always the case. Like you mentioned there can be a variety of different factors to making a couple work together amazingly. Body types, flexibility, general size, can all be huge factors in what is a good sized member.

On the mental side of things I am sure it plays a huge confidence issue for men when competing against other men or so they feel they are. Now don't get me wrong they are moments where sexually we just wants something large to rock us. That being said I don't go out and choose my dates on their cock size. I look for someone fun to talk with and laugh with and that makes me want to spend time with them and even have sex with them. There are lot's of games and toys you can take to the bedroom if you're with someone you really want to have naughty fun with.

 

[phil1955]

According to my wife, by the time you know how big he is, you are pretty much committed to giving it a try. So unless the woman has been tipped off or gotten a feel before hand, she has probably chosen to to bed him based on other factors.

 

[luckyseven]

According to my wife, by the time you know how big he is, you are pretty much committed to giving it a try. So unless the woman has been tipped off or gotten a feel before hand, she has probably chosen to to bed him based on other factors.

So true, but what a wonderful surprise - does she tell you about her lovers?

 

[phil1955]

So true, but what a wonderful surprise - does she tell you about her lovers?

Mostly she is very good about sharing the details but I would not be surprised if she edited a few things. As far as I am concerned that is her right.

 

[policywank]

There's nothing wrong with having ideals. The majority of women fall far short of resembling porn stars, but this doesn't prevent porn stars from being held up as the epitome of sensual desirability. The mistake is in expecting women in general to attain the same level of attractiveness. There's the ideal world, and then there's the real world. I'm a Cocksucker and I'm also a size queen(king?). I do prefer a very big cock to suck on, but I'm not holding my breath expecting to find this ideal in every man whose cock I have the opportunity to suck, so my standards are flexible enough to include cocks of more modest dimensions. I work with what I can find and consider myself lucky.

I agree that we must recognize the difference between fantasy and reality. Certainly this applies to our expectations of physical appearance and characteristics. But it also applies to idealized notions of how attraction, sex and love are supposed to work. People judging a woman's sexual preferences under the guise of advocating for some kind of traditional, selfless, fantasy version of love is just as oppressive as garden variety sexism and often more pernicious.